Presenting yourself to the ladies

[Patrick]

I seem to be seeing a lot of men who are being asked for money in the past couple of years.  I can't help but wonder how many of you are using money to attract women.  I've seen it quite a bit before.  Sometimes subtle, sometimes not.  Some guys actually show photos of their cars and houses.  Some guys imply the fact that they've got a large pile of cash through other means.

How many of you guys are letting the women know how much money you've got early in a relationship?

[Jersey Mike]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

On one hand, if a relationship progresses to serious level, it seems only fair that a man should make an honest representation of his financial position in order to give a woman an idea of the kind of life she can/should expect.  And on the other hand, it seems that this can easily be interpreted as a show of wealth and an attempt to buy a woman's affection - and it just might attract the wrong type of woman as you suggest.

If I cannot provide a woman a lifestyle that she will be happy with, then I don't want her and I would like to know this sooner than later.  But I don't think a man should understate or overstate his financial position or lifestyle.

I am continually amazed at the unrealistic expectations that too many woman from all countries have about the quality of life here.  (Thank you, Hollywood, for the false portrayals of American lifestyles.)  Frankly, I have become somewhat disillusioned about the odds of success of international relationships lately.

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

Patrick,

I also would like to know how many of these guys who are asked for money had sex first with the women before they were asked.  This automatically sets up a relationship of I did something for you know you can do something for me.  It’s funny how this issue never comes up here, when it is such an obvious area to look at.  Is there denial on this board?

[luvslife]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

I think many men want to put their best foot forward.  The unfortunate thing is that for many men their best foot means their money and the things they own.  While I have not yet taken a trip to Colombia, my feeling is that most, not all of the women are registered with the agencies because they are looking for someone that can take care of them and provide them with a better life.  The hard reality is that money does help.  Just don't play mister money bags if you don't have it, or don't want to spend it.

[lswote]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

The first tour I went on had breakfasts which I attended a few times.  The guys always had to stand up and say something about themselves.  I always included the fact I had a convertible in my introduction because I thought it conveyed the fact that I like to have fun.  However my wife, who attended one of these breakfasts, thought it made me sound arrogant.  She constantly teases me about those times.  In her version of retelling it she has me saying "Hello my name is Bruce Hammond and I have a Mercedes convertible I will love more than you".  I actually never mentioned the fact my convertible was a Mercedes nor of course did I say that I will love it more than my wife, but it is her exaggerative way of telling me how arrogant she thought it sounded. So despite my best intentions for including the information it didn't help things.  I found my wife DESPITE having told that information.

My first girlfriend in Bogotá wanted me to take pictures of my house and bring them on my next trip.  I now realized in retrospect that when I brought the pictures on my next trip and showed them to her was when our relationship ended, because while my house is new and nice, it is small and modest and she was clearly disappointed with how small and modest it was.  She stayed with me the rest of the weekend because she doesn’t like confrontation, but when I got home I found I had a “Dear John” letter.

So I have to agree that discussion of what you have is something that has to be brought up at sometime, early in the relationship it can have a detrimental effect and attract or repel women for the wrong reasons.

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Re: Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by lswote on Aug 24, 2003

Very honest Bruce. Thanks for telling it.

Here's my presenting to the ladies story. First couple of days in Bogota, I was in an agency sita, describing my job to the woman. I'm an insurance adjuster, represent the financial interests of my company, I investigate and negotiate large commercial property loss claims, fire, flood, storm, earthquake, etc.  Its not unusual for me to work claims that are a million dollars or more.  So, I describe my job and convert the dollar amounts of claims into pesos and the woman's eyes got like saucers. The next question from her was: Do you know "Pears Bruz non" or any movie stars?

I figured out that meant Pierce Brosnan, and wondered if this lady was wired right, but I was polite and I started to answer, "No, I don't know Pierce Brosnan, why do you ask?"  We started to talk about something else and in the back of my mind I kept asking myself: "Why did she ask me if I knew Pierce Brosnan?  Then about 10 minutes later, I realized what she might have thought.  It took me a few minutes with a couple of dictionaries to make her understand that I  didn't make millions of dollars a year, I just got paid a salary to negotiate business transactions that involved millions of dollars.  She finally got it and to her credit, she didn't ask my what my salary was.  

She told me that she had a son who was a big James Bond fan, they had all the Bond videoes with Spanish sub titles and he watched them constantly.  And maybe she had thought that because I was making "millions of dollars a year", and I was a gringo, then I just had to know Pierce Brosnan.  I didn't quite get to ask her if that is what she thought. The rest of the conversation wasn't quite as loopy, but we said good bye after the sita (me with some relief) and I never mentioned dollar or peso amounts on discussing my job again while I was in Colombia.

But I wonder how many other language and culture mis communications and mis perceptions in the first couple of weeks there were that I just never caught, and the ladies were too polite to tell me or didn't know how to tell me?

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: Presenting yourself to the ladie..., posted by DOMINGUIN on Aug 24, 2003

Good points on the language problems. I speak, read and write Spanish very well, but will also be the first to admit that I'm not perfect and can misunderstand something (particularly with Colombians, they speak much faster than the Mexicans I'm used to and a lot of their expressions are different too). Martha and I have an agreement (which she proposed, so I want to give her credit): When ever one of us thinks the other had said something 'bad' or 'not what I thought our agreement was'. STOP. Do not react in anger or with an argument. Say "I don't understand that, please explain it, s-l-o-w-l-y, with simpler words"...it's saved us more than once. I recommend that everybody use this system.

----------------------------------------
3 old coots on a park bench in a luxurious Miami suburb.

Coot 1--For years I had a little tailor shop in New York, but to be quite honest, the neighborhood had gone to hell, it was dangerous to go to work and I was actually loosing money. One day the place burned down, I figured at my age, what the heck, I just accepted the insurance settlement and moved down here.

Coot 2--I know exactaly what you mean, I had a really nice deli in Chicago, but just like you, the neighborhood had deterioated, business was bad, and just like you, the place burned down, so I took the insurance money, and here I am.

Coot 3--I had a carpet mill in Savanah, my great-grandfather started it over 100 years ago. I loved that place, it was my life. But when the flood washed away everything, my heart just wasn't in it to try to rebuild and start all over again, so here I am.

Coot 1 and 2 (in unison)--How in the &F^%HS$#**! do you set a FLOOD?

[zack]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

In the beginning, I made the same mistake that Mudd made.
I also lived and learned.

Zack

[surfscum]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

I also told her about my debts, which are significant. She studied accounting and that is one thing she brings into the relationship is better money management than what I have. I guess my days of browsing at the local computer store are numbered.

[mudd]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

did it once and learned. it was a photo album with lots of pictures, family,friends, my city and my neighborhood, along with my house in the photo. soon after,she was asking for money because she thought i had lots to spare. guess i could only blame myself for that one. Oh well, live and learn.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by mudd on Aug 23, 2003


Hi Mudd,

The question might be, would this lady have asked for money regardless of the photos you showed her?

I think bringing photos of the family (lots) and the community in which you live are a very good idea.  I also purchase a paperback book of photos of the state I live in but point out they are professional shots.  The ladies appreciate this and would even think it a little strange if you didn't share some of these photos.  The photos of the house, car, boat, motorcycle, jet ski, etc., should definitely be left out. If a lady asks for money after seeing photos of family, friends, or community she would have asked anyway.

A certain amount of selling yourself is a good idea but the key is not to divulge what your income is for obvious reasons.  Just like we are looking for beauty and sweetness, they are looking for attractiveness, love, and security, IMO.  

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: Presenting yourself to the ladie..., posted by pablo on Aug 24, 2003

you know, she probably would have asked for money sooner or later without seeing a photo of the house but i dont think it helped with a picture of my house with two new cars in the driveway. even though she knew that i have two children to support, she figured that i had some to spare.

i should do what my friend does when he goes out to a club, or bar. if he meets a girl, and they ask him what he does for work, and they always do, he tells them that he is a janitor or sometimes, even unemployed. it gets rid of the gold diggers really quick :-)

[Michael B]

... in response to Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Patrick on Aug 23, 2003

I did. Told her I made it pay day to pay day, had to save up to make the trip to meet her, struggled to make the rent and the child support and that if the 4yo Honda gets a problem I'll have to walk to work. Even borrowed money from her neighbor to settle my hotel bill when I was down there.  

Oh, wait, you meant that the OTHER way, show her a big house, a fancy car and lots of money, didn't you? ;-)

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Presenting yourself to the ladies, posted by Michael B on Aug 23, 2003

.