Let them wait.....for a while!

[beenthere]

... in response to double standards, posted by Ralph on Aug 14, 2003

Ralph,
I agree 100%.  I get really tired of cynics like Hans, and others who blame their failures on the women.  I feel sorry for many of the girls, especially the ones in agencies, who have dreams of meeting their "principe azul" and constantly are disappointed with the quality of men who are in the agencies.  Many girls have shared with me their horror stories.  Men who don't know how to dress, behave, be gentlemen, etc. etc.  Men who don't want to learn spanish and the latin culture. And when these men bring the women here, it's even worse. This is just my opinion, but I feel like the majority of the failed relationships are the man's fault, expecting just too much out of the latin women.  Part of this could be part of the agencies' hype, filling the gringos' heads with the idea that these women are perfect.  But they are human, have their faults.  For them to leave their country, their culture, family, friends, language, etc., and not have problems adjusting???  think about it............and guys like Hans expect them to be perfect.  We, as men, need to be alot more patient with the latinas, more giving, less cynical, more empathetic, don't expect so much.  I learned alot from my failed relationship, this time around, I'm taking my time, finding the right one.
Maybe some of the guys on this board who have successful relationships can post some of their stories, and relate what their "secrets" are.  Or maybe Georgina can give a woman's point of view.

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: double standards, posted by beenthere on Aug 14, 2003

So much bashing of AW, ex wives, etc etc etc. If one is not happy on their own, looking for another person to make them happy is not a great way to think.

You are right leaving family, friends, culture, country, language and jobs behind in many cases to be with a guy they have spent a few days time with. I wouldn't do it. Would you?

I spent a lot of time with my ex. I traveled to her country over 20 times to see her. Called every day, several times per day. Spoke decent spanish etc etc etc. Things still did not work out because she had major trouble adjusting. You won't see me say a bad thing about her, I feel bad that it didn't work out and can understand how much pressure she felt. I was also dealing with work related pressure so the timing really sucked.

Heck, I don't have anything bad to say about AW, even my first wife. AW sometimes appear to be looking for "rich guys". So what? We are all looking for "hotties". Everybody should be able to look for what they want.

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Let them wait.....for a while!, posted by Traveller on Aug 13, 2003

Thought never occured to me that not many here are aware of how the employment works down there - like Traveller said, rare to have sick or paid days off.  Typically they'll be working Saturday.  A good employer may permit non-paid days off, but if it's a competitive position that's not often a great idea.  But no worries, often a long lunch and these gals have energy - so you'll have plenty of time for dating at night.

I'm not going to guestimate what Hans is looking for, but with his experience in SA I would think he should know to be reversing his list priorities so far - this gal sounds like a winner.  I've not heard of anyone extensively utilizing this internet tactic 1st before visiting - should be interesting to see Hans' results shortly.

[HansErich]

... in response to Second that, posted by cancunhound on Aug 13, 2003

dear Cancunhound,

yes I myself am curious too.
Maybe most men do not understand me......or think I am crazy....but it's just tatics my friend...!!
I am emailing with this guy from Holland that wants to start a new agency in Cartagena.

I will check this out in order to see if he is ok or not.
I smell a CON artist when ever I see one...;-)

If you have questions just ask me.

In Cartagena I allready have found a nice (german run) guest house for about 70.000 pesos with breakfast:-)
It is in the old city part.
I also will visit Islas Rosarios....:-)

It is safe....good...and GF-friendly;-)

I myself even have plans to settle down.....but not now...maybe in 2004...2005.

Cartagena is numero UNO on my list.

Keep in tuch.

Your Hans-Erich.

PS: I am thinking to start breeding Rottweiler or Shepard dogs there. I know there is a GOOD market for Pedigree dogs in SA.

[HansErich]

... in response to Re: Let them wait.....for a while!, posted by Traveller on Aug 13, 2003

I am NOT "dogging"her.....!!(please no jokes about dogs).

I only ASK if she PUT an intrest in me aswell I do in her!!

She asks me to stay in a SH!thole city for 3 weeks?

Wait till she gets home from work at 18.00?

What can I do?

count the astrays in the shopping mall???

Get Real....and learn that latinas MUST also "invest" in a relationship.

I do NOT ask for money.....BUT only for effort and understanding.

Seems that this is lacking with many latinas.
They have NOTHING to loose!! Because righjt down the corner anotgher 4 guys are waiting....!!

This latina sounds very spoild to me.

I kick her to the street,and I will find another one that shows intrest in me;-)

I do NOT need to take crap like this from ANY woman.

Hans.

[Traveller]

... in response to Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a while!, posted by HansErich on Aug 13, 2003

Ah yeah, good move, calling her hometown a sh!thole. As many guys that have been to Colombia and read this board, there is a good chance someone knows the woman you are writing and is going to tell her what your response is about her and her town. These people are proud of the little freakin' pueblos they come from. I come from a small town so small our high shool mascot is a Horned Toad. A Mighty Horned Toad to be sure, but a small reptile none the less. And you know what, I am still proud to be from that place and if you call it a Sh!thole, I'll have words with you. Same thing here.
Now you're DOGGING Burbuja2 because he is making a fairly non-threatning jab at you with an obvious joke and you talk about pimping his Mom. His profile is off centre. Big deal.
"Who do you think you are kidding here???"
Well, all of us. It's a jab a bit at himself and isn't suppose to be serious. So, he USED to own an adult oriented business. So? He never elobarated on what it WAS. And, he NO LONGER has it. You don't know the reason he NON LONGER has it. But, to suggest that he pimps his mother out for tricks is a little to far for adult behavior. What are you, like in the 8th grade?
Your other remark about lawyers, considering your other remarks towards Burbuja2, I am not sure if you are joking or not, but my best friend of 20 years is a lawyer. So, you can take the "atorney" are lowlifes from the worst part anyway" remark and shove it in your ear. Not to mention there are other attorneys who use this board, so they might take issue with that last remark, as well.
Yeah, didn't make to many friends on the board today. Whichever way you want to go about finding a woman is your business, but when you air it out in public and you get some advice or criticism, attacking said people will get you in the DOGHOUSE, when you could get some valuable advice. If you have some much experience in South America, why even ask questions here? It's apparent that you don't want to go to this Sh!thole town of this girl (which by the way my secretary and ex-girlfriend are from), you don't want to make concessions if she can't get the days off from her job to be able to see you, you don't want to count ashtrays in the mall, you have many other plans including going to Cartagena to go smell a guy to see if he smells like a con artist, you don't want to settle down until 2004 or 2005, your complaning that the girl you want(?) to see in Bucaramanga has more suitors "Because righjt down the corner anotgher 4 guys are waiting....!!", and you have already decided "I kick her to the street,and I will find another one that shows intrest in me;-) I do NOT need to take crap like this from ANY woman." Well my friend, if you are going confide all this on a public forum, well people are going to make comments and if you don't like those comments, maybe you should keep them to yourself. After all that, I think I agree with beenthere that you are the one who is spoiled.
Just my unimportant rantings for the day.
PS: DOGS RULE! and they're funny too. ACK!

[HansErich]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a whil..., posted by Traveller on Aug 13, 2003

Hey..I even call my home town a Sh!thole!!
And infact Dortmund is a sh!thole...!!

Well I guess you do not understand my humor and vice versa.

I was never in Colombia...told you that.

I don't think colombians are SOOOO different from any other latin people.

But that just my 2 cents.

btw....I actualy forget what advise you gave me?

Could you please repeat it??

what is wrong with settle down in Cartagena in 2004 or 2005???
What is wrong to check out an agency owner??? Do you REALY trust all they say to you?(OOO my God...)

Not everybody liks Cali....;-)

His profile is OFF centre??? wich means?

I think you sir do not like my straight foward form of communication.
If you want to hold yourself as a fool...be my guest. I for my part am NOT willing to let myself be used.

That your friend is a lawyer is of no concearn to me. I still think they are AssH0les. That is my opinuon.
What he personaly does i do not care...I jjstt talked about LAYWERS.....ok??

Also it is fine that you are proud of your little town. I for my part am not willing to spend much money to stay in a SH!THOLE for 3 weeks.....and even in Lonely planet they say it is a SH!Thole....so?
JUST because your ex-ex grilfriend is from there it is NO sh!thole???

Come on.....!! Get real.

have a real nice day.

bye bye

Hans-Erich

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a ..., posted by HansErich on Aug 13, 2003

Hans,
In regards to your "straight forward form of communication"
there is something which is called "being tactful".
It sure goes a long way in winning friends and influencing people, not to mention just being proper & respectful.  
Oh by the way, it can also go a long way in getting a good woman, Colombiana or otherwise.

[Traveller]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....fo..., posted by beenthere on Aug 13, 2003

"straight forward form of communication"
Huh? Maybe, it's because I am a simple American, but it's kind of hard to follow. Not your fault, as English is apparently not your first language. Kind of like me speaking in Spanish, I know excatly what I am saying, but to everyone else I sound like a Spanish speaking Neanderthal. Either way, your form of "straight forward form of communication" just seems rude even with the excuse that your English AIN'T exactly perfect.

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a while!, posted by HansErich on Aug 13, 2003

Hans, my friend, I think you are the one that is spoiled.
I believe Traveler gave you some good advice.  I'm not sure if you know it, but he has alot more experience in Latin America than 99% of the people on this board.  He lives and works in Cali, knows Colombian women better than most.  I've made over 27 trips to Colombia and was married to a Calena.  When guys give you advice on this board, you should appreciate it, and take it for what it's worth.  they are investing their time to help you by posting.
Again Hans, I think your attitude is defintely going to hurt you in Colombia.  I know these women.  Be patient, be humble, don't expect them to drop everything for you, until you deserve it.  You don't even know this women, yet you feel like she's giving you crap.  When someone in the know tells you that Colombian women can't just take a day off when they want, or that they don't get vacactions, BELIEVE IT!!  This isn't Brazil or Argentina..........
Good luck............

[HansErich]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a whil..., posted by beenthere on Aug 13, 2003

Hi,

NO I am NOT spoild.....never was.

I sleep on the floor if i have too.....and do not want luxury goods.

I worked very hard all my life.(factory and bakery shop)

I am simply NOT accepted that there are girls that treat me like sh^t.
They EXPECT Me to be humble?? Generous? understandinmg??
SO dear friend...WHAT will be HER part??? The little hairy thing between her legs?

I accept that they TOO MUST invest in a relationship.

If men behave like clowns....in Cali or elsewere I will NOT except and not adapt to that. I still have my selfrespect.
If I want to buy a woman I just go to a Wh0rehouse.....;-)
I know there are good girls arround....you only have to FIND them.

I am NOT a clown...and NOT a begging dog.
I am a proud man.

Simple as that.

regards,

Hans-Erich.

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a ..., posted by HansErich on Aug 13, 2003

If I understand correctly what you say, I think it is good advice.  The “clown” is generally a weak man who has never been to Latin America, doesn’t understand Spanish, and is a mark for every con-artist agency owner and player female.  The “dog” is a man who apparently doesn’t have the necessary IQ to locate the nearest whorehouse.  I have seen both types in Cali.  I would suggest that a “real man” not have any sex with the women.  When a man has sex with one of the women he is establishing, knowingly or unknowingly, a USER Relationship.  She has given him what he wants, and the next day she asks for what she wants.  If you don’t have sex with a woman, you don’t fall into this.  What do you do if you go to a shopping mall and your date asks you to buy a dress?  If you didn’t have sex with her, you know she is a user and you dump her fast.  And what if you had sex with her the night before?  It’s not so simple, is it?  If you used her, it is only right that she uses you.  And you will have a USER Relationship which will be impossible to change once married, if you are crazy enough to marry her.  If you don’t have sex with the women, you keep your mind and your relationships clean, so that you can easily detect the first woman who is ready to enter into a LOVE Relationship.  Periodically, we get here the waa waa stories from the guys who did it the wrong way.  I don’t feel sorry for them.

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....fo..., posted by valuedcustomer on Aug 13, 2003

I don't think of sex as a one way street. I don't think if I have sex with someone that I have "used" them. I never push the issue, never pressure anyone. If it happens, it happens.

When it comes to deciding whether to buy a lady a dress, whether or not I slept with her does not enter into the equation.

With my current novia, when I first met her the first 5 nights I got pecks on the cheek. She worked every day till 6:00 and then went to school till 9:00. On the 4th day when I noticed she was mixing and matching stuff she had already worn when we went out, I assumed she did not have a huge wardrobe. She spent 90% of her time working, studying, and taking care of her son.

So. . . .there was a concert on the weekend that I wanted to see. In a really nice club. I asked her if she wanted to go. She seemed hesitant. I asked if she liked the singer, her eyes lit up.  I quickly realized that she was most likely worried that she might not have apropriate clothes.

I took her shopping and bought her a new outfit. It didn't cost all that much and she didn't ask for it. At that point I had gotten no more than a peck on the cheek, and certainly didn't feel I should get more because I bought her some clothes.

By the end of my trip, I still had not "gotten any", although we advanced a bit past pecks on the cheek. I also had a great time. I went back 2 weeks later to see her again.

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....fo..., posted by valuedcustomer on Aug 13, 2003

n/t

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Let them wait.....for a ..., posted by HansErich on Aug 13, 2003

Being spoiled does not necessarily relate to having material goods.  I was referring to your attitude.  How women should just drop everything they are doing because "good ole Hans" is coming to town.  From what you posted, this women wants you to come to her town, how is it that she is treating you like sh*&???  She wants you there with her???  And you think her town is a sh**h&le???  What do you expect???  That comment is very disrepectful, and it kind of shows the "real" Hans.  Maybe I was wrong in thinking that you are a "great" guy.  Keep posting and I'm sure you'll reveal more of your personality.  It is obvious that you've been revealing it to some of your "online" women, since, according to you, have quit e-mailing you.
Also, Hans, everything to you has a sexual connotation........but you want a good girl.  The "good girls" do command repect, patience, a humble attitude...........they will give you everything, but yes you will have to earn it.
As Traveler stated, you think you know everything about SA, but you seek advice on this board. And when it isn't the advice you want to hear, you bash people.  And you're not spoiled.
Keep us posted on your experiences, I'll be curious to know if the "Hans" method works or not.  Only time will tell.