stupid

[jim c]

When I posted on what I called a stupid thread, it was against my better judgement. I have seen these threads cause conflict before and leave hostility on the board. I was wrong in calling the thread stupid. That word minimized the nature of the discussion, but my frustration left me no other word. As a white american I am tired of bearing the responsibilities of our nations past and black americans obsession with the subject.

  My father is a third generation Northern Italian. When he and my mother, a colleen named Donovan eloped, my mother was banned from the family for marrying a Dago. In all cultures there seems to be a necessity for having someone lower in the pecking order. This is a communal thought not an individual one. Personal relationships can overcome these learned prejudices, but beating the subject to death can become a case for not wanting to listen anymore.

  I have seen much in my life that I choose to forget, but I do not have my head in the sand and I am not trying to control the subjects discussed here.

    For our next discussion I recommend the following : Do baptist Calanas give better head than Catholic girls from Bogota?

JIMC

[ManOnTheStreet]

... in response to stupid, posted by jim c on Aug 8, 2003

You Wrote:

As a white american I am tired of bearing the responsibilities of our nations past and black americans obsession with the subject.

-----------------------------------

A few years ago, I discovered the my ancestors on my mother's side were peasants in Slovakia. Basically slaves that worked in the farm. My family history could only be traced back to the early 1700's. Prior to that, my relatives were just basically assigned a number. Every ethnic group in this country has gone through hardships.

[Onephd]

... in response to stupid, posted by jim c on Aug 8, 2003

Jimc, I don't think you should be frustrated with the question as it had nothing to do with racism in america.  I'm not even sure the question was dealing with racism in Latin america.  The original question was just asking how a black or Asian man would be recieved in Latin america by women.  That does not mean that Blacks are obessed with race any more that you would be accused of being obsessed age if you asked about Latinas response to 59 year old men.  I think the question was innocent and justifiable. Some men that are older care about age, some men that are overweight care about that, some men that are asian or black care about race. It's harmless. But its a necessary question. I think everyone uderstands your point about how the thread goes in circles, but to infer that we are now talking about racism and such is wrong and is a jump.  A leap as a matter of fact.  The original question was about Preference and willingness to date men of different races. Preference/Willingness to date different races and Racism are two very different things.

If people on the board would have addressed the former and not the latter, the thread would have been very good and you would not be frustrated.  However, too many people that were not qualified to begin with started talking up the racism issue in Latin America.  IMHO, the people who were best(but not the only)qualified to address the original question are Black and Asian men that have visited Colombia and of course Colombian women.  As a single, physically fit,average height, middle age, Black man, I can't comment on how Latinas respond to an older, overweight/skinny, very short/tall,  white/tan men because thats not my experience, thus I'm not the best qualified to asnwer(sure I can have an opinion, but thats it).  I would defer judement to someone more qualified. If I had friends that fit the description and had ventured down south, then I would offer that insight with those caveats.

True the remarks got out of hand, I agree with you, but thats not the fault of the question.

The question wasn't about racism or accusing you of something that you are parents did to my parents or something one group of people did to another institutionally.  It was a simple and fair question. I hope that the people that wrote allt he non-sense about what they think latinas preferences are and what racism exists understand the this.

To those men that wonder about the preferences of Latinas, I'll only tell you again, As a Black man, get your but on the plane and go.  There are lots and lots of women that have no preference regarding skin color. Again I state to you that Odee.com has 600 women of whom 50% do not have a racial preference and Bogota is considered the most conservative of the places to visit in Colombia, so if 50/50 is the worst you can do, thats pretty damn good. I would imagine that the odds are increasing better in coastal cities and Cali.   I'll close by saying that my conversations with Colombian women revealed to me that the most common reason for them not liking a man is "too big of an age difference", not race or professional or body size etc.

[jim c]

... in response to Re: stupid, posted by Onephd on Aug 8, 2003

I agree with your post when my experience with the topic in past threads is not considered. Actually this one was very mild in comparison. No one actually got pissed and the biggest insult was Gary Coleman telling me to wash my dentures.

   The crude thread was made sarcastically as an effort to have some of us think about our questions. Are women from Bogota racist and are calenas to be trusted?  Which city has the most greencard sharks. Can she love me if I am fat and old, or only if I am fat? I have commented many times on the issue. Latin women are people, and as a result diverse individuals, not furniture. You can't order them in plaid or orange velvet. No one can commment on how they will respond, as individuals, to any issue. There are no easy formulas on how to get along with a woman from any culture. There are some universal recommendations like take a bath and brush your teeth. But there are certainly no guarantees.

    The agency marketing crap fed to us is bull. Are latinas more mature loving, sweet, willing to put up with you NO!!!!Among all the pontiffs here and on LWL none will write an insurance policy on their advice. Generalizations are the order of the day along with fantasy, but the sexism and ethnocentrism really is oozing from inside some of these questions.jimc

[Ralph]

... in response to Re: stupid, posted by Onephd on Aug 8, 2003

Interesting statistics on Bogota. I didn't think the number would be only 50%, and I bet many of the women that at first would say they are not interested in black men, could change their mind quickly if they meet the right guy.

If there really is 50% of the women that would rule out people based on race, would you really want anything to do with them any way? I wouldn't.

[Onephd]

... in response to Well said, posted by Ralph on Aug 9, 2003


Actually I did my own stats based on the ladies at the odee agency in Bogota.  I did not count everyone of the 600 +- ladies, but I did go through one day and randomly selected about 150 from different age groups.  (groups of 30-35). I tallied up those that had preferences and those that didn't.  I'm not saying my number is perfect, but I would bet money on it being with 5% correct.  The younger ladies (18-25) seem more likely to not have a preference and the older ladies 37+ seem slightly more skewed in the other direction.  Women with children seem to be slightly more open in their preferences as well.
Im sure the agency owner would know the real numbers.

I found that overall 47-50% of the women had no preference for race or skin color.  The others obviously did.  I would guess that 75%(if not more) of the women consider themselves to be white, although I didn't check stats for this aspect.

You might consider that number high, but when you consider that Bogotá has very few Blacks, and is considered more conservative than Cali, BQ and Cart. You might find that number to be rather impressive. To me, that indicates that the other places offer even better numbers and even more opportunities for men of color.  Again that's the agency scene, which is not necessarily the population.  

As far as I know, I and the other black men that have visited Bogotá have done very well so I'm not just stating what the agency tells me.  I have heard that they do well in other cities as well.

Personally I don't deal with the 50% that have a preference for a particular race because "sometimes" it indicates some fascination or misbelief by the person or race. Granted sometimes it is a true preference, but sometimes it isn't. Additionally a woman that is not overly concerned with  race or physical preference is more likely to be looking at the quality and character of a person first.  So for me, a lady with no preference is my preference. ha ha ha

As far as the 50% that have no preference, They have turned out to be great.  

Finally, there are always going to be women that are "not going to be available" because they do not want a Black man or an overweight man or man over 40 or a man over 50 or a man with children, or a man etc....  The fact is, no one race/type/look is a lock for a latinas affection, so the best thing any man can do is to just get his but on the plane.  Again being a man and Gentleman goes much further than your skin color or other things.

[JR n Atl]

... in response to Re: Well said, posted by Onephd on Aug 9, 2003

O.,

Hope you had a great time in Bogota with your lady friend. Email me when you get a chance and let me know how everything went.

O., to your excellent analysis I'd only like to add one thing, and this is based upon my experience with the ladies at Odee. I noticed that many, if not most, of the ladies who wrote to me (and I got tons of contacts, over 50 of them in about a two month period after my profile was posted) had specified in their profiles a preference for younger men. That is, I'm 44 and what I'd notice when looking over the profile of a woman who contacted me is that she stated that she preferred men no older than, pick a number, let's say 37 for example. So at least with regard to age, I found that the ladies were a bit more flexible than what might be stated in their profile. Now, maybe it's different with race, I can't be sure. But I suspect that if she stated a preference for white or tanned, and that if Denzel Washington showed up in Angela's office she'd be on him like a duck on a june bug. So if you're a reasonably good looking black man, and as OnePhD has stated, gentlemanly, well-behaved and cultured, you ain't gonna have no stinkin' problem. Put down the remote, get your arse up off the couch and get on the plane.

JR

PS. And by the way, keep in mind that the fact that a woman might not prefer a dark skinned man DOES NOT make her a racist or bigot. We all are here because we have preference for something, eh, amigos?

[lswote]

... in response to stupid, posted by jim c on Aug 8, 2003

Damn, I wish I had a sampling to reply with because I know the answer about the Bogota women and it was the best I've ever had.  Wish I knew about the Calenas for comparison. Damn!

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to stupid, posted by jim c on Aug 8, 2003

Jim

I'm gonna have to go with Caleñas, but they both know how to get the job done.

Steve

[cancunhound]

... in response to stupid, posted by jim c on Aug 8, 2003

But still not as good as a native Kogi indianita from the Sierra Nevadas (no teeth)