What's best for HER.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: What's best for HER. , posted by pablo on Jun 30, 2003

As far as I know it is fine.  The doctors said that none of the treatments affected the baby.

[bogota vet1]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: What's best for HER. , posted by lswote on Jun 30, 2003

[This message has been edited by bogota vet1]

Yes, I used reverse phsycology in that post.
I was even to going to put $399 but the reverse physcology would have been too obvious, but you fell for it at $599.
(I am well aware what the true lease payments are)
I do not think anymore needs to be said , the picture is clearer now.

.

Concentrate on what caused this illness, and future prevetion.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: What's best for HER. , posted by bogota vet1 on Jun 30, 2003

The only thing clear to me is that you are a real prick.

[pablo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: What's best for HER. , posted by bogota vet1 on Jun 30, 2003

Bogota Vet,

The only thing I would concentrate on is perhaps better spelling and definitely more empathy on your part.

Aaron,

I do hope that this is your last post regarding Bruce's situation and his wife being ill.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: What's best for HER. , posted by bogota vet1 on Jun 30, 2003

What is the point of all your criticism?

[bogota vet1]

... in response to Why is it necessary for me to fall for a..., posted by lswote on Jun 30, 2003

[This message has been edited by bogota vet1]

It is not a criticsm, unless you interpret it that way.

It is just now clearer your background , and how you have prioritize things in your life.  It is not right or wrong , it just is.

Usually nobody changes or takes action in their life , unless the consequences of not taking action or changing will adversly affect them.
Your time has come again to change some aspects of your life.

[lswote]

... in response to What's best for HER. , posted by Aaron on Jun 30, 2003

Aaron, as you say, you have the right to speak your mind.

Did I act quickly with my wife,?  Yes I did.  Do I think I made a mistake on who I married because I acted quickly?  No I don’t.  I would marry her again tomorrow even knowing everything that has happened.  The problem with the marriage isn’t that I am having second thoughts, but rather that my wife is.  This whole episode has caused her to do a lot of soul searching and bringing up issues that perhaps would never have been brought up or would have at least been brought up over more time because she is confused, hurt (not by me but by everything that has happened) and she is out of her environment.  In her lashing out at everything she brought up the fact that I am overweight (gordito) and that she thought I would change after we got married and lose weight (I am trying but it is difficult).  She thought I would eventually choose to become a Catholic (even though I told her I don’t believe in any religion and doubt I ever would).  She thinks I am too materialistic, even though she is the one who had me going out to garage sales every weekend to buy things for our house.  Again, I was pretty upfront with what materialism I am guilty of (I drive a leased SLK Mercedes convertible whose lease is up next March and won’t be renewed) before we got married so there should be no surprise.  But she is young and a woman and had ideas of how to change me.  I, on the other hand knew exactly what I was getting in my wife and planned to change nothing about her.

So it isn’t me causing this issue.  Your idea about her going back to Colombia isn’t out in left field but you seem to disregard the fact that she is my wife now.  For better or worse, we made a choice.  I am doing everything I am capable to be supportive, loving and care for her.  While there might be a time where going back to Colombia for awhile might make sense, I hope she stays now and toughs things out with me and doesn’t go home and perhaps abandon the marriage.

Aaron, you seem to thing I made an error with the insurance.  Well we had group insurance when we got married so I thought that was covered.  And when my company dropped my group health insurance it caught me off-guard because I hadn’t anticipated that happening.  I tried to get private health insurance, first off as a family.  But I have something called peripheral neuropathy in my feet (the sensory nerves in my feet are dying for some as yet undiagnosed reason) and I was unable to get insurance.  I tried to get insurance for just my wife but couldn’t find any insurance company that would write a policy in just her name alone until she had been in the United States at least 6 months.  Others on the board have posted that they know of policies that I could have gotten to cover her in the interim, but I didn’t run across any when I looked so I assumed there was nothing available.  I didn’t think to ask here on the board because I assumed I had already checked it out and there was nothing.  I hoped she would be okay until we could get a policy for her after six months.  I was wrong in my assumption, but it was just a human error, not a gross oversight as you implied.  Sh*i*t happens man, not everything can be planned ahead of time.

Aaron, all you points about the speedy timeline of my marriage are correct.  But I am not looking for a way to end it, but rather support while I try to save it.  I mentioned yesterday that I didn’t know if the marriage would survive this problem not because I was trying to find a way out but because I am asking for help from anyone who might give it and I was stating the severity of the problem.

I know I have attacked you in the past and you and I will never see eye to eye, so I am going to let what you say go.  But you are wrong and frankly I don't think you know a damn thing about life.  Graduate from that lofty idealism of yours and get in the trenches with everybody else and find out what life really is.  Platitudes are fine, but they need to be tempered with reality.

[Pete E]

... in response to Go back to IDEALISM U and get your diplo..., posted by lswote on Jun 30, 2003

Bruce,
So she was witholding telling you the truth about some things but when this crisis arose it came out.Its not a good idea to think you will be able to change someone,especially if they didn't agree to be changed.Most relationships involve some compromise of ideal standards.
This is a real test of your relationship that might have come up down the line.But its here now.You can try to change to make her hapy if your willing,but she should realise she married you as you are.
As with many crisis type situations,eveything can get blown out of proportion.When she feels better she will probably drop the wanting to run and hide solution,especially when she considers you are having a child together.
About the insurance,you can't back up now.You choices were reasonable but you got caught in a bad situation,which is a risk.
Hopefully tis will all work out as she starts to feel better.And even though bankruptcy is the last choice sometimes it can become neccesary.I had to do it myself once when my business failed.Once creditors knew there was no money and you would file the bankruptcy they leave you alone.Its was actually very easy but it srewed up my credit for awhile.Actually a 2 plus year old bankruptcy is better for your credit than lots of outstanding acconts.I had a lender tell me one time my clients would have been much better off doing a bankruptcy.It will stay on your credit for 7-10 years,depending on the chapter you file.You can actually get mortgage financing within 2 years,but you credit score will be hurt and you won't get the bet rates and terms.I would say $50,000 or less,try to work out a payment arrngement.You see adds on TV all the time for non profit credit help agencies.They can negotiate a leser payment or interest because the creditor knows the alternative could be 0 $.
I would just be loving and supportive of her right now and don't worry about the money.You can work it out somehow and you can't chgange the circumstances.
We are all pulling for you Bruce.I think that would even include Aaron after he gets over being rightous about the situation.

Pete

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Go back to IDEALISM U and get your d..., posted by Pete E on Jun 30, 2003

Actually though my wife never told me she had expected certain things of me, I knew it even before we were married and accepted that she would be thinking she could change me.  It wasn't her telling me that was the problem it was her lashing out at everything and everyone that seems to have been the problem.  Today she seems back to normal now that she was able to get out of the house with friends and have a semblence of normalcy in her life.  Laying in a hospital room with an IV drip tends to mess with a person's mind.  I feel much more optomistic about things with her attitude today.

[bogota vet]

... in response to Go back to IDEALISM U and get your diplo..., posted by lswote on Jun 30, 2003

Until you are living in a one bedroom apartment, in the low end of town, and driving a Buy Here/Pay Here car , you are not poor.

You are not poor.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Go back to IDEALISM U and get your d..., posted by bogota vet on Jun 30, 2003

I don't understand what I talked about that made you mention that.  I never said at anytime I was poor.

[Edge]

... in response to Go back to IDEALISM U and get your diplo..., posted by lswote on Jun 30, 2003

now that your wife is home by not shipping her off to Colombia.  This is your marriage.  You are the father of her child.  Do your best to create an environment where she feels safe.  Cater to her every need.  Let her know at every turn that you love her and this will not change, even if she is not returning any affection at this time.  Colombian women respect a man who they feel is strong and unwavering in their love and who they feel safe with.

You will get through this - do your best to take it day by day.  You have a foundation of love that has been shaken but it has not been torn down yet.  You can rebuild - so keep the faith.

Everyone here is behind you, except Aaron, so you can count on us.

[rob4050]

... in response to What's best for HER. , posted by Aaron on Jun 30, 2003

Aaron...I have refrained from entering into these discussions because I don't have "Latin American" experience. Your defense of your comments however, underscores the very reason why there is a firestorm going on right now.

The problem is not in your facts. You normally seem to have reasons for your opinions and your facts, at least to me, seem to have substance. Your bedside manner though, can be offensive in the extreme. Truthfully, there is nothing to be gained by proferring the "I told you so" rhetoric. It is childish and serves no purpose other than self-aggrandizement. He opened up to the board and with one notable exception, people poured out support. I consider the value of people sharing their experiences, good or bad, one of the best attributes of this board and I am thankful Patrick takes the time to give us this forum.

I seem to recall that you are working on your PhD. Somewhere in that education of yours, there must have been something about diplomacy, sensitivity, and compassion. If not, I suggest you work on them since those attributes will be necessary for you in developing a successful relationship in marriage. I guarantee that using "I told you so" in marriage will put a torpedo under the waterline.

I, for one, would enjoy learning more from you, sans the abrasiveness and sarcasm interlaced in your postings. Your message is sound, please temper it with some grace.