Hello from Bogota #5

[DOMINGUIN]

Calipro asked me a question about why I had brought up whorehouses with my driver in a recent post. The guide, Julio was recommended by the agency, when we met at the hotel, we sat down and had coffee and he asked within 4 minutes, if I was interested in "meeting and relaxing" with some ladies.  I told him that I wanted to see churches and museums, not whorehouses, and we were pretty much on the same page after that. He was just doing his job of finding what his customer wanted, can't blame him for asking.

Its almost 5:00 in the afternoon in Bogota and I decided to take a day off from sightseeing. My feet hurt! I am going to the theater tonight to see a Spanish play with my fashion designer. I think we're just enjoying each other's company.  Tomorrow I have another dinner date, a second meeting, and then I think I am switching agencies.

I had lunch today with an almost 28 year old woman.  This is well below my age group, but I looked at her profile, she was striking and  the agency told me she was specifically interested in an older man up to 55.  I was mildly curious, so I thought to myself "what the hell" and said OK.  I haven't met anyone younger then 34 so far.

When she found out that I was originally from New York City and had lived there for the first 30 years of my life, she asked a ton of questions about New York, the night life in Manahttan, etc. I'm sure that she doesn't want to live in the suburbs of Portland, Oregon!   The girl (P) has a very striking face, about 5'5 maybe 105-110, looked like a lean Gabriela Sabatini the Argentine tennis star from a few years back.  P had very dark hair, thick eyebrows,  very dark eyes, not much of a bust (and I do like women with pronounced curves).  She worked in sales for a jewelry exporter.  She was intelligent, very well educated but a bit full of herself, and "young."   I remembered myself at 28, and then, I probably would have done or said anything to go to bed with her.  

But here I am, a 50 year old guy and she was young enough to be my daughter, and pretty transparent. It was obvious that she didn't know what at she wanted out of life and was fishing for someone to give her a lifestyle and a place to land.  She wanted to live in a big exciting, cosmopolitan city, New York, Paris, Madrid even Los Angeles was acceptable and I assume a sugar daddy was part of the deal.  Well I couldn't provide the penthouse or all the sugar, so it was just lunch.

I just said it had been a lot of fun to meet her, we gave each other a hug and a kiss on the cheek and it was amusing. that all, just very amusing. And I assume to her, I was just an old gringo who gave a free lunch.    

[DOMINGUIN]

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003


I wanted to respond to this debate about age difference from my own perspective.

For me, this is not a question of my baggage or desperation or a woman's baggage or desperation. Calipro made a point that a woman who is 35 with a child has to be desperate, so its better to find a younger woman (who I assume because she is so physically desirable and has her choice of partners, so you know that she cares about you.  Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but its obvious that Calipro and I don't agree about much of anything. Calipro has been married three times, maybe he doesn't consider that "baggage."

I want to find a younger woman then me, I think 34-42 or so.  Its an 8 to 16 year old age difference, and maybe a woman in her mid 30s would have the maturity to handle an age differencew,  

But at 50, if I find the "young, sweet, Colombiana in her mid to late 20s, that some of you keep talking about, what will happen when I'm 65 and she is 40 or 45, assuming we are even together that long?  What will keep us together? What I don't see many men acknowlege on these posts is the basic fact that chronological age is an indication of life experiences and emotional maturity, not always, but usally it is.

I'm looking for an intelligent, tolerant, articulate woman who is a very good conversationalist, interested in and curious about the world.  That means she should have values, experences and viewpoints that she can bring to a marriage and that she has the capacity to grow in wisdom.  And, I am looking for a woman who has loyalty and integrity.  And yes, hopefully, I would like her to have big gazongas and really enjoy making love.  Physical appeal and chemistry is important to me!

Maybe there is a perfect 25-19 year old woman in Bogota or Cali or Baranquilla, or Cartagena who is sincere, loyal and can look past a 5'10 and 240 physique and has all the qualitites I described.  My question is: how many citas to find that woman?  I'm not discounting all Colombianas in their 20s because I had one lunch with a young woman who was so obviously at a different point in her life then me.  But it would be a lot of work and I don't want to spend my time sifting through all the chaff to possibly find one great piece of wheat.  

At this point in my life, I don't want to be a father to a much younger woman.  I don't want to have to help her to grow up, and I don't want to be jealous or insecure because of the age difference, or wonder where she is.  What would such a 20+ year old age difference realtionship be based on?  Financial security, OK. That I can offer and I understand the need for.   Sex?  Sex is based on physical appeal, but making love is a form of communication, one of the highest forms and a good marriage with love in it is based on different kinds of communication.  But when your drive for sex is gone what do you have left in a marriage relationship?  For me, its a question of thinking with the big and not the little head.

If the communication dissapears because a man and a woman are too far apart in their life stages, it doesn't matter what happens in the marriage bed.  More important then the physical side of marriage is shared goals, loyalty, sacrifice, endurance and hard work and hopefully shared beliefs.  Not necessarily shared religious beliefs, but belief in accomplishing shared goals, sacrifice, in the value of hard work, in treating your mate as you would like to be treated, etc.

Enough for now, I will give further details on Bogota in the next day or so.

Adios
Dominguin  

[greg]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

If I got myself a much younger trophy wife, I would prefer to relocate to her native country. Too risky for us older farts bringing such a youngster to America. Rather take the risk with an older Latina.

[greg]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

[This message has been edited by greg]

This message was deleted

[Cali vet]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

For what it's worth my wife of four months (and one year of courtship) is 27 and I'm 57. So far so good.

[Nico]

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Cali vet on Jun 17, 2003

Hey Calivet,
Yes you may have 30 years in between you two but you also live in Colombia,that greatly minimizes the age impact. Its an advantage that few here have I think. Anyway how have you been? Are you still thinking about moving?

Nico

[pablo]

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Cali vet on Jun 17, 2003

Hey Calipro,

Didn't you post your fotos of you and the Mrs. awhile back?  If that was you, then you do have a very attractive wife.  That is exactly what I was referring to when I suggested that mid 20's be considered while looking.  Do you think you could get that attractive of a gringa at her age here?  Kudos to ya!

Pablo

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Re: The age difference debate, posted by pablo on Jun 17, 2003

Throughout my several years of searching here I always ended up having better luck despite my age with girls between 22 and 28 and came close to marrying quite a few of them before meeting my wife. I find the girls in their mid twenties to be optimistic, sincerely romantic and enthusiastic. I tried to date the thirty somethings at the agencies but never found anyone I clicked with. A lot of them seemed jaded in their attitudes, really demanding and with very defined material goods agendas. Just a lot more complicated in general. I finally said to hell with it, stick with those mid twenties chicas. But your question, surely it's rhetorical. And Nico is right about living in Colombia, any age difference stress is eliminated here.

[Mark33]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

Dominguin,
     You are looking for a wife for all of the right reasons. Your posts are great,and I look foward to them. I notice you are not in a hurry . Good for you.  There are plenty of women out there who apprecaite a man who knows exactly what he is looking for in a mate.
      Good Luck

[Calipro]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

I appreciate your guys decision to marry an older more mature women if that is what you want to do. And, I probably would have never been critical of your decision to do so if others had not been so critical of my decision to pursue a younger women.

All I really want to say is keep your eyes open to the culture differences between here and Colombia and try to make them work for you the best that you can.

Even if Dominguin doesn't realize it he is benefiting from the cultural differences because 35+ year old women with children in Colombia really are not considered marriage material by Colombian guys that have any thing going for them.

As I said before I think that both sides in a debate tend to exagrate their positions and I don't think I is fair to characterize 35+ year old women or late teen and twenty something women as desperate. I just want to clear this up for guys that have never been to Colombia before.

I know that I told you guys that my ex-wife was not happy with her home life when we met but I wouldn't say she was desperate. She had plenty of options that most beautiful women tend to have and at one point almost decided not to come to the U.S. with me. It is not the easiest thing in the world to leave your family and friends behind for any of them.

 Good luck and God Bless.

[Michael B]

... in response to The age difference debate, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 17, 2003

Hasta somos viejitos, y cuando uno debe morir, el otro a su lado, agarrando las manos.....that's what my 40yo 'had to settle for' says about how long we'll be together...I don't think most 20somethings even understand the concept. Now, them what chose to can say 'she's desperite' or 'at her age she can't do any better' or 'you just can't keep up with a young one'....let them say that if it makes them feel any better.

And as far as 'settle for'....I don't publish our pictures, but have sent them to a few guys...ask Edge if I had to 'settle' in the looks department.

In my opinion (for what it's worth) you're going about it 100% right if you're in it for the long haul, which you obviously are.

[Edge]

... in response to Re: The age difference debate, posted by Michael B on Jun 17, 2003

Michael B. - your novia is quite attractive which leads to the question of why she would hook up with you:-).  Sorry, couldn't resist.  To tell you the truth, I have never seen a bad looking lady of any of the ladies I have seen the guys here with.

[jim c]

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003

DOM
Wonderful post with a lot of insight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its great for a small fantasy, but you can't build a life on this kind of relationship. jimc
PS Gabriela was hot.

[pablo]

... in response to Hello from Bogota #5, posted by DOMINGUIN on Jun 16, 2003

Hi Dominquin,

Glad you made it down to Colombia!  I wanted to make a comment to your post.  I noticed your age and how you had not made contact with any ladies younger than 34 other than the 28 year old you mentioned.  Although the 30+ plus age range is probably a good choice for guys our age, I would not rule out someone simply because she is in her 20's.  Some of the Colombians prefer older guys and especially if you look good for your age that age range should also be considered by you.  By meeting one young lady who desires a sugar daddy and the night life, doesn't mean all these ladies are like that in that age group.  Don't let the American culture influence your decisions on this.  I'm not saying to chase those young 20 y/o hotties but do give it some thought about mid and late 20 y/o.  I met some real sweet mid 20 ladies that didn't mind the age difference.

Suerte,

Pablo

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Hello from Bogota #5, posted by pablo on Jun 17, 2003

Hey: Pablo

I think your wasting your time talking to some of these guys about going out with younger women. They are so baised against them it isn't even funny. It is quiet obvious that they have been burned in the past and have some issues and bagage they will have to get rid of before they would ever consider dating a women 20 years their junior even though it is common practice in Colombia.

I will admit that it is more of a challege to keep a women 20 or more years your junior especially when you bring her here as opposed to keeping her in Colombia. But, I don't think you are doing yourself a service by discounting them out of hand.

They will never believe that a women 20 years younger could ever want a sincere relationship with them.

What these guys are looking for is someone that is so desperate that the woman would be so appreciative and grateful to be married that they will never have to worry about her leaving. And, if you marry a 35+ year old women with a child from Colombia that's exactly what you are going to get. So, you get these guys bragging about how you couldn't pay their wives enough to go out at night without them and how they are so attentive.

But, you have to ask yourself: Is these what I really want out of life? Sure the relationship may last a life time. But, that doesn't mean it's true love either, when you marry a women that is so beaten down that her only option left is you.

If you marry a nice young one, you at least know that she chose you as the better of her many options and you can be sure that done of them are so desperate as to marry you with out some serious physical attraction on her part.