Meet 'em & marry 'em the same weekend

[Miguel]

I just got the brand new Summer 2003 edition of the T.L.C. magazine.  At the end of the description of the Cali vacation they say "This is TLC's largest tour of the year and we usually have ten to fifteen new engagements by the end of the week."  I attended one TLC event, and remember them handing us a flyer suggesting that we not propose at the party on Friday, because there was going to be a whole new batch of 150 women to see on Saturday. I think a couple of people did end up getting engaged.  I definitely remember that one brought a ring from the U.S.  Any thoughts?

[lswote]

... in response to Meet 'em & marry 'em the same weeken..., posted by Miguel on May 31, 2003

What is so difficult about this situation is that many men wouldn't consider making such a radical move as looking for a wife in another country until they are desperate.  I waited for almost 4 years after my divorce trying to meet an American woman, lowering my standards lower and lower in the hopes of finding someone, anyone.  Meeting and marrying my first wife who was an American was pretty easy back 20 years ago.  She was beautiful and a good woman but after raising a family we had grown apart and didn't enjoy the same things.  I thought starting over wouldn't be that hard, but everything was different than when I was young.

By the time I had worked my way through increasingly terrible women and people continually trying to get me to go into counseling or self-help grougs to learn to accept my loneliness, rather than just being a friend to me, I was ready to die and didn't have the luxury of shopping around and fully educating myself about foreign women.

I fully expected to be murdered or kidnapped the moment I stepped off the plane on my first trip to Colombia and only made the trip thinking that because I didn't have anything left to lose.  Of course when I got to Colombia I found things to be completely different than I expected but that is another story.

The point is that desperation is often the only reason many men even take the first step of going to a foreign country, so it is very difficult to turn off that desperation when you get there.

I think, like Pete E, I was lucky and met a good woman on my 3rd trip (I was going every 2 weeks), and we got engaged within a month (I asked her after a week, but she took a month before she said yes) and married within 4 months.

I think there are no easy answers or solutions to the desperation issue.  I realize that many men are not desperate and their reasons and processes are very different, but for men like me, and I know there are lots of us, it is the driving reason we even went to another country in the first place.

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Meet 'em & marry 'em the same we..., posted by lswote on May 31, 2003

I had been single for many years beore going to Colombia.
I had married as a teenage and got divorced at 25.For a number of years I partied alot and had alot of
short term relatinships.When I was 37 I met a lady I was with for 5 years.She died unexpetely just before we were to be married.After a few months of grieving I was ready to start looking again.By now I was 43 but still wanted the extremely good looking woman like had just had.It wasn't as easy  as it was a few years before.I had a number of short term relationships but finaly got to the point where I wasn't looking to hard.It just seemed too difficult to find what I wanted.Difficult seemed to turn to impossible by time I hit my 50's.
I have had an interest in South American women for along time.I'm not sure where it started.I was thinking of just traveling to try and meet them when the wonders of the internet opened up a whole new world of possibilities.
By the time I went to Colombia I was very ready to get married.I didn't consider myself desperate,or even lonely.
I was quite used to living alone and was comfortable with it.But someting was missing,the relationship I wanted.
And when I went to Colombia and started meeting these lovely latinas,the type of woman I had had a thing for anyway,I was ready to act.Which I did.Fortunately I did find a good girl,becauseI married her very quickly.I guess I didn't really know what I was missing untill it was right in front of me.But when I did find it there was no holding me back.
Bruce I think you were a little more in touch with your lonelyness.Some of us had just gotten used to it.But I think its there,the desire for that relationship you really want and you become very awrare of it when the opportunity presents itself.
So ya,we wouldn't be taking the trouble to travel to places like Colombia if there was not the need or desire.And we have to restrain ourselves to keep our head when we are presented with the beautifull options that wait for us there.
Beats the hell out of what I was doing before and the options I had here.Life is temporary and for living.When you find what you want its natural to go for it.Much more natural than denying yourself.

Pete

[Wayne11]

... in response to Re: Re: Meet 'em & marry 'em the sam..., posted by Pete E on May 31, 2003

I lost your address, and I want to talk.
wwj5555@nospam.com

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Meet 'em & marry 'em the same we..., posted by lswote on May 31, 2003

everyone feels desperate once in a while, and i have done things out of desperation before. but, i've been trying to catch hold of myself, and not act out of desperation, but based on sincere genuine feelings for the other person (not based just on my needs) with common sense to keep me in check.

just imagine what would have happened if you would have met someone that was deceitful, and didn't learn about her until she arrived. behaving desperately could prevent a guy from seeing the true motives of the person. also, some desperate partners choose to stay in abusive relationships because they feel they wont find anyone else that is better.

one of the most dangerous things is for a desperate (but nice) guy to visit third world marriage agencies to look for a spouse, and not even speak the language; he's asking for all kinds of trouble. same thing for a desperate (but nice and attractive) woman from a third world country who is a female member at a marriage agency; she's asking for trouble too. however, they both can be lucky, or i should say blessed by God, to meet another kind soul and marry.

the reason why i disagree with people acting too quickly and being desperate is because i have seen and heard of two many horror stories that have happened to both men and women. many of the negative experiences could have been avoided if the people wouldn't have done things out of desperation.  

for example, case in point, i didn't feel too happy when i heard about a calena marrying an Australian guy only after knowing him for two weeks. the guy showed up, lined up 3 girls as possible wives, and simply picked the one that accepted to go out with him on the third date. nine months later, the girl is over there in australia; they're seperated; and the girl can't afford to come home yet. she can't afford the airfare; and the guy wont give her any money. she doesn't even want to return home because she's confused, thinking that someday it will pay off if she stays in Australia. on top of that, she the "flavor of the week" for the other guys over there...if you get the idea.
the girl was desperate, and now she's in a dangerous situation.

or how about this one. i've known 2 calenas who are both extremely physically beautiful, very friendly, and fun to be with. i had allot of chemistry with both of them, and it wouldn't have been a long time from now before i would have fallen for either one. one is 32; the other is 28.
they are not poor women. well, it took me this past entire year to find out that both of the hotties have boyfriends that they kept hidden from me. one girl finally told me the truth that she has a boyfriend, but they don't have a future together because 1.) the guy is a narco; and 2.) they're always fighting. as for the second lady, i had to find out from a third party that her boyfriend was deeply involved in drug trafficking; to the point the woman had to flee the country out of fear of being killed by a rival gang in cali.

now, if i was desperate and fell for all the "sweet nothings" and "gentle kisses" they would throw at me, and try to trick myself into thinking that things could possibly be better by saving them, and bringing them to the US; where do you think i would be?

nope, i did allot better than that. i tried to keep up my guard, and i looked for someone who would be good for me in terms of family, personality, values, ethics, as well as physical aspects.

also, don't think i'm being judgmental here about people. i'm not. every person, if they are sincere, deserves a second chance and a decent partner; but all i'm saying is to be on the lookout for the insincere ones. that's it.

iswote, we've bumped heads in the past, but i'm sincerely happy that you've found someone to marry and love you for who you are. you're a lucky guy, and she's a lucky lady.

aaron  

[Calipro]

... in response to well..., posted by Aaron on May 31, 2003

Where did you meet the two women with the narco boyfriends?

Sounds exciting!

Some guys actually go to Colombia to meet latinas just because they prefer them and not because they are dying of loneliness or can't find a nice american women.

[Aaron]

... in response to Bla.. Bla...Bla, posted by Calipro on May 31, 2003

go to colombia because they like latinas. i like latinas, and i don't think going to colombia to look for a partner automatically makes a guy desperate. i and some others on this board could tell YOU some stories and experiences that will make your head spin, but i don't take the time to do it because my time is more valuable than that. enjoy the TLC social.  
chao,
aaroncito

[Calipro]

... in response to calipro, i have no reason to lie, and ye..., posted by Aaron on May 31, 2003

I didn't mean to imply that you where lying. I am truly interested in how you managed to hook up with a mule and a women that had a narco boyfriend.

I won't be attending the TLC social this year but I probably will be staying at the Intercontinental while it is going on. If you're in town stop on by. My time isn't so valuable that I can't listen to what you have to say unless it's a lot of that patty yourself on the back kind of stuff.

I think it was you that said you like to dance salsa at Juanchitos on Sundays, Me to. Look we already have something in common.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: calipro, i have no reason to lie, an..., posted by Calipro on May 31, 2003

Tell us about the women that you were involved with that had a narco boyfriend and the other one who's "boyfriend was so deeply involved in drug trafficking; to the point the woman had to flee the country out of fear of being killed by a rival gang in cali."

Enquiering minds want to know. Go ahead make our heads spin!!  LOL!!!!

Don't act like a fifteen year old with the "my time is to vaulabe" line.

[jim c]

... in response to Come on Aaroncito! Tell us.........., posted by Calipro on Jun 1, 2003

Wayne I don't think this is  unusual. The  time I saw you at LB, I was with two girls that both were divorced from Narcos. One of them was married to a guy who was busted in NYC with 150 Kilo's. The others ex is in jail in spain.I have met at least four girls at LB who were married to Narcos. Two are married and in the US. One is in France and the other is teaching in Cali. Fifteen years ago the girls were all dating and marrying them. They lived in the states, learned english, now they have nice cars and some have their own apartments. I always ask what the ex husband did for a living. The biggest give away is he owns apartments and rents them. I met one girl at LL whose husband was waiting for her in a new explorer down the block. He was trying to help. He owned a lot of buildings. My ex owned a property managemment company. Who do you think lives in those nice houses in  Engenio, Normandia,Arboleda and Ciudad Jardin. A lot of us have had personal experiences in Cali that are not for public consumption. It is considered bad manners to name names and can be unhealthy. jim c

[cancunhound]

... in response to Re: Come on Aaroncito! Tell us.........., posted by jim c on Jun 1, 2003

Kind of makes one wonder what percentage of the workforce in Cali is involved in the drug trade.  I know I can look out the balcony of my condo, point to that guy, that guy, and the other guy.  Easy to spot - nice recent/new but not extravagent vehicles, no apparent job - always "running errands" - When you ask a neighbor "what does that guy do?" - you'll just get a grin.  Based on my sample - I'd say 5 percent?  It's still a big part of the economy.

[Calipro]

... in response to Re: Come on Aaroncito! Tell us.........., posted by jim c on Jun 1, 2003

I don't doubt the guy has a story to tell. So, why not tell it. This is just about as ananomous as you are going to get. His time is just to valuable.

Anyway I remember when I met you that you were talking about a friend who owned a restuarant and he was having a model show or something. How did it turn out? I wished I had gone but I was hanging out with Walter and he didn't want to go. So if hear about your friend having another show, let me know I would like to go.

[jim c]

... in response to Re: Re: Come on Aaroncito! Tell us........., posted by Calipro on Jun 2, 2003

The guy was Diego Reyes who owns El Cortile. It is an italian restaurant right by Crepes Y waffles in Cuidad Jardin. He used to have an agency and was associated with LL. He is a great guy and Most of the agency owners know him. He has done a lot of favors for americans in Cali including storing my furniture for six months after I broke up with my Novia. jim

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Come on Aaroncito! Tell us....., posted by jim c on Jun 2, 2003

Jim,
Diego is the guy I start with if I need to know about anything in Cali.The number one resource guy I know of for a gringo in Cali.
And he is a fun guy.I was going through his books of women one time and asked him how young is too young for a guy my age?His answer,12.Joking of course but there is some truth in it.Even early teen girls seem to be fair game for Colombians of all ages.

Pete

[cancunhound]

... in response to Diego, posted by Pete E on Jun 2, 2003

Just can't marry 'em until 14!  Learn something new everyday:

http://www.interpol.int/Public/Children/SexualAbuse/NationalLaws/csaColombia.asp

"Edad de consentimiento para actividad sexual
La edad de consentimiento para actividad sexual se obtiene :

   * mujer : 12 años
   * hombre : 14 años

Edad de consentimiento para contraer matrimonio
La edad de consentimiento para casarce con consentimiento de los padres se obtiene :

   * mujer : 14 años
   * hombre : 16 años"