Interesting occurance

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Yikes!!!, posted by Pescador on May 18, 2003

The guy in New York knows all about you, he's even seen (some of) the pictures.

[lswote]

... in response to Don't fool yourself, posted by Michael B on May 19, 2003

I will answer for Michael B. since he hasn't yet, as I think you are very troubled about he said, but not in the way he meant it.

I am sure from what I know of Michael B. that he doesn't know your Latina.  Rather he was speaking from generalities.  He has already made up his mind about your novia and he believes he knows what her actions would be such as showing your picture to another boyfriend who she is on the sneak with.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by lswote on May 19, 2003

I meant 'Don't kid yourself, LOTS of people know LOTS of things about you that you never dreamed they know'. I didn't mean SHE would show the other guy the pictures, that wouldn't be very smart on her part. It's pretty obvious (but I'll grant it hasn't been proven) that the guy in NY is most likely the guy who sent her a lot of flowers while Pescador was down there with her, (the flowers he mentioned in his post about a month ago). People know each other, people talk, I meant that the 'grapevine' told him. How many posts have you seen here saying 'the girls all talk to each other' and 'the secretaries are the worst of all about not keeping secrets'? What I had in mind was that by accident or design, via a dishonest or indiscreet employee or a well meaning but bumbling friend, Pescador's interest in her probably got back to the guy in NY. When NY Guy pressed for more info, maybe he got an email or a letter with one or two (that's why I said 'some', guess I also should have used the word 'maybe' or 'possibly' in the same sentence) pictures of them together in the agency lobby, or at her family's house. Maybe the best was to have phrased it was "How do you KNOW NY Guy doesn't already know about you? You know about HIM"

OTOH, maybe NY guy doesn't have a clue, if that's the case, it would not be wise for Pescador to tell him, that would get right back to the lady instantly and she sould be mad at Pescador.

[Pescador]

... in response to Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Michael B on May 19, 2003

Did you mean my post or someone elses about the flowers? Yes they came from the guy in new york and I doubt if he has a clue of our involvement. I was there when the flowers arrived at first my novia said they were from an exboyfriend. Later the truth spilled out, she told me his name where he was from etc. Seemed like that was the end of it.
I talked with her again today and she still professes love and wanting to be with me. She constantly tells me the number of weeks left before we are together. I know there are queen manipulators out there, but id think saying I love you to someone you didnt really love every day would get monotonous and boring.  I asked her what she thought about marriage and she believed it was a little soon and she wants us to grow together more while we are together, but she sees us having a family in the future. Guess thats a clue I was going too fast, but after reading a hundred posts on the board of guys poping the question in a week I thought I went beyound the time limit if there is one.

Then I asked her what her most important things in a relationship were, she responded love, tenderness and fidelity. Honestly I doubt if she is heading to NY to see this guy right away in June or if at all, she has already bought gifts for some of my family when she goes to meet them. I might be making excuses for her but her mom passed away a couple of years ago and she doesnt have a big immediate family. Her dad has a new gf(btw she is in her late 30s)she only has one sibling and I know for a fact she has been sad and lonely for the past couple of years. Anyone after that I believe is kind of vulnerable and desperate for love and attention.

You have to believe it when someone tells you they love you and want to be with you, until they show you otherwise. Im going to Miami to find out.

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Pescador on May 20, 2003

Is corresponding with a guy in New York behind your back her way of showing that she loves you??
Good Luck!!!

[Pescador]

... in response to Don't fool yourself, posted by Michael B on May 19, 2003

Who are you? Are you the guy in New York?

[Pescador]

... in response to Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Pescador on May 19, 2003

I figured you must have wrote that because you must know of the guy or something, if so Id like to know.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Pescador on May 19, 2003

No, I just speculated that 2+2 usualy equals 4 (particulary since something VERY similar happened to me a couple of years ago). I really don't know a thing about it. Of course on the other hand, you DIDN'T give her the 'ring and a date' (or in our case 'a ring and filed for the I-129F') yet, so she has a right to keep her options open....however I do agree that she does NOT have the right to be decietful about it. I really hope things work out well for you, but be carefull. As wizzard said, sounds like she might not be at the same level in the releationship as you are. Maybe some more talks with her brother are in order? Wish you the best, man.

[Pescador]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Michael B on May 19, 2003

Thanks M.B.
At this point I think she is just keeping her options open partly because I didnt slip the big ring on her finger.  The reason I didnt because I thought maybe she would think I was moving too fast. She has a great excuse to go to New York(if she uses it)a good friend of hers(ive met before) is going there end of this month. Im still going to Miami and play it out(already have tickets), worst thing is I have 3 days of fun in S.beach, lots of latinas there too!

[Cali James]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Pescador on May 19, 2003

I keep going back to your comments that the two of you are NOVIOS and you spent two trips and more than six weeks together.  Novios don't meet other people on the side because they are in a relationship already.  Also, you're rationalizing her behavior big time (assuming it's true about the other guy) by throwing up the "I didn't give her an engagement ring" excuse.  

The truth of the matter is that if she's meeting other guys or making back up plans, it's because she doesn't particularly care for you.  You've been following the right steps and in the right time frame, so don't make excuses for her behavior.  

I'd find out what's going on as calmly as possible and if she was planning on meeting another gringo, than dump her and stay the hell away from her, don't go to Miami.  Send her a message, that gringos can't be manipulated or walked on and leave it at that.  Show her that you have some pride.

Cali James

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by Pescador on May 19, 2003

I don't believe for a minute that she showed the other guy your pictures.  Why??  It just doesn't make sense.  The guy in New York thinks he is the only one, believe me.  I'm not sure why you would want to get played by this woman, but to each his own.  As I said in my earlier post, just the fact that she is correpsonding with another man is reason to terminate the relationship, ring or no ring.  Sounds as if she is going to have a good time in the US, with or without you.  There are plenty of fine women down there that don't need to "keep their options open". Be careful my friend.
"When they love you, you will know."

[HeyNow]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yourself, posted by beenthere on May 19, 2003

If a woman is desirable she will check out her options.  This is not one bit uncommon.  I believe the "plenty of fine women" that you mentioned do this.  They won't last long.  Trust me.

[beenthere]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Don't fool yours..., posted by HeyNow on May 19, 2003

However, if two people are novios, like pescador described (they are novios according to his first post), neither should be checking out their options.  If a woman is 100% crazy for you, she will not be "checking out" her options.  Evidently this young lady is not 100% crazy for pescador. Most "desirable" latinas will have their pictures removed from an agency's album when she becomes a gringos novia. Also most "desirable" women will cease corresponding with other gringos when they become someone's novia.  Just because a woman is beautiful, that doesn't mean she is also desirable......character and values also come into play.
Pescador or the young lady (or both) needs to end the relationship (as far as being official novios) before they start "checking out" options.

[anzo]

... in response to Interesting occurance, posted by Pescador on May 18, 2003

My former Russian wife did pretty much the same thing. Keeping all their options open. Can't say that I really blame them TOO much. But I'd play it cool-if she tells you she HAS to go somewhere in June...says it all. She may still like you best, but... On to the next.
Anzo

[Hiker]

... in response to Interesting occurance, posted by Pescador on May 18, 2003

[This message has been edited by Hiker]

Typically I write things off to being parinoid on our part, but in this case ,I would not even meet her in Miami.  I would forget her and move on.  From reading your post I think she has continued correspondence with this guy like she is totally available.  There is also a possibility that you are her safety net.  I was headed for a similar situation but I learned the scoop before I had developed any feelings for the girl.  She actually had me convinced that she was crazy about me.  I think some of these girls are just covering all their angles.  

There are some fantastic women down there but there are also girls who can make you believe anything they want you to believe.  I have a friend in Florida who is 32.  He and I have been to Cali a few times together.  He was seeing the most amazing 20 year old hard body.  He kept having some sixth sense to let it go.  I thought he was crazy for letting her slip away.  One month after he told her it was over she married a 40 year old guy on the east coast.  The first morning that she woke up in her husbands house she called my friend in Florida and told him that she couldn't stop thinking about him and needed to make love with him again.  I am sure her husband is telling everyone how she is different and how lucky he is.

If I were you I would just tell her what you know and see where the conversation goes.

Good Luck!