Funds for the Family

[Ken2]

A question(s) for those of you already married regarding sending money to Colombia to support the family of your spouse.  

1. Where on the list of reasons for marrying you is sending money home at?

2. Roughly how much do you send?

The gal Im seeing is university educated and will send them money herself when she secures a decent job, so, Ill pick up the tab unitl then and possible further if a special need arises.
She must support :mother, general support, part of two brothers University tuition for another 2-3 years.

I don't mind sending them money as it is not very much.  But the motivation and this being a pre-requisite for marriage kinda does.

I totally understand the NEED, it is real important for her.  However it "may" makes you feel just a ticket for her to achieve her goals.  
Marriage Counselors write that money and sex issues should be hashed out before vows are exchanged, thus the question.

Any  balanced thoughts about the issues?

Ken

[Pete E]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

I will keep this answer light on detail,my wife does not like me telling family business.
After my wife agreed to marry me and the family gave permission we were having dinner and this light goes off in my head.Duh!My wifes salary was one of two the family had.By bringing her here  I was cutting their income in half.Nothing was said about it,but I finally woke up.
I said do we need to help your family?She said yes,thank you very much for asking.She didn't want to ask,but if it hadn't donned on me they were going to be in big financial trouble.
Botom line, I sent money untill my wife got a job,she now sends them money.I think its not only fair but it would have caused huge grief if we couldn't do it.
So you guys out their,you need to look at the situation of the family.In many cases money earned by the girl is needed there.And if you don't help and it is desperately needed you will have one unhappy Colonbaina,regardless of how much she loves you.
Of course you could take it a step further and start improving their situation,but I won't give more personal imformation per my wifes desires.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to Re: Funds for the Family, posted by Pete E on May 8, 2003

Just another thought.I haven't had time,(actually doing some work)to read all the posts in this very interesting subject that I am also limited in expression in due to my wife's disdain for me telling family issues/finances.
I don't know about you guys,but for me I have been in many ways a selfish person.I have been personally very fortunate
( no amount of planning can beat dumb luck,like being born in the US!).I have given alot back to those close to me but very little to others.Maybe I am in to guilt caused by turning down charities.
So maybe,just maybe,fate,or perhaps something more significant has given me  an opportunity to help someone else.And me being an economics type guy I really like what I call "Bang for the buck",no sexual inuendoes intended.Where a little bit of money can do so much.Where $50 a month can mean the difference between a famiy living in a very bad neighborhood and house or a pretty good one,as am example.The need plus the bargain prices can come together for a very satisfying way to help someone else.
Of course a guy needs to be cautious about just being used.But if you are like me,a very fortunate person,maybe its OK to possibly er on the possitive side,if there is a doubt.

Pete

[Pete E]

... in response to And another way of looking at it, posted by Pete E on May 9, 2003

I get inspiration sometimes in the shower.It just happened again.
I remembered the song "The Rose" done by many people,I forget the first or the writer.There  are some really profound lines in it.The one that just flashed through my head is,something like,  "and the soul afraid of losing,who never learns to give.".It has been said the real joy is in the giving.That didn't seem real to me most of the time.Most of the time.
I have been flying high for about 10 days.Some major major issues in my life have been positively resolved.Like relationship,health and money just for starters.Every where I look I am seeing something with a profound message in it for me.
But the basic message is you are one lucky SOB.

Pete

[Cali vet]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

[This message has been edited by Cali vet]

In discussing financial assistence with wives and girlfriends It's important to keep in mind that the current basic salery including the transport subsidy comes to $360.000 a month or in dollars at todays top exchange rate $126 and change. Many many households (and I'm not talking strata one homes in Aguablanca)live on this year in year out and get along perfectly well. They pay their rent, utilities, they have phones and TVs etc. and eat good food. My point is it's not necessary to get carried away sending big bucks although they will be greatfull of course for the bonanza. My wife earned the "salario minimo" as do most girls you are likely to meet, in Cali anyway. She was the primary bread winner for herself and her mother. I took her out of the work force and that left two options: move her mother in or replace the salario that supported their household. It may stun readers that I elected the latter option but anyway the mother in law gets along quite well on that and I've never been asked for an increase.

[denvermike]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

Hi Ken,

A really good friend of mine married a lady from Cali.  He sends a regular payment to his mother-in-law of $200 per month.  Apparently, all of her brothers and sisters pay a varying amount of money since the mother has no income and her husband is gone or dead or something.  Some of her sisters are actually quite well off living in Miami and other places.  He said he had several somewhat heated discussions with his wife why he had to send money to his mother-in-law when her brothers and sisters had far more money than he has.  As it turned out, she felt she had send something in order to do her part. She would have felt very bad to not help out at all.  So he made a decision to not fight it anymore, and remove a sore spot in their relationship.  Now he says it was a good investment in his relationship.

If you are going to marry a women from Colombia or other LA countries, you had better be prepared for some cash flow headed south for any combination of relatives illnesses you can imagine.  But you have to be careful to not let it be excessive and let them drain you.  Be somewhat flexible and generous but be business like and not be a sucker, and they will respect you.  

mike

[Hiker]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

If she is helping the family now with income then I would expect that she would want to continue doing so.  For me I would find it a good quality that a woman wanted to help her family and that she was up front with that before she married you.  Of course everything has to be within reason.  I don't think the fact that she wants to send money home has any hidden meanings.  

Before we got married I told her that if she wanted to send some money home each month to help her family that I wanted her to feel free to do that.  I told her that I did not want her to feel funny about bringing the subject up.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Funds for the Family, posted by Hiker on May 7, 2003

Agree with denvermike and Hiker.

[markxport]

... in response to Re: Funds for the Family, posted by Hiker on May 7, 2003

Hello Hiker and Ken2,

Ken, I agree with Hiker.  She appears to be upfront and honest with you.  Furthermore she is showing a committment to family, which is what a lot of us claim to be looking for when we head down South.  

You and your novia should discuss this in detail and come to an understanding.  Although you don't state an amount to be sent to her family, it doesn't sound like it's an outrageous amount.  

If your engaged to this woman then perhaps you should do the following.  Some might think this simplistic, but it can be effective.  Sit down together explain to her "on paper" the amount of money coming into your household (your salary and other forms of income).  Then your expenses (mortgage, utilities, car payments, IRA ....etc)  Also estimate future expenses related to your wife (second car, English lessons, clothing, kids.....etc).  At the end of the sheet of paper your wife will understand exactly where the two of you stand financially in the short term.  From there the two of you can determine where those excess funds can go....simplistic, but effective......just my two cents...

Take care,

Mark

[cancunhound]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

This seems like a very odd stipulation for her to bring up - I'm not familiar with your scenario - but if you haven't even met her I would proceed with extreme caution.  At least you know this upfront - could be quite a jolt if you found out later.  Supporting her mother would be quite common, I'm not so sure about the brothers in college, unless you're referring to college in the sense of our "high school" - which is common for the middle class to attend a private "colegio" for that - now that makes sense.  I guess my 2 cents is that if you're absolutely certain she is truly providing this support currently, then I guess it could be legit, and she just wants to make sure that when she quits her job she'll be able to continue it.  Now I would really raise a red flag should you pursue the relationship and she eventually begins requesting money prior to quitting her job, or even worse she quits her job prior to obtaining a visa.  Also, be careful in making any assumptions that your assistance would only be needed for 2-3 years.  Afterall, depending on her English skills and education, a great job here might be tougher than you think.  But basically, you're looking at not just one, but 4 more mouths to feed in this instance, without having the luxury of claiming but one for income tax purposes!

[JBond]

... in response to Funds for the Family, posted by Ken2 on May 7, 2003

If your wife was in Colombia and working she would be helping the famely out, that's what thay do. Her being here dos'nt change anything. Be glad that she cares more about famely than buying a new car, a bigger house, new cloths, or going on vacation.

I send about $200.00 a mounth and I am helping send her sister to college for about another $600.00 every 4 mounths, besides birthday and christmas gifts. My wife's mother is a single mom and has done everything herself. My wife feels sending a littel money home is the least she can do.

My wife is one of the best persons I have ever meet and I thank God that she has the mom she dose.

[Ken2]

... in response to Re: Funds for the Family, posted by JBond on May 7, 2003

excellent feedback -

thanks,

ken