I can see my work here is done.

[Big Wally]

It's been close to a thrill but I can see it's time to move on.

I've been on this site a total of 4 days and while attempting to provide some insight and information to guys looking for a Latin wife I've already brought out the critics.

My email is posted for those who have questions. I don't have all the answers but I'll help where I can.

I hope you all can find the happiness that I have found.
Best of luck to you all and I am outahere!

[wizard]

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Don't take things too seriously around here... Lots of different perspectives to be found...

Just like when you give 5 different programmers the same requirements document, for sure you're gonna get 5 different design documents... We all have the same tools at our disposal, just the means of our respective madness varies...

IMHO, you just need to get thicker skin if you're gonna run with the big dogs... lol... If not, well, you lasted about 4 days longer than some folks that have joined this forum...

[valuedcustomer]

... in response to Now, now Wally..., posted by wizard on May 12, 2003


Gee... and I survived a whole year having my posts snickered at, ridiculed, condemned, or ignored.  

Now I realize that my novia is correct: I .... AM....  a Papi Chulo

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Now, now Wally..., posted by valuedcustomer on May 12, 2003

[This message has been edited by wizard]

Things are relatively tame around here now... Had Wally showed up 6 - 8 months ago, he would have been tarred and feathered for sure... lol...

I know he was just trying to help, but sometimes a person can try too hard...

Oh well...

[Brazilophile]

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

I have only half read this and the "1,000 Questions" threads partly because I didn't read the long list of questions that Wally posted and partly because so many posts were so immature.  I feel like adding my $0.02 because I think my experience is relevant.

On my first and second trips wife searching, to Cartagena and Cali respectively, I used a list of questions I developed to assess mutual compatibility.  It was not nearly so long as the one offered here, just 6 or 7 questions.  I memorized them in Spanish so I wouldn't need to have paper in front of me and I offered my own answers before asking hers. I relied on her answers to spur more follow up questions and on her to ask follow up questions of me.  Those experiences and the brief relationship that I developed with a calena from my second trip caused me to drastically revise the questions approach.

As many men have observed, women seem to prefer confident men.  Asking questions and waiting for answers puts the initiative and leadership of the encounter with her.  It is her answers that drive the interaction between the two of you.  What I have done subsequently with more impressive results (in terms of Latinas viewing me as confident and capable of leadership) is state my answers to the questions I would have asked.  I essentially explain in 4 or 5 minutes who I am, what my values are, and what I am looking for in a relationship.  I then ask her how closely (or not) what I described fits with the type of man she is looking for.  That leads to her responding to what I said and answering the "list of questions" without my having specifically asked them.  This method leaves the initiative and leadership of the encounter with the man since the woman is reacting to the man's statements.  The man's statements that now drive the interaction during the encounter.

This method has revealed glaring incompatibilities almost immediately (which for me have usually been religious in nature and sometimes related to the desired number of children).   But it has always left the woman with a very good impression of me and led to continued communication as friends several times.

I agree with those who discourage asking a list of questions as in a job interview.  But a list of answers that you need to assess compatibility is an excellent place to start to develop an image to present to the ladies.

Thanks for your input while you were here, Wally.  Good luck in life.

[NW Jim]

... in response to Re: I can see my work here is done., posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

I agree that you don't want to make it a crude question and answer session. However, by giving lots of details before she responds aren't you setting yourself up to get the answer she thinks you want to hear?

People tend to mirror in their communcations + add in somebody who may be overly motivated would seem to lead to a false positive and a waste of your time. I'm sure over time it would become clear what the truth is, but in the mean time you would have incurred a lot of opportunity costs.

[Brazilophile]

... in response to Re: Re: Questions, posted by NW Jim on May 11, 2003

What you say is very true, Jim.  I believe that happened with the calena I had a brief relationship with.  She said all the right things at our initial meetings but phone conversations and subsequent meetings revealed behavior and deep desires that were quite different from her initial statements.

Very few of the women I have met in person were insincere with me.  A few women I corresponded with only through letters DID just give a song and dance and them ask for money.  My motive for giving lots of details up front is to deflect some of the distrust that many Latinas have for men in general.  Not being secretive about oneself helps show that a man is less likely to cheat or lie.  (Or so I hope!)  The change in body language that some women showed 10 minutes into our initial meeting was remarkable and very encouraging.

On that note, I am finding that talking about your family, ie. parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews, breaks a tremendous amount of ice very quickly.  I am currently trying to collect pictures and information of my extended family to show a lady when the time is appropriate.  Women have brought pictures of their family to meetings with me.  I had a long talk with the mother of my former lady friend in which she told me the history of their family.

[NW Jim]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Questions, posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

I like the idea of talking about family and relatives and perhaps even bringing their pictures. First, it goes to show that you're family oriented. Secondly, most families have lots of different personalities and situations, would be a good way to raise topics like religion, number of children, infidelity, temperament, etc.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: I can see my work here is done., posted by Brazilophile on May 11, 2003

Sounds like a better approach to me.

[Craig]

... in response to I can see my work here is done., posted by Big Wally on May 9, 2003

Hey Peter How about bouncing these negative posters off the board like Bueller and Iswrote who offer nothing positive. In the past people have been knocked off this board who are 10 times more instructive then them. At least they were funny. Clean up the dead wood... termites have infected this board.

[lswote]

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

N/T

[Celt]

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

By throwing out the 'dead wood', you are [1] throwing
out some of the more colorful personalities on this
board; [2] removing some educated and informative sources
of information; [3] depriving people like me of the second
thing I love about starting my day, beyond McDonald's
coffee. Iswrote in particular has taken me to task several
times, and opened my mind--no easy task. Above all, the
dead wood set excels at something quite  nice--courtesy.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

Craig

I haven't seen anybody more negative on this board than you.  Calling people names like Bozo, Sigmond, and pathetic psychoanalytical intellects qualifies as negative in my book.  Saying things like "you get a life" is negative and childish.  (And those are just examples from this thread)

You also told me I was lying when I said my K1 visa was approved in less than 4 weeks.  I'm still waiting for you to put money on that one.

You might also want to address the board moderator as Patrick next time.  

Steve

[Craig]

... in response to What is a negative poster?, posted by DallasSteve2 on May 12, 2003

Hey I thought you decided to avoid my posts. Well if you want to start up again fine. Ok Johnny come lately. Some poor sole comes on this board is attacked by what I would call "challenged people" and he leaves. Which leaves the same crew... boring self serving know it all’s in here with little to nothing to offer. You come in an what your telling me that was ok?

Put my money were my mouth is. Apparently you couldn't keep your first promise to stop responding to my posts so you have no credibility with me. Maybe you were correct but it makes no difference at this point.

Do me a favor go back to ignoring me

[jim c]

... in response to Bounce theae BOZO's, posted by Craig on May 11, 2003

You have been on this board a long time, why the whiney post? Do you think that your comments are always a pleasure to read. Disagree with the ideas but don't attack the posters. PS don't worry about big Wally, his work was done here and he ascended. jim c