Flowers

[Yalg]

Why do guys send flowers to women they dont know and have never met?  Especially all the way to Colombia?  I am just really curious what prompts a guy to do this.  Do you think it makes you special in some way?  It always struck me as the easiest way out for a guy to do something for a woman. It doesnt take any thought or planning.  You just pick up the phone, give your credit card number, and off they go, delivered by some stranger to her door.  And why do the women think this is such a special thought?  It doesnt take any thought at all, its the easiest and most hassle free, lazy thing a guy can do.  It cracks me up when guys send flowers to a total stranger (other than email, which means you are still a stranger) in a foreign country without even knowing if you like each other.  I think it sends the wrong message in alot of cases.  Does anyone think its better to first meet somebody in person, ascertain whether she likes you or not, before trying to buy her off with flowers?  

I am not trying to argue, I am genuinely curious about this phenomenon.  I always went by the policy to never do anything like that until I could see whether it was worth my while.  It reminds me of some of the dopes I met in Cali who would roll into town and two or three guys would take out the calenas and some of their friends and start buying dinners, drinks, presents, etc....and the girls obviously using them for all they were worth......

[surfscum]

... in response to Flowers, posted by Yalg on Apr 7, 2003

to know that you're thinking of them. That's all there is to it. Sending flowers is one way of demonstrating that. I imagine you don't think highly of sending cards since everyone else does that too, but women love them also. Such demonstrations needn't be pricey as long as they communicate you are thinking about her. Once you communicate that, you have nearly won her heart.

Whether to do this with a stranger is another matter, one I would leave up to common sense.

[Red Clay]

... in response to Flowers, posted by Yalg on Apr 7, 2003

[This message has been edited by Red Clay]

If you have to ask why, you are more clueless than we thought. The fact that most women love to get them might have something to do with it.

BTW, tell us about your travels to LA, the women you met, etc. According to you, we're all doing it wrong. Maybe we could learn how to duplicate your positive attitude.

[Aaron]

... in response to Re: Flowers, posted by Red Clay on Apr 7, 2003

[This message has been edited by Aaron]

I think it's totally acceptable, and a nice gesture for a guy to send a woman flowers and a nice note even prior to meeting her.

But, keep things light by not coming on too strong. And don't expect too much because if she has impressed you that much to send her flowers prior to meeting in person, then chances are other men feel the same way and are doing the same thing.

Also, it isn't just about the flowers and the letter sent, but one thing that will work in a guy's favor is the fact that the lady is going to wonder who the man is and what's he like, and if she really likes the gift, letter, and photos; then she'll be impressed and willing to meet this..."mystery man".

I really don't advocate writing because a girl could be writing guys, and lead one of them along. Also, a guy could be writing a girl, get all worked up, but then once they meet in person there's no chemistry. Nope, I've been burned this route before. So, I made it a rule a long time ago, don't write unless she really impresses you, and you will be in her home town within the next month or so to see her in person. And if you write, make it worth her while by sending a nice small gift, or some flowers.  

In my opinion, keeping in contact with the agencies, asking them about certain female members, then visit for introductions is better than relying on writing alone to establish a first encounter. But, others may disagree. I'm sure there are reasonable arguments for and against any method a person decides to use.

My 75 cents.

Aaron

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to I totally agree with Red Clay here..., posted by Aaron on Apr 7, 2003

Aaron

You wrote:

"I think it's totally acceptable ... to send a woman flowers ... even prior to meeting her."

Then you wrote:

"But, keep things light by not coming on too strong."

Others here obviously don't agree, but I would say that sending flowers or gifts to a woman before you meet her not only is coming on too strong, it makes the man looks desperate.

My wife got flowers from some gringo, but he was overweight and so she would not even meet him.  I never sent her flowers in Cali and she chased me like the last bus out of Baghdad.

Has anybody here sent gifts to a woman he never met and had good results?  I'm sure it happens, but she was probably going to be interested in him with or without the flowers/gifts.

I think that sending flowers/gifts before you meet a woman can only hurt your chances.

Steve

[Aaron]

... in response to Wait until you at least meet her, posted by DallasSteve2 on Apr 8, 2003

[This message has been edited by Aaron]

....it doesn't mean you are 100% correct.

Here's another one for you. I'll be in Cali this April, and I have a lady friend there whom I've known for about a year. We've met in person before.

I'm taking her some perfume, body creme, and flowers, totally over $50.00 USD.

Now, my question for you is, "am I being foolish or not?"

Also, keep in mind, you don't know my friend, nor what she considers acceptable for our relationship, nor do you know what she and I consider as being desperate behavior. But, you can believe me, I'm pretty far from desperate.  

My point is, courting depends on the particular people involved. Just as I cannot claim that ALL couples who meet and marry in less than 12 months will end up divorced, you cannot claim that ALL guys who send flowers prior to the first encounter are desperate, and the lady isn't going to like them.  

My 45 cents.

Aaron

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to That's your opinion, and your girl...., posted by Aaron on Apr 8, 2003

Aaron

You say you have met her in person before.  My post clearly said that you look desperate if you send gifts to someone you haven't even met.  How does your situation relate to my post?

No I don't think you are being foolish since you have already met her in person.

Steve

[Aaron]

... in response to Huh?, posted by DallasSteve2 on Apr 9, 2003

[This message has been edited by Aaron]

"My point is, courting depends on the particular people involved. Just as I cannot claim that ALL couples who meet and marry in less than 12 months will end up divorced, you cannot claim that ALL guys who send flowers prior to the first encounter are desperate, and the lady isn't going to like them."

You really can't claim that all women see things the same way. Some women would like the gesture, others wont. Some men think it's acceptable, others don't.

Some men would consider me spending over $50.00 on a lady whom I'm not seriously involved with as crazy, but I don't. Some men think paying taxi fare for their dates is unnecessary, but others don't. Some men think paying for the entire date is too much and would like to split the costs, but others don't. Some men think getting married in less than a year is ok, but others don't. Some men and women think visiting foreign marriage agencies is desperate and crazy, but others don't. Some men think this board is crazy, but others don't....etc. etc. etc..

I guarantee you, if you had been writing with a really pretty, and nice girl who corresponded with you consistently prior to the first encounter, you would probably send her flowers too. That's human nature.

Aaron

[Red Clay]

... in response to I totally agree with Red Clay here..., posted by Aaron on Apr 7, 2003

Thanks. You're right about not coming on too strong, but I have never seen a woman consider flowers as "too strong", just a nice gesture that tells them you're thinking of them, even if it is easy and inexpensive.

[Yalg]

... in response to Re: I totally agree with Red Clay here....., posted by Red Clay on Apr 7, 2003

Where did I say anything about coming on too strong?  I was simply wondering about the wisdom of sending flowers to women you dont know in a foreign country before ascertaining what kind of girl she is or what her intentions are.  Hey, if you want to fork it over for some girl that makes you hot on the internet, have at it.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: I totally agree with Red Clay here....., posted by Red Clay on Apr 7, 2003

A BIG bouquet of flowers and a nice card has a way of separating you from other suitors... But not until you've at least met them... It doesn't help either party to build false expectations prior to meeting for the first time...  

I knew a girl from LA that was getting letters from lots of men from all over the world... So many that she lost track of them after awhile... Especially since they never traveled to LA... Some even sent her small gifts, flowers, candy, etc... These from someone she had never met... Most of the time she couldn't put a face with a gift if she had too... She laughed about this with me as we both wondered what these guys were thinking...

Letter writing is a waste of time... Most girls get many letters/emails, mostly from men who will never travel to visit them... After awhile, they just ignore them unless you TELL them early on WHEN you plan to travel to meet them...

mis dos centavos...

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Re: I totally agree with Red Clay he..., posted by wizard on Apr 7, 2003

Anyone considering letter writing should set a time frame for traveling to meet the women and tell them that in the first letter.  Not only do most of the men writing never travel, but we've even found that almost half the address sales never even result in a letter being sent.  I think once any real effort comes into the picture, many of the men lose interest.  It's easy to fantasize in front of a computer screen, but going from that to an actual marriage requires a lot of effort and some risk, which most guys aren't willing to take.

Buying addresses is a very easy thing to do and is much lower cost than traveling.  Guys afraid of traveling to a third world country, broke, or not too serious are probably drawn to this in larger numbers.  It's the most risk-free, lowest cost way to start looking for a wife and requires no commitment.  Because of that, you have to be sure to let the women know you're serious or those who've already been through a 6-12 month correspondance with a man who never comes down are going to be hesitant to put any effort into you.

That said, we had one guy write to 6 or 7 ladies (can't remember which number) who sent flowers to each with his initial letter.  He got responses from all of them and ended up married about a year later. Perhaps he was just a good catch and the flowers made no difference.  I have no doubt that if a 55 year-old overweight, bald K-Mart security guard tried the same thing, his results wouldn't be as good, but flowers won't hurt a man's chances IMHO.  How you present and conduct yourself will make desparation, if it exists, obvious.  Confidence will also come through, and flowers won't make a confident man look unattractive.

I didn't send my wife flowers.  I didn't even tell the ladies when (or if) I'd be traveling to meet them.  Instead, I relied on statistics.  I wrote to enough women to ensure that some would respond.  Of those who did, I narrowed the field and then visited after I was more confident that we matched up well.  If I had it to do over again, I would at least give them a rough date of when I planned to visit.

There were always some who reveiled something I didn't like.  One wrote to me about how she liked to run through the forest barefoot and hug the trees to absorb their "energy."  She wanted to know my exact time, date, and place of birth for an astrological assessment.  Obviously not a good match for an engineer who doesn't believe in ghosts, bigfoot, flying saucers, the lock ness monster (or astrology).

[Cali vet]

... in response to You're right, posted by Patrick on Apr 8, 2003

Patrick, was she also naked when she ran through the forest barefoot and hugging the trees to absorb their "energy."? And by the by did she speak of hugging "55 year-old overweight, bald K-Mart security guard's"? Up to now you've been pretty hard on us "55 year-old overweight, bald Walmart greeters". I'm glad to see you're sticking it to those poor K-Mart bast@rds now.

[Patrick]

... in response to Naked too?, posted by Cali vet on Apr 9, 2003

Now that you mention it, I believe she may indeed have said she ran naked.  It's been a while.  She was definitely hugging the trees though.

I figure there's less K-Mart security guards than Walmart security guards, so I stick with the K-Mart variety in order to offend a few less people.

I just think guys need to be more realistic.  I did a personal ad for a 40-something guy in a wheel chair once.  He was looking for a woman in her 20s who liked to wear bikinis around the house and would watch XXX movies with him.  He worded it a bit more conservatively than that, but that was the gist of it.  I think some guys believe in the literal "mail order bride" and figure pretty much any woman they want can be their's in this process, no matter what they themselves bring to the table.  If U.S. residency is all a man has to offer, there's going to be problems.

With enough luck and persistence a guy can succeed in marrying someone way out of their league, but I think it's much more likely to be a bad marriage under those circumstances.  I've actually had guys say I'm jealous about their young wives when I harp on the age issue.  I married a woman 2 1/2 years younger than myself.  After only a little experience with women 10 years younger, I decided to stay closer to my age.  Being able to talk to someone with a similar level of life experience outweighs the cheesecake facter in my mind.  I think larger age differences aren't too big a deal for older people, like a 55 year old man marrying a 35 year-old woman (unless of course he's an overweight bald K-Mart security guard!).  But I think the 40-somethings marrying women in their early to mid twenties are more risky.  Not saying they don't work out, I'm just saying I think they're higher risk.  I don't believe Latin women "mature faster" as many claim.

[chevy]

... in response to She may have been, posted by Patrick on Apr 10, 2003

What about the phillipine women? Do they mature faster than the latinas? It seems guys married to them have a larger age difference