I wonder if this is a bad sign...

[Kit]

I have been communicating with this one chica from Cali for a few months now. I met her in person when I was in Cali and thought everything was fine. We would exchange emails, phone calls and chat about everything. Lately however she began explaining how she has little work in Cali and doent have any money. She also said that she was declared a bankrupt by a bank (she doent have a bank account though and never did). And she is asking to help her out. Although quite fluidly but she explains that she needs $500 to cover her up. It is my beleif that if a girl asks for money I move on to another one. But in this case we have had such a good communication and I feel that she is very genuine about what she says when we chat. So now I am in a quandary and decided to ask what other ppl think about that.

[cancunhound]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

If your intent is marriage this could be a good litmus test.  Times are tough in Cali - $500 is alot.  What is the $500 specifically for?  If you do choose to send money, set up a new bank account in the US and mail her the ATM card.  You can then monitor her usage and establish limits.  My guess is the "bankrupt" thing is just a twist in the spanish/english translation?

[Edge]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

Kit - it seems to me there is some type of miscommunication going on.  How can she be declared a "bankrupt by a bank" that she has never had an account with? This makes about zero sense.  Banks operate in Cali much the same way as here.  She must have had or has an account there.  Something is not adding up here.  How well are you two communicating?  In English or Spanish?

This seems highly suspicious to me.

[Michael B]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

(quote from your other post below): I consider us as friends with possibility of a long term relationship, no more. She, on the other hand, always talks of us as a couple, plans for how many children we need to have etc.

Well, which is it? Either one of you is dragging his feet or the other is moving way too fast. Looks like you two need to get on the same wavelength about a few important issues. Money? I send my lady money, lots of guys do (notice all the post about the best/cheapest/safest ways to send it). However in my case we're at the waiting for the K-1 approval stage, which is obvisouly not YOUR situation. In your situation, I would say 'Yes' IF you intend to marry her (and of course you're sure she intends the same) and 'No' if either of you is still 'just shopping around'.---hmmmm. Could this be her way of saying 'fish or cut bait'?

[Calipro]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

I don't know enough about your relationship with this women to tell you if this is a red flag or not. But as a rule of thumb if you are not in an intimate relationship with this women I wouldn't send her a dime. If you are in an intimate relationship with this women and you planned on keeping her around you should have been helping her out all along with at least $150 a month.

In any case if you are still interested in her just give her an excuse why you can't send her the money now. Don't just blow her off. If she has been keeping in touch with you for months and you haven't given her anything she probably really likes you and she is just down on her luck right now.

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Calipro on Mar 28, 2003

Calipro have you been follwing the exchange rate? Your $150 a month is more than generous. That's about $435.000 or a hundred thousand pesos over the salario minimo which is what the vast majority of the girls with jobs here earn and live on perfectly well. While my wife was still my novia she earned the minimum salery and I suplimented that with $200.000 a month to make life easier and so she wouldn't take on additional part time jobs (to pay for all those jars and tubes of goo for beautifull hair and skin I guess) which gobbled up all her time.

[BenKramer1]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

Kit,

  I got a suggestion for you. Why dont you refuse to give her anything and see if she is still interested in you. If she is still communicating with you might decide later on to give her $50 a month to help her out a little. Also have you considered putting her into english school ? Ben

[Cali vet]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

Tell her sure but you have to "fiar".

[Aaron]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

DO IT, GIVE HER 5 CENTS !!!!!!!! LOL !!!!!!!

[thundernco]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

Kit,

You'll do what you feel is correct, but this is clearly not a good sign.  I'd put some serious weight on what the vets on this board are telling you.  Remember, the Papaya Rule is a way of life for most people in Colombia.  Does that mean they're bad people, definitely not, but their culture is accepting of things that we are not and the Papya rule is definitely one of those things.  If you believe her, see if you can pay the fees directly to ?, if you can't, that ought to be a good sign to move on.

Good Luck.

[lswote]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

Your line "if a girl asks for money I move on to another one" covers this situation exactly.

[Kit]

... in response to Re: I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by lswote on Mar 28, 2003

I would adhere to this rule with any new girl. This one appeared to be very genuine. After we first met she immediately invited me home to get to know her family. We went to places and then after I left Cali we communicated quite a bit. I know she is counting every peso, but managed to call me to thank me for the flowers I sent and one more occasion. In other words I dont feel that she has been working me to eventually get out of debt.

I consider us as friends with possibility of a long term relationship, no more. She, on the other hand, always talks of us as a couple, plans for how many children we need to have etc.

So now I when I thought I had all the bases covered I got this situation that makes me wonder if I know her as good as I thought.

[mudd]

... in response to Re: Re: I wonder if this is a bad sign....., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

i wouldnt do it. maybe if you two were engaged to be married, or were boyfrind -girlfrienf for a long time, and i dont mean 6 months. i wonder how many other "friends" she has on the side, asking for a few hundred dollars. any self respecting girl wouldnt ask for money.

[Yalg]

... in response to I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Kit on Mar 28, 2003

If a chick asks for money, get out......its a red flag and you dont need to go down this road.  Maybe there is a 1 in a 1000 chance she is legit but it is always a bad sign...How far did your relations go?  Are you just friends or do you have an understanding she is yours?  Either way, never send money or help out until you have a solid commitment such as engagement or plan to marry..even then I would be hesitant because desperate chicas will play a game such as this until the bitter end.  

I know of two guys who met girls in Cali and they pretended to be engaged to these guys and then suddenly began asking for money.  The idiots started sending it in monthly and then when it was time for serious matters to get started they dumped them......Believe me when I tell you that some of the girls there are playing 5, 6, or ore guys at a time with ongoing scams.  Each time a tour comes to town they hook up and start the process over again. They dont have much conscience about it because they want the money and dont give a rip about you.  It was tried on me but being the natural cynic I never succumbed.  I dont trust easily and I need to see the goods before I would ever give up cash.  

Not saying your chick is doing this, but just a word of warning.  I have seen it before and it happens all the time and the guys are clueless, blinded by the hot promises of future goodies.....Be careful...

[mudd]

... in response to Re: I wonder if this is a bad sign..., posted by Yalg on Mar 28, 2003

D