Newbie Question

[rob4050]

Hello all, first thanks for the information you post here. It has been very informative. The archives are a gold mine.

I have a couple of questions. First, my Spanish lessons are proceeding alright I guess. I have the Pimsleur tapes (a total of 60 thirty minute lessons and I'm halfway through) and one of my field leads is from Honduras so that helps. I travel a lot so the community college route means a lot of missed classes. Is it true that "any amount" of Spanish helps? I'd hate to miss out on a nice lady because she thought I didn't care enough to come being more fluent.

Secondly, since I do travel a lot, how do you married men who travel deal with your bride while you are gone? I don't want mine to be lonely and miserable while I am out of town. Or...do I simply switch careers? : )

Thanks!

Rob

[Hiker]

... in response to Newbie Question, posted by rob4050 on Feb 19, 2003

Hi Rob and welcome aboard.  I lurk most of the time and post on occasion.  You will find a wealth of information on here.  Most of it is accurate but sometimes things are stated as fact when they are not.  It is a good idea to research everything as much as possible.  I would suggest not waiting till you meet the special lady before you begin researching the processes and options of getting her here.

In my opinion you bought the absolute best aid in learning spanish that is available outside of formal classes.  To answer your question about a little spanish being useful... Without a doubt!!!  You will be very surprised how far you can get with just some basic language skills.

I think I started this venture much as you are now.  I am getting married in Cali next month.  If anyone told me two years ago I would be having hour long phone conversations in spanish with a very beautiful woman, I would have laughed in their face.

Many of us here can suggest things NOT to do but most of these things are subject to the person making the statement.

If I were beginning this adventure today a couple of things I would do different are:

1)  I would not use correspondence and the agency aproach at the same time.  I would choose one or the other.

2)  I would stay focused on a realistic age range and not depart from it.

3)  I would centralize my targeted areas and not write girls in many different countries or cities.

[rob4050]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question, posted by Hiker on Feb 19, 2003

Hey thanks for the encouragement and advice! Congrats on your upcoming marriage! I am heartened by yours and wizard's endorsement of the Pimsleur course. I also have books that I study for volcabulary building, about 30 minutes each day, and watch a bit of Spanish television. I understand much better than I can speak, but I hope that balances out at some point.

I think I am not going to use correspondence. I tried the match.com stuff and seemed to get tangled up with women who were not as represented, and for whom I had no attraction....call me shallow. Anyway, while I believe either approach would work, I think a face to face will be better for me.

I am 44, so I think that I am going to try to stick with an age difference of no more than 10-12 years. I am in great shape, but I would be concerned for the later years. Plus, I am not a big partier and don't want to disappoint a younger woman who still needs to have that in her life. From what I can see from the photos on the agency sites, there are very lovely women in their 30s.

Regarding countries, well, Colombia and Mexico are the two countries I would try. Specifically Cali and Bogota, and Guadalajara. I know I have to narrow that down yet before I start the process because I don't want to be all over the board in my search.

Thanks again!

Rob

[Hiker]

... in response to Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by rob4050 on Feb 20, 2003

Rob,
Sounds like you have your head on straight about this.  I totally agree with what you are saying regarding correspondence.  Sometimes you are surprised in a positive way but usually it is the other way around.  You have invested a lot of time and energy just to find out that 5' 4" is really 5' and 105 pounds is closer to 140.  That is not being shallow.  It is just being realistic.  I have arrived at the airport and I would promise myself to never do the correspondence thing again.  I made that promise a few times before finally getting things straight.

You will find a difference between the Mexican girls and the Colombian girls I think.  The Mexican girls move a little slower regarding a relationship and are probably a little more conservative.  There are some very beautiful girls in Mexico but in Colombia the beautiful girl seems to be the norm.  Almost all single Mexican girls, from the cities, smoke.  I didn't see that in Colombia.  I found that telling a lie in Colombia seemed to be a way of life for many people and they didn't seem to have any problems doing so.  In Mexico most people I have met are honest to a fault when discussing matters of the heart.

[rob4050]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by Hiker on Feb 20, 2003

Well now you've raised some interesting issues. I laughed about your example on the correspondence! No truer words were ever spoken! It didn't take me long to figure out the definition of match.com's "a few extra pounds!"

There seem to be trade offs and advantages to both Colombia and Mexico don't there. Now I don't want to start any flame wars, but I have to say that that smoking thing is not good for me since I am an ex-smoker. But the telling a lie...that seems to drive a stake in the heart of a relationship. I guess I am curious as to what kind of lies you are talking about. I read on the East European board that those poor ladies have been steeped in a culture of deception or at least exaggeration(I feel the heat of the flames already!), and that, among several other things pointed me south.

Would you mind elaborating? I don't feel detered from Colombia, I just would like to be prepared.

Thanks
Rob

[Hiker]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by rob4050 on Feb 21, 2003

I like to be very careful to generalize people, but I do believe there are rules. Of course with rules there are exceptions to rules.  I find it funny when people write on here that "Colombian girls" are this or that, or someone asks, "Would a Colombian girl like to do this or that".  The same thing applies here, or anywhere else.  I guess it is human nature because the girls in Cali will speak about American men the same way.  An American man is this way or that way. For example I love to ride whitewater, backpack, and horseback ride.  Several guys told me to forget Cali because these are city girls who don't get into these things.  What they said is very true I am sure with the majority, but there are many girls there who love this.  I can ride a horse very well, but I went riding in Colombia with a girl who could handle a horse better than anyone I have ever seen.  The girl I am marrying loves to hike.  The only problem is that when we hike up to Tres Cruces she always takes a stop watch and wants to beat the previous time getting to the top.  She says we can stop and enjoy the view on the way back down.  I have hiked up some cold streams close to Cali to get from one trail to another with a girl who looked like she belonged in a beauty magazine.

I know what you are saying about avoiding a flame war.  These are usually started by someone who has never been to the place being discussed and/or they don't want anyone messing with the dream they have formulated in their head.

If I was starting this all over I would go back to Colombia for sure.  It is likely I would focus on some cities that have not had the agency scene for so long, but I would also make the statement that I would not hesitate using an agency in Cali again either.  I met some excellent girls in Cali via the agency route.  

About the smoking in Mexico ... This is very true.  If anyone tells you otherwise they just did not pay attention.  I rarely use a hotel in Mexico anymore.  I have a lot of friends there and they insist I stay in their home when visiting.  I don't go as often since I became engaged to a Calena.  Every trip in Mexico, every party in Mexico, every outting, I would notice all the girls smoking.  But like I said you probably will not find this in the rural areas.  

In Cali there are many very nice girls.  I am just pointing out that your definition of a lie and her definition could very likely be very different.  I met 2 or 3 girls I was very interested in , but I caught them in so many little lies that I just lost interest.  I never confronted them but I began to be amazed at the extent of some of the lies.  I even had girls there warn me to be careful and not believe everything told to me by the girls.  Keep in mind this atmosphere is different than here.  There the girl is often the more aggressive one and the one trying to "win the guy" where here it is often reversed.  

[Cali vet]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by Hiker on Feb 20, 2003

Hiker those are some interesting observations vis-a-vis Colombian /Mexican behaviors. I dabbled with Mexico once but didn't get very far. As to the correspondence method I remember getting off the plane in Barrenquilla on my first trip to Colombia and thinking when I met her at the exit door, boy those pictures were a far cry and this is not who I want to wake up next to for the rest of my life.

[Hiker]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by Cali vet on Feb 20, 2003

Yeah that happened to me on my first trip to Cali.  I had noticed that she was very careful with the photos she sent me.  They were are of the same pose.  The worst part was that I felt like an ass not spending time with her, although I felt like this was not the first time she had been brushed off before.  I know she was being deceptive on purpose but still it made for an uncomfortable experience.  She followed me everywhere I went there.  I am not trying to be mean but I believe she was one of the most unatractive ladies I have ever met in my life.

[DallasSteve2]

... in response to Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by rob4050 on Feb 20, 2003

Rob

I went to a couple of agencies in Cali in April, 2002.  I was targeting women in their 30s after a failed marriage to a 21 year old from Bogota.  There were a lot of attractive women in the catalogs, but most of those in their 30s fell into one of two categories:

1 - Attractive with children

2 - Unattractive without children

I'm attracted to long hair and that gets scarcer as the women get older.  Although I already have children I wanted to find an older, attractive woman with no children.  That's possible, but more difficult.

I ended up with a 28 year old wife who has two children.  I'm fastidious enough that the having her children around has been a difficult transition for me.  But Milena has made it as easy for me as possible.

When you get to the agencies you may easily drift to younger and more beautiful just because it is so abundant and so intoxicating.  I know that kept happening to me and most other men I saw there.

Steve

[rob4050]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by DallasSteve2 on Feb 20, 2003

Steve, thanks for the insight. I have three kids, two grown and one about to graduate from high school. Great kids and doing really well. I am struggling with the kids issue a bit. (I made sure that I couldn't have any more after my daughter was born.) That said, I am a bit concerned about a woman's perception about me not being able to give her a child with me and I thought that 30s might put me in the right ballpark.

I do know that I don't want babies around the house right now, but pre-teens could be okay I think. I am still sorting that out and trying to be true to myself, because I am a bit of a neatnik I suppose. Kids might make the transition to life here easier perhaps because of school activities. I just don't know at this point.

I like longer hair too, but it is not an absolute, but it is very rare on AW isn't it? It sounds like you have a very nice wife. My congratulations!

I've read about the drift towards younger women and I am sure that I won't be immune to that either, however, I am going to try to be strong!

[JR n Atl]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by rob4050 on Feb 20, 2003

I'm new to this as well, I'll be taking my first trip south to Bogota the first week of March. However, from my experience so far corresponding and speaking with many ladies in roughly the same age range you are looking at (I'm 44 and am looking at 28-35 y/o) what I have found is that to a lady, those w/o children want them and want them BAD. For me that's fine b/c I've never married and I want a couple of kids of my own. Of course, I can't say how any individual lady will react to your particular circumstances. Just wanted to let you in on my limited experience so you'd be better prepared in case you meet some resistance. Also, I've dealt primarily with Odee and a little with LAI (both in Bogota) and the attitudes may be different as opposed to Cali. The more experienced here can offer insight on this I'm sure. Hope this is helpful and best of luck.

JR

[rob4050]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by JR n Atl on Feb 20, 2003

Thanks for the insight! I've read the same thing here in the archives, that women have that biological clock thing going on that really drives them to want children. That's not a bad thing in my opinion, but I just have to be aware of it.

Of course, I've noticed on some of the agency sites there seem to be more than a few attractive women in their 30s who have grown kids. I guess they started pretty young.

[coolamigo]

... in response to Re: Newbie Question, posted by Hiker on Feb 19, 2003

Thanks for your insight Hiker.  Based on your experience, what do you think a realistic age range is?  I am 41, fluent in Spanish, have dated Latin women here in Miami, and an accomplished salsero.  I'm thinking of writing to several women on the Dominican sites and then going over for a visit in a few months to meet them.  Did you ever try that approach?

[Hiker]

... in response to Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by coolamigo on Feb 19, 2003

Howdy Cool,
I agree with many guys who have written here regarding the maturity of many of the girls down south.  In Cali a 20 year old girl is much more mature than her counter part here in a lot of aspects.  But in other ways they are not.  

In my situation the problem was with me.  I know myself enough to know that I would not be comfortable walking through the mall with a 24 year old girl on my arm.  My first trip to Cali I was determined to stay focused.  I did a great job maintaining this mindset until I went to breakfast my first morning there.  I wasted a lot of energy, time, and money playing with the younger girls, before I got real with myself.  I had met a lady in a bank there and we had became good friends.  She was beautiful, classy, and very charismatic.  I sensed that she was not attracted to me in a romantic way.  Every trip I made to Cali I would get with her and go hiking, horse riding, and things like the little boat trip up the cauca.  Her girlfriend asked me why I was not after her friend in a romantic way.  I told her it was not me that was not interested, but her friend was not interested in me that way. The girl was listening to this conversation and she laughed and told me that when I stop chasing all the little girls in Cali that we can talk. She is 35 and I am 45.  Still a 10 year spread but I am totally comfortable with her.  Actually I have no doubt at all that she is the one I went to Colombia to meet.  I have been seeing her for over a year now and nothing has ever felt as natural as marrying her.

I think if a guy knows for sure he can handle the age difference and if the girl is actually thinking of more than 5 years down the road that it can work.  I have learned that in Cali "what you see is not always what you get".  I believe if a man is going to marry a girl many years younger than himself he should invest the time and money in going down to spend more time with her than just a couple of trips before marrying her.  More often than not the "great maturity" seems to diminish somewhat after spending a lot of time.  

Just because the girl is many years younger doesn't mean the marriage is doomed for divorce but in my opinion I believe the odds have to be greater.  The is more likely to be jealous and suspicious.  The girl is more likely to need to burn more energy at the clubs than the guy...

 I remember when I was a kid, a man in my hometown married a young girl from the phillipines.  All the women talked about how she would leave him within a year.  She was 18 and he was 44.  She never left him.  He was the envy of a lot of men. He died of cancer when he was 58 and she was 32.  She never remarried as far as I know.

[coolamigo]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Newbie Question, posted by Hiker on Feb 19, 2003

Hiker - I appreciate your thoughtful response.  Congratulations on meeting your match!  I envision myself having the same problem as you being unable to focus on one woman.  Especially in those party situations that some of the intro services sponsor.  Can you recommend any of the agencies in Colombia?