Be very, very careful...

[wizard]

There is a common conception that latin people as a whole are a wildly emotional bunch... Latins live life with a certain fervor, often being led by their emotions as apposed to better judgement... They are portrayed by the media/society as having fiery personalities, being very committed to whatever endeavor they follow... No matter whether it is having a fiesta, being committed to a cause, being loyal to family/friends, passionate relationships or when angry... Their temper is just one facet of being latin...

The wrath of a latin woman is legendary... Whoa be unto you if you get a latina mad at you... The pyrotechnics are simply amazing... Once you cross the line with a latina, the best thing to do is to let them blow up... Once they get it out of their system, they are ok... It's just their way of expressing themselves... Now, couple this with having an emotional latina angry with you because she thinks you are being unfaithful and you have an explosive situation...

My case in point is rather scary and in the national headlines today... The case of Clara Harris, here in Houston... She is a dentist who was married to another dentist here in the Houston area... Last July, she murdered her husband because her was having an affair with his secretary... She ran over him 4 times with her Mercedes... She caught her husband leaving the Hilton Hotel in Clear Lake with his mistress... A private eye videoed the whole thing and it was shown on television this morning on CNN... It showed her first pinning her husband to another car, then driving in circles while running over him 4 times... The man's 16yo daughter from a previous marriage was in the car with Clara as she did this... When she realized what she had done, she was seen comforting her husband as he died, asking him "why did you make me do this to you"... I live less than 1 mile from the Hilton Hotel, which BTW is directly across the street from the Johnson Space Center on Clear Lake... Clara is originally from Colombia and married her husband in the mid 80's... This is what peaked my interest in this topic... This is a case where a latinas emotions outweighed her better judgement as to how to handle the situation... Her answer, run the SOB down...

It's odd, but in my experience, latinas are usually angry at the other woman, not so much at their man... I have been witness to this several times and have read postings about it here too... Say your novia excuses herself to go to the powder room and you begin an innocent concersation with another senorita... Upon the novias return, there is usually a terse, albeit short conversation with the intruding female... Once the intruder is dispatched, the novia feigns anger and beseeches her man not to cheat on her... It's almost as if infidelity is expected by her man and it's her job to prevent the temptation... Again, in my experience, this is the opposite that happens in the US... Here, the gf returns, sees you talking with another woman, chastises you and leaves to go have a drink with the other woman... ;-(...

I told my novia that I went out with friends to have a few drinks and listen to some music, she asks me if I met any "bar girls" Am I being faithful??? Am I seeing other ladies??? She knows that I care for her and I have told her repeatedly that I do not see other women, but she is still insecure... It's almost as if she expects this behavior from me because after all, I'm "just a man"... lol...

Is this a common trait of latin women???

Has anyone else made this observation???

How do you guys handle this type of situation???

Is my novia just insecure because of the distance???

wizard

[Texman]

... in response to Be very, very careful..., posted by wizard on Jan 25, 2003

Yeah, there is definitely some extra sensitivity there, and I believe some of it comes from cultural issues.  My fiancée is from Brazil, and has told me that the men there commonly take a mistress on the side.  There is a whole industry that supports it – they have special places to meet your mistresses called, funny enough, “motels”.  (future note, when planning to visit your girlfriend in Brazil for the first time, do not ask her to find you an “inexpensive motel” to stay at.  The language / culture barrier can be heavily strained as she takes offence to your “forwardness” and you try to figure out what you said that was so wrong – when going to Brazil, you want to stay at a HOTEL people).  These motels are setup for new lovers where one or both parties still live at home with mom/dad, and especially for couples doing something “on the side” and want to stay away from prying eyes.  You drive up to a window and give them your license.  They give you a key and you drive through a gate around to the proper suite.  You park you car into a garage, tripping a switch that lowers the garage door automatically to keep your car out of sight.  You enter your room through a door that is connected to the garage.  The rooms are setup in the most outrageous “70’s bachelor pad or Austin Powers motif” possible.  You can call on the phone to order anything from food and drinks to “preservatives” (raincoats).  They are delivered by way of a pass through that is very discrete - the deliverer never sees inside the room.  The rooms can be rented anywhere from 1 hour up to 8 hours.  When you leave you pay for the time used, get your license back, and exit through another gate.  Please don’t ask me how I know so much about the procedures  Anyway, my fiancée tells me that these places are very popular during the lunch hour in Brazil.  Many men and their mistress meet for a “nooner”.  And believe me, these places are everywhere!  Also, a lot of the jealousy that arises from women in Brazil stems the fact the Brazilian women are very open and upfront.  They are not as reserved as American women.  They will walk right up to a man they are interested in and strike up a conversation.  This can lead to the unscrupulous man doing something he should not be doing, and make the Brazilian women very paranoid and possessive.  Case in point, my fiancée and I spent 3 days at her parent’s beach house and Playa Grande.  We spent the days sitting at the restaurant bar at the back of the beach drinking and eating a enjoying the day.  When she would excuse herself to go to the bathroom, I would end up sitting alone at the table for anywhere from 15 to 25 minutes (lines for the bathrooms are quite long).  Being the natural “people watcher” that I am, and given the fact that there is a law in Brazil that all women must wear the smallest bikinis they can find, I would catch my eyes wandering from time to time.  Well, I am not the best looking guy in the word, but I do have blonde hair and blue eyes, and Brazilian women seem to be very attracted to this.  A few times I would get caught “taking a peek” and many of the women would come right over to the table and strike up a conversation.  Man, you should hear me trying to explain in broken Portuguese that my fiancée is in the bathroom and will be back VERY SOON!   I still shiver at the thought of my fiancée coming back from the bathroom and see me talking to another women.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Be very, very careful..., posted by Texman on Jan 27, 2003

On my first trip to LA I was totally unprepared for how friendly the people were... I was used to big city life here in the good ole US of A... Generally, people here are not that friendly, especially to strangers... They tend to avoid eye contact, keep to themselves and mind their own business... This has not been my experience every time I have gone to Latin America... Maybe I still have my rose colored glasses on, I don't know... Maybe a gringo is a novelty that attracts attention from the locals... All I know is that there are many, many more opportunities to meet lovely ladies in Latin America than in the US... Sometimes too many... ;0)...

[Texman]

... in response to Re: Re: Be very, very careful..., posted by wizard on Jan 27, 2003

Yeah, I couldn't agree more with you.  Americans are pretty reserved and mind their own business.  Usually, when I get caught staring at a pretty women here I get ignored, or worse yet, an ugly look in return. I haven't lived in Brazil since I was 10, and my only other real LA experiences have been in Mexican border towns, which I do not feel accurately represent most of LA.  While walking through the malls in Brazil (called Shoppings there), I was amazed at how many women would make eye contact and smile at me when they caught me looking at them.  Maybe I too have my rose colored glasses on, but it seemed as if the Brazilian people couldn't do enough for you whenever you asked for directions or a question.  I have never felt that someone was trying to take advantage of me, but then again, I can speak relatively decent Portuguese, and I really believe this makes all difference in dealing with the locals.  I believe they respect your attempt, even if you butcher it now and then.  I just have had a generally nice feeling every time I have been there.

[A1A]

... in response to Be very, very careful..., posted by wizard on Jan 25, 2003

Very Careful is right Wiz.  Their feelings get hurt very easily.  I just had a wonderful phone conversation this afternoon with the girl I met in Guadalajara.  After hanging up, I received a call 10 minutes later, I could hear the sadness in her voice, she asked me "Why are you here in GDL, and not come see me?" Her answering machine listed me in GDL, with a local number. When I called a week ago, it listed my home number.  She was ready to end things, h@ll, I'm in Charlotte.  How do I explain that!
She speaks little english, I speak little spanish.  Well, told her I would try to figure it out and let her know.  It took about 30 minutes, today I called using 10 10 345.  I called their customer service, international calls are routed thru a local exchange.  I called her back on ATT and explained in my best Ricky Ricardo spanglish what happened, and check her machine, it will be the same as the first call.
So we are still on, I'll be back in GDL for Valentines Day, with another lesson learned.
A1A

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Be very, very careful..., posted by A1A on Jan 26, 2003

You're right that their feelings get hurt very easily... Not to mention the misunderstandings that arise due to communications issues... Even though my novia speaks english very well and my espanol is improving, we still cross things up sometimes... I was joking with my novia on the phone the other day, telling her I was going to spank her if she wasn't good... Innocent enough, but she took it that I was going to beat her is she was bad... Not good... It took me awhile to turn that disaster around... I had to assure her it was just a joke, es la broma, and that I would never lay a hand on her... I can understand her apprehension, from her perspective... These relationships are fragile at first and it takes time to build trust... On both sides of the coin...

Thanks for the insight...

wizard

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Be very, very careful..., posted by A1A on Jan 26, 2003

Darn that caller-id! Hey, take it as a good sign that she is serious about you. If she didn't care, it wouldn't have bothered her, right? Does she understand how the caller-id works now?

[Frank O]

... in response to Be very, very careful..., posted by wizard on Jan 25, 2003

Sorry but that's the way we're brought up. It's not right either & I'm not condoning it. Well I'm KNOW I'm going to take flak for this one.

[Cali vet]

... in response to us Latinos are entitle to a wife & a..., posted by Frank O on Jan 25, 2003

[This message has been edited by Cali vet]

Frank is "querida" a Dominican expression? Probobly the same as "mosa" which they use in Colombia. Anyhow at least the latin culture doesn't try to fight the fact that human beings are not among the very few species in existence that are naturally monogomous.

[Celt]

... in response to Re: us Latinos are entitle to a wife &am..., posted by Cali vet on Jan 26, 2003

...at least for Latin males. Females tend to be subjected
to different standards, or compared to different religious
icons, like the Holy Mother.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Re: us Latinos are entitle to a wife..., posted by Celt on Jan 27, 2003

NT

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: us Latinos are entitle to a wife &am..., posted by Cali vet on Jan 26, 2003

it means mistress. I guess you learn something knew everyday. I know I just did.

[wizard]

... in response to It's used with Mexicans I thought all LA..., posted by Frank O on Jan 26, 2003

translation of querida is "beloved"... I use this term all the time with my novia and she hasn't slapped me yet... lol... If she thought I was calling her my mistress, I'd be picking myself up off the floor...

FWIW...

wizard

[pablo]

... in response to Be very, very careful..., posted by wizard on Jan 25, 2003

but in my experience with Latinas I would say that the jealousy factor and hot blood nature is dependent on the individual.  As your relationship with your novia is young, it might be normal for her wanting to be reassured of your love and commitment towards her.  In time, and with opportunities to show your love to her, she will gain be more confidence, trust you and your love towards each other.  

Really though, can you blame some of these Latinas for feeling this way to a certain degree with the attitude many, but not all, LA men have?  The way I view it, it's a problem if the jealousy stems from insecurity and it affects the relationship in a negative way. One young lady I met recently in Colombia would get so upset if I was seeing any other ladies at the agency that she would pout and carry on.  It really got old quick and I looked at her as being immature.  Another lady had much more of a laid back attitude, continued to show interest, knowing I was seeing other ladies.  That actually attracted me to her because of this quality.  Now if she was my novia, there is no telling what she might have said or done, probably moving on with another disappointment in a man, gringo or Colombiano.

A side note and not in any way directed towards you Wiz, but did you meet any women that were disillusioned with norteamericanos?  I hope all guys going down to LA treat the ladies with respect.  By doing so, it helps the next guy making the trip and any subsequent relationship they may have with a gringo be easier even if we might not be the otra media naranja (other half).
 

[wizard]

... in response to Certainly no expert..., posted by pablo on Jan 25, 2003

"A side note and not in any way directed towards you Wiz, but did you meet any women that were disillusioned with norteamericanos? I hope all guys going down to LA treat the ladies with respect. By doing so, it helps the next guy making the trip and any subsequent relationship they may have with a gringo be easier even if we might not be the otra media naranja (other half)."

Interesting question Pablo... There are many ways for disillusionment to slip into a person's perception of reality... I don't know that I would say the I've met any latinas that were disillusioned with gringos per say, but many on the cautious side... There is a perception that many gringos go south to play and are not serious about meeting someone for marriage...

Many of these girls know each other from being in the pursuit, just like us... They meet at the agency parties, become friends, begin to socialize and we all know how women can talk... They talk about the pursuit, just like us... They talk about this gringo and that one... This one has been here X times and just wants to play... This one, he marries a friend of mine, then divorces her and sends her back... This one promised to marry a friend of mine, then breaks her heart just before she is to go to his country... These are stories that my novia has told me... There is still hope that they will meet a good man, but they are very cautious of being burned...

I've met both types of ladies also, the ones that have a serious problem with you seeing other ladies, and those that think it is a good idea so you make sure you want only her... I agree that the ones that become peeved trend to be a little more high maintenance... The one's with the casual attitude know something the other's don't... They know that it doesn't make sense to get worked up about a gringo until they know that the man is interested enough to not see other women... Once you make that committment to them, by being novio/novia, they are more secure...

Buena Suerte...

wizard