family objection

[BradUSA]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I feel like I was foolish to tell my parents about my plans to seek an Asian wife so early in the process because I knew they wouldn't approve.  Even worse, my father once used a racist slur to describe Asians on a later occasion.  We were in a heated argument over a completely unrelated topic, and he took a cheap shot at me by saying that I would have to find a g**k to marry me.  Since then, my plans are none of my parents' business.  That argument was so long ago that my parents probably assume that I've given up on the idea.  They won't likely hear about it again until after I'm married and my wife is in the states.  I'm not sure how I will handle it when the time comes, but there's no reason to stress over it now.

When I did take a trip to Southeast Asia in 2001, I told my parents and my coworkers that I was going to Los Angeles.  I was telling the truth, in a way.  I did have connecting flights at LAX.

In the last year, I have told a few of my coworkers that I may seek a wife internationally.  I'm not sure if they believe I'm serious, but I'm trying to see how people react.  If anyone at work gives me trouble about it, I begin to cite the obesity rates for American women.  That usually silences my critics because that point is impossible to dispute.  I have other reasons to look overseas beyond the obesity epidemic, but that's just a tactic I use if anyone wants to criticize me for the choices I'm making.

[Celt]

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by BradUSA on Jan 27, 2003

Brad,

I lived in Asia for five years. Another dimension to your
possible problems is her parents' feelings toward you.
That is another rich stew of racist muck. This is not
much of a problem in the PI, but often a major one in
Japan, for example.

[Cali vet]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

That should work since Florida is a Spanish speaking state so if they hear it spoken in the background when you call home it won't arouse suspicion.

[Michael B]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

Approval? Approval? As in "But she's not our KIND"
Tell them that Marlon Brando made an excellent movie about that in 1957. So did Sindey Poitier in 1967. Buy your family a calander, this is 2003. Don't you dare tell them you are going to Florida. Either tell them where you are going and why or tell them "none of your business".

Sorry, Chevy, but you pushed a button. Unless he's totaly dependant on the family trust fund, a 49yo does not NEED mommy's approval for who he sees. Now, with that said, if they don't like of her as an indivual AFTER they know her and she has done something to EARN that dislike, that's another story. But if their disapproval is before the fact and is simply based on where she is from, then I'd say their approval isn't worth much.

[BradUSA]

... in response to Re: family objection (minor rant), posted by Michael B on Jan 27, 2003

--Don't you dare tell them you are going to Florida. Either tell them where you are going and why or tell them "none of your business".

I have to disagree with your comment.  He should be free to tell his parents whatever he wants regarding his trip.  It's whatever he feels comfortable with.  He's taking an important step toward his goal of meeting his soulmate, and he probably wants to enjoy himself and get to know her as best he can.  For me (and probably for chevy as well), I don't want to think about the reactions of the people back in the states.  Maybe I'm obsessive, but I can't dismiss them completely.  I just want to pursue my goal with as few distractions and detractors as possible.  If something serious develops with the woman I'm visiting, then I will deal with family and friends when the time comes.  Until then, I will focus only on finding my soulmate.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: family objection (minor rant), posted by BradUSA on Jan 27, 2003

You do what you feel you have to do. Just be honest with the lady, let her know what she's walking into. That's fair, isn't it?

[Hamlet]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I am 48.  My mother gave me a big lecture about finding a wife abroad and said that they will all bring their extended families here and I will get stuck supporting them.

I have reason to believe my siblings laugh at me behind my back.

The next news they will get is AFTER I am married.

Hamlet

[lswote]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

Hey chevy, I am 49 too.  I didn't have any problem with my family but I keep having co-workers and friends giving me the third degree.  I am getting married February 6th, and today one of my female co-workers spent 20 minutes telling me how my fiancee is 99% likely just interested in a green card.  She has never met my fiancee, nor have I ever told her anything about my fiancee to give her that impression.  Believe me, getting a green card is the last thing on my fiancee's mind.

Mail order brides have a certain stigma that you just aren't going to shake from everyone's mind.  You just have to do what is right for you and to hell with everyone else's opinion.

[Golden]

... in response to Re: family objection, posted by lswote on Jan 27, 2003

I told some of my co-workers too, and I could tell that some of them didnt think my marriage would work. Some of them thought it was cool, and others didnt. They gave me the same green card speech. I found most of the time it was the american women who didnt like the idea. Well its been going on two years (in June) that I have been married. BOO YA! and Im even more happy now than before that I married a Latina. The people at work are always curious asking questions. Now, I just tell them all how we met on the internet. It blows their mind. Here, We all think outside the box to them. They dont get it. Well, maybe if something worh having was inside the box we wouldnt be looking for something else.

[Celt]

... in response to Re: Re: family objection, posted by Golden on Jan 27, 2003

I feel similar things when the SuperBowl in San Diego is
broadcast nationally. "Oh, No! Now everyone will want to
move here." The reality is that few have the nad to pick
up and try something different than their peers. They
wish for your failure in order to verify their self-image
as appropriate risk-takers.

It is a blow when they actually meet someone who
is bold--like anyone who would travel to Colombia
for love, or any reason.

[wizard]

... in response to appropriate risk-takers, posted by Celt on Jan 28, 2003

You know, sometimes you just have to shake things ups... So many people are "caught" by life... The wife, 2.3 kids, house w/white picket fence, mortgage, insurance, taxes, blah blah blah..... That's a part of life... You don't have to be stuck in the rut of normality...

Life is short... You have to take BIG bites...

wizard

[Pete E]

... in response to family objection, posted by chevy on Jan 27, 2003

I got no objections from my family,but my parents are both gone.If my mother was alive I can immagine worrier that she was she would be concerned.A friend of mine got some flak from his parents,mostly his mother,but she is coming around to the idea.The girl is coming on a fiance visa.
Sometimes family will counsel safety and being conservative,but they are not the ones without the woman they want in their lives.I think in particular in bothers women about your own age who realise you would not be interested in them either.

Pete