Frequency...

[wizard]

No, not radio frequency, but frequency of travel to LA while cultivating a relationship...

Just curious how often you have traveled to LA visiting your novias... Long distance romance is difficult at best, but add the extended time you are away from each other and it just exacerbates this process... I know some of you will say, "If she won't wait for you, she's not worth it"... I'm not sure that's accurate or realistic... During the initial phases of a relationship you need to nuture it or it will likely die on the vine...

In a perfect world, you might put your life on hold and spend an extended period of time in LA with your novia... For many of us, myself included, this is not an option...

Yeah, emails and telephone calls can go a long way to keep it going, but there's nothing like face time...

wizard

[mudd]

... in response to Frequency..., posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

every other month with a phone call almost every day and the same for e-mails.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Frequency..., posted by mudd on Dec 20, 2002

[lswote]

... in response to Frequency..., posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

Well as you know, I go every two weeks.  I am getting married in February and hopefully our marriage visa will be processed and she can be up here by the end of March.  I will be out of money by then or before, but I am with you, face time is extremely important and I have to do what I have to do.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Frequency..., posted by lswote on Dec 19, 2002

I can't make it every two weeks... Once every 3 - 4 weeks is as much as I can swing...

Buena Suerte Bruce...

[outwest77]

... in response to Frequency..., posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

[This message has been edited by outwest77]

Hey Wizard, i thought you were going to the phils, oh well.

Spent 3 months in 2002 with my gf In Manila , and found out many many things i did not know within the first two weeks, Many personality traits, etc, dont reveal themselves in a 2 week trip, its easy to be on your best behavior when an american suitor spends a few weeks with you. After a month or so the true person starts to come out.  

Most guys, i would say unless they are independently wealthy
or own their own companies, do not  have the luxury or inclination to spend that much time with a woman to get to know her in a foreign country, Most guys get 2 weeks vacation every year maybe 3, thats it, so it puts them under the gun to make a decision fast, Thats why the k1 visa is popular to add a few months of face time to the equation, I think most guys on the board agree that the more time spent with your novia the better
And its very hard to make a decision so fast im sure, but i dont think it is because the guys are foolish, or naive,

Thats why you see so many guys who go down once or twice spend very short time with the woman and get engaged, I dont think they would ever do that in the USA , but given the circumstances, Unless you have a lot of
freedom to spend months in the country, what is the alternative?
Tough situation..................................

[wizard]

... in response to My experience..., posted by outwest77 on Dec 19, 2002

That is the quandary... It's an enigma wrapped in a paradox... lol...

You don't have enough time to really get to know someone, but you make a life-long (hopefully) committment to someone you don't know...

I was just looking for some balance... I know there is no formula for success, but I'm not willing to just roll the dice...

Well, I was on my way to PI... I thought I would try one last trip to LA and I met someone special...

Buena Suerte...

wizard

[Celt]

... in response to Frequency..., posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

I think the important aspect is timing: is each person at a
stage of life where commitment is welcome. After that, the
stars just seem to align themselves to make it all happen.
If not, racking up the frequent flier miles will not help
matters much.

[wizard]

... in response to Re: Frequency..., posted by Celt on Dec 19, 2002

[This message has been edited by wizard]

I would have to say that the color of the sky in your world is something other than blue... Or is it the rose colored glasses your looking through???

So, let me see if I have this right... If I read between the lines of you post, squinting just right, am I to assume that you just climb on a plane, find the first girl you have chemistry with and live happily ever after??? Yeah, the stars are going to work out the details... Like, are you compatible, do you share the same values, do you have  similar goals in life and have something more in common than being good in bed together... And oh, BTW, can you communicate???

Logic tells me that it is not possible to know someone well enough to get married after only knowing them for a few days... IMHO, one or two trips does not provide enough face time to really KNOW a person...

I read about all the horror stories where the girls run out on the marriage as soon as she hit the USA, or shortly thereafter... I would bet even money that the majority of these fiascos were based on marriages where the couple did not know each other... Or the guy was flat getting scammed...

Ok, before you guys light up the torches, I'm sure there are some of you that have made the "go for it" attitude work... My opinion, you got lucky...

Me, I'm not willing to bet my future on luck...

Ask a simple question... Geez...

wizard

[KnowledgeIsPwr]

... in response to What!!!, posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

Hey Wizard,

This is my first post, so bear with me.

In (LA), where I live there's this Beer commerical where the guy says, "If you're going to take a leap of faith - leave your parachute on the ground, and keep your mind open!"

We're all in the same boat, hence, why we're here I would assume.  

I think that both people in the relationship need to be at a point in their lives where they're ready to settle down because with this comes a deeper commitment to understanding, and giving in.  On the other hand, being with someone that communication is easy, doing things together comes naturally, and life goals are in sink brings with it a special something that we all seek, and hope for.

Having both of these two items we're discussing is where I think we're all hoping to find our "special slice of happiness", and I wish you will in your journey.

To your point, I'm thinking once a month, for three to six months, staying between 3 to 10 days should allow for a good enough feel to continue on to a 30 to 60 day engagement.  

From there my friend - you are on your own!

Best Wishes,

KIP

[wizard]

... in response to Re: What!!!...in the middle..., posted by KnowledgeIsPwr on Dec 24, 2002

Well, I'm glad you chose to retire from the ranks of lurkers... New blood is always welcome... Everyone's experience is of value...

From what I have been able to gather from others in this pursuit, the timelines run anywhere from six to twelve months... Alot has to do with the number of trips you make and the comfort level attained with your partner... This is of course ruling out the "one trip wonders"...

Chemistry can sometimes be a dangerous thing, swaying people into making unwise decisions, ignoring red flags and blinding their perception of reality... I do not want to be another "horror" story that we read of here so often... It takes time to peel back the layers of a person's persona and to know what lies beneath the surface...

As I sit here writing this post, my phone rang... It was my novia from Bogota wishing me a good day and that she was thinking of me... That's a check mark in the PROS column... lol...

There are no guarantees in this pursuit, just like in life... What we can do is minimize the risk by not marrying a stranger... Chemistry is muy importante, but should not valued over compatibility, joint interests and common goals for the future...

Thank you for your thoughtful post and good luck in the new year...

Feliz Navidad y buena suerte...

wizard

[colman]

... in response to What!!!, posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

Good post, so I am going to ask you a question would "one or two trips does not provide enough face time to really KNOW a person." still hold true  if the interesting person from the U.S. is from Colombian heritage speaks, and knows the idiosyncrancies of the culture and language and plans to spend about 59 days?--just asking for your opinion---God Bless--Colman

[wizard]

... in response to Re: What!!!, posted by colman on Dec 21, 2002

Colman,

I think the key part of your question is the 59 days in country... IMHO, 59 days would be enough time to be able to judge the character of a person... This also allows you to spend time together without the "vacation" mentality being pervasive... To see if you are compatible on the day-to-day issues... To see if she can put up with your snoring at night!!! Not to mention that you leave the toilet seat up too!!! lol...

Now, don't take this personal, but after talking to many Colombianas, your being of Colombian decent may actually work against you... Most of the girls I have spoken with are not interested in the "machista" Colombianos... This may be lip-service for the gringo, but many of these ladies have had a bad experience with a Colombiano... If you come off as someone who is confident, a gentleman, sincere and honest, you will do ok... Remember my experience is dealing with ladies in agencies though... Your knowledge of the language and the culture, plus your heritage puts you in a different ballgame... You would not have to use agencies, just blend into the culture and develop a relationship from there...

Feliz Navidad y Buena Suerte...

wizard

[colman]

... in response to Re: What!!!, posted by colman on Dec 21, 2002

n

[Celt]

... in response to What!!!, posted by wizard on Dec 19, 2002

I am honored that such a simple comment, meant to have
limited scope, could be picked apart piranha-like with
such zest. Let me try again: the necessary condition
for having a chance at long-term happiness with a partner
is that both people be ready--in their maturity and
expectations--for a marriage. It is not that they be hot
for each other, get along famously, or both like the same
sports teams. I don't think there can be further positive
growth if--for example--one person is more motivated toward marriage than another.

Now gnaw away at that you brilliant man.