My Marriage To A Colombiana Ended In Divorce

[chevy]

... in response to Re: Re: Mango hauling / Well said ?, posted by colman on Apr 8, 2002

Absolutely I agree. American business is greedy and arrogant. More discoveries have come from people we consider ignorant, than have come from americans.
 Example: I was in Cuzco. These massive stones weighing
tons fit together so well that you can not slip a piece of paper between them. they are over 1000 years old. They do not know to this day how they did it. the spanish have their buildings(stone) in cuzco also, there is no comparison. The incas were far superior builders.
 I saw a special on PBS about this. they tried to recreate the technique of the incas and failed. It is truly amazing to see considering the size and weight of the stones. I do not look down on any nation. Brilliant people reside in all of them. Chevy is a nice car. A 1965 corvette would make me smile. Or a 1968 charger.

[colman]

... in response to Well Said, posted by JunFan on Apr 6, 2002

Junfan, sorry to hear about your divorce. However I do agree with Red Clay about marrying a Latina whom is the bread winner or at least plays a significant role in the family's finances. "We will be putting a man on Mars while "they" still be hauling mangos around the streets in donkey pulled carts." With this qoute I am amazed that your marriage lasted as long as it did. So Mike, since you like no BS, just the cold hard truth, I'll take a stab at it. Well since you probably did not learn her native tongue its obvious that you were not compatible with each other from the start. I, however am a Colombian-American whom speaks Enlish and Spanish fluently and would never have a problem marrying a Latina whom does not know English. Yes, eventually she would learn it, obviously to get adjusted to this country. I would just have more patience and understand her more. The aspect of her trying to help her family out--I utterly understand and would agree on COMPROMISES.  It seems to me the whole attitude and pripority placed on $$$$$ is pathetic and sad. I love my heritage and being born in the U.S. fortifies my beliefs about life, marriage, money....I know I am and will be the cream of the crop in Colombia----I mean for pete's sake, I have Colombian parents, college-educated, young, open-minded, and fluent in Spanish--and last but not least, I have a heart.  Being born in the U.S. makes me an American citizen, but if I go to Europe, Asia, or Latin America, I will most likely not have the stigma of being a self-centered, greedy, snobbish idiot. There is your no BS bro,if it had been me I would probably still be married and starting a family---D@mn!!!have not been to Colombia in a couple of years, d@mn thanks Mike, I think I will be going sooner than I thought---Colman

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 6, 2002

You may be Colombian-American and willing to accept a woman who never integrates into our culture, but I think the vast majority of men living in this country, even if they are bi-cultural and have assimilated, would want their wife to take part in all of their culture and not confine herself to that portion of it in which she feels comfortable.  Would you limit your friends after marriage to only those who are fluent in Spanish?  If you don't, then those of your friends who aren't fluent in Spanish will not have much a relationship with your wife.

I think Mike was completely justified in his decision and I personally would have made the same in his circumstances.  I wouldn't want a wife who never became part of ALL of my life.  Being married is a partnership and it sounds like this particular relationship was one of dependency.  While I do think men should learn Spanish if they marry a Latin woman, I absolutely think anyone immigrating here should learn English, and learn it well.  They will never have a full life here without doing so, and expecting a man who marries such a lady to limit his life to her culture while living here is simply absurd.

[colman]

... in response to Mal dicho, posted by Patrick on Apr 7, 2002

Dear Patrick, you are paraphrasing what I said---I NEVER said I was willing to accept a Latina who is not willing to assimilate to our culture. On the contrary, its common sense that first and foremost of a person emigrating to another country is that person should EVENTUALLY learn the language of such country. Bascically my point still stands; being fluent in Spanish allows me greater patience and magnifies understanding     A Latina's perspective....um HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT HINT---people seeking Latinas should also learn her language---Colman

[MarkInTx]

... in response to Mal dicho, posted by Patrick on Apr 7, 2002

I've said it before... and will keep saying it...

Any woman who wants to live ina sub-culture will not make a good wife, and will not be content in America...

Period.

It's sad that it takes a divorce to drive home what should be obvious...

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Mal dicho, posted by MarkInTx on Apr 8, 2002

Well said.

[greg]

... in response to Mal dicho, posted by Patrick on Apr 7, 2002

Yea, it's simply Absurd for a Lady to expect her Hubby to limit his life to her culture. Btw, I posted on Asian board asking your help setting up a Computer. greg

[Michael B]

... in response to Mal dicho, posted by Patrick on Apr 7, 2002

I'm going to agree with Partick on the assimilate business, i.e. learn English and become part of the US culture. To be fair, it could take a while, but it won't be too hard to tell if she really is TRYING.

As I have posted before to answer some of the guys who ask "aren't there a lot of beautiful Mexican women in Dallas?" Yes, there are, unfortunity, too many of them think they are simply in a "colony" of Mexico, albeit a colony with better employment opportunities (and de-facto that's what a lot of Dallas is)....most likely, these are not the women you want. This is also the major item that p sses off the people you hear complaining about "our country is being overrun with immigrants who take our GOOD stuff but refuse to assimlate"
-----------------------change mode--------------------------------
I'm going to agree with Red Clay's earlier post about sending money home. Many of these women ARE a siginificant part of a family's income, helpling to support aged parents and/or younger siblings. To remove the woman's income from the family could cause significant harm to those remaining behind.

The extreems of this range from "Our daughter married a gringo! We won the Lottery" to "She's gone, now we can't pay the rent". I would hope that all of us would consider our indivual lady's situation carefully and avoid either extreeme. Be FAIR, be generous, but you don't have to be a FOOL. This issuse is something that the two of you MUST have an understanding on before "taking the plunge".

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 6, 2002

I'd like to see you try to say that to my face.  Think you could finish the sentence?  My money says no.

http://www.sparhard.com/me.htm

here I am baby.

[colman]

... in response to Re: Re: Well Said, posted by JunFan on Apr 7, 2002

Junfan, listen, I admit sometimes my Latin pride comes out at bad moments but I still disagree with most of your points. For instance you are taking a "fighting" agressive attitude with me--typical demeanor of a self-centered, snobbish attitude that gives reason for the whole world to hate us. You say you speak 95% better Spanish than most people here in this board, well then if thats true than most people on this board are probably limited in Spanish. Also a couple months ago YOU invited me to some renegade, vigilante, police forum to "dog" out somebody who was expressing his opinion, of wish I declined. To me, this breeds hypocritical behavior. Again, typical "ugly" american idiosyncrancies. Also, your failed marriaged should be a wake-up call for those U.S. tourist-dumb-@sses whom think they can go anywhere in the world and get laid. I admit this is true but I dont want to be a part of it. For those of you whom are reading this post, I hope you dont bring your "ugly american" attitude to Latin America (you know who you are) because it can be a costly mistake, both emotional and financial. Also--you have experienced a culture shock with your ex-wife just like she experienced one here.  I am DEFINITELY sure she was SHOCKED to learn that many elderly parents are kicked-off to so called "nursing homes"(eupheism for old-farts jail) or that we live in the richest country in the world but about 1/3 of U.S. dont have reliable insurance. Racism against blacks and Latinos IS VERY prevalent here--and for you hillbillies that say "if you dont like it go back to where you come from"----You losers are the biggest IDIOTS in the world---why??--because we fortunately live in a country where WE can express our dissappointment of the government. Unfortunately we dont because we are to busy consuming everything in sight---we complain about terrorist but we as a people are IDIOTS--because we are flying 3x5 inch flags in our SUV"S(bigger than a house--instead we dont say f' off to the drug called "petroleum" and drive very efficient, cars.  I know, Junfan--you look at me as a non-american--but quite the contrary my friend, I love the U.S. and support its people. I have noticed that many people in the U.S. that have ancestors from Hungary, Russia, Germany, Sweden, have not instilled the "old" country culture in them, and within time have lost the language, customs, etc....on the other hand many Latinos whom come here instill the old "mother" country language, cutom without jeopardizing English and U.S. assimilation. I dont know why so many Americans feel theaten when they hear somebody speank Spanish--well d@mn it if somebody speaks to me in Spanish I will respond in it....lol sorry If I have open up a pandoras box of controversial topics--but once I get going, I can't stop...lol--must be that Latin/Colombian blood--anyway and replies will be welcome from anybody--Isn't anybody here from Chicago?-----COLMAN

[Red Clay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 8, 2002

After your 20 minute anti-American rant, you surely must be miserable here. Sounds like you really would be happier living elsewhere in a place where American- style opportunity doesn't exist and nobody can afford an evil SUV. Be sure to pick a place where snobbish Americans don't travel to on vacation, and you'll be fine.

[colman]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Well Said, posted by Red Clay on Apr 9, 2002

lol

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 8, 2002

Sounds like a bunch of bush league jibberish.

I would imagine that the majority of gringos on this board are more interested in the actual accounts, rather than your interpretation and judgement of something you really know very little about.  

I had a very emotional relationship with this woman for 20 mos., all in.  How you are qualified to make any sort of judgement is beyond me.  

This is the exact Latina style hot head behavior that I divorced, only it's being done by a male.  We've all heard it before: confrontational, avoids responsibility, sharp tongued, short-tempered, blame placing, etc.

[JunFan]

... in response to Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 6, 2002

I'm not gonna go round with you....

But I am fluent in spanish...Don't assume anything...I speak better spanish than 95% of the people on this board.

[Fingaroll5]

... in response to Re: Well Said, posted by colman on Apr 6, 2002

Oh Please give me a break. Your lucky your not standing in front of Mike when you say those things. I think he's got a hand-trick he would like to show you....Oh but you would be DEAD before you hit the ground. Okay here we go with the greedy arrogant American B.S. Look buddy, She had the opportunity of a lifetime...It aint coming her way again. Why do people persist about this helping the family stuff. No one has a problem with helping the family. The last I checked I think we all have family. No one has a problem with helping out family, BUT NOT BEING A AUTOMATIC CASH COW FOR THEM. It costs money to live in the U.S. I don't think any of us are millionares. We do what we can. If I am married to a Latina, my first responsiblity as a husband is to provide support for my wife and kids. The parents come secondary. Nothing wrong with helping, but you must be able to help financially. If my bills are due, and my family needs something. Sending money will have to wait, until my important family matters are taken care of. You can't support two families on one income, and live here in the United States, Unless your rich like that.   Patience I think Mike had plenty of it. Your missing the point Americans like to see results. We want to see improvement. We want a BANG for our BUCK. I do not think he was being unreasonable to want her to learn English. This to me shows she has an aptitude to learn. Excuse me if Im wrong but don't the young ladies want to come "HERE in the U.S." to live? Patience, Mike had plenty of it. Over a whole years worth, and she could not string two darn English sentences together. Who you crapping? America is not about patience, we are about results. Mike provided her the opportunity for life improvement. She was lazy and did not show the kind of initiative it takes. Look these are adults were dealing with. What about Mike, he had to learn Salsa, Spanish, and something about her culture. He studied and was able to step into her world, and form a relationship with her....I bet it did not take him that long. What you are saying is Crap. You are Colombian American, DUH....you already have a foot in the door.