Between a rock..

[A1A]

and a hard place...I posted a while back about a filipina who i had been emailing and chatting with who had suddenly disappeared.  I moved on and have been corresponding with two chinese women, and if you read the latin board, I met a wonderful mexican woman in cancun on vacation, with whom I had dinner with.  What a sweetheart.  Well, out of the blue at 6 this morning I receive a phone call, a sweet filipina voice wanting to chat, just like the old days.  Turns out, she could not travel, due to the rebels in mindanao, for 6-8 weeks to get to an internet cafe, or a phone center.  We chatted for 5 hours, like we had never been apart.  She asked if I was still coming to visit.  I did not know what to say so I stalled for time, told her I would try to get vacation time off in August.  I would just as soon go to mexico again, much closer.  They are both sweet women, the mexicana, 32, prettier, with a daughter, the filipina, 38, no children, very nice, living in a dangerous part of the world.  I guess I need to book a flight to cebu, I really can't decide until I have met them both.  Any one else been between a rock....
A1A

[Dave H2O]

... in response to Between a rock.., posted by A1A on Jun 9, 2001

Hi A1A,

I feel for you. But, I have some serious doubts about the Filipina not having the opportunity to call or email you for 6-8 weeks, unless maybe she is one of the rebels. She could have sent you a letter explaining the situation, if that was true. It sounds like Plan A didn't work out for her, so you just moved up from Plan B. From my limited experience in eastern Mindanao, it appears to me that life still goes on despite the problems. A bus was commandeered and burned while I was there. It didn't stop other buses from taking the same route.  From your post, it seems like you feel obligated to the Filipina, but would prefer to be with the Mexicana.

Good Luck,

Dave H.

[The Mog]

... in response to Between a rock.., posted by A1A on Jun 9, 2001

I feel your pain brother. Ive been torn up for many months now trying to decide between several women. I wonder how I got myself in this position. Ive pretty much narrowed it down to two girls, one is almost 22 the other 24. I am 43. I cant bear the thought of hurting one or the other. The more I talk to her ( the 22 yr. old), the more I become aware of the huge differences between our cultures. She just remarked last night as I was racking up another 2 hours of expensive long distance that I didnt understand her, and I tried to explain that I understood the words, but sometimes its the meaning or the concepts I am confused by. Im sure you guys that have ben married awhile understand kind of what I mean. Sometimes I wonder if this is all a mistake. Even though Im sure she would love me forever. The other one is not very good at her english, but she is very beautiful and she is a "bar-girl", but Ive met all her family and she seems interested but unsure as she has already had 5 false proposals from american guys. I really hate that I cant get to know them better like I could someone that lived in my city. Part of that (the unknown ) factor is exciting, but sometimes it really scares me also..

[A1A]

... in response to Re: Between a rock.., posted by The Mog on Jun 9, 2001

It appears that you have been to the Phils, and are much further along than I am.  Personally, I am 47, and do not correspond with women under 30.  I do not believe it is just the cultural issue you may have problems with, I believe the age difference issue will eventually come up.  As far as understanding a filipinas concepts, to me their english is exact, no slang, they mean eactly what they say.  The girl I chat with has much more problems understanding me, the extent of our slang and double or triple meaning words sometimes confuse her and I need to rephrase or explain.  Believe me, I feel your pain also, it is hard to break a relationship any time, with these women it seems harder.  As for your post below, do not give it up, the AW route is a nighmare waiting to happen, been there.  I'll hit cebu in august or september, I need to see for myself.
A1A

[alex]

... in response to Re: Between a rock.., posted by The Mog on Jun 9, 2001

Why travel overseas to meet a Bar Girl? America is filled with women who hang out in Beer Joints, right?

[cc]

... in response to Re: Between a rock.., posted by The Mog on Jun 9, 2001

Stay away from the "bar-girl" - I also got to know some girls working the bars quite well and met the families of two, so I don't think I am biased against them in any way, but I still think the risk is too big. Let's face it, they have been screwed all their life and they are used to screwing and sweet-talking. I'd say "bola-bola" and run!

About the other girl: what concepts are you confused about?

[Michael B]

... in response to bar girl, posted by cc on Jun 9, 2001

Well, for what it's worth, a friend of mine married a Philipine "B girl" that was "working" a military base where he was stationed (Thiland, I think, anyway, it was some place other than PI). They've been together 20 or 25 years and look like they will be forever. Worked out great for him, your milage may vary.

[The Mog]

... in response to bar girl, posted by cc on Jun 9, 2001

You know cc, in certain instances you may be right, but on the other hand the bargirls I met are self sufficient, and though they screw and screw over for a living, they seem to be more interested in a real relationship than money. They make enough money to survive and help their families. Its frowned on here, but just another vocation over there, heck people have to make ends meet, if your born hot looking than your career is pre-ordained more often than not. The angel from the province is now telling me she needs to get a job and help her mom and sister because they need to move, the guy that owns the lot they rent wants to build on it. I guess I am just having a little trouble with this marry the girl, marry her family stuff. I work hard and I want to buy stuff for ME. I dont know, this sucks.
American women suck and Im having second thoughts about marrying a Filipina now too.

[cc]

... in response to Re: bar girl, posted by The Mog on Jun 9, 2001

Yes, yes, yes, I agree with you. It is not the bar girls I despise, it is the parents who send their daughters to Manila expecting her to support the family, which I am critical of. With "screwing" I didn't mean the physical act, I meant the mental aspect. They have come to learn not to trust anyone and they have come to learn to take advantage whenever the opportunity presents. There are so many Filipinas, why take the chance?

You want to buy things just for yourself? Perhaps you are not quite ready yet for marriage?! Filipinas are very family-oriented and you are asking them to give up her entire family to come to the US? You will be expected to support her family to some extend, that's just part of their culture. Perhaps, you are searching in the wrong country? Try Indonesia (seriously!!!) - in my experience, Ladies there are much more self-sufficient and their muslim parents probably too proud to accept your financial assistance, even if you offered it. Good luck!

PS: I think Indonesia is very much underrated as a Country to find a penpal and lifetime partner!

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: Re: bar girl, posted by cc on Jun 10, 2001

Can you tell me of some indonesian pen pal sites cc?

[cc]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: bar girl, posted by humabdos on Jun 10, 2001

Humabdos, you can try:
http://sunshine-girls.com/db_search1.html

Heart-of-Asia, and Cherry-Blossoms also have Indonesians. Let me know if you decide to go that way, I have been to Indonesia 3 or 4 times. Good luck!

[The Mog]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: bar girl, posted by cc on Jun 10, 2001

I guess I dont mind helping her family, my own family was never really close so this is all very scary for me, I guess its hard to believe if its real or not.
I guess Its just that sometimes with this marrying a Filipina, I feel like a guy playing a video game using a cheat code. You have all the extra life and power but the victory seems hollow.
I really hate American women for their self serving ways, and how good they are at bringing down even a sucessful mans confidence and ego.
Whenever I look at them now, I think about what my buddy said.
Men are smarter, Its been scietifically shown than men have millions more brain cells.
You would think that with the cells American women have that they could muster up a little courtesy and respect for men around them instead of fronting attitude all the time and playing their little childish mind games.
I really do admire the honesty of the Filipina however.
Press them for an honest answer to anything a few times and you will most surely get it.
Its pathetic I have to fly 11,000 miles to find a nice girl that im attracted to.
And then thanks to the government, wait months and years to
bring her here to me while these illegal aliens come slithering up from south of the border like vermin , infesting my city by hundreds more every week...

[alex]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: bar girl, posted by The Mog on Jun 12, 2001

Get real, men are smarter, stop sucking up to the women. If AM would quite kissing A@$ on AW's we would not have to travel to another hemisphere for a decent gal. Men are smarter, look it up and stop watching Sally, Orca, and Hosie O'Donnel.

Breathe Deeply,

[cc]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: bar girl, posted by The Mog on Jun 12, 2001

I agree with what you are saying and your video game analogy made me smile, but as a scientist I have to object to your claim that "Men are smarter, Its been scietifically shown than men have millions more brain cells." While it is true that women's brains are smaller than men's (which has been known for 400 years or so), it has absolutely no bearing on intelligence. In fact, you can surgically remove something like a quarter of a brain (sometimes done in cases of severe epilepsy) without affecting the IQ.

[Dave H2O]

... in response to men are smarter?, posted by cc on Jun 12, 2001

...my ex-wife told me so. ;o)

Would you look at that! Men must be smarter than women. You can remove much of our brains and it doesn't effect our IQ's. )) Just think how smart we'd be if we used our whole brains. ?;o)) One thing I can't figure out though...if our brains are bigger and we are smarter...how come women always end up on top? I guess I will have to ask my fiancee the answer to that one. ;o)

Dave " Jethro Bodean" H.