... in response to How many meetings before you propose?, posted by jediknight on Apr 14, 2001***Obviously it depends, each case is different I know***
Yes, that is the real answer. However, let me see if I can give you my impressions. If you have been communicating for months then you both have interest in each other and hopefully have overcome a few hurdles together. Now you are going to meet, this basically says you have ageed to see it through this far. I was told before I ever bought my first plane ticket, on a different forum, by several vets, that to a certian degree the women want some form of commitment from the man at some point in the first meeting. Of course this assumes after meeting that there is chemistry and BOTH want to carry forward to the next step. I agree with the basics of that scenario. If your lady has a romantic vision of her future with you, then she could, if she decides you are the one, want a commitment before you leave. This is only natural IMO.
My case.....looking back....my girl had already decided I was the one before we ever met. That first moment at the airport I think she was terrified I wouldn't want her back as much as she wanted me. She was very shy and tenative about our first hug. I think when I smiled and opened my arms to her, a huge fear of rejection was lifted from her shoulders. I will never forget that first moment. I can tell you she was still concerned the first few days that I might change my mind. I didn't. She was such a sweet, sincere, honest, kind, generous, loving person. But really it was after meeting all of her friends and family and seeing the admiration and respect and love that "They Had" for her that really made me decide she was the one for me.
We went so many places and did so many things in that week it's hard to write about it all. Suffice it to say that after several days all the questions and concerns about what type of lady she really was and the level of her real love for me were answered. At that point we sat down and had a very long talk about "if" we get married someday what each wanted and expected from the other. "The Rules" for lack of a better desciption. We discussed "every" issue I could possibly think of. I left no stone unturned as far as leadership, goals, sex, expectations of roles, expectations of problem resolving, how many children, when we wanted children, how many, working, everything.
After giving myself another day to digest everything that I now knew and felt, I decided to ask her to be my wife the next day. I did have a friend from Cali with me translating and watching for any "red Flags" that I might have missed. My friend and I discussed everything about those first couple of days at extreme lenght. His assesment to me was, "She hasn't been spoiled by the world", and "I really think she can live up to your expectations"....the next day we went to the Old City in Cartagena....I bought her an engagement ring..and ask her to marry me....and I'm glad I did.
Hope this helps, Houndog
