Musings------

[robert angel]

To do the fiancee' visa process is not as difficult as many tax returns, but can be frustrating as you have to gather and organize a lot of material. Also--our govt. loves to always be changing something, be it a form or requirement--photo specs. etc--so check and ask around. USCIS is like the luck of the draw--ask most staff a question and they will tell you that "it's all explained on line"--when sometimes it's not clearly explained--but occasionally you will get someone with compassion. Embassy workers are usually insensitive jerks who act like it's their job to keep anyone from entering the USA--regardless of a person's fine background--in the Philppines--thier rude, condescending behavior is a talk show staple--the horror stories of fiancee's rejected because they did not like their dress, one of 35 pictures was not clear enough, etc.And now--they even treat Senators and Congressmen as 'mere mortals'--even if you  think you 'know someone' who can cut red tape--it probably won't help--since 9/11--it's like they run their own kingdom.
I am preparing papers to bring my fiancee' 'Joy', who's 24 years my junior, over here from Davao, Philippines. I originally set out looking for someone age 30 or older--preferably with a son--more stable, I figured--ain't life strange? I liked Davao and Island Garden of Samal better than Cebu or Manila--it's a great place to have a grand time for dirt cheap--and the city is safer than 95% of USA cities--the Mayor rules with iron fists--but be careful elsewhere on Mindanao and in the PI in general.(common sense rules) I have known her over three years and for almost two years, I just refused at first to consider her as anything more than a friend--started off slow--always respectful--and even was about a 30 minute plane ride from her in 2003 and did not visit her. Didn't someone say "hell hath no fury like a woman spurned"? and this is one sweet sexy, well educated, morally sound, hardworking Filipina who just happens to be 5'1, 90 pounds and looks like a cross between Michelle Phiefer and the late Natalie Wood! Well--Joy was very understanding--we were in different situations--but eventually--like planets aligning--we realized that there was more to us than mere 'friendship'--I had for the longest time told myself to 'forget it--she's wayyy too young"' out of my league--only to realize that  except for a few old fart women at work--I was the only one with a problem over the age difference. We remained friends at a respectful distance the 1st two years--yet chatted often and long--often on cam, despite her being very poor--even when she graduated with a 5 year degree in computer engineering from an acredited univ--Coca Cola only paid her about 40 cents an hour as a contract worker. NEVER ONCE did she ask me for a single peso--seems to me 80--90% 0f women will, sooner or later--often quite quickly--ask you for money--many think all Americans are rich--they may have ten guys helping to pay their "tuition" while they never even go to school. She may tell you her father died, and a year later tell you her father died again as she has retold the lie to too many guys (yes--it's happened) or there seems to be a crisis every month. DO NOT send money unless you have met her--or at the very least--spoken daily on the phone--e mailed, chatted and web cammed--make sure you know her routine and that it's steady and true--watch each other's eyes on cam--I have sheard Joy explain some gals dealing five guys--the guy's faces all on cams on the gal's monitor in PI internet cafes, as she plies her trade. I estimate it takes at least a year to catch the most crafty ones in lies--you will "sense--smell" something. Joy never asked me for a single peso--not a hint--and she spent a major portion of her meager income paying to chat and be on cam--and she stayed out of chat rooms--no multiple ID games--you'd be flabbergasted at the stats on how many more relationships transpire from e mails completely outside of live chat room meetings. Joy was introduced to me by a Filipina already married and living in the USA. But heck--even then--you may think you know her--then you may fly 9000 miles and she will look and act very different than you expected. To be honest--I never had alternative romantic plans should we have not 'hit it off'--but  I had made friends in Davao, so that at least I would have had some friends to tour me and introduce me around--Joy and I ended up having dinner with all of them at once--10 of us --she never left my side unless it was to go home around midnnight to her tiny flat shared w. her two student brothers. I wonder how many guys spend thousand of dollars, fly 30 hours over 1000's of miles for what is essentially ONE blind date? Well--each time I went there--it was with ONE woman in mind--and I ended up being true to her--but I had 'aquaintainces'--aware of my main reason for coming--and willing to also host me and show me around, if she turned out to have multiple personalities. Once there, you can judge a gal also by her family and friends and how she's treated at work. My fiancee' quit her job so we could meet and I could risk Islamic and communist terrorists all around her rural area and meet her family. They live so far out in the country that they have to go towards town to hunt. Any one of the 400 people in her remote jungle village--some had never seen a live white man--could have made a small fortune by picking up a cell phone (no land lines)and calling the terrorists to take me hostage--not one did. They could have bought a lot more stuff of meaning and value than the hotwheels cars, beanie babies and assorted small gifts for the elders I brought with the bounty money the NPA or Abu Sayyaf would have paid to have my a__ in their secure encampment. Instead--they were nicest people on earth--grateful for what they have, praising God, always sharing whatever they have and not complaining about horrific poverty, except in a gentle, joking way. I send her about $125 a month--sometimes more--more than she made in a month ever in her life. I just paid less than $50 to have 2 super sized loaded Pizza Hut pizzas, soft drinks  and a dozen roses in a glass vase sent to her flat--I think they liked it. I expected that she would share it with her family--if she had 5 pesos before--she'd prob. given two to her parents, who struggle to privately educate 5 younger siblings while working their coconut farm. Joy and I have decided that when she comes here and works--no more than 40% of her take home pay should be sent home. She knows I have no intention of supporting her family in any big way--I--soon to be 'we' have a life--a family here, that comes first. We have discused religious, house keeping and sexual expectations and I have told her a 100 times that with sons ages 8 and 13--and a vasectomy we will have no more--she regrets, it but accepts it--honestly--it's the ONE thing I worry about-20 years left on her bio clock-but in the three years I have known her--she's been amazingly mature, honest and open--not hesitating to express her self. It remains to be seen how she'll respond to Fil Am and general American peer pressure as to why she married "an old man"--so beautiful a woman --extremely family oriented --as most Filipinas are--forsaking kids--I've had many restless nights over it. But life and love's a risk and I am giving this a calculated shot. I hope she is happy with my 8 and 13 y/o Ameripino sons and that they soothe some of her maternal instincts--maybe at times make her wish she never has kids?-but I know she'll always love and wish she had her own baby--it's sooo "Filpina".We will go back to the PI every year or two so hopefully she retains her roots and core values. I didn't mind the occasional chicken passing thru their house--or the black magic woman down the street --they never let me go by her house, lest she cast a spell on Joy and I--(and these are smart, college educated Catholics)it's just the cold showers I hate. It will be hard 'after the honeymoon' here--there she looks merely cute--and there I am treated like a movie star--here she'll be the exotic beauty and have a old, bald spouse who doesn't get 2nd glances at Walmart--we have discussed it so many times--I have seen this nation change Filipinas in scary ways--sort of a reversal of the Pinoy-Pinay abuse dynamics can occur here--I have seen married, with kids, Filipinas having affairs, drinking and smoking and there's many, many pretty Fil Am babies all around this military town--so staying away from bad elements is important and keeping our word is too. I personally like country girls with city educations--more old fashioned. A thing I hope we look forward to when things hit a rough patch--as all marriages will--is buying a place to later retire to aound Davao, Samal or Bohol--without kids to worry about--just her family--their nieces and nephews and us having the best of it all. I just like the provincial gal's values a lot. Big city girls from whereever--often are jaded. In my experience, many former USSR and Chinese women are very, very crafty and will quickly find out how much money you make and in what manner you intend to support them--they may speak warm and romantically--but beware! Central and S. American women in my opinion tend to be less tolerant of age differences and are more inclined than Filipinas to bail out after two years--they know they can then stay here--they see divorce as a viable option and richer handsome guys who like their 'exotic" looks a turn on. Like Filipina's they are emotional--but Filipinas are usually more the smoldering type when moody (called tampo--quiet)--S. American will often get real excited when upset, from my personal experience--but no, we can't stereotype all people. With any of these women--don't let them lose respect of you or you are toast--don't be a macho jerk--love her and fess up when you screw up--but don't be a lap dog or door mat. Hey--this was supposed to be two bits--but I think I dropped 50 bucks--I promise to never make a post this long again--it's just been a catharsis---Good luck all!!

[Ray]

... in response to Musings------, posted by robert angel on Feb 21, 2005

Hi Robert,

I agree that many embassy employees in Manila are rude, insensitive jerks, but I hope you were only joking about fiancées being denied a visa because of the way they dressed for the interview or because a photo was out of focus. There are valid reasons for denial but those aren’t among them. Yes, since 9/11 there is less tolerance for visa fraud and things have definitely tightened up. A lot of folks have simply forgotten that we are at war.

The one overriding reason for the tough approach they take in Manila can be blamed directly on the number of Filipinos who attempt to cheat the system. Manila is one of the highest fraud posts in the world and if there is a way to cheat then a Filipino will try it. It would be much easier to obtain a visitor visa in manila if there weren’t so many selfish Filipinos who refused to return home after their visit. It would be much easier to process a fiancée visa in Manila if there weren’t such a high number of Filipinos lying on their visa applications. That Filipina “fiancée” who claims she was denied because the interviewer didn’t like her dress was most likely denied because she was still legally married to her Filipino husband and never bothered to get an annulment. It happens every day.

Otherwise, you make some good observations. Welcome aboard and good luck with your petition…

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Re: Musings------, posted by Ray on Feb 22, 2005

It would have been my worst nightmare if it had happened to me, but the permission to marry was no problem and I didn't see anybody having any obvious problems while I was there.  The woman who grilled me about whether we were really in love didn't want to speak with Jovie, in fact she asked Jovie to go sit down while she talked to me.  She just wanted me to convince her that we were in love and it wasn't hard.  She said congratulations and sent me on to the cashier.

Later when I went to the immigration dept to extend my visa I forgot to wear long pants and had to wait outside because they won't let you in the government building wearing shorts.  But they surprised me by letting Jovie go in and take care of it for me.  While she was in there I realized I didn't have enough pesos so we had to go across the street to the mall and get pesos, and while I was there I bought some jeans so I could go in and finish off the paperwork myself.  When we got back everything was done and we just had to pay and go.

I had no problems with bureaucrats, customs, embassies, etc.  The guy at the health dept got ahead of the game and told me I could kiss the bride.  Even the Catholic Church converted me with record speed, after the priest convinced himself that my previous marriages were not valid because they were not church marriages.  I believe that particular "quasi-parish" is mostly used for weddings so expediting my confirmation must have been their specialty.  The lectures I had to listen to (my one day seminar) were mostly in Visayan and I kept falling asleep.  There was no test.  Pretty much just a series of easy hoops to get through.

The priest's main concern was that I was not some kind of jerk, but that I was serious about a long-term marriage.  They were concerned about my previous divorces but it didn't stop them from getting my pesos (plus extra fees for making it happen quickly) once they decided I was a nice guy.

[Ray]

... in response to fiancees sobbing in the halls at the emb..., posted by Luther on Feb 22, 2005

Luther,

It sounds like things went fairly smoothly for you. Did you get your capacity to marry affidavit in Manila or Cebu? The guy that used to be in Cebu always interviewed the lady also.

Did the church insist that you convert or did they recommend it? Official Church rules don’t require you to convert if you are baptized in another church, but some jurisdictions will make you convert first before they will marry you. I guess it just depends on the local policy.

The Church in the Philippines can be much more flexible, especially when a foreigner is involved and time is a major factor. I’ve heard of guys doing the whole conversion in 2-3 weeks in some cases. I think it’s more for the bride, so she can marry in the Church without breaking the rules. In my pre-cana interview and seminar, the priest was also very interested in whether or not I was a “nice guy”, very similar to your experience. Since the wife made all the proper advance arrangements, I was able to satisfy all the Church requirements in one day and the wedding was 2 days later.

Did you have to do the government sponsored “family planning seminar”? We did that one in 15 minutes because the director was a second cousin. LOL! Tell us about your wedding and reception. Did you have the traditional kasalan with the coins, cord, veil, candles, etc? How about the white doves? Did they poop on your barong? How many guests did you have? Did you sweat 2 gallons during the ceremony like I did?

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Questions..., posted by Ray on Feb 23, 2005

This is the event that blew me completely out of the water.  Jovie and her family--not just her 11 siblings and their spouses, but also her aunts, nieces, nephews, cousins, neighbors, friends, second cousins, third cousins, co-workers, etc.--spent days or weeks making the preparations for the reception.  The most amazing thing I saw was when her brother Gil put down whatever he normally would have been doing to support his family and literally spent two days cutting posts and digging post holes so that over 100 small posts could be planted in the ground at the farm, Manggahan, where the reception was to take place.  Manggahan is the fruit farm where Jovie and her siblings grew up; the reception took place under a dozen or more huge mango trees.  What got to me was that the 100+ posts that Gil put in the ground were optional.  It was not a matter of whether they were needed.  The point being, this was not a superficial event and nobody treated it as such.  I apologized over and over for the little contribution I was able to make physically; Jovie kept reminding me that it was my money.

The posts went in the ground to sub-define the area under the mango trees and separate different areas from each other with the addition of cord tied between the posts.  It was basically a complex series of fenced-off areas.  We rented tables for different groups of people to sit together within the maze of temporary corrals, and Jovie decorated the fences with living vines draped over them.  One area was for Jovie's co-workers, one for non-pork-eaters, one for ninangs, one for ninongs, one for neighbors, etc.  Uninvited strangers sat wherever they wanted; they came for the free food and the big show.

Large colorful plastic tarps had to be strung up as ceilings over the tables because green mangoes were constantly falling out of the trees.  This alone took hours.  First Gil and Nonoy and others had to climb the trees and string cord from the mango trees to the house's balcony, and then the huge tarps had to be coaxed up and over the cords without tearing them up.  It took over a dozen people to get this accomplished, and they worked very slowly and patiently.

Everything was decorated.  Nothing was left in its ordinary state.

We had the traditional releasing of the doves, after first trying to get them to kiss each other.  Witnesses declared later that the doves had flown up into the mango trees above and kissed when they thought they were alone.

There was the traditional big hanging basket full of candy, coins, and confetti that I was supposed to open so everything could fall on the ground for the kids to dive for.  The cord fell off the latch before I got the basket open all the way, and the kids were already in a pile on the ground before someone tall managed to get the basket open right, so most of the confetti landed on the kids.

The single women passed the bride's bouquet around in a circle while a song played on the videoke machine, and the one holding the bouquet when the music stopped got to keep it.  I had watched two of Jovie's relatives build that bouquet the night before, over the course of at least two hours.  Nothing was taken lightly during the building of the reception; the reception was a "ceremony" unto itself, and so was the preparation for it.

Then I had to tie a ribbon around Jovie's leg with the crowd chanting "Higher! Higher!"  only to immediately remove it, tie it in a loop, and throw it backwards over my head.  The single men were standing behind me, and Kablong, a neighbor who had been hired to be our driver, caught it.  Then he got the thrill of his lifetime: he got to tie the ribbon around the girl's leg who had got the bouquet, and he was supposed to kiss her the same way I kissed my wife, but she wouldn't let him and they compromised with a peck on the cheek.

While it is considered taboo to kiss in public, that's just to make it more fun when it does happen.  All the women jump up and down and scream.  Including at the wedding when "you may kiss the bride."

The cake cutting went predictably: Jovie instructed me to feed her a tiny little bite of cake, then she tried to shove half the cake down my throat.  An hour later I went back for a real piece of cake and there wasn't one crumb left.  I found out later someone had set some aside for us, which we ate while Kablong drove us to the honeymoon resort.

Collecting money was fun.  We poured a little wine for the ninongs (male wedding sponsors), which they paid for with a wadded-up bill that they put in Jovie's little metal box.  For the ninangs (female wedding sponsors) we offered chocolate kisses and M&Ms that I had spent many hours wrapping up into individual little packages with the assistance of the children who lived at Manggahan.  I had brought the chocolate all the way from Costco, where it was donated by my Papa.  After passing it out to the ninangs, we continued through the crowd (about 300 people?) and everybody who had a few pesos to contribute took a little chocolate and put a little money in the box.  Those who had no money would not take any chocolate unless I insisted.  The laborers from the banana plantation who had crashed the party without an invitation refused to take chocolate so I put it on their table as discreetly as possible so I wouldn't look condescending.  With the basket of chocolate almost empty and all the tables served, I passed out the rest to the little girls from the neighborhood who had helped wrap it up and had done very little tasting for their effort.  Altogether we made $90 from $25 worth of chocolate.  Jovie gave most of the money away to people who had helped put the whole thing together.

That list of contributors goes on way past my ability to list the peoples' names.  For example, Jovie's deaf cousin who spent many hours giving manicures and pedicures to Jovie and I and everyone else at Manggahan.  She only wanted P200 for her time.  The women from the neighborhood who pitched in and peeled carrots and other prep for the stoic old man who we had hired to cook the feast, with help from the young men who assisted him.  The cooks' wives and female relatives helped with the cleanup and washed the pots and pans.  Jovie's co-workers served as food servers and asked for white t-shirts to work in; Filipinos love uniforms.  Pesos were flying everywhere: in, out, and around in circles.

It was a huge effort, a great success, and the most humbling experience of my life.  Never have I been treated better, and never did I feel the slightest hesitation from the people involved.  It comes down to this:

Everyone loves Jovie.

[robert angel]

... in response to The Wedding Reception, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

Luther,
Thank you so much for sharing with me your wedding and honeymoon experiences, Joy and I read them with great interest. I think you and yours sound like wonderful folks and that you write extremely well. I found my self visualizing scenes you described and learned a number of things from your recollections. It helped me and will continue to help Joy and I for the day--might be a couple years after we're married stateside--that we have a similar wedding/reception on Mindanao. We are not sure if we want it wayyyy out in the country or a more intimate affair several hours from her home--a wedding/reception in Davao City. I am a divorced Roman Catholic and will probably seek an anullment. Over 90% of anullment requests are granted in the Savannah, Georgia area, and it usually takes a year and $300, Sad thing is, you have to have old friends testify in a negative light as to why your marriage should be deemed "null and void" by the church--digging up old bones. But I have been told that once granted, a Catholic Church wedding in the PI is possible.
Anyways--thanks again for sharing--I really enjoy your posts. That Ray fellow's a pretty sharp guy as well!

[Ray]

... in response to The Wedding Reception, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

That was a very descriptive account Luther. Yes, those Filipino weddings are a blast. It sure beats the heck out of a civil ceremony in front of some J.O.P. back here in the States. I know your bride will always cherish the memories of her special day and she will truly appreciate your sacrifice to make it happen the “right way”.

I can’t wait for the honeymoon report… LOL!

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Questions..., posted by Ray on Feb 23, 2005

If I had it to do again, I would spend 6 weeks in the Phils instead of a month.  Getting converted to Catholicism, getting the marriage license, having "enough" time with my wife (there is no such thing), etc. was done on a fairly tight schedule, and if any serious problems had come up it would have squelched things badly and been a costly nuisance to a lot of people.  The ceremony and reception were totally along traditional lines and all of Jovie's 11 siblings and/or their spouses and children made a huge effort, canceling their normal life for days or weeks to get all the work done. Meanwhile I was sick as a dog for a week, and didn't speak the language, so there wasn't much I could do but watch everyone work and keep track of the list (budget) to make sure I was spending all the money I had been told I would be spending.  Of course jokes were made that I was just the supervisor.  I could always tell people were making fun of me, because they would all look at me and laugh, often associated with the word "kalibanga," although throughout my stay a running interpretation of what was being said around me (or about me) was never offered.  I didn't care because I never felt that anyone was being malicious while they were laughing at me.

Although kalibanga was not funny those times that I forgot to bring toilet paper with me.

For the most part I had not been presented with a detailed budget, just the total: P100,000 or approximately $1800-2000.  I found out what this entailed along the way.  For example, a cow, which would cost about P18,000.  The price went up to P23,000 and I refused to consider it, so another cow was found and I actually went to look at this one.  After a lengthy discussion with the owner (a former schoolmate of Jovie's), she asked me if I would be willing to pay P20,000 and I did.  We hired three young men to slaughter and butcher the cow and the two piglets that Jovie's family had raised for the wedding.  The men charged P600 and worked all day and into the night.  Why did it take so long?

When they whacked the cow on the head they only damaged it.  The cow escaped and for the next two hours the best show in town was watching 20-30 men patiently stalking a pissed-off cow.  As always I was amazed at the patience displayed by the Filipinos; how long something took never seemed to be at issue.  Because they were so calm about it, the cow never escaped from the nearby fields and houses and I got to watch the whole thing from a safe distance except for the time the cow charged directly at Jovie and I and we just stood there with our mouths open not knowing which way to run.  But the cow was just messing with us, and veered off at the last minute.

The wedding ceremony was the traditional Filipino ceremony complete with coins, candles, gifts for the church wrapped in fancy paper to make them look expensive, and 20 minutes of kneeling.  The kneeling in itself was no problem but the side effects...I'd just recovered from a fairly bad case of kalibanga that had lasted long enough to weaken me till I had also caught a bad cold.  So I was still a little bit afraid to utot while kneeling at the altar...if you don't know what utot and kalibanga are, just think, "don't drink the water..."  "Don't eat too much jack fruit..." etc.  Fortunately when it came down to it, both the irritating tendency to have horrible coughing and gagging fits just because it's the wrong time and place, and the desparate need to utot now or forever hold your peace, came and left with little videographic evidence that they had occurred.  The coughing fit passed because I had cloth hankies in my pocket and stayed ahead of the river of phlegm that would have been running down my throat tickling me while I was trying to give my life to my sweetheart forever, and the need to utot went away because they were playing loud music when the critical moment of truth arrived, and I went ahead and farted.

Now you know what utot means...and kalibanga?  No kalibanga, thank God and Hail Mary, it came out as dry gas and I was able to relax the rest of the day.

[Ray]

... in response to wedding and reception, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

NEVER fart in church, especially at your own wedding!

Oh well, since you were a brand new Catholic who didn't know any better and a good fart is always better than a wet squirt, I guess you won’t have to go to hell after all. ROTFLMAO!

Where did you catch the squirts? Did you drink the water? I hope you remembered to bring your Pepto Bismol Chewable Tablets with you…

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to The Eighth Deadly Sin, posted by Ray on Feb 24, 2005

The official diagnosis is that I ate too much tropical fruit.

When I met my oldest brother-in-law, Manong Eddie, his wife covered the table in front of me with snacks: guava and salt, coconut candy, jack fruit, and more.  The jack fruit wasn't very ripe and I only ate a little of it.

But every day I was meeting and getting to know new varieties of tropical fruit.  That might have had something to do with it since I am a nut for fruit and I did not control myself.  I ate a generous portion of a really ripe jack fruit a couple days later and remembered that Howard had said not to drink water after eating it.  But my sweetie said, That is not water, it is soda (or coffee or whatever it was) so I drank it.

Speaking of water, I didn't drink the tap water, which smelled like treated sewage, or the dumoy water.  Only bottled water, even for brushing my teeth.  I tried to avoid ice but wasn't completely successful.  I know I had a few sodas with ice in them.

There were at least 6-8 eating opportunities per day and I did not learn to say no until I had grown weak from days of kalibanga and caught a bad cold.  After that I refused to eat more than a few spoonfuls of rice and tried to generate an appetite between meals by eating less snacks than were offered to me.  Filipinos are bound by tradition to offer food at every opportunity even if there isn't enough to go around, and I learned to say no when I was just walking past, wasn't hungry, and knew that Jovie would be preparing my meal in less than an hour.

Sanitation...I will not go into too much detail about my first experience with a public toilet that had no tissue...except that the broken down old mall toilet also had no running water or soap at the sink...I did learn to carry a roll of tp and a bottle of alcohol in the backpack/briefcase that I took everywhere.  It was as essential as my passport and pesos.  More essential.

I did not know what pepto bismol is for, I've never used it.  I did regret not bringing my extra strength excedrin since I had a headache from jet lag and too much air conditioning at the hotel the first night (only the hotel staff knew how to turn it on so we didn't want to turn it off...I also didn't want to unwrap her arms from me and climb out of bed so we lay there and shivered all night and I got a headache for it).  I learned that all medications including over the counter are behind the counter at the pharmacy in the Phils.  When I asked for an antihistamine I was told I had to get a prescription.  No Nyquil.  Finally I saw a TV ad for Robitussin and gleefully headed for the pharmacy.  It was only P87.50, a fraction of what it costs here, and just having the Americano cough medicine to take made me feel 300% better.

Jovie's sister is a nurse so when I got really tired of the kalibanga Jovie packed me onto a tricycle and we went to the hospital in town where sister Dede works.  The doctor laid me on a table, tapped me where my tummy should have been (he was really rapping on my money belt under my walkers) and told me I had gas.  Sent me home with a bunch of pills that didn't help.  What I really wanted and couldn't find anywhere was black walnut hull extract, which cures all kinds of intestinal complaints for me.

I gave Jovie's Papa a bottle of Tabasco sauce and Jovie used up the bottle I bought for us in three days.  It helped but it didn't cure me.  Several months ago I was constipated for six weeks and didn't know why, and the black walnut didn't work as expected.  So I started dumping red chili sauces on all my food, and sure enough that got things moving.  With movement came the intestinal cramps, so for two weeks I thought I had the stomach flu.  When Jovie talked me into going to the doctor it was discovered that my intestines were swollen shut by a gangrenous appendix.  So thanks, Ray, for suggesting Tabasco sauce as a cure-all for intestinal complaints.  You might have saved my life.

Now who's gonna save me from toilets without seats or tp?

[Ray]

... in response to the source of kalibanga, posted by Luther on Feb 24, 2005

Luther,

The active ingredient in Pepto Bismol seems to protect the intestinal tract from foreign invaders. I don’t know all the medical details but our former resident staff doctor and socialist CC said it worked so that was good enough for me. It definitely did the trick for me. Chew 2 tablets before eating a meal.

Actually, I never claimed that Tabasco Sauce was a cure-all for intestinal ailments. I think that may have been Dave H who has much more medical experience than most of us, so you can thank him for saving your life :-). I did recommend using Tabasco Sauce for overpowering the taste of some of those weird ‘delicacies’ that are often presented to us in strange lands, like baluts and dried squid.

If you must have toilet seats and TP, try looking for a McDonalds or Shakey’s. Their CR’s are usually always well stocked.

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Questions..., posted by Ray on Feb 23, 2005

They did recognize my Protestant baptism because the Presbyterian church is on their list.  They wouldn't have recognized some churches such as Foursquare but I could have had a "mixed marriage."  Jovie is a devout Catholic so I went for the Catholic marriage and squeaked by.  I was told that if either of my other weddings had been proper church weddings I would have been out of luck, though even then we could have gotten married by the judge and had a church ceremony for the family.  Fortunately my other two weddings were hippie weddings so the priest decided he would accept my pesos and go ahead and marry us.

Father George seemed very worried about my previous history as what might be interpreted as a semi-transient or wanderer, so rather than wait for a bunch of intimidating questions I treated it like a job interview and jumped out there with a detailed speech about what a decent fellow I am, explaining how I have learned to solve problems that threatened my earlier marriages, and above all staying calm and on top of the conversation rather than getting cowed by a bunch of point blank questions that I did not want to have to answer.  He seemed relieved by my speech and said he was late for a wedding and would announce his decision later in the day.  Jovie and I went to lunch and came back later to find that our request for a Catholic marriage had been approved.

It was all much easier for me because Jovie had already been to the church, made preliminary arrangements, paid a deposit and conducted her own interview.  This church was mainly used for weddings, another wise move on her part.  I got the impression that this "quasi-parish" was the Filipino version of a Nevada wedding chapel, although it was a very pretty and large church.

Once I got past Father George and our initial interviews, we had our one day seminar (which cost extra because it expedited the conversion to Catholicism).  A man who spoke little English read to us from a book in Tagalog about the Catholic faith, and I woke up every so often when he inserted a phrase in English by way of taking mental notes for me.  After lunch a woman lectured more, and underscored the importance of really being in love and made sure I realized marriage is a big deal in the Phils.  She showed us the Catholic ceremonies such as the arras (pouring coins into the bride's hands) and how the veil and cord that would be draped over our shoulders while we knelt at the altar during the wedding ceremony.  She gave us a photocopy of the words that would be said during the vows section of the ceremony, and I thought she said to memorize the main vows so I did, but at the ceremony we were told what to do and say at all times, so once again I was glad we had gone to a wedding chapel.

After the seminar the next step was to come back for my confirmation, which again cost extra because a special appointment had to be made for me.  Everyone was very nice about collecting all these extra pesos from me; it was always phrased politely as a request; "can you" as opposed to "you have to."  I didn't care what, if anything, was going in anyone's pocket.  The health department lecture (family planning) was painless: the supervisor of the department who gave us the lecture was a good friend of Jovie.  When we finished that and got to the city office to apply for our marriage license, the supervisor there was also a good friend or relative of Jovie.  I was very happy, at every step of the way, to be marrying someone who had lots of friends and relatives.

The confirmation itself was no problem.  Once Father George made his decision to make it happen, nothing stopped him from making it easy for me.  He coached me at every step of the way and kept it somewhat on the casual side.  The scariest part was when I had almost reached the limit of stifling a coughing fit just as he was getting ready to trace a cross on my forehead and make me a Catholic.  Visions of past instances of poorly timed phlegm exposions plagued me through the event. Fortunately by the day of the wedding my cold had subsided and I only had a few minor coughing fits during the wedding ceremony.

[Luther]

... in response to Questions..., posted by Ray on Feb 23, 2005

Yes it all went very smoothly.  Not getting let in the building for wearing shorts (when I went to immigration to get my visa extended) was the worst thing that happened to me the whole month I was in the Philippines except for (1) getting sick and (2) a minor motorcycle accident.

I got the Legal Capacity to Marry in the Philippines at the US Embassy in Manila.  It was needed before anything else could be done so I changed my airline ticket to include a 24 hour layover in Manila, Jovie flew to Manila which is where we met, and I got to meet those members of her family who wouldn't be able to attend the wedding because they live in Manila.

Manila is the only place I saw traffic signals the whole time I was there.  Despite the fact that Jovie had warned me over and over to keep my money hidden in my walkers, I was overdressed and very white when I arrived.  The vultures scooped me up as soon as I exited the airport looking for Jovie, who was across the street holding a sign.  She said she had to go get her sister so we could all ride to the hotel together, and that's when the dollar bills started flying out of my wallet.  While she was gone I paid $22 for a taxi ride and tipped everybody within a 20-foot radius because I was excited and scared and Jovie wasn't there to tell me not to.  She scolded me later and I never made that mistake again.  Although it was not the last time a price went up at the last minute or someone brazenly asked for a tip, it was the worst experience I had of this kind.

I discovered the next morning that Jovie was definitely on "Filipino time."  We had been talking about getting to the embassy by 6 a.m. to be first in line, and we were lucky to get there about 8 a.m. but found every chair full and a lot of people there ahead of us.  It was scary because we had a 2:40 p.m. flight to Davao and the Affidavit was extremely crucial.  But everything went very well and we were done before noon.  I learned that when seats are filled, people will move aside for each other so someone can sit on the crack between the seats.  This was true in the embassy lobby as well as on busses, jeepneys, etc.  There is no such thing as full.  I once saw a jeepney with about 30 people inside and about 20 more on the roof.  Motorcycles carrying 5 people were routine.

The woman who decided whether I could get my Permission to Marry Affidavit was an American.  She insisted that Jovie go sit down, and didn't want to look at the love letters we had brought to prove our relationship.  So I told her how much documentation we had and she said, Yeah, but...do you LOVE her!?

I replied that I most certainly did, with a big grin on my face, and she said Congratulations, the cashier is right over there.

It was the happiest $30 I had ever spent up to that point.  I had no idea I would just keep getting happier and happier.  When a young motorcycle driver dropped his bike on us a few days before I was to come home, I just laughed it off.  Nothing could get to me by then.  Except that I was tired by then of the price always going up because I was a white guy.