A question that needs an answer

[Romello]

Hello Fellahs

It has been a while since I posted a message, but I come here often.  I've recently gain custody of my son and daughter after being divorced for several years.  Their mother was called home to heaven.  I would like to marry again now, I have been single for quite some time.  I've been a member of Cherry Blossoms for about 3 years and I've met the woman I want in my life.  With work, a small business and now a single father.  I have lost the window to travel to the Philippines.   Now some years ago, I used to date a lawyer, and if it one thing I've learned from her is, every law has a loop-hole.

So finally my question to you is this.  How can a man send for a woman, without traveling to her country?  Or how can a Filipino gain entry to the US for marriage or work?  In other word, how can I get my love here without traveling to the Philippines first?

Darryl

[Jeff S]

... in response to A question that needs an answer, posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

Not saying it will work the same for you but:
http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/search/searchdisplay.php?page=asian&archive=000051&id=19044

Carl & Vemila have now been married about 4 years and say they're just as much in-love as when they met. Their pictures are here:
http://www.geocities.com/jeffsatpl/

- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to A question that needs an answer, posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

Hi Darryl,

I have bad news for you. You can’t just send for a woman. There is no “Mail Order Bride” service. Unless you have a serious medical condition that prevents you from flying, then you will have to go there. And I don’t think having trouble finding someone to watch your kids is considered an extreme hardship.

For a fiancée visa, you must meet in person first. If she attempts to enter on a visitor visa with the intent to marry here, then she is technically committing visa fraud. It would be unlikely that she could come here to work unless she is a Registered Nurse or is a professional with a special skill in short supply here. There is no other way that she could legally come here to marry.

She could apply for a tourist visa and meet you in person while she is here. Then she would return home and you could apply for fiancée visa. The problem is that it is Extremely difficult for a single Filipina to obtain a visitor visa. She would essentially need to prove that she would return after her visit. If they know she is coming to visit a potential mate then her chances are about zero.

If you have been reading this forum then you already know that marrying a foreign lady is a lot of work and takes sacrifice, money, time, and patience. My advice is to find a way to go there and meet her and her family. It’s the right thing to do and it is not impossible if you put your mind to it. Who would watch your kids if you were suddenly hospitalized tomorrow? No grandparents, aunts, uncles? Howard’s idea to bring them along with you also makes a lot of sense.

Ray

[Howard]

... in response to A question that needs an answer, posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

Hey Romello,

I believe the wording was something like... You have to prove that you are physically unable, which you are not... or that it would cause extreme hardship in some way, which might be what you're looking for.

If I remember correctly there was a guy around here a few years ago that got approved without visiting his fiancee in her country--it was the Phils, I believe--but he was in terrible health and I'm pretty sure it was before 9-11

As far as I know, someone visiting on a Tourist, Student, Work Visa, would still have to leave the country when the Visa expired and then apply for a K-1 or K-3 and re-enter. So if you're gonna concentrate on anything other than the normal route, I believe the "Hardship" path would be the best one to take.

Ray will know more

Why not take the kids?

Keep the Faith!

H

[Romello]

... in response to Re: A question that needs an answer, posted by Howard on Feb 26, 2005

Well I thought about taking the kids.  However, I fear what I may do to someone if they even think about touching my kids.  Hardship, "Hmmm", that's a thought, but I think it may only apply to a medical condition.  No, I'm in very good health.  Only I have no one to keep the kids.  They are 12 and 9, and I do not want to take them to another country at this age.

[DanAndChed]

... in response to Re: Re: A question that needs an answer, posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

Kids?  Are you sure it will work out?  I have two kids from a previous marriage.  My filipina wife was ok with it originally, but it's always been a problem.  She is jealous about raising some other womens children.  This is the only thing we ever fight about.

Dan

[Luther]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: A question that needs an ans..., posted by DanAndChed on Feb 27, 2005

My wife loves her nieces and nephews so enthusiastically that they are a little afraid of her.  I thinks it's hilarious.  I don't suppose you can always generalize but what I've seen of Filipinas in the same household is that they share-share the kids and the related responsibilities.  But then this is a bona-fide extended family, no one thinks twice about caring for a niece or nephew.  I'd be curious to know, is your wife from an old-fashioned extended family where aunts, uncles, lolo and lola all live in the same house or right next door to each other?  Or a splintered western-style nuclear family?

[DanAndChed]

... in response to Filipinas and other peoples' kids, posted by Luther on Feb 28, 2005

Everyone is right next door.  She is good to them, just sometime they get under her skin.

[robert angel]

... in response to Re: Filipinas and other peoples' kids, posted by DanAndChed on Feb 28, 2005

I am worried that my young Filipina fiancee' will have some difficulty initially with becoming a "Step Mom" to my two sons, who are half Filipino and ages 8 and 13--the older one is just ten years younger than her. She is a very sweet, patient and mature for her age, but is used be being respected by people younger than her--her own 5 younger siblings call "Ate Joy" as a sign of respect. My 13 y/o son is already making disturbing noises about our pending union and I have kept Joy abreast of all his great and some not so great behaviors. Basically--I think he's afraid of the great unknown--that to meet and know her is to love her--he just hasn't yet. Some testing is inevitable, but water finds it's own level. I am sure she will tell him in her own way that she doesn't mean to replace his Mom and that she hopes they can get along. But she is very sensitive and will cry when her feelings are hurt very quickly. Perhaps a good thing is she's an ace at the highest levels of math and if he allows, she will always be there to help him to learn--and math is the one subject that he struggls in a great deal. It has been over four years since his Mom and I were together and my parents and I, as well as a psychologist ( I have to do this right and take as few chances as possible ) have tried to reassure him that I deserve "a life" beyond what I have, and that this does not mean his world will suffer and he will be "left out". In fact, I won't be online/cam 3 to 5 hours a night with her anymore --a sore point with him in the past--and I (we) will have more time with my kids. Joy will encourage us to do more "guy" things together. Things take time, as will the adjustment process.
By and large, I have found most Filipina's very warm and loving to their loved one's children and extended families. Joy is anxious about being accepted, and other than being forewarned about a typically cranky almost 14 y/o son, I have rightfully reassured her that she will be loved and accepted by my family. I just wish they weren't a thousand miles away. I have never used baby sitters and do not have a line of support (people) I am comfortable leaving them with. I have explained to her how different American teens are, compared to most Filipino teens, although there are still lots of similarities.I was surprised at the resentment expressed by the wife of one Filipina mentioned here, but I have not really been there yet, so I should hold my breath. I expect a wife who will be a good homemaker--but not one who I will leave alone with the kids as a baby sitter. I do not expect a maid, nor an at my will lover--I want a happy and responsive partner--someone who's opinion and intellect I respect, although she in many ways is still an innocent "babe in the woods" in many, many ways. I will -- and have warned her repeatedly--be concerned about our interactions with certain members of the Fil Am community, but it's like life in general--pick your friends carefuly--avoid people who gossip and are obsessed with material things.
My sons are my flesh and blood and I will never ask her to do or give more than she feels like doing, just to do what seems "right" to her. Kids can be--and are typically at times--a major stress test on any marriage, but I am inclined to think that a Filipina, especially one from the provinces, will take to the role of "instant step mom" better than most American women. At least I hope so!!

[DanAndChed]

... in response to Re: Re: Filipinas and other peoples' kid..., posted by robert angel on Feb 28, 2005

My wife is my best friend and partner.  I couldn't ask for more.  Just sometimes we forget that it's us against them and it ends up being us against us.  Teenagers are not just bitchy, but also very manipulative.  So watch out and remember, it's you and your wife versus your children.  I've been struggling through this and learned that you really need to have a common parenting front, to make her happy.

Good luck,

Dan

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Re: A question that needs an answer, posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

Romello,

I can understand your apprehension, but depending on where in the Philippines you are going, the kids may have the time of their lives.  If your girl has has a big happy family, like so many do , and is from the provinces you would probably have a blast.  I'm pretty sure Dan took his kids to the Philipines, I know someone here did, and they had a great time.  I only suggest it because USCIS is looking for any reason to deny your petition, or it sure seems that way sometimes.  It would suck to wait several months to be denied on the basis of your idea of hardship not being the same as theirs.  On top of that you never really know how that denial might effect future attempts at petitioning your fiancee after that

My best advice is to really look into taking the kids as well as finding someone to take care of them while you are gone, while you are working the hardship angle.  Anything can happen if you get the right person processing your application, but I have heard the odds are slim

Where is your girl from?

Keep the Faith!

H

[Romello]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: A question that needs an ans..., posted by Howard on Feb 26, 2005

Good point, it could be as fun for them as for me.  I'll look into it.

[jfs]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: A question that needs an..., posted by Romello on Feb 26, 2005

It would also provide an opportunity for your girl to meet her step children
and her step children to meet thier step mother.

I think the embassy would look positively on her having met the kids and
having a good relationship with them.