instant baby update

[Luther]

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by Ray on Mar 1, 2005

As usual you are loading me down with more good info than I am probably capable of digesting properly but many thanks and I will think about all the things you've suggested.

I am not planning to abort the CR-1 immigrant visa process (Plan A) just because I am considering a Plan B (moving to the Phils in 6 months or so).  It sounds like the Philippines immigrant visa 13-A might be a possible Plan C and I will look into that.  Jovie and I have agreed to work on Plan A and Plan B simultaneously to keep our options open.

I agree that the Phils is not paradise.  It is hot, ants and mosquitos make me itch and cold showers don't relieve the itching.  The air smells like motorcycle exhaust and sometimes sewage, and I can't go anyplace by myself for fear of being kidnapped.  My trip to the doctor was a real eye opener and it's a good thing it was free because I sensed I was wasting my time.  Dogs (formerly the love of my life) are generally treated as garbage disposals and not pets.  Modern conveniences that I take for granted here are either not available there or not like what I'm used to.  Etc. etc, that's just the small stuff.  Like you say, some minor thing could get me thrown into the deepest dungeon where I could rot for all my government cares.

I'll tell you what paradise is.  Paradise is a family that doesn't bicker, even under pressure.  People who don't have gigantic privacy bubbles around them, waiting for any minor infraction of their overfed aristocratic ego to start a war over nothing.  It is the way they say saa-LAAAAAM-aaaat.  Or is it the way I say it?  Jovie's family made me feel more welcome, day after day, than my American family has time to do.  I am not fond of the way Americans sacrifice family for career.  The advent of the term "quality time" is a sign that such a thing has become an issue.  Filipino time is quality time.  Paradise is No Worry No Hurry.  So many times I was shocked to notice a Filipino not worrying about something when I expected them to stress over it like an American.  The general absence of the neurotic middle-class need to Grab-All-Now made the whole month I spent there seem like a big ole happy contented sigh.  Never mind the beggars, bugs, heat, pollution, and government even more corrupt than ours.

I agree that it would be most advantageous to get Jovie here first on an American spousal visa, get her a green card, and then test drive the move to the Phils in a sane, well-considered fashion.  First I will get a personality transplant, then I will proceed with your plan...

Ray there is not one thing wrong with what you suggest...except me.  I am the weak link that will very possible jump ship and take the easy route of living in the Phils with my wife's family, coming home once a year to visit my family, and going back to the Phils as soon as possible.

I also acknowledge that I could change my mind after months of being there.  Like you say, I am under the influence of a euphoria-generating wedding/honeymoon/vacation and it's possible that reality just isn't reaching me right now.

[Ray]

... in response to thanks Ray, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

Luther, if you enjoyed living in a communal lifestyle, then you would probably adjust to life over there fairly easily. One of the things that I would have some trouble with is the lack of privacy as we know it here.

Ray

[don2222]

... in response to instant baby update, posted by Luther on Mar 1, 2005

[This message has been edited by don2222]

Hi Luther,
 Congratulations :0)

1)  You can keep extending your visa for up to one year, and then you must leave the country.  
2) You can buy one-year open ended tickets, that would allow you to leave the country once a year, and also to return to America once a year to see your family. (that is what I do)
3)  You will not lose your American citizenship no matter how long you are out of America. You will always be an American, and any children you have will be Americans also.

Good luck,

Don

[Luther]

... in response to Re: instant baby update, posted by don2222 on Mar 1, 2005

Thanks Don.  What part of the Philippines do you live in, and do you feel safe there?  When those really dark-skinned, hard-working, obviously impoverished Filipino dudes on the street look at me with that real harsh serious look in their eyes, are they (1) pissed at me for being in their country, (2) jealous because I have a pretty pinay on my arm, (3) trying to figure out whether I am rich enough to bother kidnapping, (4) trying to figure out how to ask me for my phone number, or (5) none of the above?

When you first started living in the Philippines, what was your motivation?  How long did you think about it before you went there?  Were there false starts, or did you settle in right away and stay?  Are you married to a Filipina?  Can a white guy who doesn't have to pay rent or maintain a vehicle live on P39,000.00 per month?  Do you think social security will mind if I go on permanent vacation and don't tell them?  I know hippies on SSI (unlike me--I worked for my soc sec check) who haven't told the govt where they live in 20 years.

I should search the archives instead of bothering you with questions but in my former life as a compulsive researcher I burned myself out.  I am starting to prefer groups of two or more lately.  The infatuation of most of my family members for perfect solitude and privacy is one of the reasons I hesitate very much to bring my wife here.  Privacy is not what she's used to and I don't think it's what she needs.

Is there such a thing as dual citizenship for me or my wife, or just for our kids?

[don2222]

... in response to living in the Phils one year at a time, posted by Luther on Mar 2, 2005

Hi Luther,

 I will try to answer the questions that I know the answer to :0)
The men glaring at you on the street are probably jealous and/or pissed.  I see that sometimes, and I just ignore it.  Most Filipinos are very non-confrontational, so you should never have a problem.  I have never sat and drank with them, and I think that is one reason I have never had a problem.  Most problems happen when they are drinking.
I have always felt safe every I have travelled in the Phils, have never, ever had a problem.  I feel much safer in the Phils than I do in most large cities in the USA.  I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about regarding kidnapping, and most Filipinos are known for being a little dramatic, so their warnings are probably just their concern for you, and not a reflection of any true danger.

I was married to the wrong Filipina before, and after I divorced her, I had a mid-life crisis, sold everything, and moved to the Phils.  I am now very happy here.  You should live very well on P39K a month, but I am not sure if you will want to be living with your in-laws family.  You and your new wife will probably be craving some privacy after a while.  Also, happy filipinos are VERY noisy filipinos, and the noise of her family may start to bother you after a while, every filipino seems to wake at 6am every day.

Sorry, I do not have the answers for the rest of your questions.

Take Care,

Don

[Luther]

... in response to Re: living in the Phils one year at a ti..., posted by don2222 on Mar 2, 2005

Thanks Don.  I wouldn't have trouble with the bar scene because it doesn't interest me.  Papa Aberlardo has a little store next door and if I want a little beer I can drink it at home.

There were times when I wondered if the noise factor might eventually annoy me.  In the euphoria of the moment it didn't, but occasionally that required a conscious decision on my part.  The need for privacy is part of my background, but so is the Rocky Mountains and I no longer crave snow.

You're right, early to bed, early to rise, and nobody generally thinks to turn the TV down.  Noise in one room while someone might be sleeping in the next room is one of those "no worry" situations.  When a Filipino wants to sleep, he just goes to sleep.  In public, at work, whatever.  Solitude and quiet aren't part of the equation.  It kind of worked for me that way while I was there too.  The only time I couldn't sleep was when it was hot.  Jovie didn't always want to sleep with the fan on, and she refused to open the windows because of the wildlife that would come in.  I finally understood this on my last night, sleeping at a relatives house who would be taking us to the airport.  We both woke up with huge cockroaches crawling on our legs, and the window got shut post haste.

I had one extraordinary experience in this regard.  (Noise and privacy). The day before the wedding, Manggahan was the hot spot in the neighborhood and in the extended family, so the farm was very densely populated with neighbors and relatives.  Most of them working toward the reception that would be held there the next day.

By nightfall the work party had turned into a karaoke party.  The three gays who had been hired to help with the makeup and reception showed up late to spend the night.  I had hired a bus to take people to the wedding since it was one city over, and the bus was leaving from Manggahan, so basically the farm had become a transfer point for the ride to the wedding.

One kid who later explained to me that Britney Spears is his idol stayed up all night (no exaggeration) singing karaoke outside my bedroom window.  I went to bed as instructed and went into a sort of hazy dreamlike state that at times resembled sleep.  At 5 or 6 a.m. the attempt to sleep was cancelled and the biggest day of my life started with me in one weird stupor.

Occasionally during this night of nights I asked myself if I should be upset about this "inconsiderate behavior" according to white guy standards.  There was no inclination to do so.  There were people sleeping in chairs with towels over their faces, who hadn't turned the light off in the room because those who were not sleeping still needed to see.  Floors were covered with people sleeping on sofa cushions.  I very seldom saw anyone in the Phils tell anyone else how to behave.  Even parents were very minimalistic in correcting their kids' behavior.  Not big head trips or lectures, just a few word here or there and a very patient attitude towards any lack of compliance.

I will never forget the night before the wedding, except for the one hour of it that I slept through.  I wouldn't change that for the world.  But would I eventually get tired of noisy, happy people?

Like Ray says, since I've enjoyed living in communal situations more than other situations--it brings out the best in me--maybe I would adjust to the lack of privacy and be a good Filipino.  The month I spent there seems to point that way.  In fact when we left for our last resort stay a few days before I was to go home, I wanted to cancel it and just stay at Manggahan.  The last few days there I was very emotional about having to say goodbye to my new family.  I was just getting their names learnt.