Thanks to Everyone

[Craigjjs]

I have been more of a lurker than a poster on this board, but I wanted to thank everyone for their contributions.  All of my questions were met with acceptance and good will.  Many of my other questions were adressed by others' posts.

I am, now, happily engaged to a wonderful Vietnamese lady who makes me happier than I have been in my life.  I could not have dreamed that such loving, kind, wonderful women existed.

To those of you who are searching, don't give up, you won't regret it.  I am no expert, but one piece of advice ... Get off your butt and get over there.  E-mails, phone calls, letters are great, but there is no substitute for looking into those big, beautiful eyes and seeing that incredible smile.  A week spent with your lady will tell you more than 1,000 e-mails, cals or letters.

Thanks again to everyone.

Craig

[Jay]

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Mar 29, 2005

Hi Craig,

"A week spent with your lady will tell you more than 1,000 e-mails, cals or letters."

Well put.

Good Luck,
Jay

[Keith NC]

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Mar 29, 2005

Congratulations.  Keep us posted on how things are you going.  

Keith

[Ray]

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Mar 29, 2005

Congratulations Craig on your engagement!

Ray

[Luther]

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Mar 29, 2005

"I could not have dreamed that such loving, kind, wonderful women existed."

Amen brother.  I would like to hear more about your experience.

[Craigjjs]

... in response to Re: Thanks to Everyone, posted by Luther on Mar 30, 2005

Luther, here is a summary.  I used an agency, contacting ladies through the agency, also Cherry Blossoms.  Part of the agency package was an ad they ran in Vietnamese newspapers.  I received about 30 responses, politely said goodbye to about 27 and wrote for awhile to about 3.  I maintained e-mail and telephone communications with about 6 ladies in all and spent February in Vietnam.  I met my fiance first and was just blown away.  She was every bit the wonderful woman I knew by e-mail and telephone and much more.  But, I forced myself to meet the other ladies.  Each and every one was sweet, kind, authentic and a joy to be with.  But, there was something very special about Uyen and I knew, without a doubt, that I wanted to spend my life with her.  I spent the last two weeks with her.  She took the entire time off from work (having never taken vacation from her job for four years).  I spent a lot of time with her family.  They immediately accepted me as one of their own.  She has 3 brothers and 6 sisters so it was great fun spending time with them and the countless nieces and nephews.  I have never seen a closer, more loving family.  We also spent several days in Dalat, a lovely place in the Central Highlands.  It was a chance to be together completely alone for a few days. Every day I became more certain about my decision.  Toward the end of the month I asked her to marry me.  She said yes and we talked with her parents who gave their blessing.  

So, I am back in the US, filing a fiance petition.  We are having our damhoi at the end of the month.  It is basically an engagement party.  It is a very big deal and families spend a great deal of money and invite many guests.  Her parents formally announce the engagement and everyone parties.  Traditionally, the groom's parents meet with the bride's parents before the announcement.    This won't happen for me.  Interestingly, the groom traditionally not only gives the bride an engagement ring, but also a necklace, bracelet and earings.  Sounds like the Vietnamese jewelers are as good as the US greeting card companies in generating lucretive traditions.

We plan to have a wedding ceremony (unregistered to keep our friends at Homeland Security happy with our fiance status) at the end of June.  With some luck, I hope Uyen will be with me next Fall.

As many can attest, being her, waiting for the visa, with her there, is miserible.  The way I see it, if you have to wait that long and work that hard for a relationship, it must be a good sign.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Apr 2, 2005

Thanks for the update, Craig. Great story. Better be careful about your unregistered marriage, though. At the visa interview I've heard they can try to trip up the fiance by asking questions about you like "When did you get married?" or "Does your husband like Vietnamese food?" The homeland security folks aren't about to let it go with a snicker and a wink if she gets nervous or sounds like she's not being perfectly honest. Most of the guys in the know will strongly suggest you not do anything that could possibly, even in the remotest sense, defrauding or lying to the government. Maybe she will be able to pull it off and keep her cool, but do you have a plan B if she trips up and is barred from entry to the US for life? I'd rethink that. Have all of the engagement parties you want, but I don't think I'd get married, registered or not, until she's here in the US on her K1. If you do get married there, better file for a spousal K3 visa. There is very little to gain and a whole lot to lose if you don't do everything exactly according to the book. Are you willing to take that chance? Give it some thought.

- Jeff

[Luther]

... in response to Re: Re: Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Apr 2, 2005

Craig, parts of your experience sound a lot like mine.  I guess the "big happy family" is sort of a package deal, complete with really decent human beings as part of the resulting benefit.  I have also known a few people from big happy American families that displayed similar qualities: the closeness, feeling of trust, welcoming other people into their presence, the good neighbor policy, the "more is merrier" attitude, the willingness to drop one's need for privacy and dignity at a moment's notice and just enjoy other people for no particular reason.

I miss my dogs.

[Keith NC]

... in response to Re: Re: Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Apr 2, 2005

Craig,

Looks like you and I are in the same boat.  I got back from the Philippines about a month ago.  I am in the process of filing the K-1 fiancee visa myself.  Yes, it is extremely hard to be away for our future wife.  Keep the faith.

Keith

[Patrick]

... in response to Thanks to Everyone, posted by Craigjjs on Mar 29, 2005

I think the part about guys getting off their butt and going is the best advice anyone could give.  Even if you don't meet Miss Right, you get a taste of another culture and some more insight into what you're getting into.  Few who contemplate this actually do get off their butts.  Of those who do, I suspect not many turn back after seeing the possibilities first hand.