Tests all work - Now for a question.

[Jeff S]

Just about every MOB ad I've ever seen says the same thing: "Sweet, simple girl who likes cooking and reading seeks responsible, stable man to make a future together." For those of you who have succeeded in finding a gf or wife that way, what criteria did you use to separate the potentials to write to from the "nah, I'll pass this one?" Looks, attire, whether or not she was smiling? Just curious how you managed to go through so many to find the needle in the haystack. I met and married my wife before the internet days; we were introduced by a mutial friend, so have no clue how someone would go about it.

- Jeff

[Bob S]

... in response to Tests all work - Now for a question., posted by Jeff S on Jan 15, 2005

Back when I was seeking a RW, my process went something like this:
1. Select a country that was interesting to me.  As the women do not come with a blank slate but rather with all of their cultural background, I narrowed it down to a country that had to me an interesting history, culture, or language I'd be willing to learn more about.
2. Select a geographic region within that country.  If I only had enough vacation time to spend a week or so in-country, I couldn't afford to waste precious days in transit going across the country to visit a myriad of girls.  So I selected one of the more interesting cities and selected girls from that city or nearby within reasonable commute distance.
3. Select a desired age range.  At the time, must be younger than me but old enough to have finished some college.
4. The photo.  Must be appealing.  What appealed to me was:
 a.  Smiling with warm kind eyes. Who wants a dour pouty moody woman?
 b.  Nice figure by my personal standards, but...
 c.  Modestly attired. The future mother of my 14 kids should not be someone inclined to dress and act slutty in front of strangers, for I am a jealous god and thou shalt have no other gods before me.
5. The bio. Looking for items of compatibility.  For me, that meant:
 a.  Never married, no kids.
 b.  Christian, but not too devout in her denomination so would be somewhat compatible with my Protestant denomination.
 c.  At least some college.
 d.  Bonus points if she has held some kind of professional job.
 e.  Look for compatible interests, or be wary of conflicting interests that could later become points of contention. For example, I don't ski, so I wouldn't want a woman who'd be bugging me to take her up to Snow Summit.
6. Red flags of the gold digger or spoiled princess. To keep it simple, eliminate anyone even hinting that they'd prefer someone with a higher lifestyle than my simple middleclass income can provide. Is she posing next to an expensive car? Dressed in fancy ballgowns? Hobbies include shopping and world travel? I like sightseeing travel too, but only got 2 or 3 weeks vacation each year. Even if she is compatible in most respects, is she just too picky in her requirements? With my job, there's no telling if my next job will be in Arizona or Washington, so if she insists on a particular climate, well, she's not adaptable enough or devoted enough.
That would narrow it down to the ones I'd want to contact for correspondence.  Further letters and communication would narrow the list even futher of ones I'd eventually want to meet.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Step method for selection, posted by Bob S on Jan 18, 2005

Excellent analysis, Bob.

I've always wondered myself about the kind of men who are attracted to women who insist on showing off too much of what they have on the internet for all to see. Fine, I guess, if you're looking for a good time, but who want's a wife who's assets have been drooled over by the masses.

What about women who seem underdressed, i.e. jeans and a tee shirt, no makeup? Would you consider that a plus or minus?

- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Spoken like a true engineer, posted by Jeff S on Jan 19, 2005

[This message has been edited by Ray]

I agree with Bob S.

If looks is your priority, then how she looks in jeans, a T-shirt, and with no makeup is probably the best test of what you're really getting. Those glamor shots can make even a girlie man look good (LOL).

Hey Jeff, did you go down to the beach and pick up any of those giant squids for dinner?

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050120/us_nm/odd_squid_dc_1

Ray

[Jeff S]

... in response to Squid & blue jeans, posted by Ray on Jan 21, 2005

[This message has been edited by Jeff S]

I heard they were ok to eat so long as they were still wiggling, but if not, let 'em lay - I have been out to catch them at night before. Great eating when they show up but they do tend to retaliate with squirts to the face.
http://www.senortuna.com/dc/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=100&topic_id=12960&mode=full&page=3

I wasn't necessarily talking about a glamour shot, just about a person putting their best foot forward. I used to be amazed at how many women go out in public in curlers poured into K-Mart spandex. Walk through a grocery store in Japan and you never see women sloppily dressed - not glamorous, just modestly but nicely dressed.

Personally I'm getting pretty burned out on blue jeans. Walk through South Coast Plaza or Fashion Island, and all you see are holey jeans, even on women wearing $25,000 worth of jewelery, and a hundred grand worth of plastic surgery. OK, Maybe they are $500 jeans designed by some famous fag from Paris, but they still look like crap to me. The worst are are these "Diesel" brand. They look exactly like the ones I used to wear back in my younger days after spending a week on my motorcycle sleeping on the side of the road, and having oil mist splattered over them at 80 miles an hour for a couple thousand miles.

- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Squid & blue jeans, posted by Jeff S on Jan 21, 2005

That was a classic squid shot Jeff! ROFLMGDAO!

[Bob S]

... in response to Spoken like a true engineer, posted by Jeff S on Jan 19, 2005

IMHO, casual dressed is fine, maybe even a plus since it suggests a down-to-earth character, or at least a comfort in being seen in public in casual dress (doesn't need to spend an hour getting ready just to walk the dog or run down to the supermarket).
But that's just a match for me.  Some guys may be specifically looking for eye candy arm decoration so would naturally gravitate to glamour-shot type photos.  To each his own.

[DanAndChed]

... in response to Tests all work - Now for a question., posted by Jeff S on Jan 15, 2005

Actually, my wife wasn't in the pile when I met her.  I was writing her sister, who in actuallity was her uncle.  Then, when I decided to call, Mares was told to talk to me, cause her sister wasn't home or some such thing.  We had the best conversation I've ever had with anyone.

She wrote me back after the call with her picture and an explanation.  We've never stopped clicking.

BTW, I wrote probably over 100 girls over a year and half and never clicked with any until Mares.  It was just one of those things I can't explain, kinda like love at first sight.  So I either found her through dumb luck or fate.

The lesson here is that getting passed off to a relative is not always a bad thing.  In my case I met the most perfect match and I do think she is the prettiest one I wrote.

If I was to advise anyone, I'd say never limit your choices, cause you never know what will turn up.

Dan

[Jeff S]

... in response to Tests all work - Now for a question., posted by Jeff S on Jan 15, 2005

I wasn't asking how you picked your wife out of the ones you MET - it's obviously all about chemistry and clicking together. Though Stephen's method - the tight jeans test, seems to have worked quite well. I was curious how you waded through the ads to determine which ones you wanted to contact in the first place, since all the ads and many of the photos seem so similar. Let's see: 5' 2", cute figure, long black hair, big smile in jeans and a tee shirt, likes reading & singing wants a long term relationship with a sincere, mature, stable man - they go on page after page after page.

- Jeff

[Jimbo]

... in response to I must not have made myself clear., posted by Jeff S on Jan 16, 2005

Hi Jeff,

When I found Cherry Blossoms online, that was my reaction - so many women, how do you narrow it down?

The solution was to start with the search engine (they have a good one).  Then use the photo and bio information to narrow it down even more.

For me, it went like this:

1. Select all women between the ages of 30 and 40, with height ranging from 5'3" to 5'6", and weight 120 lbs and under.

2. Look at each photo, keep the ones that appeal to me.  This part is subjective, I know, but that's the way it should be.  The human face is a facinating thing.  One man's plain jane is another man's beauty.

3. Then check the bio info.  Remove those that specify a man's age to be 40 and under (I was 44).  Remove those who described themselves as a "very devout Catholic."  Remove the Muslims and 7th day Adventists.

That's it, start writing.

Why 5'3"?  There were so many at 5'2" that I had to narrow it down with something, even if it didn't matter to me very much, which it didn't.  But I figured, what the heck, a taller woman is going to have longer legs, right? -LOL

Jim

[Keith NC]

... in response to Three steps, posted by Jimbo on Jan 17, 2005

Hi Jim,

Maybe I should have used your approach, lol.   I met Anecita through Filipina heart.  My biggest thing was a lady that smiled.  After my morose ex wife I knew I wanted someone that smiled and laughed alot.  I wanted someone that was happy with themselves and could be happy around others.  

I am leaving on February 21st for Manila.  I will be in the Philippines for two weeks.  I will heed you and the others advice and keep my eyes open.  

Keith

[Jimbo]

... in response to Re: Three steps, posted by Keith NC on Jan 17, 2005

Hi Keith,

I agree about the smile.  Sally's photo had a big smile and when I met her I saw that she loved to laugh.  After having been overly serious in my younger days I've gone the other way now, so that's what I wanted in a lady.

You're going to have the time of your life.  I can't wait for the trip report.

Jim

[Jeff S]

... in response to Three steps, posted by Jimbo on Jan 17, 2005

I know it worked out well fo you but did you ever think you might be passing up some real gems who were 5' 1" or 5' 2"?

Also, did you specifically look for someone who was an OCW, or did it just work out that way? Jean used to say it's a wise choice to make - shows a willingness to put up with a lot of adversity to get what she wants. What does Sallie think about OCWs as compared to native girls.

- Jeff

[jfs]

... in response to Just curious Jimbo, posted by Jeff S on Jan 17, 2005

What is OCW?  

James

[Jeff S]

... in response to DOOH! OCW??, posted by jfs on Jan 19, 2005

Overseas Contract Worker.

Lots of Filipinas take jobs in other countries under a contract. Many are housekeepers, nannies, and similar domestic help in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Singapore, and other wealthier places in Asia. They also sometimes work in the middle east as well, like Baharain, Oman, Kuwait, etc. Jobs are scarce at home and there are agencies in the PI who make the arrangements, obtain visas, transportation, etc.

If you notice on the Asian women websites there are many, many Filipinas residing in Hong Kong and sometimes Singapore or Taiwan. These are nearly all OCWs, as it's extremeny rare for a young Philippine woman to have enough wherewithall to travel and seek work on her own.

- Jeff