Hello

[njbMinnesota]

Hi,

I'm Nate and a new guy from Minnesota. I'm 30 years old. I'm searching for a soulmate and am interested in starting a penpal relationship with someone from overseas. From what I've read so far on this group it sounds like a lot of work (but seems very worthwhile).

Right now I am putting together a letter of introduction. I plan to send it to 5-10 women initially. Would it be best to have it translated to Chinese or should I keep it in English? I can speak some Chinese, but I cannot read any. Also, is it best to send an airmail/snailmail letter or is email preferred? One fear I have is getting too many or too few responses. I hope to get about 3-5 responses so that I can correspond with the women at a comfortable pace.

Also, what age range should I search in? I have dated US women older than me by a couple years, but I get the feeling that many Chinese women would like an older partner. Is that true or my misconception?

Thanks,
Nate

[Dave H]

... in response to Hello, posted by njbMinnesota on Jan 31, 2005

Hi Nate,

I'm married to a Filipina and don't know much about China other than it's history. But, there are others here who can help you. Good Luck!

Dave H.

[DavesNotHereMan]

... in response to Hello, posted by njbMinnesota on Jan 31, 2005

Nate,
    First of all, I think you are making a wise decision to look for a Chinese lady to be your wife or girlfriend.  I met a Chinese girl online over a year ago, and have had a wonderful time getting to know her, and I have fallen deeply in love with her.  I went to visit her in China last year, and I can't wait to go visit her again soon.  I had planned to go see her just after Chinese New Year - which is February 9th.  But because of a recent health problem, I will have to postpone my trip until later in the year.  I wrote about my trip to China in a post on here - you can search for it by my handle.

    The main reason I am responding to you, though, is because when I went to China to meet my fiance, I also met a couple of her friends.  One in particular, Bonnie, might interest you.  She is 24 years old, about 5'3" tall, nice figure, speaks very good English, is very funny, has a great attitude, and seems very genuine.  She is enamored with Western culture, and would also like to meet an American guy for a romantic relationship.

    Both Bonnie, and my fiancee Ping, live in a relatively small city in the southern part of central China called Nanyang, in the Henan Province.  So it's kind of hard for her to meet Westerners.  When I went to visit, we met in the Provincial capital city - Zhengzhou - and during my week stay, I only saw one other non-Chinese person.  And as funny as it might sound, I saw that guy eating lunch with a Chinese woman at Pizza Hut!

    If you would be interested in corresponding with Bonnie, please write to me at pat_sharp@nospam.com, and I will give you her e-mail address.  Also, if anyone else is interested in Bonnie, please don't be bashful.  She really would like to meet an American guy.  I have introduced her to two guys so far, but for whatever reason, it didn't work out.  I think it takes a special person to put in the extra effort to find love overseas - but I also think that it is well worth the effort.

    If you would like to know more about her before you write to her, you can ask me any questions you might have, and I will do my best to answer them.  I can even do some research for you - through my girlfriend Ping - if there are some questions that I can't answer.

    Oh, also, I know that Bonnie's parents have already told her that they don't mind if she gets married to a Westerner.  I asked her, becasue Ping's parents - well, mostly her mother - are dead-set against Ping marrying anyone but a local Chinese guy.  And this has added a level of frustration to what can already be a tough proposition, that I think you would probably want to avoid if possible.

Good Luck,
Pat Sharp
aka DavesNotHereMan

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Hello, posted by njbMinnesota on Jan 31, 2005

Hello Nate and welcome to Planet-Love

First of all you  have a good advantage in speaking some Chinese already.  I only know 5 - 6  words.  they  will be impressed with this.  However  I think it will be to your advantage to find someone who has a pretty good command of English.  I am certainly blessed that my Fiance  speaks English  very  well.  I think you need this language  of commonality  whether it is Chinese or English  so you can really get down to develop your relationship in depth  rather than just acting as pen pals trying to learn each others language.  English is taught to most chinese in school I think and some of the Chinese women continue to learn it to more advanced levels.  Today I talked to my fiance  but I also chatted in English for  a few minutes with her sister and she has no real interest in western culture or western men.  

Write a few lines in your letter in chinese maybe 3 - 4,  but then I would  focus  the rest of your letter  in English.  It is harsh to say  this  but if the reciptient  does not  understand your  letter  in English  then  you might not want to select her as  communication will be a big problem.

Next  you have to ask yourself  what  type of woman am I looking  for  -- a city girl  a girl from the country.  a similar education level,   someone with similar interests.  For my fiance and myself it was important that we were the same religion.  there are many internet sites  where you can view profiles of women from particular countries.  you can view the multitudes of profiles to chose who you think is really attractive  or chose  who is intersting to you, or who matches  what you are looking for and then join the service like (Match.com) and start corresponding with the girls via E-mail.  Snail mail  letters  take about  10 - 15 business days.  be aware that the chines Govenment opens many packages that you will send as your  relationship blossoms.  I  personally vote for the e-mail  route. when you get your relationship established  calling China is pretty  cheap  6 cents a minute  is what I pay  and they tell me you can do it for  3 cents.

Age is relative to maturity level.  But  since  you are 30  I  would look for women between 24  and 33  that  is  what I would  go for.   I am 4 1/2  years older than my Fiance.
Be aware though  that  many chinese  live at home until marriage so  they  may not have had the experience of living on their own.  I was  fortunate that my fiance's  parents are great  but  some  parents  might not accept the Idea of their daughter marrying a westerner rather  than a local chinese.  I think  that  the 1 child per household policy was instituted in the early 80's  so if you find a girl closer to your  age then there is the chance that they might have siblings.  but as you go maybe  25 years of  age  and  lower  then there is the chance that you will be taking away the parents only child. China is very traditional.  It  will take a strong individual to decide her own path  rather  than do what the parents hope for and expect.  I do not think that chinese women are looking for older partners like is common to find in the philippines  but  like any other  woman  in the world  they are  looking for some one who is honest  respectful and somewhat  driven and  successfull.

The Visa process  once you have met your soulmate  is  somewhat challenging  but  can easily be done without a lawyer. Unless  you are able  to live  in china  or you can find a chinese female student here,  or you select a girl from Hong Kong, macau, or taiwan  the  separation between you will be  difficult.  The mainland Chinese  cannot leave china  without  the proper permission.  yes  of course  it is  worth it though once things have  been approved  and things are put into action. here is a website forum stated by a former Planet love participant that  deals with finding chinese partners.  Join ...

China-USA-Couples@yahoogroups.com

also  look at

http://www.candleforlove.com/

These  sites provide good information and have many other contributers  who can answer questions

Good luck in your  search  and ask more questions here  if  you  wish.

ERIC  

[njbMinnesota]

... in response to Re: Hello, posted by Windmill Boy on Feb 1, 2005

Thanks for the advice.

I did not think of the 1-child policy. I have dated women who were the only child before and they seemed reluctant to cut the apron strings.

Also, if you are looking to learn a little more Chinese you might try the CDs from Pimsleur. That is how I got started.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Hello, posted by njbMinnesota on Jan 31, 2005

Hi Nate:
Welcome to our little slice of cyberspace. If it were me I'd send snail mails, because in spite of what it seems like from the outside, plenty of China is still backwards, and not all of your potentials will have internet access. Later when you pare it down, you can arrange for them to find an internet cafe if they don't have it at home.

Second, no I wouldn't translate the letters into Chinese at first. Let them show some initiative. After all, if they're thinking about moving to the US, they'll need to get started in English eventually. Just to let you know, I spoke more Japanese than my wife spoke English when we met, so while it may be a bit tougher than if you share a common language, we're living proof that it's doable. I started writing in English then eventually wrote a few letters in my simplistic Japanese, with help from a friend's wife, while she took English classes in Japan while we were dating for nearly three years.

Finally, if you subscribe to Ray's formula, take your age and divide by two (30/2=15) then add 7 (15+7=22) There's your minimum. As for a maximum, I have no problem with dating older women. I have all my life and (sssshhh don't say anything) my wife is 3 years older than I. There's another couple who posts here with a three year older wife than husband, too. Some asian women just don't seem to age. You'd have sworn my mother in-law was in her 50s when she died in her late 70s.

Best of luck in your search.

- Jeff