Canceling visa petition

[stefang]

[This message has been edited by stefang]

I was wondering how you cancel the fiance visa? It seems my
fiance and I had a bad fight over the phone. Our fight was over
a phone call to her that I did not make Sunday night. I told her
to call me when she came back from the movies and I would
call her back but my phone never rang. The next Monday I
called her and she got angry and clicked off the phone. I tried
to call back and her friend spoke fast in Portuguese and I heard
laughing in the background. I never liked her friend she has a
lousy attitude towards men and I wonder if this influenced my
fiance.  This set me off since I never really did anything wrong
so I decided not to call her until today. Today she still does not
want to talk so this is a major problem since it seems childish
behavior something DaveH has mentioned in the past with Latinas.

I did not feel well all week after something like this but now I
feel maybe it was good that I see the anger coming out before
marriage. Now maybe I should of called earlier last week but it
just seemed crazy how this happened. I don't think I will try
looking in SA again. Personality is much more important to me
and I still can't believe this happened.

To explain more about the phone. Earlier Sunday I called her
but she was with friends so she says call later. I call later and
she is with friends eating supper and tells me to call her 2 AM
her time because she is going to see a 12AM movie. I tell her to
call first to let me know when she is back to her apartment but
I said only let your phone ring a few times and I would not pick
up so she does not have to pay for the call. I then would call
her back right away. Well the phone never rang so maybe she
did not let it ring on her end enough I don't really know. She
went bezerk Monday when I said the phone at my house did
not ring. She has never done this before so it is why I think
something else is up or her friend has been putting things in
her mind. Am I at fault or should I see this as a sign to run like
he!!?

[Rota20]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

[This message has been edited by Rota20]

Dump her!  I used to be into Latinas too.  Although there is good and bad women everywhere, Latinas seem to play a lot of games and not a good fit for American guys who tend to actually be nice and respect women.  They prefer men who are very macho and more like the men in their countries.  Asian women seem to go for guys like yourself who are actually gentleman-like and respectful to women.  After discovering Asian women I wouldn't go back to Latin or Eastern European again.  But at least you should leave this witch behind.  It sounds like she doesn't deserve any decent guy.

[Humabdos]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

Run faster than hell!
Hum

[Dave H]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

Hi stefang,

Sounds like you may have a "drama queen." Personally, I did not consider the LA route or even consider a local Latina an option for me. I believe most American males are too nice to deal with Latinas. IMHO, most Latinas need and want (even if they deny it) to be kept in their place. If you are not tough, you will be considered a wimp, not repected, and walked all over!!! I'm too old for games (48...43 when I met my wife).  Don't get me wrong, there are some great Latinas, but I have been involved in a few horror stories and have seen far too many first hand...especially since Valium is not being handed out like candy anymore. I find my wife (Filipina) to be the perfect blend of Latin spice and Asian cool! Plus she speaks better English than me. I would follow Ray's visa advice, plenty of time to cancel later if you still want to. Good Luck!

Dave H.

[stefang]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

Thanks Ray for the visa info and thanks to other guys about the
situation. I am going to send a letter to INS but it may not do anything.
They have not processed it yet, when I called, the recording said the wait
time was 150-180 days and I sent it in November. Looks like Apr-May
before they would of opened my petition.

To tell you the truth I am not that heart broken. You may think this
doesn't make sense since I was going to marry this woman. I don't feel
so bad because the way she acted made me relieved that I found out
before marriage. Some guys weren't so lucky and had the relationship
crash apart here which is much more difficult. This is the way I need to
look at it because if I remember the way she was before, I miss her very
much.

These last two Mondays have been bad for me. Last week my
relationship change from good to bad and just today my field service
manager called to say I was on layoff. I am not sure I will be rehired so I
have to start looking for a new job. I work in data and telecom and the
field got to big too fast and is still contracting. I am going to call
tomorrow some Bells since they might be hiring for a fiber optic push to
homes. If this doesn't work I will go back for a business degree. I have
two years of community college about 8 years ago so it will be
interesting trying to start again. Luckily I am 35 and still young enough
to make some changes hopefully better for me in the future.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 31, 2005

Sorry about all the bad news at once.

On the petition, nothing is going to happen anyway until it gets approved and forwarded to the embassy. Since you already paid the processing fee and there is no refund, you still have the option to just let it ride for a while on the outside chance that you may change your mind later. At least you wouldn't have to start all over again.

Ray

[Jeff2]

... in response to Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by Ray on Feb 1, 2005

Ray;

From a purely pragmatic standpoint, you may be correct.  But, I would advise cancelling the petition and not worrying about the money or time.

There is enough wrong here that I would walk away from it, but even if Stefang should choose to go forward with it cancelling  will buy him time to fully consider everything.  It also shows that he is not a sap that will put up with games.

Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by Jeff2 on Feb 1, 2005

Yes Jeff, that was coming from a pragmatic standpoint. I wasn’t in any way suggesting that Stef change his mind, but I have seen it happen many times in similar situations.

As far as buying more time, the one big advantage of the fiancée visa is that it does give you more time to think it over. Typically, after becoming engaged, it will take 6-9 months to get a visa, the visa can be used up to 6 months after issuance, and then the couple has another 90 days after arrival to get married, so there are plenty of chances to back out before making the final commitment.

Ray

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by Jeff2 on Feb 1, 2005

I agree with you and I want to move on. I think with my brain first and
this is just too bizarre to comprehend. I can sense worse behavior than
this in the future especially if her friends can manipulate her I know what
the American women will do. thanks also Ray you have a lot of info on
the application process.

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 31, 2005

I follow your logic completely.  You're very lucky to have found out about her prior to marriage.

May I ask a question....what part of the country do you live in?  And have you tried to look in the Philippines?  I think you could have good luck there.  Yes, there are bad apples there also.  But there are quite a lot of good ladies also.  And they're easier to find in the Phils.

Additionally....Just about all Filipinas already speak English.  You don't have to worry about that problem.

Good luck.

Stephen

[stefang]

... in response to Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by Stephen on Jan 31, 2005

Hi Stephen I live in the metro Detroit area now. Since I lost my job I am
looking elsewhere, Michigan is in the dumps for my field. I have a test
set up for next Thursday with Verizon in Virginia. If I get lucky maybe I
will get a job with them then you can harass me for being the lazy union
phone tech. I have thought a lot about Asia and I basically felt it was
where I would go if my relationship with my fiance hadn't worked. In the
past I heard bad stereotypes about Asian women being greedy and other
things, it is why I went the LA route first. I never knew myself but reading
these boards I see it is different. Right now my priority is a new job,
wether another state or Michigan. In the future I might look into the
various ways of making a contact with a Pinay, maybe someone here
might know a lady to contact. I want to study more about Asia also like
Jeff says learn the culture, history etc..

Thanks for the support and effort. I will stick around and ask more
questions if I feel I get set in another job or career.

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Feb 1, 2005

Why not give Howard a call!  He lives in Detroit and I'll bet Girlie has a zillion friends and family that would treat you much butter.

The bear Family

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Feb 1, 2005

Michigan is pretty much the dumps for employment these days. The economy there is pretty tough, with construction, automotive, and tech, teh worst of the bunch. You'll be better off in the sun belt somewhere - Texas, Arizona, SoCal, Miss, Ala, Ga, Fla, are have better job prospects than MI. My customers are all in MI, and are busily shifting their manufacturing facilities to China or Mexico as fast as they can.
- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

That sucks! Where is the petition now?

If it’s still with CIS, you don’t have to do anything right away. If it’s already at the overseas consulate, then you should prepare a written request to withdraw the petition and have your signature notarized. Make sure you include the case number. FAX a copy to the consulate and let them know that you’re also forwarding the original by mail. That should be enough to cancel everything. They don’t really need any reason why.

If the visa has already been issued, then it will be more difficult to stop her.

If you think she is too easily influenced by her “friends”, then I would consider that a serious character flaw that should NOT be taken lightly. Poor choice of friends is another huge red flag.

Ray

[Bob S]

... in response to Canceling visa petition, posted by stefang on Jan 30, 2005

Is she really so hot that you'd be willing to spend the next 50 years living putting up with that?
See Stephen's previous post at http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/messages/48760.html
and Jeff's reply at http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/messages/48763.html

The hottie-ness will fade in a few years.  The attitude will be there FOR-EV-ER.