Have any of you....

[senior citizen]

...heard of a guy having a successful marriage to a bar girl/GRO? And is she able to come to the US as a fiance'/spouse with that on her record, or does it even go on any official record?

I know a young fellow who is head over heels in love with some bar girl in the Philippines. Pasig or Pasay, I think. I told him that he may have trouble getting her approved, if she admits to what she does at her interview.

This isn't a case of first sex first love. He is experienced in this area. I call him a kid because he's only 35 or 38 years old. Compared to me, he's a spring chicken.

1. Are BGs eligable to come to the US?
2. Can they tell the truth and pass the interview?
3. Can they pass a Wasserman (VD) test?
4. Does a marriage stand a chance?

I have zero experience with filipina bar girls.

[senior citizen]

... in response to Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 7, 2005

Thanks to you all.

This fellow is rather active sexually and he may have found his ideal partner, for all I know. He always said he'd never marry a virgin. I just had no idea whether or not it was okay from immigration and whether or not they had a chance. I never thought about marrying a woman in the sex trade. Her being a virgin was not important to me, but a bar girl never crossed my mind. I didn’t take one Filipina bar girl or prostitute when I was there. I met Honey early on and we became close. The other times I was in the Philippines while on active duty I never bothered with them as I was never there all that long at a time. Apparently he bar-fines her out almost every night, if he can be believed. He is in the Philippines working on a US government contract, and makes darned good money. All I can say is that if she can turn HIS experienced crank, she must really be something. I wish them luck. He says she is a nice girl and very domestic when away from the bar. He was not asking my advice or permission, I was just curious, is all.  

I know many women in the third world turn to prostitution or bar work because they cannot do any better. They are poor, their family is poor, and all they have is their beauty and their body. I do not look down on a working girl, and I would much prefer the company of honest prostitutes to lawyers and politicians (I'm glad Honey doesn't read this board ;-) ).

After all, many men here have found that women are sometimes "sold" by their families' pressure into a marriage to an American for fiscal gain. He thinks she is sincere, she is pressured by her family and wants no part of it. To my mind that is little different from prostitution. It is like being a mistress to one man.

Many Filipino families think an American in the family is like hitting a small lottery. Honey has lots of friends from the Philippines and many of them are hounded by their families for money for rent, education, medical bills, etc. One woman's "Aunt Ti-ti" (phonetic spelling on my part) supposedly had to have emergency appendectomies two years apart. In both cases she was "laying in pain screaming and the doctors will not operate until they have some money and she will surely die" if they don’t get $2,000 wired in 48 hours. I don't know about you all, but I sure don't have two appendices. The family forgot and used the same name twice.

In a way, being more or less disowned by Honey’s family has been a fiscal blessing. She has adapted, and the few in her family who are friendly to her don’t ask for money.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 9, 2005

[This message has been edited by Jeff S]

I never meant to imply that anyone who wasn't a virgin wasn't marriage material. Geez, I married a lady with a ten year old daughter myself (though she does insist it was an immaculate conception) even though she knew I wasn't a Baptist minister from Oklahoma. And yes, I am familiar with what it sometimes takes to make it in third world countries with family pressures, and bad luck thrown into the mix. What I meant to say is, why would someone who has a choice of a gazillion ladies in the world, ever hook up with one who was in desperate straits enough to have to turn to the sex trade? I feel sorry for their choices or necessities, however you look at it, but don't understand why a person who has a choice would volunteer for such a task. Rescue a damsel in distress and you end up with a distressed damsel. Personally, I think strong, self confident women who doesn't allow herself to be victimized, no matter how poor the hand she's dealt, makes a far more suitable lifetime partner - at least for me - than one who ends up swept up in the justifications of the moment. Of course that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

- Jeff

[Jeff S]

... in response to Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 7, 2005

I just wonder that with so many nice girls willing to work hard and not compromise their morals, why would a guy want to? (retorical of course.) I've heard it said, it's just as easy falling in love with a rich girl as a poor one - I'll add a corollary - It's just as easy to fall in love with a girl with a good character as a bad.

I realize your post wasn't asking about whether it was a good idea, just if it were acceptable from an immigration standpoint, but I thought I'd toss in my two cents.

- Jeff

[Stephen]

... in response to Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 7, 2005

Of course men who marry bar girls can have a very successful marriage.  

Look at all men and women in this world who are married.  Some ways to meet a gal have a greater chance of success than others.  But certainly there is some chance that any two people can be happily married.

Remember.....SOME WAYS TO MEET A LADY HAVE A HIGHER RATE OF SUCCESS THAN OTHERS.  

I think Ray has given some good advice.  If they want to try it, then think it through and work their plan.

And good luck to your friend.  I wish him the best.

Stephen

[Michael B]

... in response to Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 7, 2005

I've got a friend who has been married to one for over 20 years. They've even got grandkids now. He was in the Marines and met her somewhere. I don't remember where, but it wasn't in P.I., Tiwan or Hong Kong or somewhere like that where he was stationed. For what it's worth (remember, it was over 20 years ago, so INS rules and attitudes were different), he had a really bad time with both INS and the millitary getting her her, but they've been (as near as I can tell) faithful, happy, etc. ever since.

[Ray]

... in response to Have any of you...., posted by senior citizen on Feb 7, 2005

There are thousands of Filipina former bar girls here in the States and many have very successful marriages.

Working in a bar by itself will not disqualify you from getting a visa. However, evidence of prostitution will.

The interview can sometimes be tricky. If they are completely honest and tell everything, there could be problems depending on the individual interviewer. The consular officers are no dummies and they know that many of the girls at the interviews worked in bars. I think most of them don’t really care as long as there is no criminal history such as arrest records for drugs or prostitution. There may or may not be a record of her employment in a bar depending on whether she had any kind of local “entertainer” license where she worked. If there is no official record then she can probably be somewhat less than 100% honest about it. I think most of the girls will not specifically include working in a bar as part of their employment history. They may call it a “waitress” job or something similar or not list it at all. If it comes up at the interview, she may be in for a grilling, but again it depends on the individual interviewer. If she lives in or listed Angeles City, Subic City, Olongapo City, or surrounding areas as residences, the embassy may ask for a local police clearance before approving the visa.

Who is Wasserman? All adult females are tested for STD’s at the medical exam. If they don’t have any active VD they will pass. They should be very careful what information they provide at the medical exam. Admission of ANY drug use or prostitution can disqualify them.

IMO, the bar girls are people just like anyone else. Some are good people and some are not. The risks are probably somewhat higher, but many of those marriages work out just fine. It really depends on the individuals. I’ve known a lot of former bar girls here in San Diego and many of them are the nicest folks you could ever want to know. But then again, some others are simply a-holes :-)

Ray