Uncle Needs Wife - Help!

[InfoWriter]

Hi all! I’m helping my uncle find a mail order bride because his first THREE American marriages ended (gold-diggers).  He loves Asian women but he knows nothing about the 'net and I have done a bit of research but want to make sure I don't leave anything out. Can someone please post a step-by-step plan for finding a mail order bride just so I know I'm doing everything right?  For example, should he sign up with a service first - is it better to order access to addresses or what?  Any advice would be appreciated. He's a great guy who deserves a devoted wife.  I don’t want to order a guide. I’m trying to get advice from REAL guys who are here in this board who have gone through the process.
thanks!

[Jeff S]

... in response to Uncle Needs Wife - Help!, posted by InfoWriter on Jan 5, 2005

[This message has been edited by Jeff S]

1. Find a good woman who's compatable with you and who loves you and you love her.
2. Ask her to marry you, and hope she says yes.
3. If she doesn't say yes, return to step 1.
4. If she says yes, file for a K1 fiance visa.
5. Wait 6 months to one year for our gumment to say she's OK and can come.
6. When she get's here, get married.
7. File for and adjustment of status.
8. Live happily ever after.

Sorry, I'm not trying to be an a-hole, just pointing out the obvious. Step 1 is the toughest and there are as many ways of accomplishing this as there are guys who have done it. We did a little survey a while back of how those who were successful found their wives. Half had been introduced by friends, about 1/4th had met by chance when visiting the foreign country, and about 1/4th by buying addresses and establishing communications before heading over to meet.

Your uncle's first step is to figure out which country he wants a wife from. Anyway, most will tell you that the Philippines is the best place for a wife because they speak English and are Catholic. I only know one Filipina personally, and she's a pretty special lady, (I'm sure you'll agree Stephen) so I can't say much about them. Some of us, though, have looked, and succeeded in places other than the PI. On the Asian sweetie web site there are ladies from five different countries.

Selecting a place to search for a wife is a personal matter. You have to be prepared to deal with this person, her culture, language, tastes in food, music, decorating, friends, etc, etc, for the rest of your life. If you can't stand spicy food, don't marry a Korean, and if listening to banda or norteño music makes you want to shoot yourself in the head, don't marry a Mexicana. You have to have respect for and an interest in her culture and history for this to all work. She will, most emphatically, NOT arrive with a clean slate ready to become an American and adapt to your ways - she'll have her own. How you accept and appreciate those will go a long way in setting a precident for how your marriage will succeed. Many of those things that seem quaint and exotic when you're holding hands on vacation, may bug the he!! out of you later. Do your homework on her culture and spend some time on serious introspection before you go. You won't regret it.

Next, he needs to understand what he's looking for in terms of lifestyle. Some of us prefer women who've never worn shoes and we have to teach how to work a telephone while others want women who move with grace in socialite circles. Some like women interested only in staying home and raising children, while others prefer those more interested in pursuing their professional careers. Some like women intersted in reading and discussing "The Bible" while others want their spouses to be able to debate "The Origins of Consciousness and the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind." If you like gourmet meals in fancy resturaunts and she'd rather stay at home and snack on rice, if your idea of a vacation is backpacking in the high sierras and hers is shopping on 5th Avenue and staying in a nice hotel, or if you want her to feed the chickens and she wants you to join her at the opera, you're going to have problems.

Doing this kind of homework is far more valuable than the exact technique you use. Spend some time looking over the archives to find how some have been successful. Some buy addresses, some travel and spend time there, some advertise themselves, and some become involved in their local Asian community and ask for interested relatives to contact. Whatever you do I would not recommend turning the search over to some "service." They're most likely interested in only extracting as much as possible from your wallet.

Also click on the agencies list on the left of this page, and look over how they work, and the techniques they recommend. Also I'd spend the couple dozen hours to browse through the archives. It's three or four years worth of success and horror stories - an entertaining and educational tool. Just a few random thoughts to chew on a bit.

- Jeff

Oh BTW - Welcome to our hangout, and here are some of us: http://www.geocities.com/jeffsatpl/

[Bob S]

... in response to Here's an exact step-by-step procedure....., posted by Jeff S on Jan 5, 2005

0.5  If you don't already have one, get a passport.

1.5  Visit her in her home country (or depending on where she's from, maybe she can visit you first?).

Oh yeah, to the OP, abolish the term "mail order bride" from your vocabulary.  Yeah, it's in the name of the web site title page, but that's only a marketing gimmick.  On a certain level it is insulting (implying they are merely property to be purchased), and on another it is a misnomer.  "Mail order" means that you look up the product in a catalog, pay your fee, and wait for the post office to deliver.  The process ain't that easy.  According to the rules imposed by the Bureau Formerly Known as the INS, you must have proof that you met in person before they will issue your fianceé a visa to enter the U.S. (see step 1.5).  Very few people get dispensation to skip that step (maybe if you're from some primitive culture that forbids the betrothed from seeing each other till the day of the wedding).

[Patrick]

... in response to Missed a step, posted by Bob S on Jan 6, 2005

"Mail order means that you look up the product in a catalog, pay your fee, and wait for the post office to deliver."

Yes, it is a common misconception.  You'd think that in this day and age, everyone would know they aren't "delivered" by the post office.  It's all FedEx now!

[Bob S]

... in response to Re: Missed a step, posted by Patrick on Jan 7, 2005

As a mail-order husband, it wasn't the flight over in the cargo hold so much as it was the several day wait at the customs office in Tokyo that started to get to me.  At least one of the inspectors had pity on me and fed me water and rice through the air holes in my box till my future wife could come and claim me.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Missed a step, posted by Patrick on Jan 7, 2005

[This message has been edited by Ray]

You’re wrong Patrick. It’s not ALL FedEx.

Was your bride delivered by FedEx? Mine came by DHL. I was a little surprised because I had naturally assumed that the brown brides would be delivered by UPS. But you’re correct that the post office doesn’t deliver Mail-Order Brides any more. It has been many moons, but my first one came through the U.S. Postal System.

Important tip for Mail-Order Bride customers: Make sure you are home on the day of delivery! When the post office brought my first one, she was registered and I wasn’t home to sign for her, so they took her back to the office and I had to drive all the way over to the Chula Vista Post Office to pick her up. Hell, if I knew it was going to be that much trouble, I would of just gone over to the F-Street Book Store and bought me one of them blow-up dolls! It’s especially important that you be at home if FedEx will deliver your bride. You are supposed to sign for her, but those FedEx guys have been known to just leave her on the front porch and throw the doormat over her head. By the time you get home, all of the neighbors might have already taken her for a spin around the block a few times.

Also, make sure that you check her very closely for shipping damage before you sign for her. If there are any chips on her shoulders or too many cracks, send her back!

I always wondered about the “Postage & Handling” fee they charge with your purchase of a Mail-Order Bride. I understand the postage part, but what do they mean by “handling”? I sure hope it’s not what I think it is!

Ray :-)

[Surigao Ken]

... in response to Mail-Order Bride Tips, posted by Ray on Jan 8, 2005


The last wife I ordered came Cash on Delivery. Luckly I'd moved the trailer to a different location to fool the repo-man.
And don't forget those two for one sales! Buy one, get one free!

Take care,
Surigao Ken

[Patrick]

... in response to and no C.O.D, posted by Surigao Ken on Jan 9, 2005

U livin in the sam pArk i am?

http://www.mytrailerpark.com/

[Surigao Ken]

... in response to Re: and no C.O.D, posted by Patrick on Jan 9, 2005


Naw,
Those folks are too high class for us.

Tkae care,
Surigao Ken

[Ray]

... in response to Re: and no C.O.D, posted by Patrick on Jan 9, 2005

That was terrible!

[Patrick]

... in response to Here's an exact step-by-step procedure....., posted by Jeff S on Jan 5, 2005

"Step 1 is the toughest and there are as amny ways of accomplishing this as there are guys who have done it."

Very good point.  This guy should be reading the archives.

One other point-

I've seen several people over the years get involved in this with the intent of finding a wife for somebody.  I've never seen it work.  If this guy's uncle is not interested enough to be the one here asking questions, there's no way he'll be putting in the work to achieve success.  I don't think any of the married guys here would characterize the process as easy.

[Frank O]

... in response to Re: Here's an exact step-by-step procedu..., posted by Patrick on Jan 5, 2005

If his UNCLE is the one that needs a wife & is not willng to inform HIMSELF he is hopeless. This is NOT an easy endeavor man. Read my post on this on the EE forum.

[InfoWriter]

... in response to Re: Here's an exact step-by-step procedu..., posted by Patrick on Jan 5, 2005

Thanks for both of your messages.  I'm not finding a wife for him, I'm helping figure out how to get started.  He's never even turned on a computer (he's older but not old).  I'm just holding his hand through it.  I always thought he'd just sign up with an agency annd they'd do it but I'm learning there are other ways to find a foreign bride.  Thanks so much, guys!

[Patrick]

... in response to Re: Re: Here's an exact step-by-step pro..., posted by InfoWriter on Jan 5, 2005

Even if he does sign up with an agency, they don't "do it" for him.  The women still have free choice.  It's a courting game, just like it is with women here.  Men tend to be able to marry women younger and more attractive this way than they could here.  But IMHO, those who go too far outside their league in terms of looks and age are the one's who tend to have more problems.

I tend to think that the larger age gaps are less important for older men.  A 40 year-old man marrying a 20 year-old woman stands less of a chance of success in my mind than a 60 year-old man marrying a 40 year-old woman.  Both have 20 year age gaps but a woman of 40 is mature.  A twenty year-old isn't.  Don't believe the "They mature faster" bullshit some sites lay on you.  It's mostly a sales pitch.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Here's an exact step-by-step..., posted by Patrick on Jan 5, 2005

...about the maturity and age gaps.

This age formula always works pretty well as a general guide for courting:

her minimum age = (your age/2) + 7