Getting Started

[Bull Gator]

First post!  I chased Russian women for over two years and now give up!  Can anyone comment on cultural differences between Russian and Asian women?

I seek marriage, but over time, possibly spending a few months in Asia to build a relationship.  Vietnam and possibly Thailand (worry about bar girls there) appeal to me.  I prefer unassisted WMVM trip.  Any good agencies for addresses?  

[Dave H]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

Hi Bull Gator,

"Can anyone comment on cultural differences between Russian and Asian women?" They have women in Russia? LOL I know there are some very pretty Russian woman, but the first picture that always comes to my mind is some big, stout, beast, lifting a tractor out of a ditch. ;o) I don't know the answer to your question, but good luck finding out! I do know that Filipinas differ quite a bit in culture and religion from most Asians. They are much more Westernized (in a good way) overall, having been influenced by 333 years of Spanish rule and almost 50 years of US control. Most important: Take your time!

Dave H.

[Keith NC]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

Bull Gator,

I was married to a Filipina for 3 1/2 years and the marriage was a complete disaster.  But I don't regret a thing because I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter from it.  Why was my marriage a disaster?  Because I ignored the intial red flags.  This coming January 2005 I will be in the Philippines again visiting a lady that I have been corresponding with for over a year now.  My first marriage failed because of the type of person that my ex was not because she was a Filipina.  I like Filipinas because they know English and they are really flexible to all kinds of situations.  They seem to adapt well here in the United States.

My Father was in the Vietnam War and has a lot of Vietnamese friends here.  I have been around Vietnamese all of my life.  I think that would be a good choice for you also.  They take good care of their Husbands and are very loyal.  They are very industrious also and work very hard.  

I have a friend of mine that is married to a girl from Thailand.  She actually came here on a fiancee visa to marry another guy but for some reason he didn't like her once she got her.  She was working at a Thai restaraunte when my friend met her and they got married and just had their first child this week.  She is a very nice girl.  I think there is a misperception that a lot of the girls in Thailand are bar girls.  There are many there that would frown on that kind of lifestlye.  I am sure you will be able to find some nice ones.

I think it depends on what you are looking for.  If you like the Vietnamese culture then by all means that is what you should persue.  I personally fell inlove with the people in the Philippines and the culture there.  To each his own.  Good luck to you.  

Keith

[Craigjjs]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

I have been happy with loveofasiavietnam.com.  Over the last few months I have come to know the owners, Tom and Hanh.  They have been very helpful as well as honest.  I have had bad experiences with two other Vietnam agencies, bad service or no service.  Cherryblossoms.com is excellent if you are looking for more independant communication.  It is similar to match.com.  The profiles are self posted and you pay a monthly fee ($19.99)instead of paying for addresses. There are contingents from most Asian countries (except Japan and Korea).  

I have spent some time corresponding with Filipinas, Thais and Vietnamese.  You can't really generalize, but there is a certain unquantifiable charm that I find with the Vietnamese.

I'd be interested in your experiences in FSU.  I am looking there in addition to Vietnam.  My personal diversity program.:-)  You can e-mail me at craigjjs@nospam.com if you want to share experiences.

Craig

[Bob S]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

In my limited anecdotal experience, if you plan to live in a Western country, Asian women just seem to export better.
Despite my bad experiences in eastern Europe, I still feel that if you want a white woman, east European women are on average better than what you find in the West, the caveat being you actually have to plan on living in eastern Europe where the societal pressures that made them so great are still in effect.  Take them to the West and all bets are off.  From the limited selection I have seen (and again, this is my own observation, YMMV), those RW that make good wives in the West are usually those that came over on their own accord (student visas, immigrant visas, political asylum, and so on) so have no pressures of obligation or appreciation to her benefactor (which Russians don't seem to be very good at).

Those few who've had bad experiences in Asia may say the same thing about Asian women, but again in my limited experience, Asian cultures on average tend to show much more willingness to express mutual obligation and appreciation for harmonious mutual support (particularly within the Buddhist cultures).  A diligent hard worker is valued by the group rather than regarded as a sucker.

Oh yeah, and I've yet to meet a Thai woman who wasn't also a great cook (if your stomach can handle spicy curry dishes).

[Scott]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

One of our pilots met a Russian/Ukranian women a few years ago while on an assignment in the area.  She's very much a BABE and a real doll.  One of the sweetest women i've met.  They had their first child about 11 months ago.  I don't really know anything about Russian women, but he got a winner.  BTW, her father was a diplomat with several overseas posting, so she was more worldly than possibly the typical Russian woman.

[Bull Gator]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

Bear,  Thanks for the good tips. Did not realize that a man must be strong with Asian women too.  Russians feed on  "nice guys" like sharks after wounded fish.
Dave, Interesting story.  Her friend sounds too young for an old goat like me.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

I've been reading these three boards for a few years now, and if you ask people on the Russian board what attracts them to EE women, the response is usually that they're white, attractive, slim, intellectual, cultured, etc. If you ask those on the Latin board, you get answers like big hooters, bubble butts, hot in bed, etc. While there's nothing wrong with wanting any or all of these attributes, you rarely hear a guy say that he was thinking of getting a divorce because his wife was meaner than a snake but after he took a long, hard look at her ass, he decided to give it another try.

The truth is, you have to be culturally in-sync with your wife, no matter what her upbringing. If she's honest and straightforward in her approach to marriage, if her ideas concur with yours, if you are both willing to work at and give more than you receive, your marriage will be a success. If not, well...

Women are women, everywhere, there are good ones, bad ones, and everything in-between. Some cultures, though have made lying and deception, while not the norm, at least tolerated. Other cultures have attached considerable shame to it. There have been numerous posts on the EE board about the curtural acceptance of a certain amount of deception in FSU countries. I don't know about you, but for me, anyone who isn't morally very clear on deception, I would not consider as a potential wife.

You have to understand, that you are looking for ONE person in countries with millions of potentials. The question isn't which country has the best pickings, no matter how much people argue about whether the Colombian women are "better" than the Bulgarian or any others for that matter. I have no doubt, that given enough time and effort, anyone could find a wonderful match in any country in the world.

The real fun begins AFTER you find your wife, and after she arrives here. That is what determines if you're going to have a happy life together. Forget the shape of her eyes, the color of her skin or the size of her boobs. What you need to figure out is which culture you can admire, fit into, enjoy and respect. Whichever place you find yourself looking, spend a lot more time digging into the country's culture, learning the history, sampling the food, learning the language, manners, religion, and getting inside what makes them tick, than looking at pictures of pretty girls. It's something you're going to have to live with the rest of your life. Only if you can truly respect her culture, politics, and lifestyle, can you expect to remain happily married.

You need to start by looking at yourself, to see what you want and need, what you'll tolerate and what you won't, before you can really pick a place to start.

As Dennis Miller likes to say, of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

- Jeff

[Bull Gator]

... in response to Hi Bull and welcome to our hangout, posted by Jeff S on Oct 20, 2004

Thanks Jeff.  Yes honesty is important to me.  For sure when one marries a woman he also marries her culture.  That is what I found appealing about VIETNAM.  One word described how they interact - harmony.  The word in Russia is "brutal."  Enough on Russians.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Hi Bull and welcome to our hangout, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 20, 2004

One thing I don't know if you're familiar with, but makes someone from that part of the world even more special and interesting, is Buddhism. A devout Buddhist is devoted to making each day better than the last, to treating you better, to making your home, life, feelings, and everything else in your environment, smoother, nicer, better than the day before. The next day, the bar is raised to yesterday's level and they start over trying to raise it yet again. Sounds pretty nice, doesn't it.

- Jeff

[Rota20]

... in response to Re: Re: Hi Bull and welcome to our hango..., posted by Jeff S on Oct 20, 2004

Hey Jeff,

Your wife is Japanese, is she a devout Buddhist?   I know many of the ladies here in Japan are Buddhist.  Japanese Buddhists usually follow the Chinese-type faith while Thais tend to follow the Indian-type Buddhist faith.  Do you know what's the difference?  Just curious, cool thanks.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hi Bull and welcome to our h..., posted by Rota20 on Oct 21, 2004

No, my wife isn't Buddhist. Most Japanese are, though, the Chinese variety. Japanese are Shinto by default, though many are Buddhist AND Christian in addition to Shinto. We were married in a Shinto ceremony. Here's a thumbnail: http://www.religioustolerance.org/shinto.htm

I think SE Asian Buddhism is more the Indian variety. That was the original source. Siddhartha Gautama, the original Buddah, (more correctly termed, the first person to acheive Bodhi, a state of enlightenment) was a prince in Nepal. There are no dieties in Buddhism, no worship, only a belief that you, yourself can change and rise above the daily suffering of life. The techniques to acheive this vary in different countries. I've studied a bit of the Indian variety and when I try to discuss it with Japanese Buddhists, I usually get more confused looks than anything else.

Personally, I find the Taoist teachngs the most workable in everyday life. I have several dozen different translations of the Tao Te Ching, and have studied the work in a historical context extensively. It's a pretty amazing few hundred words.

- Jeff

[Bear]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

IMHO, Sounds like you've heard something somewhere and you don't know if its true but AM's and Russian women don't have it.

I can't comment on Asian women in general but I can on Filipinas.  They are no different that women anywhere else in the world as far as being a women can be.  
But...

...they are raised Christians believing that divorce is morally wrong so marriage with Filipinas is usually a touch more successful because of it.
 
...they speak English (i've heard that R.P. is the 3rd largest English speaking country but so far thats just hearsay).  and their politics (although pretty corrupt) is similar to ours as well.  They like Americans.

...they have very strong family ties which should be an asset unless you find one whose strong family ties aren't to the family you and her produce but rather with her parents and siblings.  R.P. is a 3rd world country with near 40% impoverished - meaning most will say what ever is nescessary to accomplish their goal of leaving the R.P.,or finacial ends, helping family or etc, etc. etc.

I know 10s of extremely, happlily married Fil-Am couples; I also know about 10 horror stories, some of those guys post here.  

The best advise I can give communication and patience.  Ask questions - 100s - about every situation you can and can't imagine (many of us have question lists), talk about who you are and your dreams and goals - tell her what you want in life (which includes marriage) and find out what her goals/needs are.  Asking before marriage is smart, after marriage a one way trip to divorce.  Be smart and don't let hormones prevent you from making wise choices.  If they ask for money, no matter what the reason, wise-up and realize they are trying to use you.  The majority of good Filipinas wouldn't ask for a penny even if it meant their lives and won't except it if you give it.  Still a few dollars for chat and mail is acceptable - make sure its being used for you because most often you'll find out it isn't.

Personally, I believe they do not like wimps.  Total and complete disrespect and once your labeled then watch out because "its your fault" and many will take you to the bank and take the bank too.

Meeting Filipinas is probably the easiest thing to do if you just let it happen.  Filipinas are everywhere, particularly as nurses.  You probably know ten or more Filipinos and are not even aware of it.  And guess what, they all know someone who wants to come here?  Marriages from introductions are usually the safest and most successful.  Being afraid to ask a Filipina you know for an introduction is like ignoring a person giving free gifts - stupid.

Age, looks and position won't mean much to a husband hunting Filipina so don't get all entangled in american stereo-types of what gorgeous woman is looking for - you'll be wrong.

Give yourself at least 2 years from "the introdcution" to her being in your arms here in the good ole USA and expect to spend about $10K during that period and make at least 2 trips there (is your smart).  If your real smart you'll start out by writing 5-10, more if nescessary (don't lie about it to them) and have one or two to visit (with backups) on your first trip.  They are extremely approachable so even if you bomb out with your choices, about 5 the 1st day will try to make up for it.  If you are there and can't meet one then you are burried 6 ft under.  Just no excuse.

Be patient or plan on getting your ass kicked and kicked hard.  Expect a woman who wants to work and send money home unless you are wealthy enuff to send money home without it.  The average provience worker makes $80-120/mo.  So assistance shouldn't be anymore than that, unless you want multiple dependants after marriage.  I send $50/mo and have observed that they use most for "luxury items" - never save a cent.  I also help 2 of her sibling go to college and a 3rd is complaining because we't help him.

When a Filipina says she wants a "simple" life she means she wants a husband who will give her a normal family life with few burdens on her.  Meaning you discuss things with her, and make decissions (in her favor) and expect to be supported.  It will happen.  Bad times will not leave you alone.

Well enuff ranting, I'm sure there will be lots of imput on your post.

The Bear Family

[Scott]

... in response to Re: Getting Started, posted by Bear on Oct 19, 2004

Excellent and very informative.

[DavesNotHereMan]

... in response to Getting Started, posted by Bull Gator on Oct 19, 2004

Hi Bull.  I have a female friend in China looking for an American boyfriend/husband.  Check out my post "Chinese women" a little further down in the forum for more info.  Also, you can read about my trip to China to meet my girlfriend.

Good Luck,
Patrick
aka: DavesNotHereMan