My Story Part 3

[Keith NC]

After the last incident at home with the police.  I went out of my way to not make my ex mad.  Little did I know that she was going behind my back and telling people that we knew that I was abusing her physically and mentally.  This kind of behavior continues even till this day.

Our little angel was born on March 29, 2002.  I was so happy to have her in my life and felt like all I had been thru with my ex was worth it.  Some of the problems that we had I felt in my heart at least I had hoped was due to her pregnancy.  Changes in hormones etc.  I learned to forgive and forget and thought that it would be a new beginning for us.  It only got worse.  After the birth of our daughter my ex stayed at home nursing her but neglected her quite a bit.  I used to come home and my daughters diaper was so full that it was about to fall off of her.  I asked my ex why didn't she change the diaper and her response was that the baby will be fine.  So when I got home from work the firs thing I did was change our daughters diaper.  My ex decided that she would only wash her clothes and the babies clothes.  She would only cook for herself that I would have to fix my own food.  That was okay I know how to wash clothes and cook.  If it made her day easier then fine I can do that.  This had gone on till we made a trip to Davao City in October of 2002.  

The three of us went to Davao City so that her Nanay could see her Grand baby.  We were there for 21 days.  My ex's Tatay had passed away that previous May due to complications from smoking.  The first thing that she wanted to do when we got there was to vist her Tatays grave so she went with her Brother Victor while I watched that baby with Nanay.  For the next few days alot of people visited the baby and we went to a lot of places.  My ex was busy with the baby and friends so I hanged around my good friend Millie and her cousin part of the time.  One night we were at a karoke bar.  It was myself her cousin and her three Brothers.  It was about 11 pm and we were having a nice cold beverage and attempting to sing but it was pretty bad.  Sounded like a bunch of dying cows.  All of a sudden my ex shows up and causes this huge scene.  She asks me if I am setitng a good example for our daughter and that I am around a bunch of women and cheating on her.  First of all I was with three of her brothers and a cousin.  The two ladies that were there one was the bartender and the other was a GRO which at the time I didn't know what that meant.  The GRO was hanging around these other guys not us.  So we went back to her Nanays house and she yelled and screamed at me for the next two hours.  Then she told me that if she wanted to that she could have me killed and I would never make it back to the states.  At first I just laughed and thought that she was kidding out of anger but then she said do you think anyone can help you here.  She said I could have you killed for a little money and have your body tossed in the ocean.  I was numb at that point.  I didn't want to argue with her so finally things cooled down and we went to bed.  We had two more weeks before we left for the states at that point.  It was the longest two weeks of my life.  I like her family and we got along great but I knew that she was going to make it hard on me.  I went out with the guys one other time after that.  Myself, Millie and her cousin went to Davao City to eat and spend some time together since we were leaving in two days.  Well that was not a good move on my part.  We lost track of time then we had to catch a cab to the market where we had to catch the ferry to Babak.  The cab got us to the market and we took off running to the dock to catch the 11 pm ferry which was the last ferry of the night.  We just missed it by a few seconds.  All was not lost we had to wait for the bamboo boat that runs during the night but it wouldn't get there till midnight.  We didn't have a phone to contact my ex so at this point I knew her blood was boiling.  At midnight we took the bamboo boat which was really hard to get too and it only sat seven people single file.  About half way in the middle of the trip a big wave came and soaked us to the bone.  There had been a storm that night so the water was really choppy.  We get to my ex's house and told her what happened and she wouldnt let me in the house till heer Nanay came downstairs and told her to stop and go to bed.  When I went up to the bedroom she told me that she should still have me killed before it is too late.  I just ignored her.  We left two days later for the states.

[Howard]

... in response to My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

Keith,

Thanks for sharing, bro.  Personally I felt better letting it all out here.  Don't worry about being "On Topic", your story is exactly why many are here!

I look forward to reading more.  Hopefully a happy ending!

Keep the Faith!

H

[don2222]

... in response to My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

Thanks Keith,  your story is very interesting so far, and could be helpful for the newbies, please continue...

Don

[gregas]

... in response to My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

Pls continue sharing your story. What happened to you happens to plenty of Guys in their search for Love and Happiness aboard. Sometimes it take lots of Luck to find that "One". Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and continue searching for that Gem.

[topgorilla]

... in response to My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

well, quite a story, I don't think we really need to hear any more, unless it is like therapy for you.  I have forgotten what you are doing here, are you about to try again?  Look, you should know better than any of us what happened here, and you mentioned several points where you knew you were messing up, so it is kinda pointless for us to drag you thru the coals (although I am sure some fine fellows will find that uplifting somehow).  "We are our own worst enemies", forget where I read that, but there is great truth to it.  I don't think you noted your age, but I think most of us make some pretty big mistakes when we are young, often relating to sex/women.  The key point is, are you going to be victim of your past?  Is this going to wake you up and change you for the bettter, or is this kind of decision making going to become a pattern?  I am sure that many of us can point you in good directions and give you good advice on finding a better woman next time, but the solution must be in you, not the woman.  If you do things properly, you will not allow yourself to get in this kind of a deal (or any other messed up relationship) again.  If you just keep going the way you were in the past, school's out.  You certainly corresponded long enough, too long in fact.  I would suggest you correspond with some nice ladies now, not really to get hooked up, but as an educational thing.  Not just one.  Test your ability to judge the different qualities of these ladies.  See how long it takes you to tell who is insincere.  See if you can control yourself when you have become emotionally committed to one, but you realize that she is too pushy, or has some kind of problem you finally recognize.  Doing this (finding a foreign wife) can be a fascinating challenge with a huge reward.  clearly, you failed yourself on the first attempt.  Sure, you can blame her, but really, we must blame ourselves for putting ourselves in these kinds of messes to begin with.  Now, only you can say if you have learned enough to be successful.  I think your age is part of the equation, if you are still rather young, I would tend to take more time to learn about all this.  I do wish you the best of luck, and hope you can recover from all this.  Certainly you had a terrible experience, but I would leave you with this thought, there are ladies better than you ever dreamed of marrying out there waiting for a guy like you, or like you can be.  It is a challenge to find them, and get them here, but if you do, she will be the most precious thing that you could ever have in your life.  She is out there for you.

[Keith NC]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 3, posted by topgorilla on Jun 8, 2004

Well it is kind of therapeutic to get it out of my system but I am not bitter one bit towards my ex wife.  I do blame myself in a lot of ways.  I learn to forgive and forget.  I don't want to live the rest of my life hating someone.  Besides she is the Mother of my daughter so I need to get along with her for the sake of our daughter.  I don't want to do anything to hurt the feelings of my daughter towards her Mother.  My main concern now is the well being of my daughter.  Thanks for all your insight I really do appreciate any advice that I can get here.  I am 35 years old and my ex is 30 so not a big age difference.

[topgorilla]

... in response to Re: Re: My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

Well, thank you for your understanding, I would not say anything unless I was hoping I could do something postitive.  It does seem in your case, the first thing to do is to size up the "negatives", what you did wrong, why, how are you going to change, what should you differently, that sort of thing.  So I do appreciate your understanding.  It seems that you may be on the way to doing better.  Of course, the big issue to me now would be dealing with the past issue of the child, child support, those issues.  Did she go back, what are your financial obligations?  Forgive and foget is a bit of a cliche, never forget the lessons you learned from all this.  The age difference thing is not a factor, I was wondering YOUR age, and whether you might be ready to try again, or needed more time to "cogitate" on this one.  Personally, I would clear the decks to the extent I could with the ex and the child (especially the support).  Loving your child is fine, but have you thought about the future with your ex and the child?  If they live nearby, and you intend to visit, judging from the past episodes, what do you think is in store for you in the future?  Not a pretty thought.  I know we are talking about a human life here, but it seems to me that either that life is going to be with you all the way (the child) or someone responsible (her family?) or it is going  to be ruined anyway with the crazed one.  Thought about that?  Personally, I would attempt to resolve this permanently if possible before moving on to finding someone new.  But that is a bit outside of the concept of this site, which is seeking foreign women, not dealing with the carnage left in the wake of a bad choice.  So, maybe won't clog up the site with all that, but feel free to email me if you like.  I know you can do a heck of a lot better than that, and would be happy to point you down the paths that have been good to me.

[don2222]

... in response to your situation, posted by topgorilla on Jun 9, 2004

Sorry, but i'm not sure about what you are telling him to do regarding his child.  Are you telling him to just forget his child and move on ?

[topgorilla]

... in response to I'm confused...., posted by don2222 on Jun 9, 2004

and as I said, this is starting to get away from the topic of this forum, so it is not really relevant to the forum in general.  Basically, it seems to me that he needs to realize that the ex is so crazy that the child may very well be a lost cause if it stays under her care.  So, if he can get the child in his custody, the child can become a viable person.  If the child stays with the mother, and he is going to have weekends and stuff, well, he better get ready for 18 years of tragedies, and be ready to accept the fact that the child may very well turn out like its mother.  This is just an educated opinion, a prediction, which can easily be wrong.  Things could turn out better, or even worse.  But if it were me, I would try and get all this resolved mentally, emotionally, and financially before moving on.  Hey, she sounds so goofy, maybe she could be bought off for some baubles.  She would go back, and think she was rich.  Or she might leave him the child and split.  Everything is negotiable.

[Bob S]

... in response to well, I am really writing to him, posted by topgorilla on Jun 9, 2004

When you are battle weary and lost in the fog of war, it's difficult to reason a way out of it.  AS the OP hasn't finished his narrative yet, we don't know how it will end, but odds are not in the child's favor if left in the custody of the mother (if she is indeed as wacky as she seems).
Int'l custody battles are a dangerous thing as our family law and court rulings hold no validity once you cross the border.  If you press for full custody, she may get spooked and take the baby back to her village where you'll never see either one of them again (unless you're desperate enough to hire the local mafia there to make her family an offer they can't refuse).  If she's whacked, deranged, and dangerous, it might be better to negotiate with her family instead.  See what they'd accept to make their daughter leave the baby in America.  But that's all hindsight now and what's done is done.

[Stephen]

... in response to My Story Part 3, posted by Keith NC on Jun 8, 2004

Keith:

I think I was married to this woman for 10 years, 2 months, 13 days, 18 hours and 24 second.

I know her well.

But she's from North Carolina and is a Yankee lady.

LOL.

Stephen

[Keith NC]

... in response to Re: My Story Part 3, posted by Stephen on Jun 8, 2004

Stephen,

You are right we have some crazy ones here too.  I think I dated a couple of them.  

Lol

Keith

[Stephen]

... in response to We have some crazy ones here too., posted by Keith NC on Jun 9, 2004

I certainly hope you will continue this story.  It's painful to read, but it's more painful for you to tell.  

I'm glad you're here.

Stephen