Shadow

[don2222]

I met Shadow while I was in Cebu waiting for Vilma's interview.  He has obviously
been hurt deeply by his previous fiance, and it took a lot of guts for him to post everything
honestly on Mag-Anak and Planet-Love. .  I think that many of the people on this board are afraid of hearing
anything negative regarding Filipinas out of the fear that it may happen to themselves.
Filipinas are just like any other people on this earth, there are many good ones, and
there are many bad ones.  I think it is very valuable for everyone, especially the "newbies",
to hear all the stories, the good as well as the bad.
Yes, I think Shadow is still bitter from his previous engagement to a Filipina.  But, he is handling
his situation in the best way that he knows how, and all of us should have the right to do that.
Also,  he told us at the beginning that he was going to briefly summarize his experiences, and that
is what he did.
I could talk for hours about all the wonderful, kind, caring Filipinas that I met while I was in the PI
for 8 months.  I could also talk for hours about all the scheming, dishonest Filipinas that I met.
This board is about learning from others successes and failures.
So, I do not see anything wrong with what Shadow is writing.  If anyone does not like dealing
with reality, just skip all of his posts.

Don

P.S.   Fortunately mine is one of the success stories.  Life is great, and I will try to share
the many positive aspects of meeting and marrying a Filipina.

[Howard]

... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001

n/t

[Andrew777]

... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001

Well stated Don, like you, I feel that the whole truth, the good & the bad needs to be bought out & posted here. It will help all of us who need it. Nelson Rockefeller, the ultra billionare, once said that it's smart to learn from your own mistakes BUT, it's brilliant to learn from the mistakes of others.

Andrew777

[Lori]

... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001

I think we all walked into the middle of a movie without knowing the whole plot. I myself did not realize Shadow had been burned. If I would have known, I would have understood some of the issues.
But, I must say, I think You, (Shadow) need alot of healing time, before persuing another relationship.

[outwest]

... in response to Shadow, posted by don2222 on Mar 28, 2001

The only reason i jumped on him is that he ditched a woman
simply becuase her sister dressed bad and was pushy,
and the woman was in tears as he got up and left, basically
leaving her for that reason only, i thought it was very
harsh, but, maybe there were other circumstances involved
we did not know about.
You and others who know him personally seem to say he is
a good guy, so I now will go by your endorsement.
    If everyone knew every thing i said to the one penpal
who left me suddenly, i guess i may get jumped on too.
    We are all just trying to learn and exchange info.
To shadow I apologize for jumping on you.

[imdyslexic]

... in response to Re: Shadow, posted by outwest on Mar 28, 2001

I feel the foundation for any relationship is trust.  I think it would have been a greater disservice to both parties for Shadow to have forced himself to stay in a relationship he didnt trust.  Fortunately or not, relationships are too organic, complex, and contingent to have a set of rules that can be externally applied in every case.  I sincerely feel for the girl, if her intentions were genuine, but asking Shadow to stay in a situation he couldn't help but doubt (regardless of the reasons) was asking him to live under a facade.  Then, who should the girl trust?  Someone pretending to love her because he feels obligated?  At that one moment, Shadow knew the relationship couldn't work out.  I really dont want this to turn into a flame because I agree wholly with both sides.  Yeah, it certainly sucks.  Either and both ways - both people had a lot of emotional investment - but sometimes its still the best option for everyone involved.  Feel free to agree or disagree, abruptly. or abrasively  

m

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Shadow, posted by outwest on Mar 28, 2001

I remember many years ago i was a miserable guy.  I looked for bad things everwhere.  In music, people, governement (I still do there), etc.  Guess what I found?  Bad things everywhere.

I learned that you get what you looked for.  The old saying "you reap what you sew it true."

Now I am the happiest, luckiest and most blessed of Gods creatures because I have Marissa.  I got exactly what I looked for and I do not plan to give her even the smallest chance to regret her choice of me.

Bear

[shadow]

... in response to You get what you look for...., posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001

A: The uneducated Bear?
B: The overeducated idiot Bear?  Or
C: The ignorant Bear?

Hmmmm.
Hope the seeds you have sown grow up to be roses, and not just thorn bushes. Only time will tell. It's way to early in your game to know the truth, isn't it now?  What is that saying about counting chickens? You haven't even got all your eggs yet. Just for the record, most anyone that has met me will tell you that I actually have a very good attitude. Have a nice day!     Larry.

[Bear]

... in response to So would that make you?..., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001

this would turn into a flame war.

I do not think anything about you one way or the another.  I am sure you are a nice guy.

If you read my post you would have read that I at one time jumped to conclusions in the same matter you did because it fit the parameters I looked under.  You got exactly what you looked for.  Didn't you?  

Bear

[shadow]

... in response to Well I thought......, posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001

Yes, after going through many "interogations" trying to find an honest one that would tell me what was her true feelings, instead of what she thought I wanted to hear, I did find one that met that qualification. What I wasn't looking for, however, was for that golden friendship to be destroyed before it got off the ground by her jealous friend with "crab mentality".

[Kent]

... in response to Yes,...and no., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001

Have seen this term used several times on the board. Could someone please tell me exactly what it mean.

Thanks
Kent

[shadow]

... in response to Alright what is crab mentality, posted by Kent on Mar 28, 2001

[Kent]

... in response to Yes,...and no., posted by shadow on Mar 28, 2001

I know I have been a part of this board long unuff to know what this means but I do not have a clue. Could someone fill me in.

Thanks
Kent

[Bear]

... in response to "Crab Mentality", posted by Kent on Mar 28, 2001

if u put a crab in a bucket by himself he can and will get out.  But if you put 2 crabs in the bucket one will always pull the other back in.  Rather that help each other they constantly cause the other to fail which causes them to fail as well.

Bear

[kevin]

... in response to : "Crab Mentality", posted by Bear on Mar 28, 2001

The "crab mentality" unfortunately is the doctrine held by many Filipinas once here in the U.S.  I'm referring to cliques where divorce, staging false claims of mistreatment to make money from the divorce, etc. are acceptable behavior within the group.  Even in America, when some pretty cruel things have been done against dumped American husbands, I don't think the degree of group cohesiveness is this bad.

But then of course, in such a Pinay clique, one might be envious of the other afterwards that she got less from the divorce settlement than the friend that coached her.  Or that same person might be envious that her friend has a guapo, rich (permanent ?) husband #2.

What I say may not be pleasant to the ears of some, but I beleive it to be the ugly truth.

- Kevin