Some Questions

[andrew99]

Hi everyone!

I just started posting here and have some questions that just came to my mind.  I've corresponded with a number of women in the Philippines before but I never went there to visit.  I've been corresponding with one woman there infrequently for a couple of months.

I just read an article from a guy who appears to have a lot of knowledge of the courtship process between Filipinas and Westerners.  He said that the snail-mail days are gone and everything is done on the Internet.  He also said that Filipinas generally try to correspond with as many men as possible and that if a Westerner tells a Filipina he is corresponding with other women, she'll drop him.  So is this really true?  If so why the double standard?

Is snail-mail a waste of time or should people only use the Internet to communicate?  Also, do they have Internet cafes in the small towns where it seems like most everyone is a farmer or fisherman or working at a small store?  If you used only the Internet, would you miss a lot of women in the provinces?

And another thing, he said that Filipinas can get very jealous and nosy.  One time I remember an old penpal asking for access to my e-mail account but I refused because I feared what she would do if she was able to use it.  Her letters were pretty romantic but she would take me on a guilt trip sometimes.  However, most of my other past penpals weren't pushy like that.  I don't think they're supposed to be asking to look at my e-mail are they, especially before meeting in person?

Well, a lot of typing already here.

Andrew

[Howard]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

Andrew,

Welcome!

The biggest problem with snail mail is the length of time it takes once it gets to the Philppines.  It can take 6-8 weeks to get a reply from the provinces when yours takes a week using USPS Global Express. Also, it is MUCH more difficult to tell if you're actually corresponding with the person you think you are.

While you could say the latter about email as well, you can get a lot more communication done in a shorter amount of time.  Sooner or later the truth comes out.  People in general are really bad liars, you WILL catch someone if they are misleading you.  The people who frequent the internet cafes are generally computer literate and usually have strong english skills.  Both things that can make conversation and the potential transition easier.

If you're girl seems inappropriatly jealous--some is to be expected--or pushy about a committment and that makes you uncomfortable, it might be a good idea to move on.

If you are corresponding with other women--the next part is crucial--and your penpal asks you if you are, be honest.  Me personally, I never asked and was rarely asked by anyone that was worth having a relatioship with.  When the time is right, no one will need to ask to to quit corresponding with others  I can't stress honesty enough.  Be honest with your penpals and be honest with yourself.  This is a different road we choose.  The kind of commitment that goes into it is greater, in my opinion, in many ways.  Make sure you know what you are looking for.  That way you know when you find it

The Philippines is just like any other place on the globe.  There are people both good and bad.  Be honest.  Ask the questions you need answered, especially the tough ones!  And don't be snowed by the company line.  If it looks and smells like crap, it must be crap!  Cultural differences do come into play, but not when it comes to common courtesy.

Welcome to our little Island in cyberspace

Keep the Faith!

H

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

Andrew

While I must confess that I never have really pursued Filipina's having corresponding with many Japanese woman previously and ultimately winding up with My Chinese fiance as my prize.

I met my fiance Kat on the Internet. my advice is to write with the woman who go for an upgraded membership rather   than the standard free membership that the agencies offer.  To me this indicates most likely that she is more mature and serious in finding the appropriate match for her.  While you may have a great chance of meeting the woman of your dreams from the standard free memberships.  I would first write with the women who have taken the initiative to go for the upgraded memberships.

Just my advice

ERIC

[Bear]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

Hi Andrew,

I think you should learn some lessons from her.  You'll have a better chance of meeting someone you are compatible with if you correspond with more than one.  If she leaves you because you chat with more than one person then I'd say "Hallleluiah!!" because she'd be very controlling if you got married.  I was writting 13 when I met Honey and most knew I was writting others and several showed less interest because of my corresponding with others.  I think it meant I was more of a "project" before they could ask "favors" (read "moneys") of me.  If you are not corresponding with more than one I dare to suggest that you are in for one big hearache.  I can't count the number of times someone has posted that his "fiance'" married the first guy that came to meet her.

True lots of girls are coming in from the proviences to chat but snail-mail is still viable.  I'd enhance it with "mail-forwarding".  Mail-forwarding is basically where you e-mail your letter to someone who prints it out and mails it there.  Cuts delivery time to about a week instead of 3-4 and reduces the chances of it being opened.  They can also print pictures you e-mail as well.

Anytime a penpal asks you to do something like access your e-mail or anything else that shows a lack of trust and belief, I'd say you are being slapped in the face by a red-flag.  My wife never asked me for a penny and was embarrashed I offered.  She took hell from family and neighbors to protect our interests from greedy family members after we were married.  My daughter send her an e-mail and she forwarded it to me and asked me if she could read it.  She showed trust, belief, support and refused to use me even when co-erced by family.  I bet there are thousands like her in the R.P.

Trust your instincts.  If you can't discuss it with her its a brick in the wall that says "drop her" or have a terrible marriage to her.

Bear Family

[andrew99]

... in response to Hmmm, posted by Bear on Apr 5, 2004

"If you are not corresponding with more than one I dare to suggest that you are in for one big hearache."

Hi Bear,

Yeah I can see what you mean.  Too much time invested just to have one penpal.  The odds of any one particular girl being the right one are at least somewhat of a longshot.

"I can't count the number of times someone has posted that his "fiance'" married the first guy that came to meet her."

I don't think it would be proper for a guy to think of someone whom he hasn't met in person as his fiancee.  I can understand that it feels good to fantasize with the rose-colored glasses on but sometimes in these situations it's best for guys to step back and humble themselves a little.

"I think you should learn some lessons from her."

Yeah I think I learned some things from her.  At the time I was probably too young and inexperienced and as a result wasted too much time with her.  Looking back, I should've been spending time writing someone who might have been better for me.

Thanks for the advice,

Andrew

[Bob S]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

"...Filipinas generally try to correspond with as many men as possible and that if a Westerner tells a Filipina he is corresponding with other women, she'll drop him. So is this really true? If so why the double standard?"

Is this a serious question? \:-)
Why do women have double standards?  Have you ever actually met a real flesh and blood woman before? :-D
*snicker snicker*

"...Filipinas can get very jealous and nosy."

Well, I think you just answered your own question.

[andrew99]

... in response to Double Trouble, posted by Bob S on Apr 5, 2004

Is this a serious question? \:-)
Why do women have double standards? Have you ever actually met a real flesh and blood woman before? :-D
*snicker snicker*

Uhhh, what kind of question is that?  I don't think I understand the humor here.

[HaroldC]

... in response to Re: Double Trouble, posted by andrew99 on Apr 5, 2004

[This message has been edited by HaroldC]

The flavor of your posts is remarkably serious, analytic and, yes, humorless. A close encounter with a Filipina is going to rock that world.

Look, it should take about two weeks to 'meet' more women than you can possibly get to know. Chat, by whatever method, with a dozen or two and you will discover one or two or three that float your boat. Then go see 'em. Figure July.

Anything less is just diddling around.

Don't bother with the young ones. If she asks for money, don't rationalize, disappear. Pick one raised in the country who goes to church every week. Oh, yeah: Ray says pick an ugly one.

When you find the right one, you will know. Then the formula for happiness is to marry her and do as she tells you.

[NOX1967]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

My fiance and I were both communicating with more than one prospective person when we met. After a short time there seemed to be a real connection between us and we then agreed to chat exclusively with each for a while and it worked out very well. Just like us, if a Filipina is hoping to meet somebody for a possible relationship the most logical thing to do is start fishing and culling from a large pool.

After meeting her and her friends in person I had the impression that there are alot of Filipinas raised in the provinces and now working in the cities who are a bit more progressive because of education and city life, but still retain the core of their traditional values.

Ron

[andrew99]

... in response to Re: Some Questions, posted by NOX1967 on Apr 5, 2004

"Just like us, if a Filipina is hoping to meet somebody for a possible relationship the most logical thing to do is start fishing and culling from a large pool."

Only problem is when they fish from a large pool, they'll probably be churning out generic replies to men's letters.  That's bound to turn the good ones off.

[NOX1967]

... in response to Re: Re: Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 5, 2004

Trying to meet somebody via the internet is not a great romantic experience. Generally it starts out with a few canned responses. Just work past those awkward initial steps and look for the ones that start to open up and connect. That's how it worked for me at least.

Ron

[HaroldC]

... in response to Some Questions, posted by andrew99 on Apr 4, 2004

"a guy who appears to have a lot of knowledge"

I bet we know (of) him.

"everything is done on the Internet"

The internet is a great facilitator. Yahoo Messenger and a webcam are hard to beat.

"if a Westerner tells a Filipina he is corresponding with other women, she'll drop him"

Good. You don't want that one.

"would you miss a lot of women in the provinces?"

Yes. But lots of country-raised women now work in town. Find a good one and let the other ten million go.

"Filipinas can get very jealous and nosy"

Yeah, but you don't want those either. The good ones are the opposite of pushy.