How different life is now.

[Bear]

It’s been a few days short of 3 years since Honey and I got married.  I still can picture in my mind the wedding and the events surrounding it.  I still remember the trip and experiencing the Philippine culture, meeting my new in-laws and relatives, seeing new sights and wonders.  I'd like to go back but it appears the expenses of a new family make that not as likely as I would want it to be.  Most Saturday mornings we get up and Honey chats and web cams with her family.  She lets them see AJ.  She's even shown them while she feeds him and bathes him? -not sure why that would be interesting but to them it is.  That little critter has taken over the place.  Nothing is done that his integration in to wasn't planned or the outcome definitely didn't end up as hoped.  He is a climber too, climbs out of his highchair, walker, on top of coffee and end tables, onto the sofa and rocker.  Mom is in a panic every time.  Still hasn't learned how to climb out of his baby bed yet-whew!  Started saying "dada" on Thanksgiving but I’m sure he doesn’t know he is saying my name.

Being married this time is so different.  I am so surprised how it escaped me in the first marriage but this time I actually know love and feel loved now.  That was something I never experienced before.  I know I harp on communication a lot but with me it made a difference.  Things will come up now and I can honestly say, "We discussed that" and recall some of the details.  Man has that stopped some "tampos".  Things I used to worry about that always left me insecure I can't even recall now because knowing I'm love keeps me from making those sad possibilities/concepts part of my 'it'.  The change in my married life has made my work life tremendously more successful.  It is amazing the differences from past jobs to where I work now.  I worked for major corporations before and got absolutely no respect and we were ranked in the top 5.  Now I work for a small family owned company and we are ranked #1 (do more business than the next 4 put together) and I am treated like the company guru.  That confidence has to come from my confidence being married to Honey.  She gives me so little to be concern about it did actually allow me to do my job better.

Her confidence is better too.  She still argues that,” by Filipino standards I'm ugly", but I can say, "but that’s such a small part of the world and no one believes that anywhere else".  Honestly fellas I can't look at her without knowing God made the beautiful creature just for me.  I fall in love all over every time I see her.  I tease her all the time and tell her (since she’s so much younger than me) that I was depressed with all my choices when I was in my early 20's that I put in an order to God and he made her for me - I just had to wait till my mid-40's to get delivery.  She gets along tremendously well with my mother and other family members (as opposed to the "ex").  My Mom is so proud when she tells me, "She calls me 'Mom'".  Neither my "ex" or any of my brother’s wives calls her that and "Mom' really likes it.

You hear people say that some try to live their lives through their children by seeing those things they experienced when they were young a second time through their children activities.  Which I admit I do too.  But I get a completely different point of view that is like icing on the cake with double fudge chocolate ice cream on the side.  I get to experience things again, in a more mature aspect, through my wife.  Things I forgot I ever experienced before.  Talk about feeling young again.  But this isn't solely because she's so much younger than me but because there's so much in America than she had no concept of and it’s a wonder to her when she becomes involved or has a chance to participate.

Gosh the parties and activities.  I say she experiences America but I experience the Filipinos too.  We have so many good friends now, people that want to be around us and do things with us (didn't experience that with the "ex" - she was virtually excluded from everyone’s list).  We have been to 7 parties through the Christmas season, missed 2 and still a few more days left!  One of our friends I talked to last night about a party said he wasn't coming because he was all partied out?  Sorry, but that’s a concept I can't understand.  I never laugh so hard and enjoy so much good food and company as I have at these parties in my whole life.  Seriously - I have been to more parties in the last 2 years than I have in my previous 40 plus years.

Not all has been uneventful.  We still have that "tampo" thing (I call it "a thousand questions").  What a stupid event.  Every single end to a tampo session has been easily explain or resolved without hardly any effort.  Not one has been life or marriage threatening but more a simple misunderstanding, minor lack of knowledge of the other or a language or culture difference that only needed detailing.  Another series of events is one or two busybodies who feel they can't possibly move on in the world unless they make snide, cruel remarks about others.  The fat girl who was our chaperone continues her maligning comments from 9000 miles away, Honey's poor mother hasn't learned yet to just tell her to shut up so we are always inundated with disparaging remarks said by this evil skunk and her whole family.  Happily Honey has started fighting back.  Other than that the family back home now has some respect and approval of Honey and treats her much better than the times after out marriage.  As for any such events occurring here - well yes.  One of our "previous" friends decided after Honey babysitted for her to make numerous derogatory comments about her.  Out-and-out lies!!  I am in shock because I thought this girl and Honey were going to be such good friends, as well as her husband and me.  Not anymore.  'The crowd' shunned her and from what I saw they only got invited to one of the many Christmas functions.  'The crowd' came to Honey's defense and showed her she really does have good friends now who won't accept others who would treat her so.

Back to the Lil' Bear.  Honey is a picture taking..aholic.  I do not think that a single day of the last 10 months plus that Honey hasn't taken 10 or more pictures of AJ.  Entering them in all kinds of contests too.  Unfortunately we lost but out of nowhere we were asked if some of our pictures could be used in a new book.  I was skeptical but hey they paid us so I guess, sure, why not!?  The little guy doesn't stop moving either.  I never felt my other children move in their mommies belly but AJ was moving every time I touched Honey's.  Now that he's out he is living up to that example.  Finally getting to be more acceptable to others holding him.  I was shocked on Christmas when his older brother picked him up and he cried when he put him down-that was an unexpected surprise.  I am simply amazed at the comments we get.  Strangers come up to us and tell us how cute he is!?  I really believe that Amer-asian kids are gorgeous comment now-its true.

It is not understandable that we stereotype cultures and make wide class defining statements.  They just can't be true.  But yet I sit her writing this and say and believe that Filipinas make the best wives and Filipinos as a culture are truly good people and friends no matter how many negative comments they get.

Bear, Honey and Lil' Bear

[Howard]

... in response to How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 28, 2003

Art,

Nice Post!  Hopefully some day soon I will have similar observations to share

I can't tell you how good it feels to see the two of you... oooopsssss, er... three of you , so content.  I remember the battles you two faught to get to where you are now.  It's good to see that persistance and prayer pay off  

BTW AJ is a cute kid  Gerlie just sent me the latest pic that Honey sent her  She just thinks AJ is adorable and, well... he is

Keep the Faith Brutha.... It's nice to see good things happen to good people!

H

[Bear]

... in response to Re: How different life is now., posted by Howard on Dec 29, 2003

Thanx big guy!  One of these days we got to get up tp the icy north lands and visit.  Maybe once Gerlie gets here  Or you could come south!  Its much warmer here.

Bear Honey and Lil' Bear

[Peter Lee]

... in response to How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 28, 2003


Well Bear Honey and now Lil'Bear
So do we call you Dada or Papa Bear? LOL
My wife really don’t like to use the web and she doesn’t tell me but I can feel she is not happy having to chat or email using the computer.   I wonder if she will be like your wife or do the same later.   Other Filipinas here are computer illiterate.
Well Bear, sorry but I don’t have a previous marriage to compare in my case but it is interesting that you finally settled down and happy with a Filipina that the AW could not.
It sounds like a great match when your’ job shows improvement.  If that happened to me I would be able to choke and kick better LOL.  
That could make me lose students hehehehe.   But I could use a bit of motivation as what happened to you.
She still argues that,” by Filipino standards I'm ugly", but I can say, "But that’s such a small part of the world and no one believes that anywhere else".  
So what’s up Bear?  Remember beauty is skin deep but UGLY is to the bone. LOL   How ugly are you?
I put in an order to God and he made her for me - I just had to wait till my mid-40's to get delivery?  Oh Please Bear I can’t stand it.  When I was 20 I was thinking about jumping out of airplanes. LOL But it is a good line and I would like permission to use it for my wife if I every get into trouble.   But if I use that line or something like it she gives me that Hhhhmmmmmmmmme.   Maricel has a problem when I compliment her maybe all the Filipinas have that problem.
Honestly fellas I can't look at her without knowing God made the beautiful creature just for me.   Oh please again.  Give us a break Bear the honey is to thick and sweet.   You have to share her when we see her for she will be vitamins for da eyes.  Hahahahaha
Well I hope she will call my Mom “Mom” but my mom is 82 and she might call her grand mom.  
Ok experiencing life through her youth?  Well that happened to me on our motorcycle trip when in the Philippines.   I guess I hope to experience that also if I am lucky like you.
Well Bear we are getting to the sensitive subject the ex.
You brought it up, but Bear what were you thinking when you chose her to be your mate for life?   What lesson is there for any of us?
I waited till 60 till I got married for the first time and now I am cut down for it.   I did not want what happened to you to happen to me and seen the writing on the wall.   But now with the large age difference 40 years am I crazy?   This was the last chance for me and maybe a little to late.   But if we have kids by the time they are teenagers and make all that trouble I will be to old to care or dead hehehehehe.
So Bear you enjoy the parties eh?   Watch the weight coz that will put it on.   I could care less if I never go to any party and like to be alone maybe it is because I am surrounded by many people everyday and have little privacy.  So we are all very different and that makes it more interesting.   That is why advice for one will not work for the other.
that "tampo" thing (I call it "a thousand questions"). Well I am not sure about what you are referring but yes talking it out has to be a daily thing to eliminate misunderstandings.   I did that and I can’t remember a single disagreement except when we were in Boracay and I wanted to go to Palawan and she wanted to go back to Cebu to get married.   She was right but I got my way anyway.   It did show her determination and hardheadedness.   So far we have not had any problems with relatives telling us anything.   Her papa tells her to resolve things with me and not to bother them with her own family problems.   Her older sister advises her not to be jealous as it is not a good tactic.   So I am ok in that department.
Maricel don’t take pictures so maybe it will change when she gets here.  I guess after she is here she will find a pet peeve.  
Pictures in a new book?  Sounds great.  Sometimes hobbies are rewarded.  
Strangers come up to us and tell us how cute he is!? I really believe that Amer-asian kids are gorgeous comment now-it’s true.
Well Bear most people tell all parents their kids are cute.  The truth is all babies are plain ugly.   Bald swollen eyes and stare at anyone but you.   They are demanding and scream when they want something.  They are also full of Kaka and the whole house smells of baby.  You have to watch them day and night and your sleep is a privilege.   They make you a prisoner coz you can’t go any place unless you have a good babysitter.  So when you are told that your ugly baby is cute that is your reward for the day.

I enjoy them in my classes when they are 5 years and older.   Now that is cute.   Amer-asian?   Well all the kids I have in my classes are cute but beware they are sticky and carry every virus known to man.   Always wash your hands after touching them LOL.
I did have 3 girls who were half Vietnamese and American.  When they grew up they were so stunning you couldn’t help but stare.   But the same thing happened to a Russian family with 3 girls in my classes.
Do Filipinas make the best wives?   I guess it depends who you ask.  If you ask me I would agree.  If you ask others you would get different answers.
I have read your past web page pictures and marriage.  Your post is an extension of your great start at your very beginning.  So it seems that if you keep doing what you’re doing you will be an example for all of us.   About your wife and having her talked about and put down that happens.  You were not specific of lies told but it could have been jealousy.  Soap operas are popular as they are stories of real life heartaches from neighbors and friends.  You seem to have handled it well and you are accepted by the crowd.   I just remember Walt Witman who said "To be with those I like, is enough."  I too will have to tackle those problems as they come up.   In addition our great age difference between me and my wife will also be additional something to deal with.  Reading your post and others have inspired me and will help me in future problems to come.  
I have not experienced any social problems with Philippines here in Daytona.   I am in a circle of people in my school and long established friends who come from a vast background of cultures who are very tolerant of other religions and ethnic backgrounds.  I have experienced AW showing surprise that I did not marry one of them and traveled 9000 miles to find a wife.  
Thanks for the post and I wish you and everyone on the post a happy new year.  
I know it is the Christmas holidays and spirit of friendship but I didn’t want to be just a yes man in this post.   A little controversy is good for the soul.   But I can take the beatings from the comebacks LOL
See you next year
Peter Lee

[Bear]

... in response to Re: How different life is now., posted by Peter Lee on Dec 28, 2003

I'd say there are a lot of computer illiterate Filipinas.  I think that’s why I was so shocked when I met "the crowd" as I call them.  None had ever heard of the web sites like Planet-Love.

I think all women have a problem with compliments, not just Filipinas but you still have to and you had better mean it too.  

Her/our picture is posted on Jeff S's Asian Sweetie site.

I married my "ex" on the rebound from my first dying in an auto accident.  She was attractive (at that point of her life), but quickly "fattened up" and decided all chores were beneath her.  She was pretty much one of the girls who decided that the best of everything belonged to her and the worst of life was mine (and all the implications that go with that.)

I don't need help putting on the weight but I do enjoy going to those parties.  Honestly you just can't help laughing.

You'll know when you get tampo.  She won't talk even to tell you what the problem is.  That’s what makes it such a problem because you can't resolve it without knowing what occurred.  An example was once she had tampo at me for raising my eyebrows at her?  I didn't even know I had done it much less know what I had done.

The part about people making comments about the baby is just odd to me.  I happen to think all babies are cute, period.  But having so many make comments about it is what's so surprising.  I see a cute kid I just smile and go on but people will actually come up and tell us which blows me away.  I had not experienced that before.

When I say they make the best wives I am serious because I know so many now and all I can compare to is the AW's I've seen and there is just no comparison - Filipinas win out big.

The lies are really childish.  They were things that were literally said to belittle and degrade Honey's status to hers.  Things like how much she was paid as to what she was actually paid and the way she treated her child as compared to our own, etc.  The Filipinas' way of apologizing was to tell me she missed taking care of her pigs and goats and is homesick.  She said nothing to Honey or recanted any of the rumors that she started.  Since she had done this to others in the past she was ignored when invitations went out to the parties.  I really feel sorry for her because her husband just went to Iraq to work and it left her and her daughter very alone for the holidays.

I have had Filipinas including my wife wonder why we looked there (in the Philippines) rather than AW's here.  I tell the truth - Filipinas are prettier and make better wives.  Of course most Filipinas think that AW's are prettier? so they are skeptical.

I didn't take anything you said in a bad way?  I am not easy to aggravate - I had years of my "ex" so you aren't even in the competition.

Bear Honey & Lil' Bear

[don2222]

... in response to Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 29, 2003

Hi All,

Most guys know or will learn about lambing.  An easy way to stop the tampo is to just be sweet, romantic, and loving.
Making her laugh works really well.

But, one "trick" that I learned is to also ask her a simple question "are you angry with me?"

In the Filipino culture it is considered very impolite to be angry with someone. If someone makes a mistake, it is actually the person that becomes angry that loses face, not the person that made the mistake.
So, of course she will tell you that she is not angry with you, but it does get the ball rolling on starting a discussion.

My opinions only, ymmv,

Don

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 29, 2003

Wow Bear Honey & Lil'Bear

Your comeback showed real class and nice info for me thanks.   I see that you knew I didn't mean anything in a bad way and I didn't.  It was really the most sincere letter I have read in a long time.  Like I said an inspiration to all of us.   About the babies, well coz I work with them each day when they are 5 and up I enjoy em more.  Still have to wash my hands though they get sticky hehehehe Thanks for filling in the details.  I don't have your experience yet with a live in wife, but I chatted with my wife tonight and she was on the web cam.  She was so happy and full of smiles and good humor.  I was depressed coz I couldn't get her on line for almost a week.  The rain and brown outs closed the email cafes a few times when she got there.  It is hard not to be able to pick up a phone and not be able to talk to her anytime I want.  She has to travel almost an hour to get to a cell phone coverage area.  But finally seeing her and being able to talk to her on the phone made up for it.  So I got into a better mood after that.   Still in the background I hear the Mosques chanting and wonder if I will ever be able to visit her home?  She had that problem with compliments again but I like to do it anyway like you said it should be done anyway if it is from the heart.  Sorry to hear of your previous spouse fatal accident.  But I had been lucky with previous gf.  All were very good and were good wife material.  I was not ready for them and many times I can kick myself for letting any of them go.  I was not ready then and now they are all married and send me post cards of their kids.  Most of my previous gf still contact me as we parted friends.  
I talked to Maricel about "Tempo" I didn't call it that I described it as the "silent treatment".  She promised me she would not do that to me and said she would talk it out if we had a problem.   So the whole time I have known her she never used it.  We will see when she gets here if she keeps her promise.
Merry New Year

[don2222]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by Peter Lee on Dec 30, 2003

It really helps to explain to her that it makes you very happy to compliment her, and that all she needs to do is just say "thank you" .  You can  then "test her", and give her about a dozen compliments.  You know you have succeeded when her response is to smile and say thank you.
This is simple, fun, and typically works really well.

Don

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Compliments, posted by don2222 on Dec 30, 2003

Don it worked real good thanks, she now says thank you.
I is a whole attitude change coz she hadn't found out how to adjust to complements before.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Compliments, posted by don2222 on Dec 30, 2003


I will try that next time Don sounds good.

See you next year.

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: How different life is now., posted by Peter Lee on Dec 28, 2003

Peter-lee,  What do you do at your school?  I am a teacher and Juliet and I plan on moving to the Ocala-Silver Springs area sometime next year.  Sorry if I missed this info from other posts!  I teach Middle School Math and PE.

Steveb

[jon]

... in response to Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by SteveB on Dec 29, 2003

Steve,

I am in Tampa whcih won't be too far away if you need help with anything.

Jon

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by jon on Dec 30, 2003

Thanks Jon

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: How different life is now., posted by SteveB on Dec 29, 2003

Sorry Steveb,

Ocala is a place you will never forget I have never heard of anyone not liking it there.  The weather is nice all year round.  I like the beach and Ocean but it is not too far for you to go on the weekend.   I hope you can visit me some day when you pass by.  

  I am not very good at Math and rely on spell check to get me by LOL.

My classes are in the Martial Arts training school that I teach here in Daytona Beach

I teach Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Hapkido, kickboxing and use my Degree in Korean Tae Kwon Do as a discipline base for ranking and structure.  

The family classes have the same curriculum as the hard core classes only practiced in a way that no one gets hurt.

Off hours we have the submission wrestling classes with no Gee and get ready for tournaments.

I am a small guy weigh about 160 and 5'11 so I have to use as much skill as I can with my 46 years of training to keep the big guys from crushing me.

I enjoy teaching the women's Cardio Kickboxing classes and hand pick the music myself.

I did get a bad hip injury a few years ago in the Pam American Jiu Jitsu tournament.  I got my Gold medal and beat guys 30 years younger than me.  But I would give it back if I could get my hip without the injury back.  

Good Luck Steveb
And Merry New Year

[Robian]

... in response to How different life is now., posted by Bear on Dec 28, 2003

hi there bear i was just curious if whats your's and honey's age gap. A lot of people been trying to stop me to be marry my fiancee because of our age gap (29 yrs.) but i really dont care about that coz for me age is aint nothing but a number.Well at least he's not older than my dad like my sister's husband.
yan