Shadow, how come???

[cc]

Thanks Larry, for sharing your incredible story. I went to Mag-Anak to read up on it and I must say I feel saddened and shocked by what happened to you - and I am scared too cause it may happen to every one of us...

I am just curious, after this kind of experience, what still attracts you to the Philippines? I mean, why did you take this vacation and meet more penpals? I think I would have been so totally turned off...
Did you try to contact your ex or her family?

[shadow]

... in response to Shadow, how come???, posted by cc on Mar 29, 2001

such a quick study after all!!!    Larry.

[kevin]

... in response to Shadow, how come???, posted by cc on Mar 29, 2001


whether it be females with blue eyes and blond hair, Filipinas, or even members of the same sex.  For us guys on the board, our physical attraction is towards Filipinas.  What we're looking for is someone to connect with on a real heart-to-heart level.  To be able to love without fear of being harmed.

When I realized that divorce was inevitable, I'd been reading books about the dynamics of relationships.  For men that remarry and have problems, often times they were attracted to the same traits that attracted them to their first wives.  On the surface, it could be looks or other attributes.  Underneath it could be a bad mix of personalities.

Men would be attracted to women with the same color hair, eyes, height, etc. as their ex's.  In some cases, even the same first name.  In our cases, we're attracted to Filipinas and some of the positive attributes (however few there might actually be) of the culture.

Shadow was very wise to look beyond physical attraction and displays of kindness.  It wasn't easy, and it took alot of courage.  But it's survival.  Deter the predators.  A built-up immunity, or antibodies, against some lurking, deadly disease waiting to strike and kill a healthy victim.

I feel for you Shadow, and your story is very sobering.  But I haven't given up hope and, in spite of all this, I don't think you have either.

I've often wondered, if men could choose their sexual orientations, if it would be safer to be a homosexual.  One given is that there are plenty of more men then women.  But probably more importantly, it so seems, that in general men can be trusted more than women.  Trust is an important part of any intimate relationship.

When I was younger, I used to be told that one of the problems with homosexual relationships was that man never remained faithful.  My step-mother's boss's son committed suicide for the reason that he could never find the man of his dreams.  He was just so disenfranchised that everytime he'd love the man, the man would always end up cheating on him with some other guy.  Finally he felt so hopeless he committed suicide.

Well speaking for us folks, we're trying to find Filipinas who WILL LOVE us for WHO WE ARE.  And that is indeed a very challenging persuit, and the odds of actually finding that are stacked against us.  The odds of getting hurt are too great but we all hope to find the right one.

Like the story I told about why the homosexual committed suicide, Larry's testimony makes it easy for one (in mainstream society, in a "conventional" heterosexual relationship) preach about why it's so bad and downright dangerous for a man to persue heis desire and drive to share a loving relationship with a Filipina.

- Kevin

[Dave H]

... in response to Everybody has there preferences . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 29, 2001

Kevin,

Did I miss something here? Did you just come out of the closest? ROFLMAOCUML!!!...cough...cough... Stop it, my lungs are hurting.

Sorry Dude...I couldn't resist. ;o)

I trust women a WHOLE lot more than men. I spent 20 years watching many "happily" married guys take several hours off work to be with their girlfriends or bring them by the station. I refused to tell their wives that they were on an emergency call, when with their girlfriends. Funny thing...someone always beat me to the telephone whenever it rang.

Dave H.

[imdyslexic]

... in response to Everybody has there preferences . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 29, 2001

ok, so we should kill ourselves? or we shouldn't?

Shadow was right.  People are out there.  Some good, some bad, some tall, some short, some american, some filipina, some gay, some straight, etc. I do think it is horribly unfair to insinuate that Filipinas are nearly incapable of coexisting in a healthy, loving relationship.  I also think its tragic that your distant relation's son committed suicide.  but I would be willing to venture that he had many other traumas/social pressures he was dealing with.  I dont think his death is a valid analogy to Larry's misfortune.

I think there are mature 24 yos, but I would imagine the  women willing to cross an entire generation to find a husband, culture not withstanding, probably have a higher percentage of material interest/personal gain motivations, if for no other reason than it is harder to connect emotionally and intellectually as equals.  

The important thing is to not let someone elses selfishness ruin your chances at happiness.  the difference between the young and the old? cynicism.  When you start expecting things to turn out poorly, what is there to look forward to?

m

[cc]

... in response to Everybody has there preferences . . ., posted by kevin on Mar 29, 2001

"I've often wondered, if men could choose their sexual orientations, if it would be safer to be a homosexual. One given is that there are plenty of more men then women. But probably more importantly, it so seems, that in general men can be trusted more than women."
Huh? More men in this World than women??? Homosexual relationships are NOTORIOUS for their instability. One reason why HIV spread so rapidly among homosexual men is because they had so many partners. Trust and fidelity is NOT what I'd expect from a homosexual partner!