CARRISE and US

[MAY]

This is not in defense of us, Filipinas, tho', I would have to admit that in the 3 days I have been visiting this site and have been reading ALL the messages here,  I would have to admit that I have come to realize why a fellow Filipina, happily married to an American for  17 (!!!,  yes, SEVENTEEN yrs),  urged me to visit this site.

Expecting to read similar "happy"  stories like hers on this site,  it was such a shock (to say the least), to read things said about us.

It was as if SOME of the men here had the truth about us, Filipinas.
For those that speak in authority about us,  it is such a pity that all of us have been generalized in such an image.

The truth of the matter is,  wherever you go,  there will always be the good and the bad in everyone.  Be it Americans, Swiss, Germans, Filipinas, etc..

Maybe, the only difference is, for most of us,  we were raised and made to believe THAT.  And, continue to see and realize the difference in everyone.

P.S.

Carrisse,  you will always have me around in your corner (or should I say OUR CORNER).

[outwest]

... in response to CARRISE and US, posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

Well May, I am sorry to say that this board is REal, and
it does not just post stories of happily every after , because if that is the only thing that ever happened, life
would be so special and nice, But, as you know , and as the men on this board know, therre are good and bad in every
culture, and yes, there are many loving kind pinays, but
at the same time there are also some that are not so loving
and kind.
   It is well known to many pinays that marrying a foreigner is a dream of theirs, and also it is well known
to many of us foreigners, that this is true,   However,
they have to protect themselves against a man who will take
advantage of them, or abuse them...
   This board is full of stories, some good, some not so
good. My own story, I am not saying all pinays are bad,
or users, or anything near to that. All i was doing is to
say, that, it is not wise for a man to send money to a girl
who he has never met, because she gives him some story
about her problems, emergency etc....since that is what
happened to me, and then i said no, and then the girl left
me two days later for a guy who she never met yet, so, in
my case, yes she was using me, and she was , in my opinion
a gold digger.....that does not mean all pinays are like that, but.....thats y i think its a good reason to have
a rule that if the girl asks for money, before she ever met
the guy, then dont send it........Thats all my rule post was
about,,,,,
    And yes, its true, us men are no angels either... I am
sure there could be rules that the women should follow in
order to make sure we are sincere, kind, faithful, and the
women test the men in many ways also...hey, thats ok with me. We all have to protect ourselves.
    My whole point is this, that the men on this board
think just like me, for the most part, We think pinays
are beautiful, loving, and would make good wives, and we
all are trying to find one. We just share our stories , good
and bad, and make sure that our fellow searchers dont choose
the wrong girl, and make a wise choice.
   

[humabdos]

... in response to Our Stories are Real,, posted by outwest on Mar 16, 2001

Here Here! OUTWEST! well said! You hit the nail on the head! All we want is to be happy,  To have a happy little family ! Why must we all go through hell to get there?   Humboltos ( Humabdos)

[kevin]

... in response to CARRISE and US, posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

Your post does provide some reinforcing balance too.  The very folks that are critical of me for my persuits of finding a Filipina (and calling me a fool, etc.), are the same people, that in other circumstances, preach that there is good and bad in all.  At this juncture in my life, I've learned to be discrete about my persuits.  The anxiety that I might be going in the wrong direction is bad enough.

I read "Timee's" post somewhere down below.  It makes me sick.  But these aren't all rumors.  While folks like you should rightfully feel offended about what was talked about, at the same time, the golddiggers out lurking there are laughing at us men and what they can get away with.  And I (we) have the right to feel angry about that.

As for what some of thses guys said.  A MESSAGE IS BEING SENT.  Such subversive behavior does exist, and as it is pretty much being done with impunity, it is only encouraged and is proliferating.

Let's take the "battered spouse clause" in TU.S. immigration law.  The intent of this law, when it was passed, is to protect bona fide alien victims from domestic abuse, and immigration blackmail tactics used by the perpetrators.  But now this law is regarded as a loop-hole for a quicker legal residency in the United States.  In the process, such a man who gives his heart to a woman is stripped to nothing, both on the inside (his heart, his dignity) and the outside (losing his life savings, etc.).

As one guy phrased it yesterday, woman (collectively) are trying to redefine "abuse" from physical or actual battery to whatever they want the term to mean.  The paradox, "nice guys" can and are accused of abuse, while in the case of real abusers, the women stick by the men.  I understand this is the typical scenario in being involved with Latin women.  Latin women say they want a nice guy.  They don't like the abusers and playboys.  Yet, they crap on and villify the former category.  These are the guys that end up in the divorce court.  And, they stick with the latter category.

As Timee phrased it, it's pretty sickening to say that with the advent of the battered-spouse clause, you'd think that people in the Philippines, Russia, etc. were witnesses to the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.  I'm sure this was NOT the intent of our legislators, unless there was an attempt on their part to punish men seeking brides overseas.  I really doubt that premise, but with all this stuff I hear about women's interest groups with their war against the common man, perhaps it's possible this was the true intent of the battered-spouse clause.

For me, I find it hard to trust period.  Yet part of me hopes  and prays to find a special someone I can trust.  Trust can only be realized over life's timeline calibrated in years.  But shall I live, I don't give up hope.

Lastly, it kind of struck me when you said "OUR" corner.  I think most of us on this board want to be friends with each other.  What you heard were the laments of guys burnt where there was no justice.  Many of these guys have good hearts but have been demoralized.  Remember, we all idealistically would prefer to be in the shoes of you and your husband.  These guys need moral support from folk other than their own kind (fellow Kano guys in their shoes), and positive reinforcement.  These guys have become hardened inside, but have a tender spot, and need to melt.

Peace,

Kevin

[humabdos]

... in response to Re: CARRISE and US, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Kevin your writing is very good I wish I could express my self as well as you do in writing! What you said here is so true. Timee's post down below is very good info too.  Your right I think we all just want to get along here and learn I am truely sorry for blasting any filipina on this board! I don't think a gold digger would waste time posting anything here they are to busy finding gold!   Peace !  Humabdos

[MAY]

... in response to Re: CARRISE and US, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

It is humbling indeed to read a man admit to such a weakness that we, women often fall to ourselves....and that is LOVE.

Laws made by people are laws that oftentimes we break ourselves.....but, when one falls in love, one does not think of laws that can protect them from anything involved with loving someone.  What matters is the love that you feel for the person and not anything else.  THIS is trust.
Trusting the other person that the love you give will be reciprocated ..... pure and lasting.

As you, gentlemen, need to forget bitter and sad experiences,  let this be something to think about.....

  "The spaces between our fingers were created by God
   so that another person's fingers could fill them
   in....."

And....thank you...for indeed this world be a better world if peace and friendship were offered instead of anger and bitterness.  *s*

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: CARRISE and US, posted by MAY on Mar 16, 2001

Hi May!

I like your attitude. And your English is excellent. Did you ever live in the USA or an English-speaking country?

Welcome to Planet Love…

Ray

[MAY]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: CARRISE and US, posted by Ray on Mar 17, 2001

Thank you, Ray.  A compliment bestowed to one Filipina can go a long way to making changes in the image we appear to have.

And to answer your question,...no, I have never lived outside of the Philippines...IF I do, I would want it to be in a place where people see no color nor creed...where everyone thinks that no matter how bad a person is...deep inside there is always something good in them.  *s*

[greg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: CARRISE and US, posted by MAY on Mar 18, 2001

Welcome to Planet-Love, I hope that you stay encouraged and continue to participate. :-) greg

[MAY]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: CARRISE and US-May, posted by greg on Mar 18, 2001

Thank you....*s*.....I will definitely stick around....and hope to give my unsolicited thoughts every now and then.  =)

[rgg]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: CARRISE and US-M..., posted by MAY on Mar 18, 2001

May,

Where do you stay in the Phil.?  I'm a Pinoy, currently residing in Davao, used to work in Makati for 10 years but transfered to Dvo for good, can't stand the traffic and pollution, though I travel to Manila from time to time to get things I need for my aquarium business.  This site is cool... gives us uncensored opinions of our kababayans in the US.  Looking 4ward 2 ur posts.....   rgg

[MAY]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: CARRISE and ..., posted by rgg on Mar 18, 2001

Hello   "kabayan"   (fellow countryman)....it is nice to know of one Pinoy that shares the sentiments I have.  Thank you.

I have been living in QC since my college days and now work somewhere at the Ortigas Centre.

The traffic is something that one gets used to.  *s*
I still love it, though......it makes me leave my apartment very early in the morning and catch the sun as it slowly rises......and in the evening....catch the moon when it is at its brightest....lol.....isn't that compensation enough for the traffic?   *s*

[Tim]

... in response to Re: CARRISE and US, posted by kevin on Mar 16, 2001

Posts like this one tell me alot about your personal journey. Glad to see that you are continuing to heal and move forward. Time passing is one of the best medicines.

Regards, Tim

[Carl]

... in response to Good post, Kevin, posted by Tim on Mar 16, 2001

n/t