1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per
passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One
went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other
stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted
to much. The second one, naturally, became
known as the lesser of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but
when they lit a fire in the craft...it sank...proving
once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it,
too.
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old
West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm
looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused
Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend
dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel
and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting
in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a
picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving
the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal.
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh
MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town
to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent
florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most
of the time, which produced an impressive set of
calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which
made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him -- oh, man,
this is so bad, it's good -- a super calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
different puns to friends, with the hope that at least
one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately,
no pun in ten did.
