Not a question you have heard a lot (long)

[BigJack]

Well.... this being my first post I wish it was something a lot more positive. I have been reading this board well over a year and must say it has been very helpful to me in my situation.

Now to my problem. I have gone through the K1 visa process and the application was approved in late March. BTW I sent it off in early october. Due to the length of time it was taking I made a 2nd trip to the philippines to be with my fiance. It would have been about a year since I saw her.

In the months prior to my return to the philippines I started noticing little differences in my fiance. It came to the point that she had asked to wait another year until she comes here and start the visa process all over again. Knowing something was not right from the minute she said this I still planned on going.  I needed a good vacation anyways and enjoy the philippines a great deal. I also had feelings that things were coming to an end...that would be confirmed later.

Well I arrived via hong kong. Had to worry about that whole SARS thing. What can I say but this....the first 4 days I didn't see or talk to my fiance. I told her my flight and my hotel and thought she would come up and see me. I finally decided to text her and find out what was going on. Well during our conversation she said she would come up and visit with me....I wasn't too sure I wanted her to by then. I knew in my heart things were over before I got there. She was hiding something from me I just wasn't sure. I decided to play a hunch when I talked with here a few days later.

Playing my hunch I tried to figure out what would make her want to wait another year all off the sudden. She was so ready to come to the states. What would make a woman want to wait? So I asked her my if she was pregnant and acted like I knew. Long long silence and I knew it was coming. She said yes and that she was such a horrible person. She was going to try and hide her pregnancy from me. She was then going to leave the child with her family and come here. The initial shock was almost unbearable, but I knew deep down it was something like this.  

Was I angry...not really, hurt yes. Strange I seemed relieved by this all coming out. At least I knew the truth now. Turns out she had a fling and the guy found out she was pregnant and ditched her. I feel bad for her because she has lost everything. I did end up seeing her for about four hours just to look her in the eyes and say goodbye.  It was kinda hard, but I had to do it for myself. When I saw her it reminded me about all the things that made me fall in love with her. Also reminded me about all the pain she has caused me. Her seeing me I think made her realize the depth of her mistake. SHe then said she was going to do everything to win me back. I told her in the best way I could not to waste her time.

Some of you might think that my ex-fiance is a bad person. I don't feel this way at all toward her. She is a victim of poor choices. I hold no anger or ill feelings toward her. True this all hurt very badly, but it made me grow so much and learn. I was saved from making a huge mistake in my life. Next time I will be a lot more careful. This has not soured my feelings about filipina's in the least.

Whoops now to my question. Got carried away in my story. The K1 petition has been sent to manila. I wish to withdraw my petition for the visa. Do I have to contact the embassy or INS(BCIS). If I ever met the right woman and she happened to be from another country I don't want this to come back and bite me. Not to mention I want to put closure to my past engagement. Any help on this would be much apperciated. Getting through to INS can be a pain and from what I understand the embassy is much worse. Sorry for the long winded post...guess it was kinda for me. Left out a lot of details, but you get the idea of my situation. Thanks for all your help.

Ingat Ka,

BigJack

[Alvin1]

... in response to Not a question you have heard a lot (lon..., posted by BigJack on Apr 28, 2003


Hello Jack,

Welcome to the board.  You are so lucky to find out so soon after only after such a small amount of money and time loss.
You have found out early that all Filipinas are not angels as so many believe in the beginning. I happen to be married to an ANGEL with 2 beautiful children.

Good luck in your search and be cautious at every point, not paranoid or suspicious but take an intelligent approach.

Cheers

Alvin1

[Dave H]

... in response to Not a question you have heard a lot (lon..., posted by BigJack on Apr 28, 2003

Hi Big Jack,

Sorry to hear about your problem. Good thing you found out now. Good luck and success in the future!

Dave H.

[BigJack]

... in response to Not a question you have heard a lot (lon..., posted by BigJack on Apr 28, 2003

Hello all...I wanted to thank you all for all the input and support. My trip was not a total loss as I met many wonderful people and have started new friendships.

Once again thanks a lot for the kind words and help. I just hope my story helps someone else out there. Live and learn as they say...but it was a painful lesson. Although I feel the future holds more promising avenues for me to venture now.

Thanks All,

BigJack

[Bear]

... in response to Re: Not a question you have heard a lot ..., posted by BigJack on Apr 29, 2003

When I first started looking for a lovely lady to spend the rest of my life with I was writing 13 Filipinas.   I intended to narrow it down to 5 and visit 3-5 before deciding.  I think you see that most of them have other prospects as well.  I'll admit that when I finally went to the R.P. it was for the girl I married and no other but I knew others just in case everything went bad.  You waste too much time just devoting all your time to one prospect.

Bear and Honey

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Not a question you have heard a ..., posted by Bear on Apr 29, 2003

Thanks to you guys I did just that.  When the one in Davao didn't work out I had 7 more in Cebu to check out and i did.

[Rick C]

... in response to Not a question you have heard a lot (lon..., posted by BigJack on Apr 28, 2003

BigJack,
I ran into the same problem, but hadn't progressed to the same point in the process that you did.  I was to visit a "friend" in Cebu in December 2002.  Around beginning of November last year lost all communication...no phone, no email, no snail mail.  So I just figured she wasn't the one.  Different from you since there was no real emotional attachment since we hadn't even met face to face.  Anyway, about 4 weeks ago, I get a letter from her telling me how ashamed she was because she is now 5 months pregnant.  She wanted to resume communication since her "boyfriend" gave her the "to the curb" action when he found out she was pregnant.  (Yeah, like her being preg was going to endear her to me even more.)  Evidently he told her that he would marry her and in her haste to have her own family, p!ssed away everything else, including her job.  Is this some sort of problem nationally or just ladies in such a rush to be married that they'll make really bad decisions?  I have heard personally of 4 such situations and yours BigJack makes 5.
I have since started corresponding with fab lady more my age (we're both early 30s).  We'll see how this one goes...so continues the journey.

All the best.
Semper Gumby.

Rick

PS: Dave H., Ray, Surigao Ken and Nathan....I may need to pick your brains regarding the Misamis Oriental / Agusan Del Norte / Surigao Del Norte area soon as travel plans progress.  Also on the safety of travelling the corridor between CDO and Butuan and Surigao.  Particularly around the Villanueva area... maraming salamat! (Did I use that right?)

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Not a question you have heard a lot ..., posted by Rick C on Apr 28, 2003

Gee, my husband won't believe it when I tell him someone else has this motto.  He and a friend have adopted this motto just a couple of months ago....
Always Flexible.  It's good to be flexible.

[lswote]

... in response to Semper Gumby?, posted by Mita on Apr 30, 2003

Is that what that means?  I thought it meant "Always Gumby" as in "Gumby and Pokey" the claymation cartoon character lampooned by Eddie Murphey on "Saturday Night Live".  Does Gumby mean flexible in Latin or another language?

Wouldn't be the first time I got a phrase wrong.  I work in the computer industry and for years I thought I heard them say "Big Indian, Little Indian" at meetings and such and I thought it meant that one byte followed another byte.  But they were saying "big endian, little endian" which has to do with the ordering of computer bits in a byte.  I felt pretty stupid when I found out what it meant, particularly since I had studied it in college.

[Rick C]

... in response to Always Flexible?, posted by lswote on Apr 30, 2003

lswote,

Semper Gumby was one of those little things that we used to get us through the hard or 'weird' times in the Corps.  Semper Gumby is Always Flexible...Gumby just bending with the breeze.   Little things to make you laugh...like when your deployed to some God foresaken place during the Christmas season...USMC = U Suckers Missed Christmas.  When you having to deal with a particularly tough day, or Gunny just tore you a new 6....U Signed the MotherF'n Contract...basically humor as a stress reliever.  I don't know what the O's did to relieve stress....but definitely humor kept the E side of the house sane.

All the best...

Rick

[Mita]

... in response to Re: Always Flexible?  Gumby swayin' in t..., posted by Rick C on May 1, 2003

So it's a USMC thing?  Funny, these 2 USAF retirees that I know have adopted it as their motto now...USMC wanna be's you think?  LOL!

[Mita]

... in response to Always Flexible?, posted by lswote on Apr 30, 2003

Yes, Gumby and Pokey...wasn't he made of clay and thus was flexible?  I didn't get it at first when my husband told me  about it.  He didn't even know if I knew Gumby but it was one of my favorite cartoons when I was a kid.

[Michael B]

... in response to Always Flexible?, posted by lswote on Apr 30, 2003

Gumby IS flexable, that's the whole point, he's made out of CLAY!

But what's this 'big endian, little endian' stuff? I've been programming computers (in assembler, no less) for 20 years and I've never heard that term.

[lswote]

... in response to Re: Always Flexible?, posted by Michael B on Apr 30, 2003

Did you know that the bit squence of a byte is reverse on an IBM PC than it is on Unix?  That is called endian, (or maybe it is endien).  Big and little endian refers to the different orders.

[Michael B]

... in response to Re: Re: Always Flexible?, posted by lswote on May 1, 2003

If you say so. I've only been working on computers since 1980 (1969 if you count sorting cards and tending printers) and I've never heard of that, neither had anybody else I work with.....but then I've managed to avoid UNIX all that time and intend to keep doing so if at all possible---because:

The boss with the pointy hair goes up to Dilbert and says "Headquarters told me I have to get some of the current staff to become unuch programmers, I signed you up"....Dilbert-"It's pronunced 'UNIX' and I've already had it".....Boss-"OK. Well, when the company nurse comes around, tell her I said never mind"