Hey Peter!

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Hey Peter!, posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003

Peter,

On the retirement thing, if you are talking about SBP (Survivor Benefit Plan), then it is not a small deduction and there are other disadvantages, such as losing her Social Security at retirement. If you are in good health, there are many life insurance policies available that are a much better deal IMO. Also, since you are at least considering the possibility of divorce, SBP is one of the worst things you could have during a divorce (ask a family law attorney).

Unless they have changed the rules to allow for open enrollment, SBP was a one-time option available only at the time of retirement. Talk to Personnel or Retired Affairs Office for more info.

If you have not thought about children, then I urge you to stop any marriage plans until you two have reached a mutual understanding on the subject. This one is going to take some serious, deep discussions, believe me. Without a good mutual understanding in advance, you are headed for trouble.

Ray

[Jeff S]

... in response to Hey Peter!, posted by Ray on Mar 25, 2003

... and though I've only been married once and aren't as old as you, Stephen or TNeal, I've found the same thing. Hey, I understand the fantasy of a sweet, young thing who looks to you to take care of everything, but if you can't treat your wife as an equal, and trust her to run your home and half of your life, your relationship is headed for big trouble. After reading Ray's post, I reread the chatroom conversations and they do sound more like daddy and daughter than husband and wife (or fiance to fiance.)

Peter, make sure that your wife, no matter what her age, is your equal partner in life, and you'd trust her with everything and anything. Just my 2 cents.

- Jeff

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Some good thoughts, Ray...., posted by Jeff S on Mar 25, 2003


Good advice BUT

I couldn't find an AW that I could trust as an equal partner.   That is why I am still single.  It is a scary thought putting all that power into the hands of some gal.   Divorce rates are not getting lower.  Most of the women with money don’t reciprocate and have their hubby sign prenaps and keep the properties in their names.   I wonder if it affects the guys sex life?  

Any way it don’t matter what I say the courts will teach you da lesson.   I am sure this site has plenty of examples.   It means that guys give everything they have every 5 years or so.    And start all over again.   Lessons are repeated till learned  

BUT  in a perfect world I would agree with you.

You may be the lucky one the rest wake up from the dream and pay.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Some good thoughts, Ray...., posted by Peter Lee on Mar 26, 2003

I wasn't really talking about money. But since you brought it up: My wife and I both came into the marriage with very little balance sheet value and over the past 17 years have amassed a decent asset base. If for some reason we split up, I'd not ever begruge her 1/2 of everything we've accumulated even though I was the only one working outside the home. She has stood by me and pulled more than her own weight over the years. She's also been the better money manager and wiser investor of the two of us.

I was more speaking of life and family decisions. Do you look at her as a dependent or as an equal? Do her decisions carry as much weight as yours? Naturally you'll have more experience in many aspects of life in the US than a younger, foreign bride, so many of the times, you'll have to just put your foot down, but after the newness wears off, can you trust her decision making ability? That's what drove apart many of the divorced couples I know. Among many other ditzy decisions, one of my friend's wife sent their life savings off to a TV evangilist without consulting him. That was the last straw. He's now married to a 30 year younger Mexican woman who asks before she does.

- Jeff

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Some good thoughts, Ray...., posted by Jeff S on Mar 25, 2003

Equal partner?

Till divorce do us part LOL

She should get what she put in!

the way i see it filipinas have a better chance of a life time marriage than most.  

But the divorce rate is still very high

To not protect yourself in case it does happen is unwise

I hope to be one of the lucky ones