Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions

[Peter Lee]

Hi guys and gals I am back from my trip from Davoe and Cebu with a couple of questions and a predicament.

So I get to Davao and the girl meets me with her chaperone.   We get a taxi to a nice marble floor hotel in the city with a pool.   Thirty dollars per day sounded great that included breakfast. Armed guards open the door for you.  AT&T promised me that my cell phone would work in the PI but no I have to get another Sims card and it works.    I get a room for her and one for me she and her friend are from Bislig 5 to 7 hours drive with a bus. We go buy swim suits for her and her friend and some munchies for watching TV at night.   She seems nice pretty Filipina 22 years old and smiles a lot.   We e mailed for about 3 months prior and she sounded real good.  We visit her friend down town in a village and come back to the hotel.   Nobody wants to go to the pool with me so I go alone.   It is nice in the pool after hours in a jet plane.   I do my laps about 45 min to an hour of lap swimming.   I’m thinking why am I in the pool alone?   I could have done this at home.   I knock on the door and they don’t think it appropriate to have me in their room at night even to watch TV.   I go to my room and watch TV on my own; I am thinking that I could be doing this at home without traveling 9000 miles.    I knock on the door again to say something is wrong with this picture and to come to my room later to talk about it.    Nobody comes so I use my cell phone to call some other girls I emailed for just this situation.  I feel that the girls are enjoying thier vacation more than me.  It didn't seem like they were looking for a lifetime mate.  Next morning I knock on their door nope no body wants to go swimming.   So this is a repeat of the day before including my thoughts on how I could be doing this at home and not 9000 miles away.   So we go to breakfast and they talk in Bisaya to each other.   I am starting to get steamed but don’t show it, and eat a good breakfast.   As we go to their room I tell them that something is wrong could we talk about it?  Later is the answer there is nothing wrong.   Ok I wait in my room and make the decision to go to the airport and fly to Cebu.    When I tell em they are surprised but said the famous it is up to you phrase.   I give em the fair to go back to Bislig and a gift of expensive perfume each as I promised as a gift.  Off I go to catch the morning flight to Cebu.  I get off the plane I don’t know anybody and don’t know where to go.   But there are free rides to many hotels.    I pick one with a pool and is twenty five dollars per day.   Now it starts, the girls are texing on the phone from Davao, I am sorry please come back I miss you.
I start making my calls to some other girls I emailed and see one per day.   Not to get into to many details some were very nice true Filipinas.   Some would not even go into the hotel to meet me in the lobby, they waited outside for me.   Some came in and had lunch with me and swam in the pool.   Some when I went to the Mall would not let me buy anything for them even a drink.   But they invited me to their home to meet the family, and I did it was great.    Some wanted me to buy the mall and made me feel like Santa is coming hehehe.    It was a large variety of girls some with kids about 5 years old and some with chaperons that looked better than they did.   One surprise was they all looked better than their pictures and didn’t look anything like the picture is was sent by e mail.   The other surprise was pictures were readily available in quality everywhere.   I was disappointed though as none of them seemed like someone I would spend the rest of my life with.   Oh well I thought there is always next time.  A few had cell phones some had no phone and had to leave messages at the front desk or have them call my cell using there friends.  But I didn’t give up yet I still had a few girls to call maybe one of these would be the one.   Meanwhile I swam in the pool and went to the Mall and purchased a mountain bike.    I registered the bike at the police station and it seemed that I was the only one in Cebu that did that so I may have the only bike in Cebu registered.   I rode my bike all over town and felt unrestricted, no problem in traffic got lost a couple of times but in the end got to know the whole town by bike.   Meanwhile near the end of the list of girls to call I call one at 9pm and the Mom answers, she will be there in 30 min.   She has come with a taxi full of family, mostly young girls.    She invites me to her house I go,  we got the chickens, pigs, turkeys, dogs and a spring well in the middle of the front yard with a big hand pump in an all cemented walled villa.   The gal it seemed that had the profile 24 was actually just 17 and the mom was the one chatting on the net with me making me think it was her daughter.   Anyway she is too young for me but the mom she likes me and said I got a good heart and I should have a good wife, she will help me find one.    Any way I was having a good time singing laughing and eating bulard and I am looking at her cousin who was I thought extremely good looking.   We hit it off first night and we like each other.    So I do the courting thing Philippine style holding hands and all.    The Aunt says if you court you can not stay in the house, so I rent a house walking distance from her for 1000 pesos for 2 weeks.   I now eat like them sleep like them and wash like them.   By the way when I slept over the two nights there was no foam on the bed and I thought our prisons back home are more comfortable.   So the courting goes on the bike riding goes on.   We go to the beach; I eat mangoes till it comes out of my ears.    I am in love, three times, once with the Philippines who seems to have values as we did in the 50’s and 60’s twice with the family that invited me to their home and three to this girl the cousin.   She is going to school there staying with her Aunt, she is from Kibawe in Mindanao in the center of the Island.    She has never had a boyfriend and never been kissed.  So I look to see what paper work I can start while I was there to get a fiancé visa.   The US Consulate doesn’t require you to go to Manila for clearance to get married.   But she doesn’t have NSO birth certificate which they say takes 8 days or more or permission to marry coz she is under 20.   Oh well, I get as many papers and pictures signed as I can and say good bye to my Filipina pearl.  

    So the questions are if I put in for a Fiancé Visa there is no proof of relationship no 6 months e mail history.    I am told that if I put in for my fiancé visa without showing an established relationship it will be rejected.    If I go back in June and get married there any paper work would have to start all over again.   We got a lot of stuff done while I was there proof of meeting, pictures together applied for her passport NBI, NSO, INS pictures, permission from her parents notarized.

     I need advice I am in love for sure but with a cool head about it.   I never dreamed this would happen to me but as you know if you really like someone it hurts to be away from them.  What is my next step???

[Humabdos]

... in response to Finished a Trip to Cebu with questions, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 5, 2003

Peter Have you lost your mind? Lol!

Age doesn't matter? BULL CRAP! Do you like to play with Barbie dolls and watch cartoons?

My first filipina wife 19 me 38 While we had a few good months (6 or 8 out of four years) most of it was pure hell.
What do you have in common with this little girl?
A filipina at this age has the maturity level of a 10 year old AW!  Even the 60 to 30 age split has slim chance of working (just my opinion of course) Your in for a lot of misery if you follow through with this.

Other than that great trip report!

Hum

[Ray]

... in response to Lolo meets little girl???, posted by Humabdos on Feb 7, 2003

6 or 8 good months for a vacuum cleaner? That sounds like a pretty good deal to me... :-)

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Sounds fair..., posted by Ray on Feb 7, 2003

Oh well,
You can't say I wasn't warned.

I did meet some nice vacuum cleaners in Cebu.   Ask em to go to the mall after lunch to see what would happen.   Hoover time.  This one was different; some of the others were too.  Some wouldn’t let me buy em lunch just a coke.  When I was stationed in Okinawa years ago in the Army the young guys under me would go down town to the bars and fall in love.  "No, no sarge this one's different she really loves me."  So Ray no-no this one's different she really loves me.  So I know this one's a certified virgin.   Would they give it up just to come to the US?   What about the gale I met at the Consulate in Cebu.  She said her husband is in the US and sees her for 30 days every 6 months. Showed me a picture of their nice house.  I'm thinking no, no he is different he really loves her."  What a deal, probably got a round eye in the US and gets a 30 day vacation every 6 months.  One of the better tests was to totally convince yourself to come to the Philippines to retire and then convince the gale you’re with to see what happens.   Da good ones will love it.  They get you and their family all in one and those don't need to go states side.  So Ray what do you know about prenuptial agreements?   I love this site you guys got the experience I don't, I am listening.   But Ray she's not like the others she is really different LOL.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Sounds fair..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Hi Peter,

Sorry, the remark about the vacuum cleaner was a private joke. I was just razzing Humabdos because he told us when he went through his divorce all the judge gave her was the vacuum cleaner (LOL).

Yeah, Okinawa was an expensive place to fall in love. I used to pull into White Beach a lot when I was in the Navy. Do you remember the snake lady on BC Street outside Kadena? Oh, never mind… :-)

About the gal in Cebu who had an American husband that visited her for one month out of six…was her husband by any chance from Oklahoma? Sounds like somebody I know.

Don’t worry about the guys trying to talk you out of marrying a teenager. We never change anybody’s mind, but we always try anyway. Most of the guys are just concerned about you getting ripped off. Actually, I wasn’t worried about you but I was more concerned for your fiancée. I think Howard made some good points on the topic. Those young girls are too often caught up in a dream world and don’t have the experience or maturity to really think things through before they take the plunge. I’ve seen so many very young ladies arrive here in the States only to soon find out that their prince charming wasn’t what they thought he was and life here wasn’t a big bowl of cherries. Whatever you do, don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t and don’t try to hide your faults. Do your best to make sure that she knows exactly what she is getting into. Spend a lot of time discussing EVERYTHING and make sure that you two are on the same wavelength. Make sure she fully understands all the implications of your age difference and the likelihood that she will be a widow/single mother sooner or later. You sound serious about this young lady, so I wish you all the best. Just be gentle and understanding because she will be very impressionable at her age and American culture can corrupt her quickly. From my experience, the younger they are when they arrive, the more quickly they become “Americanized”.

Pre-nups? Personally, I don’t like them. I think when you marry that you should be willing to share everything you have, both the good and the bad. If you don’t have near complete trust in each other, then you aren’t ready for marriage IMHO. Is your state a community property state? I would talk to a family law attorney and do some research on your own to find out how the law works in your state. Often times, pre-nups aren’t worth a sh!t anyway, especially when they involve a young, foreign spouse who didn’t have her own legal representation. There are ways to protect yourself without a pre-nup. If you don’t have any children or business partners, then you may not need a pre-nup anyway.

About your questions regarding fiancée vs spousal visas. There are advantages and disadvantages to both, so no one can say which is better. Instead of trying to figure out which visa will be faster or easier, my advice is to do it “the right way”. Do your homework on all the options and then discuss it thoroughly with your fiancée. Don’t try to convince her to do it your way, but instead try to find out what SHE wants. Not necessarily what she SAYS she wants, but what she REALLY wants. Does she want her dream wedding in her parish church with her family and friends there, or does she want a quiet civil ceremony down at the local courthouse in Florida? Try to make her dreams come true if at all possible. I firmly believe that if your bride is completely happy on her wedding day, then your marriage will definitely have a better chance of success. The wedding day is really HER day more than we sometimes like to think. Most men would rather just get it over with as fast and as cheap as possible. Give it some thought when you are considering the options for which visa to go with.

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Yes, they are all different, posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

Hi Ray,

...who really wants it anyway? Most people just want a pat of the back and the reassurance that they are doing the right thing. Sometimes I just bite my tongue now, because I think it is a waste of time and don't feel like fighting. Many of my posts don't make it out of my word file, because I can't make them "politically correct" or painless. Most people are determined to do what they want to anyway. "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!!!" I think, "Hey I'm happily married now...who needs the aggravation?" Then I think about the people who helped me here and how I went from a bitter man like many other guys on P-L, to a very happy one. I want everyone to feel this happiness! I remember posts from other people and realize that maybe tiny seeds are planted in people's minds and "sprout" once in a while. Do you recall "Sunwolf?" He got angry and left the board, vowing to prove us all wrong for planning to marry the Japayuki!!! This is from the the last post I read from him several years ago. I wonder how he's doing now?

"So anyway, to those of you who said that I should leave the japayuki, and that there were filipinas out there who would treat me far better than her, I say: You were right. Never let it be said that I won't admit when I am wrong. So thanks for the help people."

Dave H.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Advice..., posted by Dave H on Feb 8, 2003

Come on Dave don't hold back and say what you really think I'm a big boy I can take it.  I won't kill the mesenger!

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Advice..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Hey Peter,

I don't plan on killing anyone in the near future either. ;o)))

I was making a general statement that was not directed at you! I know it probably appeared that way since it was in the thread. I posted at the top of the page what I felt about you being open to advice. Since you can "take it," I'm sure you will find more people willing to express their views. Again, I like your attitude!

Dave H.

[Ray]

... in response to Advice..., posted by Dave H on Feb 8, 2003

Yep, I remember Sunwolf.

I found out a long time ago that once someone is in love, or thinks he or she is in love, it’s already too late and the advice will probably go in one ear and out the other. So, why even bother? Because just maybe some other reader lurking out there, who hasn’t quite fallen in love yet, may just learn something. Who knows? Anyway, the advice here is priced right.

And I hope you’re right about those tiny seeds :-)

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Advice..., posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

Hey Ray,

You're right! I gained a lot of knowledge from advice given to others, before I ever met my sweety. Then I had it at my disposal when I needed it.

Dave H.

[Esiang]

... in response to Yes, they are all different, posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

Hey Cousin Ray....(joke)
 
             That's a good advice.......

the younger they are when they arrive, the more quickly they become “Americanized”.

It's true ....I've seen some of these....

            Oh Prince Charming.....
I'm concern about her Peter not ever having a boyfriend before you met her, is that right your her first romance??
I think try to be very open to each other as much as possible, try to see if she's really really interested of you...despite the fact that your 59, make a situation say
like that paralyzed guy you talked about if she's still gonna be there no matter what. As we all know, we vow on marriage for better or for worse.....etc.....

           
           
           

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Yes, they are all different, posted by Esiang on Feb 8, 2003

Thanx

I gues i have her heartin my hands.   That is why i will be as responsible as possible.   Her Mom came all the way from Mindanoa on a ferry and 5 hour motercylcle ride to see me.   She didn't like the idea at first but after she got to know me she approved of our relationship.   Her mom and dad is over 20 year differance so they think it will work out.   They had to sighn a notarized letter approving our getting married.   But with all this I fell in love twice.   Once with her and her family and second with the Philippines.  From the taxi drivers to the fish market it was uplifting.  I fealt like i was back in the 60's with people singing songs and just being really kind.   Oh well
my friends with their young Pinays keepem away from the AW thing as much as possible.   They don't drive and they help in the businesses.  Thanx for the input

[SteveG]

... in response to Re: Re: Yes, they are all different, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Peter,
 Trying to keep your wife from changing by isolating    her from the world is a high risk way to start a marriage.  Let's say you bring her here and do this, ok?    All right, you keep her away from the AW who want to "save" her from you and teach her how to spend your money, rebel and be independent like them.  I see no problem with that one.  They seem to come out of the woodwork.  

 OK, now you go the next step.  You screen the filipinas she comes in contact with to steer her away from the bad ones.   Not a bad idea either.   There are some bad ones who may want to teach her how much she can get away with.

 Now you've kept the bad AW and bad Filipinas away.     That just leaves the nice Filipinas for her to socialize with....and there are quite a few of those around so she should have no problem with having enough friends.   Your problem is still there because in getting to know these ladies, she will hear that they for the most part work outside the home, have their own car and are basically free to do what they want.   She is likely to start feeling trapped and controlled and start to rebel against it.   You're far better off to marry someone you trust from the start and give her the same freedom you want for yourself right from the start.

  SteveG

[Peter Lee]

... in response to That's a Plan for Failure, in my experie..., posted by SteveG on Feb 9, 2003

You took the words out of my mouth!!

I am not a control freak so your advice is the only way to go.   Otherwise i agree it would be a disaster.  I trust her already, she is in her Aunts house doing all the work like Cinderella, the other siblings are a bit lazy.   She caould have gotten lazy like the rest and didn't.   No red flags there yet.   I will sift through the filipinas here to see which one will be the good ones.   I am sure she will want some company once and a while and talk Bisaya if it is a good influece.   Her Aunt and Mom don't drive but own 2 jeepnees with drivers.   It will be a long time till she will want to drive.   When the time comes i will teach her how no problem.  One of my friends had the same problem with negative infuences with other filipinas.  It seems like a repeated story only differant places. I will watch for it.   How you gunna keepem down on the farm after they've seen Paris? LOL   I sure won't speed things up i will let it come naturally. She won't be as helpful to me if she can't drive later anyway. Your advice well taken!

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Re: Yes, they are all different, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

"my friends with their young Pinays keepem away from the AW thing as much as possible. They don't drive and they help in the businesses"

Peter, that sounds like great material for the feminists. The objective should not be to try to keep your young impressionable Filipina wife away from the influences of American society because they are all going to eventually become “Americanized”, some faster and to a greater degree than others.

The objective should be to choose a mature woman who can think for her self and who is secure in her moral beliefs. If she spends a lot of time with her “friends” and tends to listen to their “advice”, then you may be in for big trouble. Unfortunately, there are too many others here from their homeland who will try to influence them to do what is wrong. Find a woman with a strong will, a leader and not a follower, one who has a select few friends of strong moral character. Tip: take a real close look at her friends that she spends time with because that will tell you a whole lot about her character.

Contrary to popular belief, probably 95% of the Filipinas who come over here will want to work outside the home, so please don’t get your heart all set on a stay-at-home wife. And if you don’t want your wife to drive, keep her in the province and don’t bring her over :-)

Just my $.02

Ray