Confused in Daytona

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Confused in Daytona, posted by lswote on Feb 17, 2003

According to this forum It is not so easy in the Philippines.  But I am still checking what is needed.  I will have big trouble with my income for the last 3 years coz I am self employed and try to show as little income as possible.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Confused in Daytona, posted by lswote on Feb 8, 2003

Thnx for the tips

I will keep in touch here let you know what is happening

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Re: Confused in Daytona, posted by lswote on Feb 8, 2003

Thanx for the attention and advice, i got my field glasses out looking for the red flags.   It is going to be a long trip.  I am taking the first step and this site is the greatest.  I feel the flags will be waving in the next few weeks some might be red we will see.

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Confused in Daytona, posted by lswote on Feb 8, 2003

Hi Iswote,

I am very happy for you. Best wishes to you and your fiancee!

I think there are probably many more "window shoppers" on the Latin Board than here. Some guys and a gal have been scammed and badly hurt here. We just HATE to see it happen to anyone else. No doubt, we are cautious and speak out when we see some of the same red flags popping up!

Dave H.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Congratulations!, posted by Dave H on Feb 8, 2003

Thanx for the tips i am listening.  I will try to report any colored flags if i see them with the big head LOL

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: Congratulations!, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Hi Peter,

The fact that you're thinking with the big head, are open to advice, and have a positive attitude puts you way ahead in this quest.

There are MANY little head thinkers when it comes to marrying women from Third World countries in my opinion. I live near some. Who can really blame them? Some of these ladies have "it" and know how to use "it!" A guy that can't get a "3" back home, suddenly finds himself at the center of a group of 9's and 10's competing for his "love and affection." Other guys have no problems dating attractive women, but fall for the exotic beauty and "old-fashioned innocence" of some of these ladies. It's not hard to do! Some ladies are willing to fake love for a free ride to the US and plan a divorce ASAP. Some have Filipino boyfriends and plan to keep them (maybe petition them after a divorce). Others will dump the Filipino for a Kano with money.   I know these ladies. Everyone here knows horror stories first hand. Some people choose to ignore the red flags (we can't help them), other times they are not visible at first. The reason we talk so much about "time" is that eventually red flags tend to pop up if they are there. It's usually hard to maintain consistent lying for a long time. Sometimes both partners are honest, but the red flags are compatibility issues. Any marriage can be difficult. An inter cultural marriage can be challenging at times with cultural misunderstandings. No point starting out in a scam! Don't get me wrong, there are many nice Filipinas out there. But, I would take my time (several visits), avoid ones that overly flatter you (especially in public), are over affectionate in public, expect expensive gifts, money, and are in a hurry to come to the US. I know from your posts that your lady has already passed these "tests." I hope your flags are all green! Good Luck!

Dave H.

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Green Flags..., posted by Dave H on Feb 8, 2003

Another atvantage for getting them younger is they had no time to get a deep relationship boyfriend.  It should be harder to fake love when they are young, it comes easier with age and experience.   Thanx for the tips and i will post up dates so you all can point out any red flags coz my little head may not see em LOL.

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Confused in Daytona, posted by lswote on Feb 8, 2003

...on your wedding and best wishes for you and your bride.

Now get off of the computer and go finish your honeymoon (ROFL)

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Congratulations..., posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

What's the rush

Do you know what i am getting into LOL

[Dave H]

... in response to Congratulations..., posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

that is really the choice everyone one must make. I prefer to rely more on the big head, since the little head can fall in love many times in one day.

Dave H.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Big Head or Little Head..., posted by Dave H on Feb 8, 2003

http://tlf.cx/dearpenis.swf

- Jeff

[Dave H]

... in response to While on the subject..., posted by Jeff S on Feb 8, 2003

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Dear Jeff,

THANKS!!! I'm ROFLMAOCUMLTNTPUMD!!!! (Coughing Up My Lungs Trying Not To Puke Up My Dinner) I have tears rolling down my face.

One line I would change: "because when you get to drinking...you put me places that's really stinkin'" )))

Dave H.

[Ray]

... in response to Confused in Daytona, posted by Peter Lee on Feb 8, 2003

Peter,

The point wasn’t so much that you are getting married in a hurry, but that you got engaged to marry in a hurry. Did you promise to marry her, or did you merely agree to file the papers while you are giving it more serious thought? Keep in mind that if you promised to marry her, most of the Philippines knows about it already. If you should change your mind and back out later, the young lady will lose face and will suffer much disgrace. She can really get hurt emotionally, so be careful.

Yes, you’re correct. You could have married her over there in 10 days. I think I know how you are feeling. You are getting old and this may be your last chance to land a really nice young wife who will treat you right. You don’t want to wait too long or you may lose this golden opportunity. Fair enough, but please don’t forget about her wants and needs. She will be counting on you to do the right thing and make her happy also.

I got the legal capacity affidavit at the Cebu consulate myself. They run things a little differently in Cebu. Is John Domingo still the consular officer there? He requires the fiancee to be there also and he can be a little rough sometimes. In Manila, they don’t need your fiancée with you. You just fill out a form, pay your $55, and swear an oath that you can legally marry. I have never heard of a requirement for children’s birth certificates or proof of relationship to get the affidavit. Also, there is no Philippine requirement for an NSO BC to be married. The Local Civil Registrar copy is good enough. It is possible to get the 10 day wait waived, but you have to be very careful and do it right.

DO NOT listen to anyone who advises you to lie on your application. Always be 100% truthful on the INS forms or it will come back to bite you in the ass. E-mail is O.K., but I recommend that you get some snail mails going. What they will want to see for proof of relationship is a sampling of letters in the original envelope with post marks, one or two from the start of your correspondence, some from the middle, and some more recent. Most phone cards don’t provide any kind of record at all. I suggest that you call her every week or two with one of the long distance services that will show up on your phone bill every month. I used 10-10-220, but there are many others. That will give you a phone record and you can use phone cards the rest of the time to save some bucks.

I answered some of your questions on fiancée vs spousal visa below in another thread. Don’t put too much emphasis on the difference in waiting times, because right now they are running about the same for both. There is nothing wrong with holding hands before you marry. If you really feel the need to “try her out” (pardon the expression) first, then remember that she is a very young possibly somewhat naïve girl who is trusting you to do what is right, just as her family is trusting you. Besides, learning to appreciate each other’s needs and desires will be a big part of the newlywed period and a lot of fun also :-). Go see her father in person and ask him for permission to marry his daughter. If she has an older brother, also ask him first. This will show respect for their traditions and also score points for your side. Start to correspond with her family members now so they will feel comfortable with sending their precious daughter off to a strange land to start a whole new life.

One more thing. DO NOT accept the standard “whatever you decide is best” line. Draw out her TRUE feelings and discuss everything in advance. If you don’t have a clue what she really wants, then you are asking for disaster. Make her speak her mind, but do it gently because it’s sometimes part of their culture for the woman to agree too readily with the man.

Ray

[Peter Lee]

... in response to Dear Confused..., posted by Ray on Feb 8, 2003

Hi Ray

I gotta tell ya that the muddy waters are getting clearer thanks to you and the others.   Some of the things you wrote I knew and reinforced my thinking some were absolutely new.   The engagement was to absolutely cut ties with all the other gals and e mails and concentrate on just one.   Yes I did ask her to marry me and I understand about her loosing face if I back down.   But I meant what I said to her and I will go through with it the proper way.   Any red flags will be on her part not mine, I didn’t see any yet but if they come up I am sure I will have plenty of feedback from this Board if they do.  Coz when you in LOVE you can be blinded by the light and red flags hard to see.   Personally the older they are the more chance of red flags.   At least with a young one I know what I am going to be in for LOL.   Not to many surprises I mean.   I have already used a lot of your letter when I chatted with her last so thanks.   It is like looking at a road map and having some one tell you your destination coz they have been there already.   She doesn’t have a brother only one older sister married 23 and two younger sisters.11 and 14.    This sending a letter to her parents is a good idea.   Thanx for the feedback

[Ray]

... in response to Re: Dear Confused..., posted by Peter Lee on Feb 9, 2003

Hi Peter,

I'm convinced that you are serious about this young lady, so I won't try to change your mind again (LOL).

For the sake of discussion, I would have to disagree somewhat with your assertion that there is more chance of red flags with an older woman. Yes, an older woman will usually be more set in her ways and her character will be more fully developed than you’re likely to find with a younger one, so what you see is more likely to be what you get over the long haul.

With a very young woman, you may know what you're getting today, but you have much less of an idea what you'll end up with a few years down the road. The younger ones are likely to be more impressionable, and their character hasn’t had as much time to develop. From my experience, if you start out with a young wife, you probably won’t know what you ended up with until maybe 5-10 years or more down the road. By that time, it may be too late to start over again :-)

You also said “Any red flags will be on her part not mine”. Don’t be so sure about that. If you picked a good one, then she will also be using her head and evaluating your character before she makes the big leap. I can already see some red flags that she should be paying attention to. For example, you said in an earlier post “…there was no foam on the bed and I thought our prisons back home are more comfortable” So, what were you in for anyway? (ROFL)

Ray