What men and women REALLY want:

[Jeff S]

From the book "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps" by Barbara & Allen Pease (a great read BTW)

From a survey of 15,000 men & women - listed in order of importance:

What women look for:

1. Personality
2. Humor
3. Sensitivity
4. Brains
5. Good Body

What men THINK women look for:

1. Personality
2. Good Body
3. Humor
4. Sensitivity
5. Good Looks

Whan men look for:

1. Personality
2. Good Looks
3. Brains
4. Humor
5. Good Body

What women THINK men look for:

1. Good Looks
2. Good Body
3. Big Breasts
4. Shapely Butt
5. Personality

Interestingly enough, men's ideas of what women are really looking for is closer to reality than women's ideas of what men are really looking for.

- Jeff S.

[yorktr]

... in response to What men and women REALLY want:, posted by Jeff S on Dec 19, 2002

As usual, these responses are indicative only of what (American) women think they want, or what they think they must tell the survey; perhaps they don't even really know. Grim reality is something else altogether. We here all know that from personal experience.
I found out some years ago that women are as guilty of ascertaining the "show-off" value of their fellows as we have been accused with our "trophy wives".
If one analyzes singles ads written by women, it is quite clear to see that fantasy takes over by the third sentence, and that we fellows are ALL disqualified by the end of the ad, except for certain movie stars, I suppose.
We fellows have been nominally in charge of our mate selection process for many more years, (or at least we think that we are in charge). As a result, we are much more pragmatic, I believe, than are the ladies who have obtained this more direct power only in recent years. Heretofore, they had to bat the eyelashes and cultivate rivals so they could pick the winner out of the rubble of romantic combat.
We fellows, on the other hand, may have fantasies about Miss December, but we would never marry her. Fending off all of the potential bozos certainly would appear to be a major energy drain to me. The "reasonably attractive" can still be a knock-out in our eyes, but will less likely be stolen away, or more correctly, let themselves be stolen away, than the starlet.
My suggestion is that the women responding would never dare to honestly respond for fear of their superficiality and materialism being revealed, both to themselves and to us.
Money is #1, #2, and #3. We all know that. Women who marry for money never quite realize that they will not be an equal partner in a relationship, if that is really as important as modern thinking would have it. I once met a woman who was at least honest about this. The funny thing is that she was very plain looking. So she wanted the life of ease, but hadn't realized that if she is going to play this game, she must bring something to the table. In this game, she is but an accessory like a tie-pin when this materialistic course is pursued. How disappointing it was to me in my younger years to encounter women who didn't want to be my partner in building the empire but only wanted to enjoy a pre-existing empire. This in the supposedly enlightened SF Bay Area/Silicon Valley, where one could really go from nothing to mega-riches in just a few years. No surprise then as we encounter women who make no secret of their intention to trade up if an opportunity presents itself. I fear that only we fellows believe in the claptrap of the life partner who shares our daily struggles to achieve a better life. These princesses want the better life RIGHT NOW.
How refreshing, then, to find entire cultures, (i.e. Filipinas or Chinese), for whom character is truly important. Well, at least in most cases. As some have had problems with Filipinas, I have encountered a few Chinese who are less than completely honest. These still seem to be the exceptions, however. Too bad this survey didn't include results from these other populations...

[The Walker]

... in response to Re: What men and women REALLY want; a lo..., posted by yorktr on Dec 20, 2002


I do not believe that most American Women have money as #1,2 and 3 on their list.

My first wife married me when I was a Lance Corporal in the Marines. Not exactly a bright outlook for riches. In fact, most women do not marry for money, as there are relatively few wealthy men when you have to pick them out of almost a hundred million here in the US. My ex and I worked together to build a confortable life then she got the 15 year itch or something and suddenly took off, leaving me with two young daughters. In the divorce I gave half, as I figured she had earned it for sticking with me through the lean years. Too bad she didn't stick with me as after the divorce business got a lot better and I am fairly well-off now.

My elder daughter did not marry for money. He was a young up and comer, bright and probably destined for wealth, but unfortunately his life was cut short by a go##amned drunk driver. They lived in a small home, and she worked part time while he did the road thing, as my grandson was still too young for school. They were getting along but they weren't solidly middle class yet. I think marriages wherein the young couple know some lean times makes them grow together, give them something to look back on, and makes for a stronger marriage. If all you know is ease, the first time trouble comes along it is too easy to call things off. Give me a woman, American or otherwise, who will roll up her sleeves and pitch in when the chips are down. My first wife did. I never did find out why she up and left us, especially just when things were looking up. Second childhood, I guess.

I have no fear that Vicky cannot handle hard times. When we were honeymooning in the Keys, we worked and lived as crew on my cousin's charter fishing boat. We lived in a small cement block hut and all we had were three electrical outlets and a Coleman stove and indoor plumbing. We were in hog heaven. She can't wait until I retire so we can go back to being beach bums. She'd sell out and go today. For a gal who was raised in a wealthy family by Filipino standards, she is amazingly adaptable and easy to please. She did our limited laundry by hand in the sink and we took turns cooking and cleaning. Come to think of it, maybe I should sell out and go back. ;-) I get to thinking that way whenever I have to go out and check on the cattle in bad winter weather.

Don

[Bob S]

... in response to Re: What men and women REALLY want; a lo..., posted by yorktr on Dec 20, 2002

"If one analyzes singles ads written by women, it is quite clear ...that we fellows are ALL disqualified by the end of the ad.."

Oh, you are missing the deeper psychological game they are playing that even THEY might not be aware of.  Basically, biologically, all females are attracted to dominant males.  No real woman wants a whiney navel-gazing milquetoast of a man.  If you are sufficiently self-deluded enough to think you are God's-Gift-To-Women, even if you don't match the details of the ad, you at least have the dominant alpha-male character they REALLY find attractive.  Why do chicks dig the bad boys?  Because the bad boys can seem very self-assured since they never pause to wonder "is this the right thing to do?".

"How refreshing, then, to find entire cultures, (i.e. Filipinas or Chinese), for whom character is truly important."

I dunno about that.  I think it's more a case of different expectations.  In my experience, women from poor rural areas, be they in The Phils, Russia, Suburban Japan, or middle America in Podunk Oklahoma have lower material expectations in life so are just happy with a guy who can provide a roof over their head.  Women from cities where money flows more freely, be it Los Angeles, Tokyo, Hong Kong, or St. Petersburg, are naturally going to expect more materially in a potential mate.  We have read here more than once of a Pinay who arrives in America and discovers her fellow countrymen playing a mean game of Oneupsmanship and Keeping-Up-With-The-Joneses.  Sudden wealth (and middle-class America is definitely wealthy by Philippine and Mainland China standards) can do strange things to a person.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Re: What ... women REALLY want, posted by Bob S on Dec 22, 2002

Marry a rich girl.

- Jeff

[Carr]

... in response to I have a cure for that...., posted by Jeff S on Dec 22, 2002

...and that is to marry someone richer than their parents. In the PI, it is common for the rich to pair their kids with their rich friends to avoid the 'outsiders' dipping into their wealth.  The late President Quezon was rumored to have married his second cousin just for this reason alone.

Marry someone who is independent, educated and street-smart. Like what Mita said, find someone who holds a job and knows how hard it is to earn money. Someone who is responsible enough to fend for herself. Pinays in the age range of 27-40+ are good candidates.  The younger ones still have a lot more growing up to do--emotionally and financially.

[Jeff S]

... in response to Even rich girls have standards.., posted by Carr on Dec 22, 2002

Well I'm sure glad my wife didn't have that standard. No way I'd have qualified. But - like you say, she was responsible, independent, educated, working, and living on her own. She was also in her 30s. I think the only bill her parents were footing was her daughter's private school education. She was self-sufficient on everything else so knew the value of a dollar - or a yen in her case.

- Jeff

[Nathan]

... in response to Re: Re: What ... women REALLY want, posted by Bob S on Dec 22, 2002

You are right about that...some guys have the experience of
that nice warm and charming Filipina totally going down the tubes after living here a while. I have seen it happen myself. Everything in life is risky

And that is why...love when you find it....is a rare and spendid thing!

Nathan