... in response to tactics, posted by chevy on Nov 16, 2002chevy,
Different guys will swear by different methods, but there is no one right way of doing it. I would forget about anything resembling an introduction agency in the Philippines because they are illegal over there.
Meeting first will not guarantee that you won’t have any surprises down the road. If your number one criterion is her looks, then by all means meet first before wasting your time writing, because the photos you get in the mail are not true representations in many cases.
If you develop a long-distance relationship first, there may be some big disappointments when you meet in person. She may have chronic bad breath, smoke cigars, or have some other annoying habits. I would ignore the theory that there must be some strong “chemistry” when you first meet in person or that you should be struck on the spot by a lightening bolt. If you feel comfortable in each other’s presence, then that’s a good start. If you become best friends first through a lengthy correspondence, then there is much less of a chance of a major disappointment. But even if you are thoroughly satisfied after meeting her, don’t forget about her feelings also. If she finds something about you that really turns her off after meeting in person, then it probably isn’t going anywhere anyway.
Assuming that you are more concerned with other qualities besides physical beauty, I think that a substantial period of writing and talking on the phone before you meet can be very helpful. You can really learn a lot about someone if you’re not distracted by her physical appearance, her touch, or her scent. My recommendation when first writing is to ignore the photos as much as possible. Concentrate on the character, intellect, and other substantive personal qualities first before you start sending or asking for photos. There aren’t very many “ugly” Filipina women anyway, so try to get to know something about each other before you fall for a photograph. When you do send a photo, don’t pick the best one you have. Save the best shots for later so she will be pleasantly surprised instead of disappointed when she sees your face in person.
When you start getting a feeling that a pen-pal has serious potential, then you should start thinking about a visit. Three to six months after first writing would probably be an ideal timeframe if we had the luxury of being able to just take off anytime we wished. After a few letters, I would try call a good prospect on the phone and get a feel for her in real time. If she gives you a phone number, that means she wants you to call her today.
Another method that makes a lot of sense is just going over for a vacation before you develop any relationships. You just might meet a nice lady, but even if you don’t, you’ll learn a ton about the country, the culture, and the people. The Philippines is a great vacation spot and it isn’t expensive after you get there.
Oh, and don’t be too quick to write off the ugly ones because they often make the best wives and mothers :-)
I always feel that the first steps (not necessarily in order) for anyone seriously contemplating a realtionship overseas should be 1) getting your passport, 2) saving up some money, 3) saving up some vacation time, 4) taking a good look in the mirror and working on your negative qualities, 5) cleaning those old skelatons out of the closet before you think about a new relationship.
Ray
