The Charmed Life... An Update

[Howard]

So it's November.

As many of my friends here know, it's been a rough year for me in some ways, but in other ways it has been quite good.  

I have pretty much closed Mom's Estate--all but the actual official closing at the Probate Court.  The house is sold.  He stuff is packed and stored.  I go through it occasionally, when I have the courage.  I save what I can't bear to part with and chuck the stuff that has no real sentimental value.  For the most part, I am past the grief.  There are still times, as I am sure there will continue to be, when I feel a bit melancholy, but now, mostly, the memories focus on the happiness she brought into everyone's lives.  Now that everything has settled in with me, I find myself remembering things with a smirk, rather than sadness.  She is still a huge part of my life, even though we aren't physically together any more.  I miss her, but I guess it is just the way things will be from now on.  I'm doing fine with it now and life is on it's way back to normal

Gerlie is my biggest fan and supporter.  She has made the difficult things this year a lot easier to take.  She is really a Godsend for me in that regard.  I'm a lucky guy

Things between her and I get better every day.  We've gone from the "Everything is new and Exciting" stage to the "Getting to know you" stage, through the "I have a deep, dark secret that will make you lose intrest in me" stage to a stage that I have never been to with someone I have romatic intentions with.  I'm calling it the "I don't feel whole unless I am talking to you" stage  We have covered so much in our daily conversations that there isn't a whole lot more history to unearth, yet I can't bear to not at least say "Hi" and joke around for a while with her on a nightly basis. Luckily for me, she feels the same way  It is high time for the two of us to get together.  In person. On the same side of the Pacific!  I think we are both secure enough in our commitment to each other that the only way we can know more is to be together.  I have NONE of the apprehension with her that I have had in past relationships.  I feel uncommonly comfortable with her just being myself.  No facades.  No walls.  All Howard  All day!  LOL  

I am so excited about my upcoming adventure.  I have a feeling that when Gerlie and I are finally able to laugh and joke together that it will feel like nothing but "Home".  Call me crazy, it wouldn't be the first time , but I have strong feeling of "Destiny" with Gerlie.  For the first time, everything just "feels" right.

So that's what's up with us  Everything else doesn't feel quite as important to me as it used to.  My focus is undividedly on my relationship with her  I leave on January 8th and am staying until the 21st.  She has agreed to meet me in Manila and then we will travel to Davao and ultimately Panabo City from there.  We're gonna take everything as it comes and make the best decisions we are capable of at the time.  I have my hunches, but am content to just go spend some quality time with my best buddy in her hood  LOL

That's all for now

Keep the Faith

H

[Tim]

... in response to The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by Howard on Nov 15, 2002

Howard, glad to hear things are going well for you. I wanted to ask you about something you brought up several months ago. You said you planned to write one final letter to Ayesa's family, in response to their many questions. Did you ever do this ? And if so, have they still been trying to contact you ?

I know you have moved on and I'm glad. I don't mean to open old wounds, I'm really just very curious if they are still attempting to keep a dialogue open with you.

Regards, Tim

[Howard]

... in response to Re: The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by Tim on Nov 15, 2002

T,

I wrote about four different letters.  Each one sucessivly less bitter and accusational than the one before.  In the end, when I finished the last letter, I gave it the 48hr waiting period before re-reading it and just never got around to sending it.

Everyone was right, I didn't owe them anything and it would only open the door for more inquiries.  

At that time I was dealing with plenty of issues of my own--Mom's funeral--and just needed the drama that was my marriage to end.  The were many other important things in my life that needed my attention.  The ex-inlaws are my past, I'm focusing on the future

As you prognosticated, by not answering that letter, they have made no attempt to contact me.

Thank God, that is finally over!

Give my best to Wendy

Keep the Faith

H

[Tim]

... in response to Nope..., posted by Howard on Nov 16, 2002

nt

[Ray]

... in response to Nope..., posted by Howard on Nov 16, 2002

:-)

[joemc]

... in response to The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by Howard on Nov 15, 2002

Hi Howard,
      It's good to hear from you, and keep the faith.
      I hope things work out for you and Gerlie.
      This past year you had a tough road of life,
      thanks for sharing. keep us informed.

                                           joemc

[Howard]

... in response to Re: The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by joemc on Nov 15, 2002


You guys here are just a real friends as the ones I happen to see in life every now and again.  You'll know everything there is to know just after I do

Keep the Faith

H

[The Walker]

... in response to The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by Howard on Nov 15, 2002


Good to hear things are finally falling into place for you.

One small piece of advice. Even though you are no longer married to HER, I hope you checked with legal representation on her dower rights as to your mom's estate. Had a cousin that found about that when his crazy ex came back from Nevada (I think she wound up working at the Chicken Ranch or other like establishment to support her habit) and took 30% of his dad's estate. He actually had to buy back things from her. Had to give her 30% of appraised value of dad's home, or else he would have had to sell it and give her 30% of proceeds. He even had to pay for the appraisal out of his part of the estate. They were married one year, and had been divorced for five.

Don't want you to wind up losing anything in case she decides to get ugly or greedy, my friend. Check your state laws. If there was no real property involved, it may be okay. Differs state to state. Some states count different things towards dower rights. Some only use real property, some include stock and bonds, some count almost everything. Best to ask.

Don

[Howard]

... in response to Re: The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by The Walker on Nov 15, 2002

Don,

She gave up all her rights in our Annulment.  Remember, I got an Annulment for a reason.  I received the Annulment based on the fact that the marriage was entered into under fraudulent circumstances.  Had I known that she did not want children or that she wasn't the one writing the bulk of our correspondence, I, obvisously, would NOT have married her.  An Annulment is harder to get and carries greater weight for the one who files, if granted.  I did as much homework as possible, but there is only so much you can do, ya know?

Thanks for the concern and support

Give my best to Vicky!

Keep the Faith!

H

[The Walker]

... in response to EEEEEEEssssscccccchhhhh..., posted by Howard on Nov 16, 2002


Glad to hear it. State laws vary so much.

Don

[Humabdos]

... in response to Re: The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by The Walker on Nov 15, 2002

Must have been a southern state! Humabdos

[The Walker]

... in response to What state was that? , posted by Humabdos on Nov 15, 2002


Illinois/Indiana, I can't remember which. There are also significant dower rights in my old home state of Ohio, but they mainly deal with real property. Out here I am not certain as I have never had to deal with an estate/divorce here.

Don

[Humabdos]

... in response to The Charmed Life... An Update, posted by Howard on Nov 15, 2002

I'm really glad things are working out for you and Girlie. The only thing that worries me is that you seem to have made up your mind before you have even met in person. Also two weeks isn't very long to really get to know each other but I guess that's all the time most people have.

I would highly recommend a romantic dinner at Jacks ridge over looking the city lights and gulf of Davao. Also try and spend at least a night or two at Paradise Beach resort Samal Island it's very peaceful great snorkeling. Hut's are P800, food great, skip the aircon you won't need it and it will be too cold for Girlie (yes it's very safe}.

Was wondering why Girlie will meet you in Manila? seem like and unnecessary expense The money you save by meeting her in Davao could pay for a night at the five star Pearl farm beach resort Samal  Island

Just some suggestions, Hum

[Howard]

... in response to Howard, posted by Humabdos on Nov 15, 2002

Hum,

First of all, know that you and Sallie are in my thoughts and prayers even though I may not always be posting here to say so.  I still lurk and when the time presents itself will post.  With my upcoming trip, I will post more and of course, will do trip reports

Don't sweat it bro, I think you mistake me for the old Howard , the romantic idealist.  LOL

All I have my mind made up about is the fact that I think Gerlie is a unique and wonderful young lady and that the only way I can know her any better is by meeting her in person and by spending time in her pressence.  

Am I fond of her?  Yep.  Do I enjoy talking with her?  Yep.  Do we seem to have a lot in common?  Yep.  Do I think she is someone that I could spend the rest of my life with?  Absolutely!  Will I push past red flags if they appear?  Nope.  What makes this time so different from the last?  One thing.  Gerlie.

Gerlie is everything Ayesa was not.  She is upbeat, kind, mature and compassionate.  Ayesa was too immature to posess any of those qualities.  

G and I talk just about every day.  We have spent a great deal of time over the last year discussing each other's wants, needs and expectations regarding marriage and I am more than satisfied that we want the same things from marriage.  Don't get the idea that she is a push over, she is not.  She has her own mind and her own views and I respect her for that.  Early on, I would ask her her opinions before offering mine just to see if we were on the same wave length.  We certainly seem to be

I am going to Davao to meet her, her family, see how she lives, enjoy some warmth is the heart of winter and to take my first real vacation since 1999.  I'm looking forward to fun in the sun and hanging out with someone who has become a great friend and source of support.

I am older, wiser and less determined to prove anyone wrong this time around.  I am a guy who relies heavily on his gut instinct.  I received mixed messages when in Tambis in '99, but was not equiped to deal with them properly.  I had nothing to go on to know that things weren't right between Ayesa and I.  My gut said there was something not quite right, but I just justified everything thinking it was me trying to sabbotage another relationship before I became comfortable and lost it.  I attributed many things to "Cultural Differences" and Cold Feet on my part.  In my gut I felt something was wrong and chose to believe the letters I had received over the signals I got in person.  THAT was my mistake, because the signals and letters came from two different people!  I should have put more stock in body language, but I was caught up in the whirlwind of romance and pride.  That's just not gonna happen again.  

Gerlie and I are both different people than the ones that met in Tambis in July of 1999.  These two have a lot more in common and are both older and wiser than their couterparts

Thanks for your concern bro!  I am doing everything in my power to not repeat the same mistakes.  I think I'm on the right track, but only time will tell

Thanks for the tips... those spots sound nice, I'll talk to G about them tonight

Keep the Faith Hum

H

[Humabdos]

... in response to Thanks for the tips!, posted by Howard on Nov 16, 2002

Sounds like you have the right attitude Howard. I felt the same about Sallie and wasn't a bit disappointed. We spent a month together and had a lot of fun. After about two weeks I was pretty sure we where compatible and by the time I left I was positive. If you mention PERL Farm be careful it's quite expensive I'm sure she would love to go!

Jack's ridge isn't very expensive you can feed 6 people for less than $20! Regency Inn is a good central place to stay it's about P800. If I where you I would head right to paradise beach resort to rest up two days and adjust to the time change. Have fun, Hum