What do you expect a "lady" to do, exactly?

[alumnagirl]

To me, a proper young lady should:

1. Be university educated, or if she's still in high school, aspire to be university educatec

2. Involved with community service.  Anything will do, being a member of Junior League (which, by the way, has been around for more than a hundred years!  The Toronto site is at www.jlt.org) isn't necessary

3. Be physically fit, spends her free time outside work/school doing yoga, playing tennis, etc

4. Aspire to be a good mother and provider, (if she doesn't have kids already) but not have too many children, so that they'd be a burden

5.  Good moral values.  That means she shouldn't smoke, do drugs or be a frequent drinker.  Wine with dinner is fine, but one shouldn't be drinking 24/7.

6. Marry a young man with similar values as herself.

7. Dress well.  Good suits, dresses, twinsets, skirts and nice pants.  Basically "business casual" (at least) the majority of the time.  Of course, she needn't wear a suit when she's at the yoga studio or tennis courts!

Now what do you guys think?  Or should a "proper lady" be staying at home and cooking you dinner?

[Dave H]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

I don't care what others expect! I'm too busy living and enjoying my own life. What's "right" for one, is "wrong" for another. I live by my own rules!

Three cheers for the 90 year old men with Viagra, sitting in wheelchairs, being smothered with affection and lap dances, from half dressed, 20 year old buxom beauties! 8-P

Dave H.

[Bob S]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

"1. Be university educated, or if she's still in high school, aspire to be university educate(d)"

I have noticed that many college-educated women have very un-ladylike behavior.  Not all women (or men for that matter) have had an opportunity to pursue a university degree for whatever reason.  But you will find that most Eastern cultures do value education, and the mothers will strongly encourage good study habits in their children even if they personally are not so well educated.

"2. Involved with community service."

Being involved with an organized charity is nice, but a charitable attitude is far more desirable in a companion.  Have you ever brought a dish to a potluck? Made dinner for a sick friend? Given a classmate a lift because his car was broken down?  If you give all your possessions to the poor but have not love, you have nothing.

"3. Be physically fit,"

Fine, but within reason.  Women who exercise too much and become too lean can disrupt their natural menstrual cycle, and that is not healthy.  But besides being fit, how about a woman who is well read?  What if she prefers to spend her spare time reading or painting rather than playing tennis?  Is she less ladylike?

"4. Aspire to be a good mother and provider,"

Does being a good wife fit in there anywhere?  And what is a good mother anyway?  Is that one who spends 12 hours at the office so she can afford the best nanny money can buy?

"5. Good moral values. That means she shouldn't smoke, do drugs or be a frequent drinker."

Since when did tobacco and alcohol become factors to determine morality?  So if a guy is good to his wife and kids, helps his neighbors, and builds houses for the homeless but just happens to also smoke, he is an immoral bastard condemned to hell?  Recreational chemicals have more to do with personal health and fitness.  Treating your body as a temple is all well and good.  But for me, true morality has to do with how you treat other people, with giving them the equal respect due another soul.  California is full of very fit health nuts I wouldn't trust to hold my car keys.

"6. Marry a young man with similar values as herself."

What if the guy with equal values isn't rich? (-;  Oh wait, if she worships money, then their values wouldn't match anyway.

"7. Dress well."

I would say dresses modestly and appropriate for the occasion.  A woman who wore business casual suits to work in her garden, go for a walk in the park, or play with her baby is not a very sensible person.  Does baby puke clean very well off of a wool blazer?  And for a real lady, her friends and family will get the lion's share of her time, not her business.

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

Hey AlumnaGirl,
Why don't you just take your university education and stick it where the sun don't shine?
Who gives you the right to tell/advise others people whom they would choose to be married to.
How about practice what you preach to yourself... and let others live the way they wanted to live their own lives...("To live & let live")
No one wants to be lectured on what they should do with their lives or whom they choose to marry....blah, blah, blah... because what it may suits you, it may not suit them.

"6. Marry a young man with similar values as herself."
My Answer; Why should I marry a young man with similar values as myself if I don't love Him of if I don't find him attracted? duh! Have you ever heard about unconditional love (no ifs & whys or no rules to abide by) To love unconditionally is to accept and respect him  "just the way he is" now, today, or tomorrow and not as you would have him be in a perfect world. Loving him unconditionally meaning that you ask & give without demanding or expecting. It means that you don't withhold your love or affection for him when you don't get what you want.
You seem like you have a very high expectation, I really do hope you'll find what you're looking for a husband someday.

Oh Btw, what's wrong with a staying-at-home Wife or Mom if the husband makes $150-200K a year and can provide with everything and not to mention the husband & children are well-taken care of?

Peace,
NNP

[alumnagirl]

... in response to Re: What do you expect a "lady"..., posted by NoNamePinay on Sep 23, 2002

I actually WANT to be a stay at home mother/wife.  Lots of girls do.  It's just that most of us CAN'T because the husband doesn't make 300K a year.  Even if he DID, we'd be spending our time volunteering at our kids' schools, doing groceries, the bills, and volunteering with other organizations.  Just to let you know, many women with Junior League and other such organizations DON'T work.

[NoNamePinay]

... in response to Re: What do you expect a "lady"..., posted by NoNamePinay on Sep 23, 2002

N/T meaning No Text

[The Walker]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002


1. Be university educated, or if she's still in high school, aspire to be university educatec

Vicky is well educated and intelligent. Education is important for everyone, no matter what Islamic fundamentalists think.

2. Involved with community service. Anything will do, being a member of Junior League (which, by the way, has been around for more than a hundred years! The Toronto site is at www.jlt.org) isn't necessary

Charitable work is always appropriate for all who have the time and/or money.

3. Be physically fit, spends her free time outside work/school doing yoga, playing tennis, etc

Vicky likes tennis, and is into Tai Chi and yes, Yoga. She also likes aerobics (low impact). I am teaching her some Jui-Jitsu. You should try ballroom dancing as well. It is great exercise and improves grace, balance and coordination. It will keep your figure in better shape than almost any other form of long-term exercise. It is especially useful to women. Remember Joey Heatherton's spread in Playboy? Dancing is really the best revenge. However, if you have children, your only priority is your kids. The tennis, the Junior League, all come second to the needs of the children. You do those other things when you have time.

4. Aspire to be a good mother and provider, (if she doesn't have kids already) but not have too many children, so that they'd be a burden

Being a good mother is an excellent vocation, and one to which too few women aspire. Being a good mother is HARD. It is a major responsibility. It takes courage and steel nerves and patience and love and tons of TIME. In the long run being a good mother means more to mankind than making a few thousand extra bucks a year. But you have to get and keep a good man to be a truly successful mother. Those times when a woman is heavy with child and has an infant to care for are a very real stress on her. Having a good, successful and loving husband makes it bearable. The pressure is off her to provide and nurture at the same time. Parenting is a big job for two people if it is to be done correctly. No sense in taking it on alone if you don't have to. You should also add to that, being a good wife. if you are a good wife, you will find your husband will think you are worth the extra effort of being a good husband.

5. Good moral values. That means she shouldn't smoke, do drugs or be a frequent drinker. Wine with dinner is fine, but one shouldn't be drinking 24/7.

I don't use tobacco, neither does Vicky. Neither of us are heavy drinkers. Moderation in vices is always a good idea. Drugs are of course imbecilical and for those who are inferior. Good moral values carries much farther than that, however, especially when trying to instill moral values in children. It also means you should try to always act in such a way as to bring credit upon yourself. Don't lie, cheat or steal, or tolerate anyone who does. Children pay far more attention initially to what you do than to what you say. If the two are the same, then they will listen with attention later on.

6. Marry a young man with similar values as herself.

Or an older man. That is up to the two of you. Don't get so hung up on what other women expect of you. They will not support you when you are in childbed, nor will they rub your feet. They will not live with you until death you do part. They will not work over to pay the kid's tuitiion at college. If you pay more attention to keeping your husband happy than impressing your girlfriends you will be much better off in the long run.

7. Dress well. Good suits, dresses, twinsets, skirts and nice pants. Basically "business casual" (at least) the majority of the time. Of course, she needn't wear a suit when she's at the yoga studio or tennis courts!

Of course one should dress appropriately. But at home, casual is the rule unless company is expected. Business casual is not necesary most of the time. The overly pretentious will over dress. Look at the Rockerfellers and Kennedys at home. When out in company, dress as well as you can within the limits of your budget. Of course, if you work, you dress according to your employer's wishes.

But as to your own beliefs/comments, on 1 through 7, Congratulations! You are the perfect Stepford Wife! The matriarchs of Boston would love to introduce you to some of their unmarried young men. You are more conservative and more like your grandmother than you would like to admit.

You are young and inexperienced. You will find that most "conservative" women, those that are stay-at home mothers and wives, at least until the children are well in school, share most of your ideals. There is no shame in being a full-time wife and mother. In fact, it is the harder of the paths to take and the more courageous. When you stay at home and are in charge of the home and the family, you have no excuses. You cannot blame screwed-up kids on the daycare, a sloppy home on the lack of good domestic help, and a failed marriage on the lack of time you had to spend on the relationship while you were working. It is harder to be a woman than a pseudomale. If you try to be a male and fail, no one cares; you are, after all, a woman. You'll get sympathy for trying. Especially from other women. But if you try to be a woman and fail, you have no excuses. Mea Culpa, is all you can say. And other women will have little mercy on you. To stay at home and cook the meals and keep the home running and the kids on the straight and narrow is an awesome responsibility. It is a full-time job. But it means more to the human race than being a good executive and a crappy mother. It often means that you will have a reduced standard of living, as there will only be one full-time paycheck coming in until the kids are grown. However, what is the real reason for marriage? To raise the best children you can. I firmly believe that many of the problems with children are solved if they come home from school and mom is there with a glass of cold milk and a fresh, homemade cookie. Raising children is a hard enough job for two parents. Children are not competent to raise themselves. Mom sees to it they get their homework done, that she knows where they are and who with, and that they get good, nutritious meals to build strong bodies and healthy minds. She cares for them when they are sick, and is stern with them when they need it. She kisses away bumps on the knee when they are young and hugs away heartaches as they grow. "Mother is God on the lips and hearts of all children." It is an awesome responsibility and not to be dismissed cavalierly.

-Don

[shadow]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

Can you grow a carrot or potato?

Can you drive a tractor?

Can you replace the clutch in your cadillac?

Do you know the difference between a cherry tomato and a tomato cherry?

Do you know what a rectifier is?

Have you ever heard of a bolt stretcher?

If you didn't have daddy's money, and had to survive in a town of 200 with very poor economy, where you didn't know anybody, could you? How?

Could you live happily and travel the world on less than $8000 a year?

Could you slaughter a hog? How about ring a chicken's neck or butcher an antelope?

Can you build a house, including electricity, plumbing, carpentry, concrete, and landscaping, without outside help?

Do you know how to make jerky?

Do you know how to use a sextant? Do you know what one is?

Have you ever turned a bull into a steer? Been a midwife for a breach calf?

If dropped off in the wilderness, could you find food and find your way out?

How about if you were dropped off in a strange city with no money, and couldn't call daddy or anyone else, could you make it on your own? Or would you become a statistic, or wind up at a shelter?

Could you get from coast to coast on $20 without calling for daddy's help. (Or anyone else's)

Can you survive in the real world? I doubt it, Babe.

Did you ever hook up with Mike M.? You and he live very close to one another, and have much in common.

Larry.

[alumnagirl]

... in response to But,..., posted by shadow on Sep 22, 2002

the term "real world" is relative.  My world is just as real as yours, dude.

[Jay]

... in response to Re: But,..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

Real world mean's outside your obviously sheltered, pampered existence.

[Jay]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

Well, she better cook my dinner. If not, I would just have to beat the holy sh!t out of her, wouldn't I?

"Prop" yerslf up on this, sweet thang!
Jay

[kevin]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002


to not fart.  But practicing yoga is the atithesis to that.  With all that muscle relaxation, even the most prim and proper lady is bound to slip and screw up.  Especially if she's a health nut and ate some very nutricious broccoli a few hours earlier.

- Kevin

[Ozymandias]

... in response to What do you expect a "lady" to..., posted by alumnagirl on Sep 22, 2002

Hi Alumnagirl,

Do you think that anyone here will change their ideals just because you insinuate that their ideals are wrong?

This discussion is very redundant - you, or someone who expresses herself very much like you, posted more or less the exact same points of view back in 2001.

For those not familiar with this exchange:

http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/archives/index000038.php
http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/archives/index000039.php
http://www.planet-love.com/wwwboard/asian/archives/index000040.php

Look for discussions in which Asiangirl/Westerngirl participate.
--
Best regards,
Arild

[donb2222]

... in response to Re: What do you expect a "lady"..., posted by Ozymandias on Sep 22, 2002

g

[kevin]

... in response to Re: What do you expect a "lady"..., posted by Ozymandias on Sep 22, 2002


singledom is better than being married to a "proper" woman.  I appreciate that more so than ever, being a divorced man without children.  I've so often heard the cliche, "Women:  You can't live with them and you can't live without them."  My take on this cliche is that I can live without them if marriage merans perpetually walking on eggs to keep her appeased.

- Kevin