Japanese marriage attitudes

[Jeff S]

Found an interesting article on omiai (Japanese arranged marriages.) As some of you know my wife's first marriage was arranged and it didn't last. Of my three neices and nephews who were married recently, the latest only two weeks ago, two of the three were arranged.

http://www.n-verde.co.jp/~peach/clippings/articles/strait/omiai.html

-- Jeff

[Ray]

... in response to Japanese marriage attitudes, posted by Jeff S on Sep 23, 2002

Interesting article Jeff.

Though the couple in the specific case sited apparently has some major problems, the system as it was described seems to have a lot of merit. If a matchmaker can pre-screen prospective mates and give someone a head start on meeting someone who meets their individual needs, then what’s wrong with that? Having prior family approval would probably eliminate a lot of potential tension with the in-laws also. An average two-year courtship sounds very reasonable to me.

I tend to agree with the argument that romantic love does not necessarily lead to a good marriage, and that the marriage often fails once the passion dissipates. The more things that the couple has in common before they fall in love, the better the chance they have of making the marriage work in the long run. I would think that it would at least tend to increase the odds of success.

I was curious about the wedding that you attended in Hawaii. Was the planning done with the help of family in Hawaii, or did a professional wedding coordinator handle it?

Ray

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Japanese marriage attitudes, posted by Ray on Sep 24, 2002

It is interesting that many Japanese don't consider love a major prerequisite to marriage. I tend to agree, real love does come after the comittment and the effort is put in. The "love at first sight" kind of puppy love (chemistry?) often fades quickly and whether or not it leads to real love is too often over-romanticised in literature and movies.

Anyway, my nephew's wedding was a package deal, arranged by JTB (Japan Travel Bureau). The Japanese travel agents are incredible, aranging everything from shows, to taxis to dinner cruises, to even weddings. That's why when I got on shuttle busses, the drivers almost universally told me I was on the wrong bus, this one was for Japanese. When I told them (in Japanese) "You mean you don't allow white guys on this bus? Cant I sit with my family?" it was met my lots of bows and profound apologies. (and lots of chuckles from the family.) The travel agents set the whole thing up, to recommending resturaunts, hotels, activities, churches, tuxes, etc. etc.

As I understand it, it's cheaper to fly all the relatives to Hawaii for the wedding than do the whole thing in Japan. This is true, partly because you can really pare down the guest list to only direct family, but also because weddings in Japan are really expensive. The receptions are almost always held in hotels rather than in halls like here. I don't think they have that sort of thing there.

-- Jeff

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Japanese marriage attitudes, posted by Jeff S on Sep 23, 2002

Sorry  Jeff

I  can' read  it  without  downloading Japanese text support  and  I  am  not  ready to take  the  plunge  for doing  that at  28 mb  &  23  minutes download  time.

You  don't  suppose  that  they  arrange  japanese  marriages  between Japanese and Caucasian  do  they  ha ha ha.

As for myself lets say  I've  got  some popcorn  in  the  microwave and 2 - 3 kernals  have popped  so  far.  It's looking  a little  promising  from  a  correspondence  stand point  at  least so  far.   But  I am  still flying  blind.  Actually  I  am a  little  Jealous ---  she  is  a  tour guide  and  just came  back  from 8  days  in  Turkey  and  planning the  next trip  somewhere.  Talk  about  a  dream  job.  

In the mean time, I  got  to  work  20  hours  straight  this  weekend   Sat 2pm  -  Sun 10:30 am  -- yippee !  Well  at  least  that  will  buy  me  a couple  more  bowls  of  noodles on  my  trip ?    One  for  me  and  one  for  her  is  the  optimistic  way of  looking  at  it  right?  ha ha ha.   Is  it  good  form  to  slurp  your  noodles  in Japan?  (lets  try  to keep the  retorts here  clean here --  for  anyone  who  may  want  to reply).
It's  a serious  question.

Windmill Boy

[Jeff S]

... in response to Re: Japanese marriage attitudes, posted by Windmill Boy on Sep 24, 2002

... slurping noodles is considered proper. The first time I was in a ramen shop in Tokyo back in 1977, I was surprised at the noises, but gradually acquired the technique. In truth, noodles (ramen, udon and hot soba) should be eaten piping hot, so hot, in fact it would burn your mouth if you ate it like a gringo, that's why they're slurped, to cool them a bit and keep your mouth from burning. Kind of like that first sip of coffee just out of the pot.

BTW, the text of the site is all in English so you should be able to read all the contents without kana software.

-- Jeff

[Windmill Boy]

... in response to Yes, Eric..., posted by Jeff S on Sep 24, 2002

Thanks Jeff

I'll try to access  it  tonight  again.  Maybe  my  computer  was just  being  stubborn last  night.

I  must  have  written  another  impressive  letter  last night  ha ha ha.  Because  this  morning  she sent her  photo   of  her  getting  Lei-ed  at  Honalulu  airport.

Time  to  study  now.

Windmill Boy