Just venting.

[JJ27]

I just feel like venting a little bit.. I went to my parents house
today, and got one huge sermon about why I shouldn't take a trip,
how the women are there, how they are just going to use me, etc.

Why does almost everybody in America have this perspective about
going to the Phillipines in search of true love? I've already told
them that I'm committed to my decision, but they just don't get it.

I've read about others here that had similar problems with their
relatives. It seems to me like every person that gives that
perspective, is somebody thats never been there and has absolutely
no clue as to what its all about.. I'm just getting sick of it.

Somebody tell me that most women there are genuinely good and
they are looking for a good hearted man.. and not just a green
card, or a trip to America.. they do deeply care for their guy.

[Edge]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

Hello Gents and Ladies - I am actually married to a woman from Colombia and I post on the Latin Board but I thought I would post here on this thread because my older brother is married to a woman from the Phillipines.

They have been married around 10 years and I would say their age difference is around 20+ years.  I was surprised but they have had a great marriage with two kids.  I say I am surprised because they have faced tons of adversity and have stuck it out together.  She has stayed with him and I know he thinks she is the best thing that has ever happened to him in his life.  

My brother has always had a hard time in life with much adversity.  He is now a cab driver in San Jose, CA which has one of the highest cost of living in the U.S.  Somehow they make out on his wages as a cab driver and he works long hours.  My brother is way overweight and not that visually appealing.  His wife could have left him years ago but she seems happy with him.  The family is also happy that she has stuck by his side.  She seems to be a good mother also.

I took a different road and looked south to Colombia for my bride and our first anniversary is rolling around in a few months.  I couldn't be happier with the colombiana I found but it takes patience in the transition period.  She is a really good woman and a good wife.

Good luck to you all and I wanted to share what I know.  I also especially wish Lori luck and as my father used to tell me in times of trouble "keep a stiff upper lip", hang in there and find the strength inside to persevere when times are tough.

Edge

[Dave H]

... in response to go for it., posted by Edge on Sep 27, 2002

Hey Edge,

Welcome to the Asian side! Glad to hear that you and your brother are doing well with your choices. Those Colombianas really knock me out. I have dated several over the years. My wife is a Filipina (ex a Latina). When you find a good Latina or Filipina, they are fiercely loyal to their man. I have found a lot of similarities in the cultures. Our first anniversary is next month. Enjoy yours as well!

Dave H.

[Edge]

... in response to Re: go for it., posted by Dave H on Sep 27, 2002

Thanks Dave H.

I agree there are similarities to the cultures and if you can find a good one, you should be a happy man..  I hope you have a good anniversary and I wish you well.

CJC

[bigjiro]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

so you didn't have to pay your wife's bar fine when you first decided to try her out? wow, what kind of whore gives it away like that? did mama-san know about this?

just kidding.

[Dave H]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

Hey JJ,

Tell non-supportive family and friends that your just going on a vacation. Then you will only have to deal with their terrorism warnings. You've gotten some great advice from the others! Sh...it happens...but it happens a whole lot more often to people who don't learn their lessons.

About my Filipina (and many others here): If ANYONE tries to use or upset me, they will have to deal with my wife. I'm "her man" and she takes her role very seriously. Several times she has literally pushed me out of the way (no small feat) and jumped in front of me to confront and run off people trying to give me bullsh...it (wish I knew what they were saying!).  My wife doesn't want my money, a green card, or even to live in America. She just wants to love and spend her life with me, as I do with her. You can be just a fortunate as many of us here. Go for it!

Dave H.

[SteveG]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

JJ,
 Get used to it because these attacks and criticisms will come from some unexpected people at completely unforeseen times and you won’t be prepared with a good comeback. (Well, I rarely was!)  I remember going through all that.  (Luckily my family was fully supportive.)   The ones that really make me laugh now (not back then) were from ex-military guys who hung out in bars constantly while in the Philippines.    They get their “expertise” on the morality of Filipinas from the bar girls and whores.    Of course the girls they knew this way would be high risk as a pool to chose a wife from!!!  LOL

 There are lots of disaster stories on this board and I feel for the people who have suffered.   I really do, but since I myself went through this to meet my wife, I have spent a lot of time thinking and pondering on why some fail while others succeed.   Is choosing a ‘good’ one something that can be predicted with reasonable certainty or is it just blind luck as some of the victims of bad marriages/engagements claim.    I know some will see this opinion as condescending but I think most victims see their doom coming from a mile away and for various reasons walk right up and lay their head on the chopping block anyway.  

  I say this because I was going in that direction myself with my first fiancée(Pen Pal).   I cringe every time I read trip reports here where someone all but comes right out and says their pen-pal didn’t seem all that interested in them.   They rationalize it away as cultural differences/stress or whatever.   I wish I could drill it into people’s heads that if someone doesn’t seem genuinely thrilled to see you, DON’T MARRY THEM.  If after making a commitment, they don’t have time to write you on a consistent basis, DON’T MARRY THEM.   If you love somebody, you will make time for them, no-matter the culture, there is no excuse - NONE.   Look at photos of the two of you together.  Does she look happy to be with you?   Does she look bored/ashamed?   If so DON'T MARRY HER!!  Does she show affection of any sort.   And as before, I’m not talking sex here, just holding hands in public a little,laying her head on your shoulder for a quick nap or something???  Anything???   Yeah, I know I’m going off on a tangent but if I can make somebody think before they crap their life up by marrying the wrong person, it will be worthwhile.    

  One major risk reduction you can take is to write many ladies and keep your options open even after you think you have found “The One”.   You don’t know if she is or not until after you have met and spent time together.   Dropping all other pen-pals before meeting this perceived “The One” or never having more than one pen-pal will tend to make you ignore red flags that are smacking you silly.   You will be thinking of all the time and money invested in her and will tell yourself ridiculous lies to cover up her actions.   The very criticism from other people that you are talking about also puts tremendous pressure on you to hurry up and ‘prove them all wrong’.   If you have narrowed yourself down to just one woman all this can act against you to make you forge ahead and walk to the alter with a woman you know you don’t belong with.   So, I repeat, write to as many ladies as you can possibly keep up with.   It’s not cheating to introduce yourself to many ladies.   Keep file folders if you have to to keep up with them.   That’s how I did it.  I wrote to 265 and got replies from about 195, corresponded with 65.    It’s work but it’s fun work.   When it gets to be a burden, just think that this is all prep for a decision that will affect the rest of your life.   It's important.

If you follow this common sense rule, you should have no problems.   I honestly don’t think there are that many true Green-Card-Shark cases where the woman has no intention of staying with the guy once in the US.   Just think of how hard an act like that would be to keep up for so long??   I agree with Ray that most alleged GCS divorces are just cases where they rushed marriage or were pressured by parents to marry too fast.    Once they got to know each other and found out what a mismatch they were, BOOM, it all blows up.  

   My experience with Filipinas has been that there are many many good ones.    They are easy to talk to and it is extremely refreshing to talk to women who don’t have sarcasm as their major vocabulary.      One very striking contrast I found between Filipinas and American Women is that they(Filipinas) WANT to marry a man who is their friend.   Here in the US being a friend with a woman is the kiss of death as far as any romantic potential goes.  That one never made a bit of sense to me.       Oh yeah, the exotic looks speak for themselves, don’t they?   And wait until you get there and hear them pronounce ‘Chocolate’!   LOL   It’s worth taking several big bags of the stuff just to hear it.

            OK, good luck.

                  SteveG
                  

[greg]

... in response to Re: Just venting., posted by SteveG on Sep 24, 2002

children with a Pinay turns out beautiful. )

[shadow]

... in response to Re: Just venting., posted by SteveG on Sep 24, 2002

[Humabdos]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

Be very very careful! Don't jump into anything. Take your time. My first wife did exactly what your parents are telling you, she was from the Philippines. I'm engaged now to a filipina also and hope to have her here soon. This time I know I made the right choice for many reasons.

Gook luck

Hum

[Ray]

... in response to Just venting., posted by JJ27 on Sep 24, 2002

Well, not everybody has the same perceptions, but there sure are a lot of them that think that way. They hear a horror story or two and automatically stereotype the whole population as some kind of scammers. Guess what? They have the same problem in the Phils, except on a smaller scale. These girls’ parents hear a horror story or two and automatically ass-u-me that all American men are wife beaters and murderers. Some Filipino parents are scared to death to let their precious little girl go off to a strange land with a virtual stranger.

You have to be careful and that goes equally for the Filipina ladies. If you are good judge of character and spend the necessary time getting to know each other ahead of time, then there is a only a small chance of getting taken by a full-fledged Green Card Shark. It can and does happen, but from my experience, I would say that less than 1% of the Filipinas marrying Americans have absolutely no intention at all of even trying to make the marriage work and are only looking for the visa. What happens in the first two years or so of the marriage is what will ultimately determine whether or not she sticks around after she gets that Green Card. When you hear of the Filipina wife that left her husband shortly after she got unconditional residence, more likely than not it’s because one or both of them realized in the first two years of marriage that things just weren’t working out like they had hoped for or found out that their mate was a total jerk. Unless you know both of the parties personally, and have heard both sides of the story, you’ll never know who was at fault and what their original motives were when they decided to get married in the first place. That’s why I don’t automatically believe all of these horror stories that I read about here.

My advice would be to listen to your family members’ concerns, consider the horror stories that you hear about, spend as much time as you can with your prospective mate before you commit, learn all that you can about her culture, don’t hide any of your major faults, and think before you act. Ultimately, it’s going to be YOUR decision to make and you are the one who will have to live with the outcome, be it good or bad.

Choose wisely!

Ray

[Febtember]

... in response to My Perspective, posted by Ray on Sep 24, 2002

They have the same problem in the Phils, except on a smaller scale. These girls’ parents hear a horror story or two and automatically ass-u-me that all American men are wife beaters and murderers. Some Filipino parents are scared to death to let their precious little girl go off to a strange land with a virtual stranger.
Ray,its true.My family scared to death too because they hear that american men are wife beater and murderer.When my hubby send me a copy of my  health insurance(he want me to sign it )my mom told me not to sign it because he will surely kill me after arriving here and he will going to claim the insurance.

[Jay]

... in response to Re: My Perspective, posted by Febtember on Sep 25, 2002

Hey Feb,

Your American is showing. Need to make sure you keep spelling phoneticaly with a Filipino accent. Otherwise you might be found out. Also little colloqialisms like "ass-u-me, can give you away.

Jay

[Febtember]

... in response to Re: Re: My Perspective, posted by Jay on Sep 25, 2002

Opppppppps,funny!I  copy that from Ray post.I forgot to change the ass-u-me to assume.

[Lori]

... in response to Re: Re: My Perspective, posted by Jay on Sep 25, 2002

nah