Questions?

[NOX1967]

I first thought of seeking a mate overseas without knowing anything about this process. I looked around, did some study, and decided to try it for many reasons, looking first to Thailand, and also to the Philippines. I have already spent some money to buy addresses. I read the articles on this site and they seemed to make sense. I thought more of the same might be found on this board. Now, I'm not so sure.

Appearantly, based on a recently heated thread, the number of scams and unsincere green card seekers in this game is somewhere between very few of them and almost all of them! I am not wealthy, I'm a blue collar man and can not afford to get burned in this process. I don't mind spending money on this at all, but I need to do it right. So hopefully I can ask a few questions here now and maybe get a better bearing towards my destination. So on to the questions! Please don't fight over my little questions.

Has anyone used an agency? If so are there ones you can reccommend or not reccomemnd, and why?

Should the agency process be avoided altogether, by just taking a trip first, and trying to meet someone there in person?

Are there some resources for this that are not in it for the money, where I have a better chance of finding an honest lady to write?

Are there anymore resources out there rating these agencies and pointing out the bad ones and good ones?

I would be very thankful for anything that is offered, whether it is advice I choose to follow or not. Also feel free to e-mail me off the board if you'd like. NOX1967@hotmail.com

[Howard]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hey Nox

Welcome to PL  It can get weird at times, but I think you'll find a wealth of opinions to base a solid decision on

If there's anything I can do... email me

Keep the Faith and Good Luck!

H

[Ray]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Good questions NOX.

Don’t worry about the numbers. They are only based on individual experiences because there are no hard statistics for these kinds of things. Some guys around here have had a bad experience with a Filipina woman, so for them I guess it’s 100% bad (one of one). And NOBODY knows what goes on in the minds of these women, no matter how hard they will try to convince you that they know exactly what they are thinking and what their motives are, even when they have never even met them.

What’s important is that you use your head and your own intuition. If the horror stories scare you, that’s good. But don’t let another guy’s bad experience scare you off from finding what you are seeking. File it away and then make your own choices based on what feels right for you. Marriage is always a gamble and your job is to do whatever you can to tip the odds in your favor when you choose a mate, and hopefully she will be doing exactly the same. You shouldn’t expect to find the perfect woman, but one that has similar hopes and dreams and is as committed as you are to making a successful marriage. Don’t wait for a thunderbolt to strike you in your heart, but look for someone who you feel comfortable with and who you can communicate your deepest thoughts with.

Contrary to what another poster here may claim, I have no affiliation with any agencies and I have never used one. I never recommend them because I don’t have any personal experience with them. Some guys have had good luck going that route, so you’ll have to decide if that’s for you. Just remember that the agencies ARE NOT responsible for your successes or failures in life. They will sell you an address, but they don’t know you or the lady. It’s up to the participants to determine who is and who is not right for them. It’s nothing more than a means to meet some ladies. There are some sources of free addresses out there if you look.

I wouldn’t worry too much about finding out which agencies are good and which are bad. They mostly all do the same thing: collect ladies’ names and addresses and sell them to men. They probably don’t care much who the women are and where they’ve been because they are out to make a buck like the rest of us. Likewise, they don’t know you or what your criminal history may be. Some agencies will offer extra services, but I would stay away from any kind of introduction service. Why? Simply because it’s illegal in the Philippines to introduce Filipina women to men for the purpose of marriage, especially if a fee is involved.

Personally, I would recommend that you use your vacation time to make a trip to the country you are interested in. Don’t consider it a wife-hunting expedition, but simply an adventurous vacation. Travel can really open your mind and you’ll learn a lot more by going there than by reading about it. It doesn’t have to be expensive and you never know who you might run into while you are enjoying your vacation. In the mean time, you should be studying everything you can find about the culture and people of the country of your choice. You can find enough on the Web to keep you busy for a long time.

You sound like a sharp guy who is trying to do this right, so you should be O.K. I wish you luck!

Ray

[Howard]

... in response to Re: Questions?, posted by Ray on Sep 27, 2002

asdf

[Jeff S]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hi NOX:

Welcome to the board. I've been married to a Japanese lady for some time. We were introduced by friends (it was before the internet.) A cross cultural marriage has an entirely different set of problems than a marriage to the girl next door, but most of us find these far more palpatable than the problems many of our friends and relatives seem to be going through. If you're interested in learning some Thai (or other Asian) language, culture & history, you could do well in that country, but if your main interest is in finding a loyal wife with the least amount of inherent cultural/language/religious differences, your best bet is probably the Philippines.

Someone did a survey a while back of the married and engaged people on this board and about 50% were intriduced by friends, 35% met as pen pals or in chatrooms, and about 15% by chance meeting in the wife's country. That's half by introduction by friends! There are plenty of resources on this board with friends and family in the PI.

Sorry, I can't give you any more specific information about exactly how to proceed, except to say, take it slowly. Most mistakes seem to happen when people put arbitrary time or money limits on their search. You see lots of posts by people who to know exactly how much money it will cost and time it will take. This to me is the height of arrogance, as if they're engaging in some sort of business relationship or construction project. Anyway, know that you're embarking on a great adventure. Treat it as such and if you enjoy the journey, the destination will take care of itself.

-- Jeff S.

[Febtember]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX,
My hubby just publish his name in different penpal magazine such as pacific romance.In his profile he say he is a "farm laborer,seeking for devout traditional catholic,love to live in isolated place,like gardening and poultry raising etc.He phrase it to hopely keep away from goldigger.He even send ugly picture.I show the magazine to some of my co worker and they all pick up the doctor,engineer,lawyer and businessman.Oh no they ignore my hubby at least I have no competition.The first time I read his profile he already capture my heart.My co worker keep laughing at me because I pick the ugly one and the poorest one.They laugh more when one of my co worker notice that his cross-eyed .he really look cross-eyed on the picture but his not cross-eyed in person.He say he wanted traditional catholic but there still protestant write him.
I was kinda shock about SteveG.Wow you received 195 letters.My hubby received only 22 letters.The 22nd  letter is mine.Hubby is right most filipina don't like living in the farm and don't like farmer.And I agree with what he say.Most filipina I meet here when they know I live in a farm they laugh at me and look me down.I'm proud and happy here.I have no filipina friend in my area.Poor me.But I have lot's of american friend which much better.

[SteveG]

... in response to Re: Questions?, posted by Febtember on Sep 27, 2002

Raquel,
 I wrote to 265 ladies to get that many responses.  I tend to get carried away with something I like and looking at all those beautiful sexy women - well all I can say is that I couldn't stop myself!   Seriously, I kept thinking what if I missed the perfect lady just because I was too lazy to write to more than a few and quit just before getting to her.  

 Yeah, in a similar situation to yours, some British friends of my first fiancee (she lived in Hong Kong) laughed at her when they found out I was from Alabama.  They told her she had fallen for a 'country boy' and it made her mad.  LOL   Who cares what they think as long as you're happy right?
                                          SteveG

[Dave H]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

Hi Nox,

I would meet them any way I could...penpals, through friends or family, or during a visit. The easiest way to get started meeting ladies (many) is through a penpal service. I'm sorry, I don't have any experience in that area, as I met my wife through friends. The end result justifies the means. I don't think that one method insures success over another. You only need one special lady. Use the methods that you are comfortable with and are within your means. Take your time and ask a lot of questions, both of the ladies (not all at once) and here. People are people regardless of where they come from. If something doesn't feel right...it may not be. Don't necessarily write it off as a cultural difference. Good luck!

Dave H.

[Howard]

... in response to It's Al Good!, posted by Dave H on Sep 26, 2002

Dave,

Great advice Possee Comander

I think I'm gonna go run out and get a Buddha Statue and paste your picture from Jeff's site on it  Just the face... LOL  Do you think they make a Purple G-String small enough for a Buddha Statue???  LOL

Keep the Faith!

H

[Ray]

... in response to Dave H... Profit or Supermodel???, posted by Howard on Sep 28, 2002

I'm getting this mental image of a buddha with Dave's face and wearing a purple G-string, and I'm choking! Thanks H, you made my day...

Ray

[Dave H]

... in response to ROFLMAOCUML!, posted by Ray on Sep 28, 2002

Hey Ray,

The legend of the Great White Sumo is born! ))) I'm sure that my purple mawashi will cause a big sensation!

Yokozuna Dave H.

[Dave H]

... in response to He he he..., posted by Dave H on Sep 29, 2002

I met Filipino-American Ernie Reyes, Sr. last night. That guy is in his 50s and doesn't look a day over 30! Incredible! I've got my work cut out for me...starting Monday morning! )))

Yokozuna Dave H.

[Dave H]

... in response to Dave H... Profit or Supermodel???, posted by Howard on Sep 28, 2002

[This message has been edited by Dave H]

Hi H,

We'll have to get that Purple G-String custom made! ))) Livin' Large!

Big D

[Dave H]

... in response to It's Al Good!, posted by Dave H on Sep 26, 2002

N/T

[Stephen]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

How old are you?