Questions?

[NOX1967]

... in response to Question for NOX:, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

I am 35.

[SteveG]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX(Ron),
 I think agencies are the way to go myself because they give you exposure to so many ladies.   In my opinion, the guys that get all wound up criticizing agencies are putting way too much dependence on expecting the agency to chose a wife for them.   With Russian women the agencies HAVE to be involved in order to translate letters and emails – to some degree this is true with Latin women also, but since Filipinas all speak English fairly well the agencies are out of the picture as soon as they give you the list of addresses.   Since you can go from web site to web site comparing address prices there’s not much way the agencies can scam you.   Having said that, one variation from agency to agency that I can think of is that you may not get as good a response rate from some of the larger more popular agencies due to the ladies receiving more letters.   I personally think this is overrated though since lots of guys will look and buy addresses but few will keep up any real correspondence.  
 
When considering how many to buy, I would recommend against buying just one or two addresses because you can’t realistically expect to choose one or two women and think they will chose you in return as the man of their dreams.   It ups your odds greatly to buy a ‘membership’ in one of the agencies where you get all their addresses for say 6 months.   That’s what I did with two agencies back in 1992/3.  I would recommend them to you but they are both out of business now.

 A few times here on Planet Love we have taken polls on how we met our wives and surprisingly about half (or more) met in ways other than agencies.   I don’t think that represents the norm for guys marrying Filipinas though.   First off there were a significant number who met through an ‘introduction’ from the girls family who were already here in the US.   Whether this is the norm or not, it is practically impossible for many guys to do this when they live in areas where there is no significant Asian population.   I personally never knew even a single Filipino before going to meet pen pals in person.   Also I don’t see how introducing yourself to local Asians for the sole purpose of meeting relatives who are still in Asia helps you avoid the bad ones either.   Think of it, you are trusting strangers (you just met them, right?) to recommend other strangers to you.    Might as well go with the agencies.
 
  As I stated below to JJ27 this is a numbers game and if you are serious about finding happiness and getting married you have to write to lots of ladies.   You simply can’t chose 1 or 2 and expect to find what you are looking for.  
   
  I understand your confusion about whether the women are mostly trustworthy or all con artists.   We have extreme opinions represented here and the one going between Ray, Kevin and Shadow is an example.   First off, they are not comparing apples to apples.   Ray said that approx 1% of the women marrying Americans have no intention of making the marriage work.   Who knows if it is precisely 1% or not but I agree with the gist of what he is saying if you put one condition on it.   The man in these marriages must have used good judgment and listened to his instincts even if it meant backing out of an engagement.   I firmly believe that very few guys marry a woman only interested in getting her green card without first having strong doubts about her sincerity before saying “I Do”.   They chose to ignore these “red flags” and march on down the isle anyway for whatever reason.   I can see those signs clearly and I refuse to believe that I am unique in having the ability to determine who does and doesn’t care for me.    
   
  Now what I see Kevin and Shadow saying is that there is some percentage of women living in the Philippines – much higher that 1% - who are not errrrrr shall we say are good wife material for lack of a better description.   I agree with that too.   I still say though that you can spot them easily over time – certainly before bringing her here to the US.  

   Sorry if I seem to be rambling here.   The reason it seems that way is because I AM rambling.  LOL   I hear guys worrying a lot about details of writing letters.   Some even try to come up with a list of questions to ask the ladies to weed out the bad ones.   My opinion is that this is the wrong way to do it for two reasons.   First it is fairly easy to determine the answer you want to hear from the way you ask the question so there goes the weeding out plan out the window.   Secondly it may come across as too business like or even insulting to a ‘good’ lady.   I would recommend you just be yourself and write as if you were having a conversation.   Let her reveal herself as she really is rather than giving answers to your question.   From my experience most of them won’t open up much for several letters and many never will.   You will get lots of letters that don’t say much.   This is just another reason for writing to lots of girls.
 
   If you want some good advise look for Patrick’s posts on the Latin board.  He owns an agency and runs this board.   He has lots of good common sense advice that many men ignore to their detriment.    His recommendation to avoid huge age gaps and not to go for the flashiest sexiest women should be branded into the brain of every guy doing this!

  Back to the ladies sincerity and honesty.   From my own experience of receiving letters from 195 women, only 3 asked for $$$.   One wanted to sell me a raffle ticket for $100.   Another wanted me to pay for her Engineering degree.  A third was ready to move in with me and bring her family immediately.   These were all in the 1st letter.      You have to admit anybody who fell for any of these is going to be somebodies victim somewhere anyway!   LOL    I saw nothing about wanting money from the remaining 192 ladies except an appreciation for the stamps I was sending them.    Three out right scam artists out of 195 is pretty darned good if you ask me.
                                                                      SteveG

PS - Does the NOX stand for Nitrous Oxide by any chance?    Just thinking you might be a hot rod fan.

[Stephen]

... in response to Questions?, posted by NOX1967 on Sep 26, 2002

NOX:

You are smart to be concerned.  This is something that you want to be very diligent about.

Yes, be careful.  You can be deceived....all of us can.  So play it smart.

I got names from penpal sites.  I was very pleased with that approach.

But here's something you might try:  Go to the first post below and You'll find a guy named "NATHAN".  Nathan has lived in the philippines and understands it.  He probably has some ladies that he might help you get in touch with.

One more word....some folks encourter a lot of green-card sharks.  Others don't.  I didn't have this problem.  I met some fine ladies for penpals.  I wish you the same success.

BUT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.  It can happen to any of us.  Good luck.

Stephen

[Jay]

... in response to Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

Nathan has lived in the Philippines? I must have missed that.

Jay

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 26, 2002

Yes, as I recall he married and lived in CDO for 12 to 18 months.  He's back in the USA now, and will possibly settle back in the Phils later.....CDO probably.

Say....how are you doing?  And how is Matt doing?

best wishes.

Stephen

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Re: Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

Hi Stephen,

Thanks for asking. I'm ok. Matt seem's to be ok, too. I'm having a hard time quitting smoking. Far as I know, Matt hasn't had a smoke since he went to the hospital. I just have to give them up all at once, I think. This "tapering off" doesn't work too good. I am just finding it hard to find a week or two in my schedule, where I can be free to be a raging azzhole (withdrawls).Stopping completely is the only way to go though, I believe. *sigh*

Jay

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 27, 2002

26 months past, I quit smoking on July 17th, I got some zyban from my doctor. It helped me fight the nervousness of no ciggies.  Exercise helps also!  I will never smoke again,,,not even a cheater,,,,It isn't fun quitting,,,best of luck.

Steveb

[Jay]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by SteveB on Sep 27, 2002

Hi Steve,

Thanks. I'm waiting on a scrip for Zyban right now. Looks like I won't get it till Monday. Insurance company problem. Does that stuff really work? I hope so.

Jay

[SteveB]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Answers, posted by Jay on Sep 27, 2002

I felt it calmed my jitters,,,I stopped taking it after a week.  I reached a point in my life where I decided smoking was going to harm my health.  I can now be with other smokers and it doesn't tempt me at all.  I had probably quit smoking 10 or 15 times.  Then I would rationalize,,," one won't bother me,then soon i would be back smoking again.  This time i made up my mine,,i could never have another.  Hope this helps and good luck!

Steveb

[joemc]

... in response to Answers, posted by Stephen on Sep 26, 2002

great advise Steve. Lets start moving the board to a positive
direction. Around this time twenty one years ago I made my first
flight to P.I. what a experience.

                                 joemc