YOU MAY BE MARRIED TO A FILIPINA IF:
(written by an American guy who loves his Filipina wife in spite of the
following idiosyncracies)
* Instead of a dowry, you got the whole bill for the wedding and honeymoon.
* Most of the decorations in your house are made of wicker.
* You are expected to be able to read her mind just by watching her eyebrows
move up and down and which way her lips are pointed.
* All her relatives think your name is Joe.
* Your in-laws take 10 years to acknowledge your existence and to call you by
something other than "that white guy."
* The instant you are married you have 3000 new close relatives that you
can't tell apart.
* Your refrigerator is always full but you cannot find any food that you
recognize.
* All the desserts are sticky and all the snacks are salty.
* You throw a party and everyone is fighting to chop the leathery skin off a
roast pig.
* All your kids have 4-5 middle names.
* You try to call her up on the phone and someone tells you "for a while."and
you want to know for a while, what?"
* You are trying to go to sleep and she keeps asking for the comFORT'r, and
you ain't got a clue what she's talking about.
* Your phone bills are all international and average 3 hours per call
* She sweeps with something that witches usually fly around on
* The rice cooker is on 24 hours a day and uses up 50% of your electric and
food budget
* On your first trip to the Philippines, you have 18 giant boxes that weigh 1000
pounds each and your "carry on" luggage requires a small forklift truck.
* The first time she's p! regnant you have to go out at 4:00 in the msome weird
type of greasy sausages
* You buy a new $500 freezer so she can store 200 pounds of SPAM that was
on sale
* Everything in your house was bought on sale, even if you don't need it as
long as it was a "bargain" is all that matters
* All your postage bills instantly double
* Her favorite sauce is called "patis," Americans call it turpentine
* She prefers bistek to beef steak
* She'll offer you a halo-halo with 2 straws for a romantic dessert.
* You still don't know what's the difference between manong and manok
* Her homeland has more Megamalls than islands
* Before every holiday and visit, her sisters fax you a 10 page "bilins" list
which says suggestion only
* Your ki! tchen table has a merry-go-round in the middle
* All the vegetables she buys at the Filipino store look like they were grown at
Chernobyl
* Your in-law's first visit lasted 6 years
* Her friends are named Chinky, Girlie, Boy and Bimbo and you are not
allowed to smirk
* All your place settings has the silverware backwards and there are no
knives
* She's done her best job planning a surprise party for you if she manages not
to tell you about it until a week or two before
* She "cleans" her closet by throwing all the crap into your closet
* You were married 5 years before she explained to you that "ARAY!" doesn't
mean "ooh baby!"
* And last but not the least: You are pretty proud of yourself because you think
you snagged up for yourself some un! ique, rare, tropical goddess type until
you go to the Philippines and can't tell her apart from anyone else in the
