Actions speak louder then words

[kevin]

... in response to Re: Re: Actions speak louder then words, posted by NateD on Sep 12, 2002


if this is really about finding true love, and not faciliting somebody's economic gain or coming to the land of milk and honey ASAP, then I think it is perfectly healthy to think of that as a strategy.  I have seen Philippine personals before where the girl indicated she wasn't interested in marriage yet, because she wanted to finish college or whatever.  If she interested me, I wrote to her anyway.  You're still relatively young, and like all of us, you need somebody to settle with.  It's ludicrous to think you can pick her off the shelf when you make enough money or are in a high enough position.  The time is now to cultivate friendships with the opposite sex, one which might be a lifetime one (hopefully) with a very special gal.  So what, if it originates with overseas correspondence?  The bottom line is you both love and care for each other and are committed to each other regardless of how your paths may have crossed.

One other thing to think about.  I'm sure college-age pinays in the Philippines that equate love with marriage will wait until they are certain he's truly the right guy, even if he's a poor pinoy who can't offer economic abundance shall they stay living in the Philippines.

- Kevin

[Stephen]

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

You've got to dive in the water.  

They won't wait several years for you to decide.

[Ray]

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002

Hi Bryan, welcome aboard.

I agree that you should get on the plane and go visit as soon as you can. The vast majority of those ladies looking to correspond with a foreigner are looking for a marriage partner and few of them are willing to wait for a year or two just to see if you are even willing to visit her in person.

It’s only fair to the ladies to make your intentions known early on in the relationship. If you’re not able or ready to get on the plane, then you’re not being honest by stringing her along while you try to decide if she is worth the effort. If you don’t have the money or the time to take the trip, then don’t pretend that you are ready to make a lifetime commitment with her. I just don’t understand these guys who write for a year or more, make no commitment to even visit her, and then expect her to put her whole life on hold and focus all of her attention exclusively on you. And then when you find out that she has other male interests, you think she’s being “unfaithful”. Amazing!

You will probably never know what her true intentions are until you meet her in person and look into her eyes, but even then you’ll need that good judgement that you referred to. Of course luck plays a part in finding a good one, but there’s no substitute for good common sense. Marriage is always a gamble, but it’s really all about increasing the odds before you make your choice, and that works both ways. If you don’t think that she is also using common sense and good judgement in picking you, then she probably isn’t worth taking a chance on.

When to visit? If you think she’s a good prospect, 3-6 months after the beginning of your correspondence is probably a good time to get your butt over there and meet her, before you invest too much time in a long shot. If you haven’t even committed to a date for a visit after 6 months, then don’t expect her to wait for you to make up your mind.

Good luck with your new marriage :-)

Ray

[bryan]

... in response to Good Point, posted by Ray on Sep 12, 2002

Right, the initial e mail flew on aug 10th, i was there in late november. And she was chatting with others as she had over 300 responses to her personal. Sh!t or get off the pot.

[kevin]

... in response to Actions speak louder then words, posted by bryan on Sep 12, 2002


Or are you here to try to make me feel that no matter what tack I take, I'm screwed up.

The hard, cold truth is that alot of these girls are willing to marry any kano at the snap of a finger just to escape poverty / get to America.  Bash me if you wish.  That's how you bury your own insecurities.  Hmm. . . I wonder where you might be 3, 4, 5 years from now.

I'd never advise anybody to rush into things, hookline and sinker.

And guess what.  Once I was in love with a TNT.  (She tried to conceal the fact)  She was "in a hurry" to get married.  No questions asked, no planning, or anything.  I did try to think level-headedly because something was not right.  Guess what.  I "caught her in the act" of deception.  I was shocked at the time, but she went from lovey-dovey to a cold fish in the mere snap of a finger.  I sure avoided another hell-on-earth situation.

So snmarten up dude.  I'm smarter than you'd like to think.

- Kevin

[bryan]

... in response to Are you here to help?, posted by kevin on Sep 12, 2002

I dont have 4 or 5 years. I am happy now. Im not bashing you specifically, im questioning the largely held belief on these boards that it takes 1000 e amils 17 trips and you have to meet her 4th cousin on her moms side to have any possibilty for success.

Also it sounds like you are dead set on a Filipna when the love of your life might be right under your nose. I was trying to address the idea that it takes a certain amount of time or e amils or phone calls or visits to know somone well enough to make the leap. I think getting married has more to do with me and my needs and wants then my partners. She is the only one that really knows what she wants just like I am the only one who knows what i want. Falling in love has nothing to do with being smart. Some of the stupidest people i know are in loving long term relationships.

Bryan