venting

[Bear]

... in response to Re: hang in there hum!, posted by SteveB on Sep 4, 2002

Senators are a waste of time.  Go with the congressmen.

Bear and Honey

[Dave H]

... in response to Re: hang in there hum!, posted by SteveB on Sep 4, 2002

Hey Steve,

About the only good I've heard of a senator in these matters is of Bob Graham of Florida. Outside Florida, the congressman is the way to go.

Dave H.

[Tim]

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

Some of you old hands may remember LarryS. He used to post alot back in '98 and '99, before Patrick turned on the archiving. I tried to run a search of the archives to see if he ever resurfaced here, but the engine is down.

LarryS used to quote Dr. Laura alot and preach "taking a self-assessment and fixing yourself" before starting on a search for a life-mate (from overseas or at home). IMHO, he had a great affect here at PL, influencing everyone from me to old Houndog (once infamous poster on the Latin board). In the years since I first read his long posts here, I've thought about his words and realize they really are true.

The last news I had about Larry was that he moved in with an AW much younger than himself. I believe her name was Lietta and she posted here a couple of times. I was suprised about his decision to do this, and Larry himself was too. But he was going with his heart. He related some business difficulties he was starting to have, and then he stopped posting here completely.

Anyway, I was just curious if any of you remember him, his message, and have ever realized the importance of it. It's just a shame we can't have some of his great posts in the archives. They were real beauties that contained great advice for everyone, newbies and vets.

Regards, Tim

[The Walker]

... in response to LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Tim on Sep 4, 2002


I remember LarryS; and Max and Primus as well. Then there was a female troll as well that was banned.

LarryS did have some good things to say, but whether they were original to him or whether he was repackaging others is a mystery that was not solved.

Irregardless, what he said was valuable. You must know thyself first. Analyze what you are doing and why, and is that reason sufficient to support the action? Some people go from one vapid relationship to another, each failure's baggage helping to doom the next. Living down to their expectations, as it were. What is the saying...a victory of hope over history?

It would be sad if LarryS did not break the cycle of disappointment in his own life after giving good advice to others. Hopefully he is happy wherever he may be. I certainly wish it for him.

I personally had to do some very deep inner searching before embarking on the search that led me to Vicky. I am a hopeless romantic, when you get right down to it. I like to romance my women, and I like them to appreciate it. I found by almost being "caught", twice, that this can be a fault in a man. I cannot help being what I am, a bit of a schitzo. In action I am cold, precise, ruthless and efficient. In love I tend to give my heart unconditionally, and have had it chewed up as a result. Now it is safe in Vicky's care, thank the Great Spirit. But I had to look deep and see if I could live any other way. The answer was no. Either live and love fully or remain alone. Neck or nothing. So I set my compass as I have said in the archives, and wound up where I am now.

LarryS's posts did have an impact on me, as in '98 I was in courtship mode, and he made me stop and reevaluate my motives and reasons. This was good, as when Vicky and I decided we were made for each other, I was convinced it was for all the right reasons and there was no doubt, no lingering troubles to vex us. Thank you, LarryS.

But much of my current happiness also lays in your court, my friend. Both here and in private emails, your story with Wendy has been inspirational to Vicky and myself. It has also been a source of strength when my wife and I were separated due to 9/11 for so long. Thank YOU, my friend. You underestimate the effect you have on this board and on the many people who read it (many more than ever post here). You are always a fund of knowledge and the voice of reason. Your creation of the Chinese-American forum is I am sure a blessing to those seeking Chnese spouses. A place where they can go for real information and advice from those who have had experience specifically with China and its people.

So cheers to you as well.

Don

[Jimbo]

... in response to LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Tim on Sep 4, 2002

Tim,

Yes, I remember a couple of Larry's posts and I found them thought provoking.  He was leaving just as I was coming on.  There is great merit to his "self-assessment and fixing" advice, I believe, and strangely enough the foreign-bride persuit seems uniquely suited to this assessment process because of the long separations; they allow the process to take place in the early stages of a relationship.  And this is helpful because to do it beforehand is to do it alone, without the mirror provided by another person, exposing faults that may otherwise remain undetected.

When I started, before the first meeting, I asked myself why I was doing this and the answer was as simple as "because I'm lonely and I want to share my life with someone."  Later, home again after the first meeting, I could see that this wasn't going to be easy, there would be special challenges, and I was asking myself "What will I have to do to make this work?  Am I willing to do what it takes to make it work?  Can I put some of my wants and needs aside in order to fufill her wants and needs?"  In short, was I willing to commit to success?  (Jeff will appreciate that line ))

Home again after the second meeting, engaged, and having experienced our first disagreements, I had more things to look at within myself - my actions, my reactions.  This was a woman who did not consider a raised voice a small matter, something to get over quickly.  This was a woman who wouldn't tolerate a casual curse, even if mumbled to myself after an encounter with a rude, very rude serviceperson on a sweltering and stressful day in an unfamiliar foreign land.  For her well being I would have to make some changes.

She liked cities; she would not want to spend many vacations camping in the mountains.  She would not want to go to the beach, at least not to lie around in the sun.  She would not want to sit in a bar (luckily for me since I don't do that anymore either).  She would need my support in helping her family.  She would want to visit with my family more often than I cared to do it.

Compromise was required on her part too.  She needed to understand, and allow for, my tendency to be a grump in the morning (I need 30 minutes to square myself away without questions or decisions to be made before I take on the problems of the day).  And she needed to understand my need for solitude occasionally.

So now, I've taken her to NYC 3 times, DC, Montreal, Quebec City, Niagara Falls, Newport RI, Las Vegas, back to Manila and Hongkong 2 times, Boston countless times... and I need to make plans for Paris -LOL!  I like cities now, after having avoided them most of my life (heck, I even like Manila :-)).  We've not gone camping, and hiked together only once.  But she gives me almost unlimited diving time in the PI, with little trouble.

I think the assessment is part of the journey - a good and necessary part.  In finding the bride you end up finding more of yourself.  As Alice would say in Wonderland, "Curiouser and Curiouser!"

Jim

[kevin]

... in response to Re: LarryS and his Advice, posted by Jimbo on Sep 4, 2002


we ought to have a Monadnock Mag-Anak Meet (a nice camping trip) in Jaffrey, NH.  We, the Jabagjorians, Littleflower and a few others could get together for a canmping weekend and we could climb Mt. Monadnock.  I think it would be fun.  That idea has been in the back of my mind for some time.  What do you think?

- Kevin

[Jimbo]

... in response to Next year . . ., posted by kevin on Sep 4, 2002

Hi Kev,

It would be a first for Sally.  I'll see what she thinks.  In general, she doesn't understand the appeal of camping in the woods - probably because she spent so many summers living halfway up Mt. Hibok-Hibok at her grandfather's farm in the jungle :O)

Jim

[SteveB]

... in response to LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Tim on Sep 4, 2002

I figure I can't change other people and their problems as easy as I can fix my own.  Students with difficult personalities have taught me to take another approach in dealing with their problems.  If I don't, I can't reach my goal of teaching them math.  My point is, I'm not going to argue about rather a person is a golddigger or not.  I'm going to make steve better, then steve can reach the goal of being a better person.

steveb

[Stephen]

... in response to LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Tim on Sep 4, 2002

Yes, I remember Larry S.  

His posts were common sense and responsibility (as I remember).  He was a nice guy.

You know, I think of him at least once a month and wonder what happened to him.  I knew he got married.  Shortly after that he stopped posting.  (Seems like he quit posting on the Asian board and went over to the Latin Board.  He seemed to strike up a friendship with Hounddog.  I didn't think it was possible for Hounddog to have any friends.)

Also, I was reading on the Latin Board recently and there was a chain about Hounddog being separated from his wife now.  One of the posters said that Hounddog got married in San Antonio and that Larry S was at the wedding.  I believe Larry lived in Dallas and his new wife was from Kentucky.

I keep hoping that Larry will stop by and say "Howdy" to us.

Thanks for the post.  And thanks Tim for keeping in touch with your friends over here.

Stephen

PS.  Does anyone remember a poster named "MAX".  No, I don't hope he'll check back in.  Remember what a troll he was.

[Nathan]

... in response to Re: LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Stephen on Sep 4, 2002

Yes, I remember Max, but her was not near the troll that
one "Primus" was...Patrick's banning has really helped.

Nathan

[Tim]

... in response to Re: LarryS and his Advice from the Past, posted by Stephen on Sep 4, 2002

I remember Max. He was eventually banned by Patrick, I think. What a pain. Speaking of pains, it wouldn't surprise me if it's true that HD got divorced. He was LarryS's "parrot", but by his actions you could tell he hadn't taken to heart anything he repeated.

I put an inquiry about LarryS on the Latin board, you can read more responses there.

Regards, Tim

[Stephen]

... in response to Re: Re: LarryS and his Advice from the P..., posted by Tim on Sep 4, 2002

You mentioned not being surprised about HD being divorced.

I think it's obvious that if you treat others on the board with such contempt and hatred YOUR GOING TO TREAT YOUR SPOUSE THE SAME WAY.

That doesn't seem to soak through to a lot of folks.

Did you realize that HD had gone through 2 or 3 other latina wives previously (that's my recollection anyway.)

Stephen

[Tim]

... in response to Re: Re: Re: LarryS and his Advice from t..., posted by Stephen on Sep 4, 2002

nt

[Mars]

... in response to venting, posted by kevin on Sep 7, 2002

....Good Luck. Before I leave this board I wanted to thank you all for helping me see the light. At one time, I contemplated going to the Phils like many of you fellows..but I wanted to study things first before I went that route. So...for the past few years I read this board...watched...and learned. I went to the book store...read all the books on the Phils...talked to some friends of mine who were in the Navy and were stationed there. Everything I heard..everyone I talked to told me the same story. At first, I didn't listen so I eventually bought a few addresses and wrote a few of those girls. What I discovered when I received their responses was pretty much what many here refer to as "Red Flags". I won't go into the details because at this juncture, the point is moot but I am sure you know what I am talking about. I ignored the red flags at first and wrote a few more....again...the same deceptive bull-oney. I began to beleive what I was hearing and reading. It was at this time, I began checking into Vietnam, Thailand and China. The more I learned, the more I realized that I should look to China. Vietnam was second choice and Thailand...well...forget it...worse than the Phils. I wrote a few women in China but nothing solid materialized from my efforts. One day last November...out of the blue...I received an e-mail from a Chinese girl from Nanhai. Her name was Yanfei and she had read my profle somewhere and liked it. I was quite jaded at this point and more or less blew off her e-mail. She sent another...and another. I was intrigued so I finally wrote back to her. Weexchanged photos and became good friends over the mopnths. I discovered we had much in common and to make a very long story short, things have been going quite well with her ever since. It was the moment I quit looking that she found me. I plan on traveling there in February to see her. I am very lucky guy.

Yeah...perhaps I had no business on this board but it was always fun to read the stories and the trip reports. I've seen people come and go here the past several years. The guys I liked the most here were MadMal and Tim. I think those two guys influenced me the most out of everyone on this board...real, genuine, level headed dudes. I joined Tims board awhile back so that is where I will be from now on. Many of you guys believe I am dirty s.o.b. but actually if any of you were in trouble, you would find me to be a steadfast ally. But like many people, I really find it distasteful when I see someone constantly barraging another over his/her opinion like they solely occupy some sort of moral high ground. Right or wrong...It really ticks me off. When I confronted Ray...I did so because I percieved Ray was verbally assaulting Greg. It wasn't the first time I had witnessed Ray doing that to someone on this board. I usually never get into it with anyone here but at some point someone needed to say something to him. I was just fed up with his self righteous, religious far right horse hockey. The advice he gave Howard months ago about Ayesa...man oh man...totally Bugs Bunny defined! (just my opinion). I know I am pretty fouled mouthed in a fight so apologies for all that for all the good it will do. Most of the low borns here will jeer, say good riddance and insult this post after I'm gone and all that but they can go ahead...they will only prove to the others reading it that they are exactly what I said they were...and, of course, the attempt will be useless because their posts will only fall on deaf ears. Simply put, I will not come back to read it. And don't believe I am leaving because the low borns ran me off...they didn't. I am leaving because I chose to. I realized after that fight that I really don't have any business here at this is Phils oriented board. I discovered what I needed to....that the Phils and the women there are not for me. You guys actually saved me from Howards and the others fate. Thanks for that. Also...Tim is right....there is very little accurate and constructive information on this board about China. I have been in the wrong place. It's been fun...later...much later....

[Alvin1]

... in response to Good Bye....., posted by Mars on Sep 3, 2002

Hello Mars,  I left the board some time ago and just stopped by after several months and saw your post.  You have been posting since 1998 and have made similar remarks about Filipinas in the past. I do not know why you find Filipina so difficult.  I happen to think that people are people.  I actually feel sorry for some of the Filipina that are marrried to Americans and strongly feel that they deserve sympathy rather than criticism .  They have made major sacrifices to marry much older men who can only offer them a better country not a better life.  Some Americans marry professional Filipinas and bring them to this country and then live off their incomes while they sit back and do nothing all day except take them to work and pick them up from work.

I can understand why you feel the way you do about the board members.  This is not an information forum but a buddy forum or a personal opinion forum for the husbands of Filipinas.  The forum has certaily loss it's past merit and no longer has any value.

Alvin